MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
Every office has one. You know the type. They arrive bright and perky in the morning, always immaculately turned out, greeting you with a cheery hello. During the course of the working day, they engage you in good-natured banter, tell jokes, and cast witty asides, while walking around the office smiling, and generally emanating positivity. As they speak on the phone, they enquire after the welfare of peoples children, and their gleeful laughter echoes around the office.
My question is this. Would a jury take all these facts into consideration, as mitigating factors, even provocation, when considering a guilty verdict in a murder trial? If, purely hypothetically, someone were to bludgeon them to death with the fuser unit out of a photocopier?
No. In a murder trail they would just consider the fax.
*applauds*
😆
When I last checked it was perfectly lawful to eradicate unrequited cheerfulness in Lancashire on a weekday, some sort of local bye-law iirc.
*I am NOT an expert on the law.
*One or more of the above statements may or may not be correct.
For pests the term is "cull" not murder.
bearnecessities - Member
No. In a murder trail they would just consider the fax.
😆
binners, I think it's probably your civic duty to bludgeon such a person to death with the soggy end of their own torn off right arm.
No jury in the land would convict
I hate those guys! ... but then again I hate Everybody 🙂
We just assume he's on drugs and let him get on with it
No. In a murder trail they would just consider the fax.
Take a bow, bearnecessities! 🙂
No. In a murder trail they would just consider the fax.
Could they not use a 650b wheeled bike to bring it back to life?
(Pedantry aside, chapeau bear, you win the internet today)
I have 2 of the above mentioned happyjolly folk in my team, I've just about finished wearing one of them down to an acceptable level of default misery, but the other is proving more resistant. Worst thing is she's just been given an (empty) promotion to team leader. Upgrading to level 5...
bearnecessities is my new hero 😀
Happy office people will be the death of us all. Give it about 10 seconds and someone will post a photo of that chap in a purple shirt and comedy tie. I should add that I've not worked in an office. Pretty much ever.
bearnecessities
a murder trail
New kind of MTB weekend away? Go out with your mates on your bikes, follow the trail till only one person remains alive?
binners - Member
Every office has one. You know the type. They arrive bright and perky in the morning, always immaculately turned out, greeting you with a cheery hello. During the course of the working day, they engage you in good-natured banter, tell jokes, and cast witty asides, while walking around the office smiling, and generally emanating positivity. As they speak on the phone, they enquire after the welfare of peoples children, and their gleeful laughter echoes around the office.
*Waves* 😆
Ned Flanders?
I always assume there's something wrong with them.
You can be happy riding a bike, or playing with your kids, or when you're down the pub, but being happy in an office means there's something wrong with your powers of perception of reality 🙂
They could pay a visit to the special shower block in the forest as far as I'm concerned. My work is depressing enough without someone actually enjoying it! I work in Treblinsk Rubbish Tractor Production Facility No.1.
That last statement may not be true but it accurately describes where I really work.
My question is this. Would a jury take all these facts into consideration, as mitigating factors, even provocation, when considering a guilty verdict in a murder trial? If, purely hypothetically, someone were to bludgeon them to death with the fuser unit out of a photocopier?
If you snatch them when no ones looking and do a decent job of getting rid of the body it would not be an issue.
Know anyone with pigs.
I always assume there's something wrong with them.
Drugs. It has to be....
Hmm...
My work colleagues have described me as having a sunny disposition and seeing good in everyone.
My missus on the other hand says that I'm a right grumpy bastard.
Should I fetch the copier toolkit now?
How are you binners and how are those lovely kids of yours these days?, we really must.... 😆
People (mainly the misery guts production staff) always used to ask me why and how I was so cheerful at work. One bloke in particular used to ask me how I did it as he couldn't understand how I was always smiling and happy, even when there was lots of pressure to get things done and things were going wrong.
However, 14 years out of uni working in engineering and I now look back and wonder where that cheerful soul has gone and why he's been replaced by this miserable, cynical grumpy, stressed out duffer..... 😀 😥
There's one in our office... you won't believe what his name is... Sunny.
(I like him, actually, there are plenty of others I'd murder first.)
In my experience people like this are nearly always from the home counties. In fact I've known a few people from down that way who lived in Manchester who actually moved back down south because they couldn't handle the northern nihilistic cynicism.
I'm down in Devon and grumpy ****ers tend to get a hard punch in the cock unless they buck their ideas up
I always thought those people had terrible home lives if they are that happy to be at work with us lot 😆
yup, thats me, sunny and smiley all the time ....
Why you ask ?
