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Ok so two people get on. They have a good life, house, kids, blah, blah, blah.
One isn't interested in sex the other is a man.
Do you think a relationship can work or would it futile. Would the forced celibacy just lead to bitterness, resentment & infidelity???
Your thoughts please.
its a house share not a relationship
It will end in tears
Depends on the people involved.
People are extremely adaptable, so trying to say X will work and Y won't is futile. Every strange situation you can think of is succeeding right now in someone's home somewhere.
One isn't interested in sex the other is a man
There are 12 million married couples in the UK just like this 😉
Is as said above different for everyone but I have always worked on the principle that love without sex is nearly as weird as sex without love.
if the celibacy within the marriage is unilaterally imposed then I dont see why infidelity outside of the marriage cant be unilaterally undertaken either...
What's weird about sex without love?
I read recently the average UK couple ****s once a month. How depressing.
i know a couple (together 30 years) never had penetrative sex.
[i]i know a couple (together 30 years) never had penetrative sex. [/i]
Lesbians?
I read recently the average UK couple ****s once a month. How depressing
too right. Who the hell's getting my January, February, March, April, July, August, October and Xmas shags?>!>??!! That's what I want to know!
Depends in the situation (as above). If neither want sex then it's easy. If one is forced to accept no sex then it is doomed to fail at some point.
Same thing happened to my brother - his GF promised sex when they got engaged.
They got engaged.
She promised sex when they married.
They married.
She promised sex when they got a nice house.
The got a nice house.
She promised sex when they got central heating.
He shagged his boss's wife.
A work colleague of mine lived in a relationship like this for the past few years. It was for the sake of their kids. They got on perfectly well as adults, just weren't physically close. At the same time, he used to get his wild oats 'on the open market' - internet dating / other sources shall we say. It wasn't infidelity, it was part of the relationship when post menopause she just found she wasn't interested in it any more, that she understood he could provide for her from a structural side of things but she couldn't provide all his needs in the same way.
Now the kids are older and both left home he and his wife have separated and he has a normal relationship with a nice lady of his own age who has 'normal' desires. He is still friends with his ex, they separated amicably without spending a fortune on lawyers.
So yes, it could/can happen. But it'd be pretty unusual, I'd say, and in the case where she would have said 'you're not getting it here but you aren't allowed it anywhere else either' then it wouldn't have worked at all.
What's weird about sex without love?
In a long term arrangement, quite a lot.
One isn't interested in sex the other is a man.
because they've only ever had bad sex ??
Should a married couple be Frank and Ernest?
One isn't interested in sex the other is a man
That says it all really... The relationship can't work if there is an undercurrent of resentment there, which will cut both ways.
Relationship counselling is the only way to go.
Torminalis - MemberWhat's weird about sex without love?
In a long term arrangement, quite a lot.
Indeed...not all encounters are long term arrangements though!
Without sex yes it probably can. Without any kind of physical contact then no it can't. Me and my GF rarely have time or energy for sex but we still show affection regularly. If that is not there then it wouldn't be a relationship.
Oh and sex without love is perfectly normal IMO. I didn't even particularly like one memorable conquest 😆
I think sex is an instinct like eating breathing and shitting, you can't hold it in for ever..
Depends on their age...companionship in later life is more relevant than sex.
Okay, okay, was a catchy phrase that in long term relationships is relevant, maybe less so for the promiscuous youth of today.
That said, if you don't even like your sexual opponent it is more akin to w4nking really. 😉
no as one thinks that sex is required for it to be a relationship.
Will end up elsehwere and thenis it really a relationship and not just an accomodation/arrangement
All the hassles of a relationship without the fun bit why bother?
I didn't even particularly like one memorable conquest
Not sure what is worse calling it a conquest or admitting you did it with someone you did not like. We cant all sperate emotion from our manhood as easily as you can
My mate married a girl then divorced as they never had sex - she found a dodgy card from a phone box in his coat which didn't help things. The odd thing was they did have sex when engaged but then they moved in to her parents' house and she said she didn't feel comfortable having it there but when they married they were unable to achieve entry despite trying. My guess is she never really fancied him as she was surprised he asked her to marry him as they weren't really dating at the time - just friends. So she should have said no but she was a shy person and I think she thought it would suit her well. He is now married again and just had a kid...so no more sex for him for a while....
