Hi all.
You may have seen my post before about the trouble l've been having over the past three years with both my knees. Although l am at a point now where l don’t have to swallow copious amounts of painkillers just to get by every day, l'm still struggling with a knees that aren't 'right', and all the effects that chronic injury is having on me.
I won’t go into too much detail save to say l have a torn cartilage in one knee, that a renowned surgeon wont remove, and is hesitant to repair, and a swollen, painful fat pad in the other knee that l could have surgery for, but which runs the risk of getting worse. The cartilage is more of an irritating, sore pain, the other knee is fairly acute and particularly debilitating when it comes to riding.
In short, l feel fairly stuffed.
I've surgery on both knees, but l've never gotten to the point where l have been completely happy, or pain free with either. In turn, l've had to stop racing, training / hard riding is out, l've been suffering serious bouts of depression, got to the point of selling all the bikes, don’t see a lot of my mates, and am left with the constant internal turmoil of wondering if l will ever get back to something that l love.
The racing was a great focus for me – now l feel pretty lost. I have a good, if not interesting job, an amazing wife who has supported me through the darkest days where l couldn’t get off the sofa, and am still able to get some exercise (which l NEED to do) by swimming, going to the gym and the occasional ride when l feel up to it.
The problem is, it just doesn’t make up for it. I’ve gone from being happy, full of life and confident to someone who gets easily upset or angry, almost constantly think about my knees, and with a constant nagging doubt about ever being healthy again.
I guess the point of this post is to know if anyone else has been there, done that, and seen the other side?
Is it worth getting a second opinion at all, at least put your mind at ease that nothing more can be done?
I managed to screw my left knee following a rugby tackle and had to leave the Army due to it which I hated as it was all I ever wanted to do as a career. I was luckyy that cycling has actually helped my knee to recover.
All I can suggest is to try and find another sport that you can take out your frustration on and which means you can be outdoors and which provides a similar buzz to cycling, help to fill the "void" a little?
When my knee was first really bad, I used to do a lot of rowing, very good for fitness and a met a lot of good people to socialise with.
I think the main thing is to realize that you may not be able to cycle competitively again which is a bit sh*t, but too look forwards and not backwards if you can.
Depression is a wicked thing, isn't it? For the past three years I've been suffering from an unknown, undiagnosed illness which has stopped me riding and socialising as much as I used to. Last year I managed probably less than a dozen rides, spending months at a time off the bike and away from my studies. I'd suffered depression long time prior to this. I'm hoping to "see the other side" now that I am being trialled on some medication!
All I can say is 1) keep pushing to get your knees sorted - my mum hurt her shoulder in the garden and it took several operations to get it done right. She's now mended 🙂 ; 2) seriously think about some pyschotherapy - I'm sure your wife's support has been amazing, and always will be, but only a professional (and you!) can get your head back in the right place. This might mean simply accepting that you can't do what you once used to. Once it's accepted, it's much easier to move on and enjoy what you [b]can[/b] do.
Good luck 🙂
I'm no expert but the above sounds right - push all you can to get the issues sorted but also look at what you CAN do and enjoy, there's plenty out there to enjoy other than mountainbike racing.
Perhaps some therapy or CBT etc may help with your outlook.
Sounds to me like you should look into other hobbies or sports that you could do instead.
I've been through a lot of sports/hobbies and taken them all relatively seriously; although I realised this year that I prefer doing things on my own terms and doing a variety of things and spending time with my loved ones and friends.
If it helps, I've been hugely into tennis (played at county level), guitar (played for about 15 years at a decent level), climbing + bouldering (10 years, at the peak 4 days a week, 3 hours a day), dog training (9 hours a week), riding (12-18 hours a week training).
It's all good fun, if you can find something else that fills that void then you're fine - and there is so much else out there. I know if I got injured and couldn't ride I'd get back into something else I could do.