Mainly as it bugs the shit out of people and really annoys them ... especially the wife ...
In my experience people like this are nearly always from the home counties. In fact I've known a few people from down that way who lived in Manchester who actually moved back down south because they couldn't handle the northern nihilistic cynicism.
Bang on! He's from Surrey. He's not in the office often, as all us grumpy, world-weary, cynical northern gits all (rightfully) view him with deep suspicion and mistrust. He's relentlessly, punishingly upbeat and cheerful. Like a walking corporate motivational poster, featuring a picture of a rainbow and a slogan about teamwork.
I hate him with every fibre of my being.
There's a foo fighters song about this, or something.
To be honest, until life started kicking, I was that guy ^.
Now I'm [i]this[/i] guy.
😆 My TL is also from Surrey, hmm. Something in the water down there?
Question..
Would your attitude change towards them if said person was a Girl?
❓
😉
[i][b]people with cheery, sunny, positive dispositions....
[/b][/i]
Sorry ,I can't help it 😀
*Waves* back at bikebouy
I presume that outside of work, and in times of solitary contemplation they face their demons and become hollowed out shells of woe and despair. just like the rest of us when we're at work.
Ming the Merciless
I work in Treblinsk Rubbish Tractor Production Facility No.1.
You are lucky, comrade. Factory No1, the decadence of it! Us mere political sheep, who are forever banished to factory 14 are far, far worse off comrade.
Would your attitude change towards them if said person was a Girl?
Oh christ!! They're even worse!!! Then you get women who describe themselves as 'bubbly'!!
And with those, you just know that they cry themselves to sleep, alone, every night. Filled with self-loathing after binging on chocolate and chardonnay, while watching Rom Coms
Culling those who constantly use happy cliches is always welcome
I generally do my best to be cheery and super positive towards miserable pessimistic greetin faced shite toads. Any other normal people will know me as miserable greeting faced shite toad with propensity for winding folk up, that was my boss' assesment at my last appraisal. 😆
I had to leave leave Manchester because I was too cheery - happy days!
I just have to import Vimto and Hollands Steak&Kidney puddings.
brakes you could have been quoting from Marx's Economic and Philosophical Manuscripts, chapeau!
Would your attitude change towards them if said person was a Girl?
The 2 I'm referring to are wimmins.
It took me a while to work out what was bugging me, but now I think I've worked it out:
The "Brilliant" bloke from the Fast Show is just like Brian Cox but speeded up a bit.
Did Mr Crabby have salad for lunch, perhaps? 🙄
And with those, you just know that they cry themselves to sleep, alone, every night. Filled with self-loathing after binging on chocolate and chardonnay, while watching Rom Coms
Dammit, you've just described my Friday nights... Rumbled by binners 😀
And in my experience, the aforementioned folk are often late 20's, living at home, no rent or chores or responsibility-still- have an ITV2 related phone wallpaper and ****ing LOVE "the bants".
Often drive a fully paid for -by dad-Mini countryman. This includes the guys.
And in my experience, the aforementioned folk are often late 20's, living at home, no rent or chores or responsibility-still- have an ITV2 related phone wallpaper and **** LOVE "the bants".Often drive a fully paid for -by dad-Mini countryman. This includes the guys.
This describes our entire sales support team, bar a few have them having made it into their thirties, a couple into middle age....
Mercifully I work in a different part of the building, with 2 doors and a bridge inbetween
Tis a medical condition innit, like depression, but the opposite, they need medication to bring em back down, street grade skag should do it.
The last guy we had like that was also quite far up the OCD Spectrum.
6 months of moving his pens to the wrong side of the desk or turning his stapler round though 180 degrees brought him back to a semblance of nomality/paranoia.
You want to try being Mr cheery in an office full of dour Scots and a Yorkshire woman... 80
dour Scots
They'll be even more dour in a few years when they realise Salmond was hiding the figures for a reason 😀
But then the Yorkshire woman should cheer up cos all the jobs will have moved South!
I suspect i'm one of the cheery ones. Its a survival mechanism for us geologists, if you can be cheerful spending 14 hrs on some cold wet godforsaken hillside looking at mud the office is easy.....
I am literally weeping with laughter at this thread, which is a change from the usual miserable grimace on my pus.
bearnecessities is a genius.
Oh christ!! They're even worse!!! Then you get women who describe themselves as 'bubbly'!!
I thought "bubbly" was code for "fat"
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There's a woman like that in our office - thankfully, I don't go there much as it's miles away.
I'm the new boy there so I get targeted for extra cheeriness.
