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Long story short but when drunkenly opening the window on the 22nd floor of the Park Lane Hotel in Hong Kong I managed to fall out of it. As I went out I managed to spread my legs and brace my feet either side of the window frame thus leaving me hanging below the window from the knees up.
Sobered up in about 2 seconds and managed to reach back and drag myself back in.... Whole process felt like it took minutes but really was probably only a couple of seconds.
I'll never forget looking down onto the dual carriageway below looking at the red roofs of the taxis that were really small.
All that due to wanting a crafty smoke in a non smoking room and couldn't be bothered to go downstairs (at least by the traditional method).
😯 😯 😯
This thread jesus
10/10, would wince again.
As a kid there was this huge hill with a ninety degree corner at the bottom. between New Mills and Furness Vale. It was matter of honour to nail it down there flat out and brake at the last minute on a bike.
One day I was doing this and a fairly big lorry came round the corner straddling the white line, I braked too hard, went over and slid under the lorry between the wheels to stop up against the wall on the other side, pretty much completely unharmed.
More recently, and this was incredibly stupid, I decided that lying down on a train track to try and take a picture of the tracks disappearing into the darkness would be a good idea. I did this in a station on the assumption that if anything came the other way on the other track, it'd have to stop so I'd hear it slowing down.
Not all trains stop at the station.
Had a blocked sewer at the nursing home I was maintenance man at, so off I goes with the old(very) JCB 3C to dig up the spot where blockage is occurring. Easy to find you know, cos there is s**t everywhere. Digs a hole as you do, and then wearing my trusty wellies steps in to clear the pipe - at this point you realise the v/old JCB has due to completely worn everything, dug a hole about twice what you intended, which led to wellie failure - AND yes, I am in the s**t again!
Apart from that, I have never done anything stupid in my entire life!
Winter climbing one from me. Climbed up to the top of Jacobs Gully as the first climb of a trip to Scotland, packed everything up and grabbed the map and compass as I get to navigate in semi-white-out conditions. Ice axe in hand I use the map to set the compass bearing and add the magnetic variation so we can walk away from the edge in safety. Still holding the axe I transfer the compass to the same hand and nearly walk off the cornice above Mess of Pottage. Whoever the chap was who shouted at me saved my life that day!
Out riding with a couple of guys from this parish a week or two back. Found this at the side of the trail; none ofus knew exactly what it was so I poked it with a stick. Of course, it's loaded with a shotgun shell.
One guy blown clean off his feet, me not daring to look down at my hand for fear of what might be missing. All of us with ringing ears. In the end I just had a couple of little burns but it really could have been a child's face as it was a ROW.
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As it turns out it's a mole gun, shown here in tripped position. Bloody farmers....
@samurai know just the hill :-O used to just the same but slide the bike & jump in with the flow of traffic until a mate faceplanted a car giving himself a new nose - monster t's escaped without a scratch though
As it turns out it's a mole gun, shown here in tripped position. Bloody farmers....
They're illegal aren't they? Either way I think I'd be reporting that to the police.
Almost abducted by alien.....
Almost abducted by alien.....
That's exactly what they want you to think 🙂
Not sure if illegal or not, we're not in the UK. Good point though, I'll ask a lawyer mate who'll know exactly where to find out if it's legal.
Walking through Cannock Chase with a couple of mates and our girlfriends, decide we going to do a runner from the girls and climb the trees whilst the girls walk around underneath looking for us.
I'm about 30 foot up and as high as I can go, so I get my mate to swing his tree in my direction whilst I do the same, intending to move from one tree to the other Tarzan stylee. Cue one spreadeagled Pocketrocket stuck between two pine trees, no problem thought I, I'll just get both trees swinging and move to the taller one on the forward swing, it worked a treat, right up till the moment the top of the tree snapped off and I start my very fast decent to the ground passing my mate on the way.
The fall seemed to take forever and I had time to think "Sheeet! " then " I'm going to die, I'm falling head first toward the ground and I'm going to snap my neck" then " Where is the ground?".
I came to a few moments later, everybody standing around me whilst I was still gripping the top of the tree in my hands, A foot to the side off me was a cut off tree stump sticking out of the ground.
I walked away with nothing but a few scratches on the back of my neck and arms from falling through the branches and a vow never to do Tarzan impressions again!
