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When you climb into your sleeping bag on a cold winters night in The Peaks to find it's actually your young sons' 'junior' 2-3 season bag not your 3-4 season bag.
When making turkey stock for Christmas lunch, drain the giblets and vegetables through a colander, letting the liquid pour down the sink...
Driving 150 miles from Yorkshire to mid Wales for a weekends bikepacking, and realising the only shoes you have with you are bright red croc (sorry) wellies that are 2 sizes too big! 👿
Having arrived at a Ski resort I got about changing. I put my leg in the trousers and pull the trousers up.. That "Bollocks!" feelings when you realise you packed your 12 year old sisters trousers.
(Same colour and brand, just different size )
Whn you drive from Edinburgh to Laggan for the start of your stag weekend, get bikes off roof, get changed, look for your SPD shoes to find that they are not there...
My OH and I had both entered a duathlon. About 3 hours drive away.
Midway up the motorway I noticed that the key for the lock I’d used to attach the bikes to the rack had fallen off my keyring. Took a diversion to find various cutting implements and stood in a garden centre carpark hacking away until we freed the bikes.
Restarted the journey. Got to the accommodation we’d book to find that they had no record of the booking (their mistake rather than ours as I genuinely had booked and for the right weekend too) and as it was a quiet weekend in early December they’d decided to shut and weren’t there. So, having phoned them to find this out we had to sit in the car waiting for them to drive over, turn the heating on and let us in.
We then unloaded the car and my OH realised that he didn’t have any running shoes with him. Having waited to be let into the accommodation it was now well past 6pm and all the local shops were shut and not re-opening until after the race started on Sunday morning.
At the furthest possible point of your ride on a rocky and slippery decent in a frozen January a pedal spontaneously and irreparably departs your bike whilst remaining attached to the bottom of your shoes, allowing you to find out just how little traction an spd gives on icy limestone and forcing you to pedal one legged 15 miles back to the car.
At the furthest possible point of your ride on a rocky and slippery decent in a frozen January a pedal spontaneously and irreparably departs your bike whilst remaining attached to the bottom of your shoes, allowing you to find out just how little traction an spd gives on icy limestone and forcing you to pedal one legged 15 miles back to the car.
I managed that with some CB's. Clipped intt he pedal I could slide the pedal back onto the axle to at least give the other leg a rest while coastsing on fireroad.
I was collecting a friend from 45mins away to go for a ride. He had pedals, shoes and helmet but was borrowing a bike from me.
I drove for 30 mins and realised I had forgotten a pedal spanner so went home to get one. I turned up at his an hour late only to find that his pedals were the same as mine anyway.
Got ready to ride this out the door (yes I know about the rear mech cable loop - it had got pulled through from the front).
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Oh, I turned up for a ride without a disk on my newly rebuilt front wheel.
When you've finished bleeding a brake and pull the lever a few times with no resistance, and find you forgot to put the spacer between the pistons! 😳
Watching your wheel accelerate away from you as it leaves your dropouts mid jump.
Hoovering, to earn brownie points with the missus and realise the sole of your shoes have oil on from cleaning the bike earlier. Beige carpet too.
in the car having covered most of the reasonable distance to Burghley horse trials, a present to my girlfriend, she says "so where are the tickets" *mucho awkward silence* "*$%*! *""%!!! %*&"
Cue best WRC driver impression to meet my dad half way after he went and grabbed them. He was bought plenty of beer for compensation.
Driving 70 miles to ride in the Peaks just before Xmas. Starting the first steep climb and the cassette slips leading to a comedy attempted reverse vault over the saddle to dismount. The nose of the saddle catches in the crotch of the waterproof trousers and opens them up from knee to knee.
I managed to get away with this one by not using the lowest gear and putting a pair of Lycra undershorts over the trousers as a substitute crotch. I got one or two weird looks from other people out and about, but the ride wasn't ruined.