........ and no, like almost everyone else in the office, Hollywood Bowl followed by Pizza Hut is not something I'm likely to put my name down for.
When down at the office last and staying in a hotel, said cheery woman wouldn't take no for an answer and came and got me. 😯
While we're on a workplace murdering spree, can we tackle the bottom feeders too? You know, the 'I I ****in hate this place' brigade?
Go and work somewhere else so I don't have to listen to your shite.
I got a verbal warning once as I was complained about for telling a "victim of employment" to "just leave then" every single time they said "I hate working here".
My offensive nature offended [i]him[/i] A HIM!
This was in retail.
Well he's surpassed himself this morning. Mr smiley, happy Surrey simpleton has just breezed in, and as part of his annoyingly upbeat morning greetings, asked my colleague, who has a broad scouse accent, to the total incredulity of all in the room, which part of Scotland she's from?
****ing southerners!!!
binners - MemberWell he's surpassed himself this morning. Mr smiley, happy Surrey simpleton has just breezed in, and as part of his annoyingly upbeat morning greetings, asked my colleague, who has a broad scouse accent, to the total incredulity of all in the room, which part of Scotland she's from?
****ing southerners!!!
Come work here, I've been in an hour and not spoken yet.
For god's sake Binners, don't even consider holidaying in Oz then. 99.9% of people here will quite happily engage in chatting with a total stranger in a cheerful manner whilst enquiring about one's health and well being, it's a total contrast to Manchester, must be weather related... 8)
For god's sake Binners, don't even consider holidaying in Oz then. 99.9% of people here will quite happily engage in chatting with a total stranger in a cheerful manner whilst enquiring about one's health and well being
Sounds like hell.
It would be for a Manc, their suspicion chip would burn out within a day I reckon! 😀
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weeksy - Memberbinners - Member
Well he's surpassed himself this morning. Mr smiley, happy Surrey simpleton has just breezed in, and as part of his annoyingly upbeat morning greetings, asked my colleague, who has a broad scouse accent, to the total incredulity of all in the room, which part of Scotland she's from?
****ing southerners!!!
Come work here, I've been in an hour and not spoken yet.
Nahhh, Come work here, I've been on 4 conference calls, it’s not 10am yet, I’ve missed breakfast and yet I’m still a happy Suvverner.
*hops off to Kruger for yummy things.
I went to Manchester once to drop off my then Ex at Uni, was greeted with a scummy yoof handbreak turning his shagged out Nova in front of the Uni entrance on the street.
Ohh how I laughed, I'd never seen a car handbrake turned before.
Mr smiley, happy Surrey simpleton has just breezed in, and as part of his annoyingly upbeat morning greetings, asked my colleague, who has a broad scouse accent, to the total incredulity of all in the room, which part of Scotland she's from?
Thing is, once you've crossed the Thames it all starts to blend into a long, unremitting, grey dreariness, and trying to tell the gloomy natives apart is an exercise in futility. If they'd just cheer up a bit and stop mumbling it might be easier!
i dedicate this song to you Binners...
Oh Christ! He's back in the office. He's not been in for a while. I'd happily blanked his up-beat sunny existence out of my mind. Its Wednesday FFS!! and I've had to put up with his irritating cheerfulness all bloody morning. I'd possibly forgive him if it was Friday afternoon. Or long liquid lunches were involved. But theres just no excuse for it!
Its like working with Joey ****ing Essex!!! A happy simpleton, merrily chortling away to himself, taking delight in life simple pleasures.
Can I kill him? Purleez can I kill him?
I sympathise with you binners.
We have a new receptionist who fits the above stereotype. Thankfully she's at the other end of the office, so I can often hear her spreading her poisonous cheer on her way too me, giving me chance to sneak out for a coffee.
My normal days are like this however, and it's great.Come work here, I've been in an hour and not spoken yet.
I'm working at home today.
I'm a miserable bastard.
The wife is full of cold so is miserable too.
It's bliss. Absolute bliss!
I love these people and would happily fill my office with them if i could.
thered - MemberI love these people and would happily fill my office with them if i could.
Just so you can fill it with poisonous gas ?
Joey ****ing Essex
Is that the long awaited sequel to Debby Does Dallas?
Anyway, I'm glad he's back as I didn't spot Bear's rather superb fax gag first time round
Our newest member of staff used to work at Sotherbys and they were forbidden to talk in the office. Any sort of merriment got you an email from the boss 10 feet away.
There's definitely a few vacancies there for any of you miseries.
[i]Oh Christ! He's back in the office. He's not been in for a while.[/i]
probably been off with depression.