When I was about 22 I got a shot of my brothers Susuki GS750 (I don't and never have had a motorbike license) and took it for a spin up the (country) road. After just about failing to make a corner (I was used to trail bikes with high centre of gravity) I decided that I should open it up and let rip...
Managed to hit a dyke at the roadside a glancing blow at 60 mph [i]very fast[/i] and stack it big style writing the bike off in the process. Walked away from it (albeit home to get an ambulance and spend 3-4 days in hospital).
The stupidest thing actually is that I'm seriously thinking about doing a concentrated motorbike test course and getting a bike... 😯
Another really stupid thing I've done was (just for a laugh) I thought I'd spark my lighter up under my mates arm. Except he was wearing an old cotton shirt which proceeded to flash burn off all the tiny little 'hairs'/threads up his arm... Absolutely no harm came to him but I realised just how stupid I'd been. My face must have been a picture!
Another really stupid thing I've done was (just for a laugh) I thought I'd spark my lighter up under my mates arm. Except he was wearing an old cotton shirt which proceeded to flash burn off all the tiny little 'hairs'/threads up his arm... Absolutely no harm came to him but I realised just how stupid I'd been. My face must have been a picture!
Mate had a jumper you could do that to after every wash! Never got old.
I was once feeding a large branch into a big tractor mounted chipping machine and the branch got caught in my clothing and started pulling me in. Luckily I had the presence of mind to push the emergency stop lever before i got minced by the thing. Nearly messed meself.
This thread reminds of that saying:
What is the link between apes and intelligent people?
We are....
moved into new house a few years ago cables plus switch for outside light already there on rear wall by backdoor so got an outside light and started to fit it made sure the switch was off when I got the blanking plate off there were two red live cables and in a blond moment tested which one was still live one with my fingers woke up on the lawn about 5 feet away with wife looking down at me asking why all the electrics had tripped in house.
Tombstonng at Holcombe Quarry *shudder*
Aged about 12 on Whitstable beach. We had just done the 1st world war at school and thought a re-enactment might be a laugh. 2 groups of 4 kids dug some trenches in the stone beech, got in them and lobbed the snowball sized spoil at each other pretty much as hard as we could from about 30yards. It took about 3 minutes for the inevitable to happen. Fortunately for me it was some other mug that got the rock between the eyes but suffice to say his place at the grammar school we all attended was pretty much a waste after that.
Climbed up to the top of Jacobs Gully as the first climb of a trip to Scotland,
2 other Jacobs stories:
Skied it thinking 'I'm skiing like a bag of sh!t'. When I got to the bottom my touring bindings were still in walk mode (or had popped into walk mode).
Ski touring in the same area in a total pea souper on a bearing. 10 steps, check compass, 10 steps check compass. On about the 7th repetition of this as I lifted the compass my eyes focussed on the tips of the skis which were overhanging the cornice by about a foot.
Choice words were spoken.
Back when I first started driving had a nice red Escort Mk1 - progress was either accelerating or braking, nothing in between like you do when you're young. Stuck behind a slower car on a country lane decided that that bank on the right looked smooth enough so overtook with two wheels up the bank... Failed to notice the entrance to a field coming up - bounced down and then back up the other side of the entrance, took off and landed sideways in front of the other car and purely by luck managed to correct it and zoom away feeling like a right numpty.
I remembered another one. Now this wasn't my stupidity but a stupid way to die
I was in one of the 24 hour races, solo. Middle of the night. Right up in the woods, wet. I fell off and fell into a puddle. I stayed clipped in with the bike on top of me, one arm twisted behind me and the other seemingly clagged up in a massive mud puddle.
So I'm lying there, face in a massive puddle, unable to get out and I'm straining to keep my face out of the water. I start to panic and shout for help. People riding past all cheer and wave at the silly man in the puddle.
"Stop pissing about you idiot, get out of the way"
"glug glug"
Realising I was about to start drowning I began pistoning my legs and managed to get one foot out of the clips which was enough for me to start twisting round and finally get out of the mire. I was completely coated in mud from head to toe and as I struggled round people were having a good laugh at me.
Really had far too many to recall but some of my best ones are when I was 15 I'd a old Mk2 Escort that I drove off road.
