[Closed] Annoyed with our school - leave it or complain?

Leave it. It might not be ideal but life isn't always ideal and there's an important lesson in that. Certainly more important than thinking tears and an angry dad will get stuff changed to the way you want it.

No offence but if this is the worst thing the school have done, you are lucky.

They cant please everybody all the time. No doubt by the time your daughter gets back she will have completely forgotten about her worries and made some new friends.

They are a school. They have experience of this kind of thing. Just get over it.

My eldest got separated from all her friends when they went from reception to year one. I wasn't happy at the time but I just have to leave them to do what they do best. The world still carried on turning. She made new friends.

So no-one thinks it is a bit unfair to put one girl in with a group of boys (which does, incidentally, include one boy who is a trouble-causer and is known for bullying and hitting girls)?

I will see how she is tonight – if she enjoyed herself I will leave it.

I will see how she is tonight – if she enjoyed herself I will leave it.

I think this is the best approach.

The school staff may end up reconfguring the groups during the trip if they think it would be better for them to be changed.

Speaking a someone who has been on a number of school trips as an adult (as a parent and governor at the school) the staff want everyone (including themselves) to have a good time on the trip and wouldn't do anything that would result in unnecessary hassle for themselves or anyone else.

no and I wouldnt interfere. Because it would have a negative imapct on my children by undermining their trust in the teachers or by constantly contacing them on a simple trip showing I lack confidence in them and the teachers.

got three children

Rather odd, but it sounds like it's been done deliberately.
Or does your daughter have a gender-neutral name?

hooli has it.

Speaking a someone who has been on a number of school trips as an adult (as a parent and governor at the school) the staff want everyone (including themselves) to have a good time on the trip and wouldn't do anything that would result in unnecessary hassle for themselves or anyone else.

well said, my experience too. The teachers and parent helpers are, I'm sure, doing their best

OP

Just take the day off work and follow them,just to be sure everything goes ok.
What could possibly go wrong ?

Just take the day off work and follow them,just to be sure everything goes ok.

The teachers and parent helpers are, I'm sure, doing their best

Well my wife is actually a helper on the trip as she always does (as a leader of one of the groups - one with neither of our girls in) so she will ensure that Evie is okay.

I do find it an odd decision - everything else makes sense – they have split up our girls' friendship group so they don't just mess all day and will interact with other less close friends but to isolate the one girl seems really weird.

to isolate the one girl seems really weird.

to isolate the one girl seems really weird.

unless she is the trouble maker perhaps?

I hope.

smaller group? mostly boys? one of whom such a trouble maker even a parent knows his reputation? Sounds like the sin bin group for close supervision by a disciplinarian teacher.

Sounds like the sin bin group

It does a bit (especially as the group she is in is the one being headed by a teaching assistant (and the others are all parents). Nothing has ever been said to us though, so if that is the reason I am even more disappointed in the school.

If that is all you worry about for your school, fantastic. You would not believe the madness I hear about from parents.

I've found out today, that even though I have a child who hasn't paid all year, we can't simply kick him out due to strong education laws, we instead have to sue the family.

Madness.

The university of life and experience is an amazing place.
Let her study there and make her own mind up about the trip.
Changing will only make her look like a spoilt little brat that gets her own way when she wants and gets daddy to shout at the naughty teachers when she doesn't like something (I'm sure she's not).

Changing will only make her look like a spoilt little brat that gets her own way when she wants and gets daddy to shout at the naughty teachers when she doesn't like something (I'm sure she's not).

Can't remember the school ever telling us which groups our kids were going to be split into on trips. Don't see why they'd bother TBH. Currently have three kids ages 4-12.

TBH i don't think an email to school to ask how they divide the pupils up for these sort of things is bad form. I think it shows you're taking an interest, just don't get all shouty with them as they probably haven't even realised there could be an issue.

Can't remember the school ever telling us which groups our kids were going to be split into on trips.

And I wouldn't get shouty, but I do still feel I should register my disagreement with their choices.

It sounds like a 'mixed' school to me. If you are so irked about your daughter being in a group with boys, maybe you should have sent her to a girls school...?

I am 'irked' as you put it because she feels she is being singled out. No school should be making any pupil feel they are being singled out without good reason (and they have not provided a good reason for their decision).

In their defence, the teacher is in her first year (and I have never been happy with her performance ) so I think that she simply didn't think it through properly and couldn't back-track when asked because she had already told the parent of another child that she couldn't swap groups (but that was only because she wanted to be with her best friend).

So you know better than the school? Great. I'll bet they love you. Stop being so precious and let her get on with it. Sounds like she'll deal with it better than you.

I'll bet they were all sitting round in the staff room the day before plotting and laughing their heads off about how they were going to victimise your daughter for no apparent reason.

I have two girls aged 5 and 9, if they were in the same position I'd tell them to get stuck in and enjoy it.

I spent last night in part listening to the early years head explain how much effort was put into allocating kids to classes , given the info you provide I imagine your daughter was allocated for a reason . I would not complain but would just gently enquire they may give a reason or a face saving "oh it was just random" don't push it past that trust them to have a reason and it be apropriate . At the same event a bloke asked me who I was as my face seemed familiar I just said " oh I get about a fair bit lots of people seem to recognise me" kinder I thought than saying in front of his partner friends and sons teachers "yes I represented you in court 6 years ago."

im positive its not been done deliberately to upset your daughter. but maybe its a good opportunity to teach her to get on with everyone or at least reinforce that sentiment because i don't doubt that you do that already.
hope she's had fun. toppers jnr is at the zoo today with school. its either been a total car crash or he's been an angel. its rarely anything in-between. 😀

You sound like a lovely person loddrik, he's only asking a bloody question about whether to ask the school about it. What's wrong with that?

