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I was driving into work the other day after picking my car up from the bodyshop fresh from a nice shiny new paint job.
I was stationary in traffic coming up to Shoreditch High St with a no entry on my left, having left sufficient space for cars to emerge from my left. As I was sitting there contemplating another shift in the hood two fixie riders approached in the opposite direction. A trendy East London type with coiffed hair, skinny jeans and the look of a malnourished crack dabbler turned hard in front of my car to ride through the no entry. As he did this, he shouted to his lady friend riding her trendy fixie with rolled up jeans mere feet behind him. As she was listening to an iPod and staring at her trendy London reflection in a shop window she completely over shot the illegal turn, skidding uncontrollably sideways into the front of my newly valeted and stationary car. My immediate reaction was to check that she was ok. As I stepped out of the drivers door she looked at me like a startled and very fashionable rabbit, got back on the bike, and f*cked off as fast as her legs could carry her. I looked at the front of my car and saw a massive new dent and a big chunk of front grille missing. I looked up and saw about 25 people standing dumfounded, with one or two of them shouting after the modern art and metaphysical cardigan knitting undergraduate student.
At this point I don't mind addmitting I suffered total, catastrophic sense of humour failure. So I did a U-turn and used the legal turning that was only metres behind me to find (carefully observing the sppeed limit) Tarquin and Lucinda (not their real names), and found them trying to catch their breath outside a pub. I asked Lucinda if she was hurt and if she thought it was reasonable to ride into a car because she wasn't paying attention and then bugger off having caused a load of damage. I was at this point feeling rather smug at how restrained I had been, having taken a 2 second breather before confronting her. She told me that she didn't cause the damage and that I was blocking the turning anyway. At this point I think my right eyelid may have twitched uncontrollably. Rather than resort to physical violence or any kind of verbal assault. I introduced my trump card. Suggesting that next time she tries to ride the wrong way up a no entry, whilst listening to an ipod, cause damage, then make off from the scene of a road traffic collision, she might want to make sure it's not a police officer on his way to work.
I have never seen a look of trendy self-important arrogance drain from someones face quite so quickly. Sometimes my job really does feel like I can make a difference.
good story, teach those hipsters a lesson! 8)
So, did you book 'em?
ace 😆
Pmsl!!
so, carry on, what was the outcome? Or did you let her off?
Admirable restraint shown so far, by the way.
I asked her for her details and some ID and told her that it was probably best that i sent her a bill for the damage, rather than giving her a summons for riding a pedal cycle without due care. Then I had to go to work and get someone to report the bloody collision to cover me. Got the council CCTV as well, which I have to say looks very funny.
I felt smug and I was nice to her! Go me!
Hopefully locked up, god knos this countyr needs more prisioners 🙄
Sometimes my job really does feel like I can make a difference.
No-one can mess with you because [Judge Dredd Voice] you are the Law [/Judge Dredd Voice]. 🙂
Got the council CCTV as well
Good to see the rozzers can act quick on this (when it helps them too 😉 )
I prefer the "respect my authoritaaaa" approach of Officer Cartman.
he he, karma in action.
Completely feel for people who are not off duty police officer who get their property damaged by these oiks.
book 'em Danno
Please stop your fixie. You have 20 seconds to comply.
You have 5 seconds to comply.
Four... three... two... one... I am now authorised to use physical force!
Now tis is very funny 😀
Great feel-good story. Only improvement could have been the use of the word FAKENGER and some CAPS LOCK and mis-spells.
FWIW what can a non-copper do in this scenario? She can just refuse to give her ID and then you are ****ed Shirley?
FWIW what can a non-copper do in this scenario?
Take her bike... or let her tyres down (to give you time for the coppers to arrive)? or... own her with the Bombers in the back of your car 8)
Does citizen's arrest actually exist?
You would need to call the fuzz as it's a reportable RTC. And don't call me Shirley.
I had to go to work and get someone to report the bloody collision [b]to cover me[/b]
What does this mean? Just out of interest?
Excellent 🙂
Post up the CCTV video now.
POST IT POST IT POST IT POST IT POST IT POST IT!
BigDummy because it's a reportable RTC I'm obliged to get it reported. Given my job I have very little discretion if I'm involved in any way. I also didn't want her to go straight to a where there's a blame there's a claim joint pretending she'd been hurt and that it was my fault in any way.
bigyinn - not a chance
Ah OK, thanks.
Reads well like someone who is used to paperwork..
J.
shame we dont all find it so easy to file a report and get the required cctv through the police.
psychle - MemberTake her bike... or let her tyres down (to give you time for the coppers to arrive)? or... own her with the Bombers in the back of your car
Does citizen's arrest actually exist?
This is the kind of nonsense I was trying to cut through.
CCTV Post it +1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Karma. Glad she got her comeuppance for riding like a d*ck
I'm not an expert in the law, but I would have thought anyone riding a fixie in Shoreditch High Street could be arrested and charged with being dangerously stereotypical in a public place?
Brilliant.
helping to rid the world of the fixie menace.
"Now then, sweetheart, we can sort this one of two ways..."
😀
I'm not an expert in the law, but I would have thought anyone riding a fixie in Shoreditch High Street could be arrested and charged with being dangerously stereotypical in a public place?
Outstanding.
Good story 🙂
One of my sisters is an Inspector - she's had similar experience of watching the dawning realisation on a persons face that perhaps their previous beligerent stance might need modifying in the face of new information.
🙂 Post of the week for me.
Love it. But, and I can't stress this enough, THIS POST IS USELESS WITHOUT PICTURES
(of the female rider) 😉
Nonsense - MemberGot the council CCTV as well,
nice one. How did you do this- would it be just as easy for a civvy to get this for example if they had had car damaged or been knocked off bike by cab driver for example?
Top story!
DenDennis - I'm not an expert but I believe that under freedom of information and data protection legislation you may be able to request a copy of footage from the local authority if you believe you are shown on it. Please don't take my word for it though as I frequently talk out of my arse.
BTW it is an entertaining post, definitely not a
long dull post
Think I was right
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/HomeAndCommunity/WhereYouLive/SaferStreets/DG_10034524
Excellent 😆
absolute genius! put a smile on my face. 😆
Funny, not sure of the relevance of her drivetrain though 😉