Sex is a form of intimacy. Without intimacy I don't see how the relationship can work.
I have, sadly, some experience of this and the ex would not kiss or cuddle even. Eventually I wondered why we were married - it was just a house share.
Got divorced and am now much happier.
Sex is a form of intimacy. Without intimacy I don't see how the relationship can work.
Diesel is a form of fuel. Without fuel I don't see how the car can work.
(unless it ran on petrol?)
Depends how old the couple in question are surely?
The Southern Yeti - MemberDepends how old the couple in question are surely?
Any age you still need cuddles now and then
Cuddles or full blown intercourse??
Kind of enforced as partner is at a different uni, but weekends we get together. Being intimate is pretty important for a relationship to work. Isn't it?
Blow jobs out of the question too?
End it now.
Cuddles or full blown intercourse??
Cuddles are a good start. Would you like a hug TSY?
Please..... how long till you live up to your name though Dr?
I was in a relationship with a girl for 5 years and by the last couple of years we would have sex once every couple of months, we had wildly differing appetites and in the end it failed.
I had a relationship with a girl who wanted it twice a day, every day, if not more and I simply couldn't keep up. Needless to say that also ended in failure.
There are no hard and fast rules about how often a couple should do it, as long as they have a similar level of libido and are open about their desires without feeling resentment. Anything can work if you want it to and have a committed relationship with enough other benefits to make it worth while.
You have to make an effort to keep your sex life alive in a long term relationship. Especially after kids come along because everybody is tired and life gets in the way. Once a month seems pretty terminal to me. Once or twice a week seems more normal I'd say but after each of our kids were born I found myself in the wilderness for a couple of months.
This twice a day girl that was mentioned - What's her phone number!?
[i]once or twice a week seems more normal I'd say[/i]
😆
Hey, as long as he gets out on his mountain bike I'm sure the relationship will be fine 🙂
Once a month WTF, glad I'm not part of an average/normal UK married couple
Was this posted by Stephen Fry?
I have to say the tone of the question or at least the way it is worded does not bode well. If this question is actually about the poster, I would say from your tone it is a doomed relationship. If its about someone else, you seem a bit resentful or hostile in some way. I could be misreading it though.
How does the person in the relationship personally define 'love'. How do they define 'happiness' in thier own eyes, not in other peoples judgements?
If they have a great life other than sex they are luckier than many people. How would they judge things if they were reversed and they had great sex, but no home life/kids/suchlike? Life is a balancing game - you win some things but at the expense of loosing other things. There is rarely a win win. Only the people in the relationship can truly know what aspects of life they rate as the most valuable.
The person who is not interested in sex (We are supposed to assume it is a woman, though from the wording I guess it could be 2 males in a gay relationship?) - we do not know their reasons for being disinterested - physical difficulties, a horrible past experience, the present partner is not nice to have sex with for some reason, someone cheated so they dont trust them? Could be almost any reason. I would suggest the couple ask to go to either relationship or sex counselling to find out if anything can be of assistance mentally or physically to either of them and to help them find out what (if anything) is wrong, and what they both really want from life. Sex and relationship counsellors are very non judgemental and have probably heard every bizarre behaviour around, so they can have a lot of constructive suggestions.
Love is more than sex. It is complex and often bizarre to outsiders, but of huge value to those involved, even if no one else understands their association.
Once or twice a week seems more normal I'd say
Depends on which week innit.
no no and no, unless they are weird!
Grips don't lower the tone!
All (normal) men and women have a healthy interest in sex.
She may not have that sexual interest in you but it will be there.
Depends on which week innit.
Isn't that what the back door is for?
There's also your right hand man but best to clean up any mess afterwards - especially if in her hair.
Ok ok to clarify the question.
Sex life was good. Kids came. Sex life not so good.
Man still wants and needs. Woman is disintersted and unmotivated.
Both see it as a problem in relationship but woman not wanting to make the effort of counselling etc as she actually getting what she wants at the moment. The Man has given more and more leeway, stepped back, taken pressure away etc etc but to no avail.
So does the man wait for eternity in the vain hope that one day she may make an effort or jump ship on an otherwise good relationship?
(Yes, I know the irony of calling this a good relationship)
At risk of a cliche I'd say shes prime for someone to show her attention, be attentive, presents and compliments. Shes only human. Rather than bicker etc- woo her.