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A very good friend a work colleague of over 27 years passed away last night after losing his fight with bowel cancer and it feels horrible. When I found out he had cancer he told me how he came to find out and I knew it was in the latter stages and his chance of recovery was not good. He had 2 lots of treatment and was told it had shrunk but it wasn't going away and he would have to live with it. All the time he was cheerful and perky and kept his chin up. We talked loads and tried as best we could not to talk about it but talk about things in every day life so as our chats weren't depressing.
Sadly I had news this morning he passed away last night and it's crap. I had this weirdest feeling all last week because we hadn't spoke for a while and I wanted call but had this dread feeling I would speak to his wife and she had bad news pass on and I was right as the last 2 weeks he had the doctors in as he got worse. I had a really good week last week, bought some new things, went see The Killers and then all the material stuff comes crashing in on you and you realise how little all those things matter. Just venting my grief on here as I feel like poo. He was a lovely guy as well, great father to 2 kids and very loving to his wife. He really was one of those gents who wouldn't hurt anyone ever. So sad.
🙁 I never know what to say on these posts 🙁
It's okay matey, I'm just sitting here and wanted vent a bit of how bad I feel. I'm thinking of all the good times and just hoping his wife is alright. I can't bring myself to call her yet as i know it's hit her hard and they were a fabulous couple, a proper proper couple and they meant so much to each other which in this day and ages says something.
Sorry to hear that, get on your bike, ride.
I went through cancer last year, I met people on both sides of the fence who were braver and stronger than anyone i've ever met before and i've had a career in the forces.
Remember you can call Macmillan or any of the cancer charities yourself if you need help understanding anything.
As blokes we can pick up with good friends after a large gap in time as if we saw them yesterday. You sound like you were a very good friend to your mate. Raise a glass to him tonight and remember good times.
All the best.
Mike
My younger brother (he's 35) has been battling this for 5 years. This week we found out it has spread to his liver, and the surgeon turned him away. I feel like part of me is dying with him...
The important thing is to keep talking about it. Make sure his missus knows how you feel...despite what you might think, those left behind are often comforted by knowing that others miss him terribly too. Also, make sure she has any help she needs - maybe there's work stuff, a desk that needs clearing up, that you can do for her rather than her having to come and pick up a box of stuff, insensitively packed? As much as you'll all miss him, she's the one left behind now so make sure she's ok.
Perhaps get together with some mutual friends, and go and have a few beers and talk about him - recounting stories, shared experiences, funny tales over a few scoops can be quite cathartic. Don't go cooping up shitty feelings, it'll do you no good.
Celebrate your friend he sounds like a top boy, have a man hug.
Hodge, sorry I hijacked your thread, was very insensitive. Feel free to ask the mods to remove my post..
Sorry to hear that.
My girlfriends sister passed away last night.She was 28.
I'm feeling your pain.
I think it'll be o.k, Freeagent. Both such awful things to have to deal with. :O/
Always hard to loose someone, alas it's the only certainty in life, death.
Thoughts with you and his family.
i am sorry to hear of your grief mate. try and remember that you can only feel these feelings of loss from having had a real connection with someone and that means he must have valued your friendship as much as you valued his.
i lost one of my best mates to cancer this year. she was 31 and one of those people who makes the world brighter for everyone she was around. she chased all the boys round whytes in sept, not giving an inch even after a heavy fall. by january she was gone 🙁 i miss her everyday
My best female friend (and also on-off love of my life) and best male friend were both taken away suddenly (motorbike crash and MSRA) and it was incredibly hard to deal with. My mother-in-law, who was great, died after a long, drawn out fight with lung cancer. Don't know which is worse, the sudden shock or the gathering sense of doom. What I do know is that with all three of them I remember them now with much happiness. The sadness has largely dissipated and what's left is the memories that make me smile and occasionally laugh out loud. No doubting the pain you're going through now but all I can say is that gradually it will fade and you will be left with happy, happy memories. Keep smiling through the tears brother, focus on the good times and ring up his missus asap and tell her you're thinking of her and there for her, she'll really appreciate it.
It's fine freeagent and I'm sorry to hear your bad news too. Thanks for all the kind messages as well. Spent most of the day ringing and texting workmates and friends letting them know the bad news. It was a big engineering toolroom we worked in on a large-ish factory so plenty of people to let know.
Sounds like you lost a good friend. Talk to others that can help and who knew him. Remember the good times and get round to see his OH is doing OK, or as OK as can be expected. She may be glad of the company.
freeagent, don't think anyone thinks your hijacking the thread.
Makes all my troubles seem insignificant.
Thoughts are with you and his family mate.
Hadge really sorry for the loss of a freind and workmate, but one thing is still there all the memories, good and bad,funny and serious, thats what makes people freinds.
Best wishes and condolances.
Celebrate his life rather than mourn your loss.
I'll bet that's what he would have wanted.
Bon Courage Hadge.
It's reading posts like this, here of all places, which make me realise I should do more with each day offered.
Good for you in realising his obvious qualities, you won't have been the only one and for that alone, his influence will live on.
Best Wishes to all.
A bit late to the thread, but I doubt you feel any better and certainly nothing I can add will do that, all I can offer is condolences and know from similar circumstances exactly how you feel. I'd like to say it gets better in time, but close mates, that you've known well, over a long period, in my case windsurfed, sailed and ridden with, not a week passes something doesn't trip memories and sadness returns albeit a bit briefer as time passes.
What do you do? Just get on with doing stuff and content yourself when you have to put up with lifes bullshit that at least he's out of it now and in a better place, all you can do really and do what you would have expected him to do had the situation been reversed. Keep an eye on his Mrs and kids step in if you can and they need you but don't push it..
Keep your chin up.
Hadge, sneding you a big massive man hug mate... and the rest of you guys dealing with this.
Take a day away from everything, with your bike and go for a long lonely ride. just ride and think about those you have lost. I lost my mum and brother last year and doing that really helped.
Talk about how you feel to those close too. Chin up mate. You have experienced loss, now make the most of YOUR life.
I know what it's like to lose people close to you. Hadge - thoughts are with you mate.
Been there too Hadge, happened to one of my closest mates 15 years ago and I still think of him whenever I'm doing something he would have enjoyed. As others have said celebrate his life and make even more of your own.