Ask away I say, see what they come back with, if her name is zelda it might just be that she was last on this list and had to be put somewhere........

[i]You sound like a lovely person loddrik, he's only asking a bloody question about whether to ask the school about it. What's wrong with that?[/i]

Indeed, my thoughts exactly! I have had a lot of experience with schools over the years and they are not always right. Sometimes you bite your lip and give them the benefit of the doubt (perhaps this time) but you don't allow your children to be scarred by 'kin idiots who sometimes should know better.

I am 'irked' as you put it as she feels she is being singled out

I tried to be gentle above but it seems I was too subtle. When you say singled out, you mean she gets to go on an interesting and educational trip (probably funded or at least partly funded by the school) with a group of other kids in her class.

You know, children of the same age with feelings and parents and stuff. They are not axe wielding, ebola carrying, serial killer paedophiles.

Lift your head up and have a bit of perspective, this really isn't something worth worrying about. It is certainly not something to give the school a hard time about. All the time teachers spend dealing with non issues like this is time they could be dealing with real issues.

School or Academy?

Surely if your wife is helping out, she would be the best person to approach this subject with the person who was responsible for group allocations.

IMO....get over it. Mollycoddling them at any age is bad but getting them moved groups due to a bit of emotional blackmail at home isn't great.

See how the trip goes, if the reports coming back say there were major issues with any certain groups etc then it may be time to bring up the subject but I'd hazard a guess she'll forget about it all when they arrive at the destination.

If I'd give you any advice, its 'choose your battles'

If you're getting this worked up about something as minor as this in year 1, then the rest of your offsprings school career is going to be a constant source of stress and potential conflict for you.

Believe me, you're going to have a lot bigger fish to fry than this in the years to come. Real issues. About their actual education. I'd keep your powder dry on this one. Take it on the chin. Seriously... whats the worst thats going to happen? You'd be better received when you have something genuine to take up with them if you don't start kicking up a stink over something that the staff will see as a trivial matter.

If she didn't enjoy the day, extra pudding when she gets home?

Something to console her with:

"If you hate school, wait til you try [i]work[/i]!"

😀

Right, well I am ignoring Lodrick and his not so helpful attitude.

But

Surely if your wife is helping out, she would be the best person to approach this subject with the person who was responsible for group allocations.

As I have already said, I will wait and see how things went – despite what some people are thinking, I am a reasonable person asking what I believe to be a reasonable question. I am not about to go into the school shouting and swearing, but at the moment I still feel like we deserve a reason behind their decision to isolate one girl in a group of boys that she doesn't get on with. They didn't even put any of her boy friends in the group.

Can't see a problem with asking for a reason. Especially if the answer looks like it's because she's more of a trouble maker that you thought.

If you open saying you're concerned it's because she might be behaving worse at school than she does at home, I can't how they could possibly have a problem confirming or setting you straight.

She did ask this morning and was told the group wouldn't be changed.

But really, Binners' point is the right one, pick your battles. It will not have been done to annoy you/your daughter, teachers won't do that deliberately, it will either be completely random or there is a reason for the allocation. There will undoubtedly be bigger battles to face, this is not one to get upset about.

I believe the question to ask is along the line of "I wondered how the groups had been allocated?", the above answer suggests a different questions of "can my daughter move groups?".

As many others have said don't worry about this.

If you go looking for a reason 'why' she's been grouped this way, chances are there isn't one.

I suspect this (possibly newly qualified) teacher at about 19:47 on a Monday night with her many things to do just took a breather between marking books, planning lessons, updating her mark sheet, starting to write end of year reports, working on an attempt of an outstanding lesson plan for an observation next week and maybe squeezing a bit of dinner to take a class list of her pupils and split them up into fairly random groups. She probably will have spent a bit of time strategically placing the trouble makers, the EAL and SEN kids.

If she starts letting people move then everyone will want to move or start calling its unfair. She's trying to do the right thing by sticking to her decision not to let anyone change groups.

Maybe when you next pick her up from school politely mention that your daughter was looking forward to the trip, but would have enjoyed it more if she'd been in a group with an even mix of boys and girls or all girls and ideally with some of her friends.

We know because (as I mentioned above) my wife is a leader of one of the groups so she got the info sheet about the trip.

Let her sort it out. Or do what I would do and just leave it well alone.

probably funded or at least partly funded by the school

That one always makes me laugh.

smatkins1, someone who understands the wonderful world of the NQT.

If it helps, said NQT will likely be having a small end of term breakdown as she realises half her class haven't gone up the required levels and she still has all of her end of year reports to write along with her final observation lessons that will determine if she passes the year. She'll have stressed for 2 days about the make up of the groups as pretty much every NQT stresses about every tiny detail (I know 3 who lost sleep and shed tears of what to call their tables) and then when she finally thinks they're right someone will ask to move as little Jonny doesn't like little Sarah. She will go home and cry.

then they are in the wrong job if they cry over that.

IMHO this seems like a less than ideal solution and a fairly inflexible approach from the school. Its not the end of the world but , depending in her reaction tonight, I suspect I would be speaking to the school.