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came across a rather large tortoise once, miles for anywhere seemed happy enough walking down the trail... too large to carry home.
During my student days in Edinburgh, decending Arthurs Seat on one of the less trodden tracks found a bloke lying on his back enjoying the view surrounded by gorse, his girlfriend was obscured by gorse initially. I said hi, lovely day for it. She seamed more put off then he did as she momentarily stopped giving head to see who the boyfriend was talking to.
Interrupted a couple having at it against a tree in the woods behind Ilkeston hospital one fine summers evening. Ironically, it was only their frantic scrabbling for clothes that made us realise they were there, the front of the group hadn't spotted them at all.
Doggers and such you kind of expect occasionally. Quiditch being played in what looked like a serious manner was a real double take moment for me.
A human skeleton in a burnt out car, next to a petrol can, on the Roman Road toward gog magog hill outside Cambridge
I was a LARPer back in my youth, it was a great laugh, I made my own chainmail & everything
I was recently out for a day time ride at Foremark Reservoir in Derbyshire when I came across the shocking site of two women out walking, to make matters worse they were drinking coffee as well!
Fortunately the police managed to apprehend them.
About a hundred yards along the Camasunary trail from Sligachan bridge, a set of bagpipes. A few more yards off the trail was a hairy jaicketed, kilted and hairy arsed busker dropping a tolley....
A partially dismantled crashed Apache in the Suffolk countryside
I didn't ask the squaddie guarding it if he had a dildo on him...
Happened upon a bloke taking a dump right in the middle of the Grand Union Canal towpath. Which was nice. Let's remember folks - it's not always dogsh!te
A runner that had sadly had a a hart attack and died on the side of the trail.
Porn staches, slave dens, dildos and doggers of all persuasions.
I think that's pretty common for anyone that goes night riding though isn't it.
Also a guy taking a dump at the side of the cut as around 30 people road past on a charity ride/pub crawl. He got greeted with 30 individual " mornings"as each rider went past.😁
Riding up a long hill near Christmas Common in the Chilterns, I spotted the tail of a WW2 Bomber sticking up above the tree/hedge line. Like it had crashed into the field. Looked like a Halifax or a Lancaster.
Initially I thought it actually was a crash landing, there being High Wycombe airfield not to far away. All the way up the hill I figured it was a flyby gone wrong. But as I finally got to the top of the hill I saw it was some film set.
Oh yes, another time I rounded the corner on Grims Ditch decent (well known section in the Chilterns) and disturbed some poor lass with her knickers down having a pee.
Right in the middle of the trail.
I shouted back to my mate "watch out for the damp apex" and carried on.
Why she hadn't moved a few yards left or right and squatted in the hedge / field I never know.
She was in full flow and couldn't stop even when my mate passed her. I can still see her horrified expression and the flood of bubbling pee trickling down the track.
3-500gms Crystal Meth (about £30-£40k worth) in one of those boxes with big magnets, on the side of the road on a mountain pass in Idaho.
A hardback book of Japanese & Indian erotica on a seat on a foreshore bike path.
Three young ladies on a beach near Murcia, practising for some sort of naked relay race. At least I think they were relay batons.
Come to think of it, their handover technique wasn't exactly to hand, either.
I just remembered a couple more.
I got propositioned by an American woman driving a 4x4 in Thetford forest, I was having a break at the end of a trail, she stopped and wound down the window and asked “if I wanted a different kind of ride” what was weird was she had her small kids in the back !!!
On another byway in Essex we found a VW Estate car that had followed their sat nav and then sunk in wet sand, they had tried to reverse out but left the driver window open, spraying the interior with the contents of the byway. It was a new car and a right old mess. We tried to help the distraught driver but the car was well and truly sunk and stuck. It would have taken a tractor to pull that out!
A Volvo on its roof, in a field (happened the night before, no-one was in it when I rode past)
A gentleman being orally pleasured by his lady friend, on a fairly central part of a frequently used walking/ cycling route.
Shotgun cartridges (spent) (odd because it was on a residential road in Basildon)
People dressed up as knights having a sword fight
I saw an upside down Landrover once too, a good 10m below the trail traversing the steep hillside where his Landrover mates' cars still were, and up against a hedge. The mates were all standing around sucking air in through their teeth and rubbing their chins.
Usual doggers and couples 'enjoying' the country side. Used condoms, porn, lingerie etc
Passed a woman walking her dog whilst wearing a ball gag (on her, not the dog), she didn't say much.
Up in the Highlands I was riding along the land rover track that runs alongside Blackwater reservoir, at one point I thought I saw bush move, but thought it must have been an animal in it. Another moved shortly after and I rounded a corner to find an group of army guys setting up an overnight camp.
Out on the moors around Blackstone Edge, there was a group of religious worshippers, all dressed in white robes carrying a rather large crusifix up the hill
A rubber Husband.
[url= https://live.staticflickr.com/683/20699711274_6500ec6427_b.jp g" target="_blank">https://live.staticflickr.com/683/20699711274_6500ec6427_b.jp g"/> [/img][/url][url= https://flic.kr/p/xxaqZG ]dildo[/url] by [url= https://www.flickr.com/photos/dave-lowe/ ]Dave Lowe[/url], on Flickr
Loads,
A particularly vagarous bumming session between two blokes with another bloke looking on.
Occult worship
2 beer barrels in the middle of literally nowhere up on the moors
[url= https://live.staticflickr.com/1158/5110288193_fa2afedd7a_k.jp g" target="_blank">https://live.staticflickr.com/1158/5110288193_fa2afedd7a_k.jp g"/> [/img][/url][url= https://flic.kr/p/8MzyD8 ]IMAG0369[/url] by [url= https://www.flickr.com/photos/dave-lowe/ ]Dave Lowe[/url], on Flickr
Oh that reminds me... on the Mary Townley loop at Holmes Chapel, I heard distant ethereal singing - and in the middle of a field were a dozen white robed folk in a circle, singing away. No pointy hats or crucifixes mind. Slightly disconcerting but rather nice....