Whilst dabbing some touch up paint onto my bike frame I leaned my head to look at something a bit more closely. The open paint bottle also tipped with me and half emptied over the frame, forks, wheel etc.
These are coming back to me thick and fast now!
Also spraying isopropyl alcohol onto a brake caliper, but spraying it from the underside whilst looking to make sure it went where I wanted it. You know the rest, but it ended up with a frantic search for an eye bath and two very red eyes.
Today. Got a Boardman road bike that has SRAM gears. So to down shift you pull the leavers to the rear and then across - not just force the leavers straight across resulting in horrible shiffting? Only had the bike a year ......
My favourite one involves a lad I knew at Uni. His parents had bought a near derelict house that he was meant to do up whilst living in it with two of his mates who paid reduced rent in return for living in a dump and helping out with the decoration.
Anyway, this lad (who later got first in his MSc at Cambridge) decided he was going to replace a carpet. He painstakingly measured the room so he could find a roll-end just the right size. He had to cadge a lift off of someone else to go and get it.
On getting it back to the house he thinks of a brilliant idea to make cutting it easy. He takes the existing carpet out and uses it as a template to draw around on the back of the new carpet. He then cuts it perfectly to shape only to realise just as he finishes that he has drawn around the old carpet the correct way up onto the back of the new one and ended up with a perfect mirror image of what he wanted. The room was not perfectly rectangular, either........
Last year the club headed up to Cathkin for a blast,after I kitted up I retrieved the bike from inside the car only to discover I had left the front wheel sitting in the driveway oh how I laughed
When you get home from work realising I've left my apron on the workbench with my knives and I'm working in a different location tomorrow, ah well clean hands tomorrow night 😆
Years ago, sitting at a t junction in the car, sun out but roads still wet, I didn't notice the 20 foot long puddle on the main road in front of me, until a lorry came by. I looked like I'd been in the shower with my clothes on.
Last year, 15 miles from home, the nut holding my saddle on at the clamp sheared. I had to pedal standing up for the last 15 miles with the odd rest on the crossbar.
also first night ride on a new built Nicolai, ripped the rear mech and hanger clean off
When one of your best mates knocks you off your brand new mt 09 tracer outside the dealers, his fault not yours
When you ride your road bike with carbon sole shoes to St Annes where you are to meet up with your wife and kids who have driven there, them having brought you some clothes so you can have a walk on the front and go for lunch. Finding that your offspring has forgotten to pack some shoes that it is possible to walk in, and only being able to find a shop that sells tartan slippers.
Ohh my eldest did chuckle from 10 yards behind me on the prom
wwaswas » I turned up for a ride without a disk on my newly rebuilt front wheel.
🙂
But did you ride or bottle it...?
When you send a friend to an auction to bid on your behalf but at the last minute realise that you can actually get there yourself . So you turn up but can't see your mate anywhere so when the industrial chiller cabinet that you were after comes up you bid for it and as it's obvious that he isn't there you bid until there is just you and a woman left in , the bidding goes up massively and eventually she gives up . After that you find out that she is your friends new girlfriend and as he couldn't get there he sent her along instead with instructions to get the chiller at all costs for you .
I went home, fixed it and spent an hour and a half riding round the woods trying to find everyone else 🙂
Getting a phone call at work to tell you that your tubeless tyre has exploded off the rim in the hot conservatory, spraying stan's tyre milk all over your bike and the room. Oh and the bang having given wife and visitors heart failure.
Also
Cross threading the nut on the bottom of your fork damper - £90
Over-tightening and snapping the cantilever brake boss on your pace forks (in about 1996)
When you're torquing that rotor/pannier/mudguard/bottlecage bolt and you feel it go from cracking tight to soft as shite
When you have a brand new Ti frameset and carbon fork.
Rushing to get it built up, dog barking at you, small kids distracting you, wife moaning about messing with bikes. In my haste i forgot to account for any spacers and just a quick measure up. Whips out hacksaw.. nice job.