None of my mates at school believed that I had a car at that age and, instead of taking them to the car, I took the car to them, at school parked up on a car park on the nearby housing estate and took them all to it at lunchtime.
I'd just got my Mountain bike a couple of years ago and I was messing around with he rebound thingy on the front shock whilst pedalling along and for some stupid reason I bounced the front end to see if it made a difference and I grabbed the front brake. Really really hard. OTB moment.
Cleaned my BMX when I was about 8 and took the front wheel off to polish the forks and didn't tighten it back up proper. Face plant onto cobbled back street, 2 front teeth chipped.
Still when i was a kid a Mate of mine decided to see how fast he could go down a railway footbridge on his bike, but it was only that metal chequer plate on the ramp down. He couldn't stop went flying into some bushes which were covering a deep ditch.
This was middle of summer so everything was in full bloom and, although I could hear him and talk to him, it took me 10 mins to actually clear enough shrubbery away so I could get him out.
Bit through a live cable to trim it not realising that the other end of the cable was attached to a plug which was plugged in and switched on. Luckily the house electricity had tripped
Crashed at glentress and getting up I noticed a felled tree next to me with lots of short sharp looking branches sticking out literally inches from my ribs. I snapped every branch off that tree just in case the next person to overshoot the corner wasn't as lucky as me.
Also RCD'S are fantastic!
When I was much younger, I had a bullet belt (15 year goth) and a fascination with gunpowder... I filled a bullet casing from said belt with the contents of a banger, little realising what the consequences would be... And did this in the living room of my parents empty and newly uninsured house (we were moving)
When the gunpowder ignited, an incredibly loud bang was followed by a blinding, fiery flash and pain in my calf. I was incredibly disoriented (temp blind and deaf) and remember thinking "shit....I've set fire to the house".... When I got my wits about me I realised the damage was limited to a huge scorch mark up the wall and part of a shredded bullet casing embedded in my calf muscle (which smarted a touch, let me tell you)... A very lucky escape all in.
I said earlier I had never done anything stoopid! - well I lied. So there I was, 18 yrs old with me new compound bow. Tape one of me brothers shotgun shells to the tip of the arrow (with a ball bearing over the percussion cap) and launch skywards. Ehhhm - what actually happened was that one very unbalanced arrow ( now there's a surprise ) goes horizontal pronto onto the hard standing of the old local aerodrome and goes bang. The brighter among you will have figured out which way the pellets were now heading - that would be everywhere young man cos they are no longer contained within a nice shotgun barrel. Simultaneously I figure this out and get very friendly with the ground. That was one of my nine lives used up as well as a pair of underpants.
There was also the time I was working on a roof in a rainstorm that had migrated from the amazon. The power cables on the end of the house were shorting out and the electrictricity was making its way along the asbestos slates. I found this out when I leaned over from the scaffolding to pass me boss and touched the roof " **** me I says I think the roof is live" - the boss says " I did wonder that myself". Ya ****!!!!!!
Driving a hundred and something miles to the Quantocks on one of those days that police and weather forecasters ask you not to go out under any circumstances, go for a ride, come back to find a four foot diameter tree lying two foot away alongside the car.
Stooging aound on skis on a glacier at the Grands Montets, Argentiere, looking for good snow with my skiing buddy behind me. Didn't realised that glaciers do change shape from year to year and suddenly found myself on blue ice, heading for an ice cliff, unable to get an edge in and stop. Skis went away from under me and as I slid over the edge on my hip, feet first, I remember thinking I needed to keep my legs together for the landing. About 20 feet below I landed in the crevasse, which was choked with snow. Then realised my mate was right behind me so I rolled to one side and a second later he landed where I had been, landing face down and dislocating his shoulder. Cue a swearing session then an "Aaargh" and his shoulder relocated itself and we picked ourselves up and skied back down, much chastened. I think skiing into a crevasse must be one of the most unpleasant ways to die because they are often a thin wedge shape and you slide down and are killed by your own weight compressing your ribcage.
Ooo Globalti, not as serious but very recent..... Skiing in a white out, guy in front disappears but I'm not watching him so think he's just behind a bump. He went over an unseen 20' drop off but stayed in the landing zone faffing. The look on his face when I did exactly the same will stay with me for some time... 80kg of freefall Boblo+very sharp skis must have concentrated his mind....