Came across a motorcycle top box half way up Keppel cove, Helvellyn once.
https://flic.kr/p/2kr9kXM
Saw a bloke taking photos of a very attractive lady dressed as a "sexy fox", the outfit included a corset, set of ears and a tail.
This was at about 11am...
I suddenly feel like a noob as I've never found a dildo on any of my rides.
Passed couples having it off, been flashed by a delightful young lady (when I was about 16) and discovered the odd Vauxhall Nova that somehow got in the middle of the woods.
I’ve also found a large pink rubber dick (and a very uncomfortable looking bloke in a nearby Vauxhall Corsa
Not the back of a Volkswagen?
Returning to my car after a decent ride in the Chilterns (must have been mid afternoon on a summer day). There was a car parked quite close to mine with a young man in the driver's seat with the window down, I thought it was a strange place to be waiting around unless they were waiting to do a deal of some sort... As I got to my car a lady popped her head up looking a bit sheepish, she must have lost something in the driver's footwell. What I don't get is why in an otherwise empty car park they chose to park right next to me, and why they kept the window open.
Possibly Elizabethan.
Elizabeth 'Arden
That apache reminds me of a canoe paddle where we found this - unlocked and left in a field just outside Crianlarich.
[url= https://live.staticflickr.com/8422/7495164024_95d212037f_b.jp g" target="_blank">https://live.staticflickr.com/8422/7495164024_95d212037f_b.jp g"/> [/img][/url][url= https://flic.kr/p/cqjF8W ]Loch Dochart Canoe[/url] by [url= https://www.flickr.com/photos/matt_outandabout/ ]Matt Robinson[/url], on Flickr
[url= https://live.staticflickr.com/8148/7495191256_727fd901f2_b.jp g" target="_blank">https://live.staticflickr.com/8148/7495191256_727fd901f2_b.jp g"/> [/img][/url][url= https://flic.kr/p/cqjPes ]Loch Dochart Canoe[/url] by [url= https://www.flickr.com/photos/matt_outandabout/ ]Matt Robinson[/url], on Flickr
A summer holiday canoeing in roasting southern France confirmed that the French are happy au naturelle. It intrigued some boys in the canoe over a few days of paddling....
Elizabeth ‘Arden
Did Max Factor ?
Once saw a male about 50 actually riding a n MTB wearing a Singletack Cycling Jersey
and At Brownbacks Bacup, once saw a chap who was described as the editor of a cycling magazine Singletrack, but he wasnt riding a bike, or typing on a computer, so must have been mistaken, somebody called him Chips, But they may well have been asking did he require a portion from the local takeaway.
@lowey your controls and grips are exactly the same as the ones on my Salsa (or they were for a long time until I recently changed the Ergons for the ones with bar ends).
Omega Seamaster mid-size, found about 20 years ago, still wear it today. I did take it to a local watch shop to see if they could track the owner down with the serial number, they said no and that I shouldn't hand it in as plod would keep it!
This is unfair, in all my years I've found nothing, zero, zilch.
Clearly i'm cycling with my eyes shut or you lot are very specific about which routes you choose...
Forgot the naked man climbing up San Marino at Rivi (with two clothed pals) in the snow in 2013. Didn't look like a sex thing, but you never know.
On a boozy night ride along the river Lea in Hertfordshire in the mid 90s, me and mates disturbed a doggers car park; I remember it as being 7 steamed up cars, but as we've retold and embellished the story over the years we try convince ourselves it was a fully occupied 40 cars, 2 motorcycles and a bus.
Much more recently came across a sofa, coffee table and standard lamp arranged neatly on the river Crane near Heathrow.
I once saw what appeared to be a kids bouncy castle at the top of a remote gravel track... When I got closer I realised it was a huge colourful mound of electrical cable insulation. Some one had been busy.
Also biking through the local woods and went through someone's makeshift camp... my mates rear tyre flattened the frying pan that was left outside the tent
Wallaby for me too in Fawley near Henley. It is an escapee from Sir McAlpines personal zoo and has been living wild for years
No nudity, but will always remember (no matter how much I try to forget) the leathery octogenarian in orange speedos and flip flops halfway down an Alp...
This is unfair, in all my years I’ve found nothing, zero, zilch.
Clearly i’m cycling with my eyes shut or you lot are very specific about which routes you choose…
Don't worry, I've seen bugger all as well.
With all these dildo sightings I can understand why the MOD put these up
Forgot the naked man .. in the snow..Didn’t look like a sex thing
mine wouldnt look like much of a sex thing in those kind of temps either
Up in the Highlands I was riding along the land rover track that runs alongside Blackwater reservoir, at one point I thought I saw bush move, but thought it must have been an animal in it. Another moved shortly after and I rounded a corner to find an group of army guys setting up an overnight camp.
That reminds me of another random biking experience.
Was at Tidworth Freeride midweek with a mate and was up at the start ramp but needed a pee. Went over to the trees behind it and let the flow start. A second later the 'bush' next to me turns and smiles at me. Followed by three more further away and the other side of the bridleway to the right of the ramp.
I never knew I could stop mid-flow so quickly!
Riding the South Downs Way a few years ago on midsummer day, we got out of Winchester out on the SDW and rode into the mist, out of which came a large number of (presumably) druids. It was a weird day. We also rode past a "photo shoot" with a guy photographing an attractive naked lady and almost got killing by a big round hay bale that fell off a tractor, came down a steep hill and whizzed past us out of a hedge.