Oh.. crap... the brand new steerer is too short.
Luckily.. Mike Burrows fixed it but not before a near breakdown.
When the newly formatted disc falls onto the floor just before you commence a transplant. It rattled as I shook it gently. Oh well just as well we had a spare..It needed formatting and an OS putting on it like the broken one had.
I replaced my rear wheel.
Took off tyre, moved cassette over, changed disk across. Spent over an hour trying to get tubeless tyre to seat.
Realise I have put tyre back on old wheel.
Cry.
When you back up 2 yrs of photography work in RAW files in a 'saved pics' folder to yr portable drive, go for a coffee, come back, 'empty recycle bin' then later realised you actually backed up the wrong (identically named) folder twice.
Excitedly unpacking and rebuilding bike after having it shipped to our new house.
Wondering how the front tyre is on the wrong way around, especially after carefully fitting them before leaving the UK. Remove and refit tire to find that in fact the forks are turned around 180 degrees and I have fitted the bars like that.
I had wondered why the brake was on the other side.
Getting to the half way point of a ride, having a rest, and putting my helmet back on - odd I must have put it down somewhere else. After much looking around and puzzlement, the only conclusion was I hadn't ut it on at the start. Return home to find it on the table.
My Goddaughter loves Mountain Biking but doesn't have any decent riding near her so she comes to mine and either rides out with me or goes solo.
One Friday morning she had the day off college so rang me asking if I fancied a ride out. I was working so couldn't but agreed that she could come to mine, leave her car here and ride out solo.
She had rung me about an hour and half before I had to leave for work so I told her to get a move on as I wanted to give her a door key in case she got back before me so she can get cleaned up etc and she lives an hour away.
In her haste she loaded her knee pads, helmet, Camalbak etc but forgot her bike.....
I did take pity on her and lent her mine but checked every Mark on it first 😀
Removing a front wheel in the dark ,undoing the quick release too far (maxol) and all the bits fall into the shale/mud !!
I broke the chain on my road bike yesterday. No problem, I thought, and deftly removed the broken link and put the magic link parts through the two ends. Pulled together to join, the chain slipped through my fingers and the spring tension in the rear mech flung one half of the chain link into the roadside leaf litter. Ha ha blinking ha.
on a ride at llandegla about 18 months ago...
about 2 miles into the black route on a small descent i notice some clattering from the saddle. looking down i notice that the saddle is tipped right back. on closer inspection it turns out that the barrel nut holding the rear seat clamp bolt has snapped in half and the bolt wont stay tight rendering it useless.
i had to complete the rest of the ride with the seatpost and saddle stuffed in the camelbak...
Similar to Quirrel - Couple of years ago I did a 2 hour ride up on Dartmoor on some very wet, very rocky trails, falling off all over the place (not embarrassed to admit). I meet a park ranger halfway round and had a chat. He says "well at least you have a decent bike" which I think is strange thing to say. Despite this I enjoy my ride up on the tops (and notice a strange sense of freedom while doing so).
I hoon my way back to the car down the aforementioned rocky trail, pop the drivers door and find my helmet on the drivers seat 😯 D'oh
When you wake up with a really bad cold just as the weather is getting better.
Being 1 1/2hrs from home, with nothing bar your parking fee in your pocket, and everything else still in the van, isn't the best way to find auto-locking rear doors on your van aren't always the great idea you once thought they were.
Still, pales compared to the man who drove from Scotland to Cardiff to find he'd left the extra long Trek ABP skewer on his driveway. Pure luck that we had one left after a frame swap that we loaned him.
Going over the bars as I entered a rock garden on my first day out on my new bike, followed by the sound of hard rocks hitting soft metal. After picking myself up I found the stanchion of my shiny new BOSS forks resting on one of the larger rocks with a nice big scratch in them. Felt a bit sick and the words “O Bollocks” were definitely uttered