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"Gnarpoon" has to be up there hasn't it?
Any others?
Gnarpoon
A product of here/Northwind I believe. The bike it was destined for never saw the light of day though.
Humuhumunukunukuapua'a
Street Wolf.
Just don't look at the actual bike.
Giant Butte
My mate Hugh Janus had one of those!
Both of my favourites are terribly inappropriate in 2023, but I like G-Bikes the Bitch and S&M's Menstrual Cycle.
Roberts Dogs Bolx or D.O.G.S B.O.L.X as i believe it was also known as.
Not to be confused with Dave Yates' D.O.N.K.I.S N.O.B. Does anyone remember what they stand for?
FYI: No Cove names are good unless you're 12.
I always liked the fact that the singlespeed version of the old Cotic Soul was called the Simple, as in 'Simple Soul'
Genesis used to do the 'Core' MTB range with 26" wheels and then did a 29" version and called it the Mantle, which I thought was quite clever.
S&M's first lightweight race BMX frame was called the Challenger, the joke being that it'd fall apart if it got too far off the ground. Bit dark.
Roberts Dogs Bolx or D.O.G.S B.O.L.X as i believe it was also known as.
Anyone remember when Justin Loretz had his on Blue Peter - it was a new presenter challenge (can't remember which presenter!) and the challenge was an XC MTB race at Plymouth, complete with the famous Pipeline descent.
Loretz was there to do some MTB coaching in advance of the race but the production team got the Tippex onto the bike name, I think it ended up as
D. .G.S.B. .L.X
I always liked the fact that the singlespeed version of the old Cotic Soul was called the Simple, as in ‘Simple Soul’
Thanks. That one was my doing. And I am a simple soul myself, really.
I was listening to this a lot at the time...
It had a pitched down vocal sample going...
"I'M A SIMPLE MAN, WITH A SIMPLE PLAN..."
Mountain Goat Whiskeytown Racer
Mid 80s steel iirc
Or maybe the Off-Road Toad
I once bought a Cove Handjob from the classifieds. The guy’s OH worked not far from me and he left it with her for me to collect.
Not my proudest moment having to announce to a room full of female veterinary nurses that I had come for the handjob 😩
I always thought the Fact that Maverick frames all had a name rather than a serial number pretty cool... Certainly made them more individual.
My Durance frame was named "Medusa"... 👍🏻
Dialled Bikes' "Prince Albert" was quite appropriately named too...
Airborne had some great names. I had a Black Widow.
Forbidden Dreadnought.
I used to think that Gnarpoon was a generic term used for any bike used for riding gnarly terrain.
Top contenders:
On-One Pompino (google it - NSFW)
IBIS Hakka Lugi cx bike
I like the Shand names. Bahookie, Stoater etc. All great names
Cotic Sofa
Shand Handy
Can't believe neither of them took up my suggestions 😢
I used to think that Gnarpoon was a generic term used for any bike used for riding gnarly terrain.
It was, though iirc it wasn’t entirely complimentary, as it tended to refer to a big bike and its middle aged rider shredding the gnar on a trail centre blue.
Then Sick bikes came along and wanted to use it for their ill-fated 180mm 29er trail bike, which only ever got as far as the rendering stage, can’t remember if anyone lost money on that one though, possibly.
Betty Leeds was a random one. It’d have been interesting to know how Fixie Inc arrived at that for a steel road bike.
Orange clockwork is pretty good I recon
I rode around on a xl stiffee for many years. Almost entirely with a straight face 😉
I rode it round a class room full of year 9 once to demonstrate disk brakes and force multipliers. One kid clocked I was riding around on a massive Stiffee. He still brought it up years later 😄
I considered a pole tarvial for a while. I decided I didn't want to spend ages riding a massive pole.
Maybe I grew up (a bit) in 20 years
Hand Shandy
Used to have a (1987) Fisher Hoo Koo e Koo. Got stolen several years later and I ended up with a Ridgeback 401LX as a replacement.....didn't really have the same ring to it
Still in road biking their was only one name I ever wanted on my crossbar back in the 80s
Team Replica
Cove Handjob.
Not to be put on the xmas list you give to your parents.
Sorry, best bike name ever, I thought this was worst bike name ever. More usual thread for this place.
Always liked the Banshee Names. Spifire, Titan, Rune, Legend etc.
Canfield Bros "Big Fat Fatty Fat" will never be beaten IMO
Evil Chamois Hagar
I remember the pinkbike commenters (mainly us/canada) going wild for this but I never got the joke.
I used to share a childish smirk (which was fine for him as he was a teenager - I was 40 so maybe not so much) with an Italian student I taught at my On One Pompino parked at the back of the classroom.
I always fancied a Turner Burner, simply because you could ride a big boy's bike that had the same name as your bike as a little boy.
Apollo Creed by a mile!
Forbidden Dreadnought.
My first thought. Anything called a Dreadnought has to win.
@finbar D.O.G.S B.O.L.X stood for I think, Design Orientated Geometry System Blending Orthogonal Load bearing Xtra light tubes. Remember reading that somewhere, many moons ago. The spotty youth in me still wants one.
*EDIT* I say "Stood for", they clearly made all that up to fit the letters, which is obvious but thought I'd get in there first.
Gentlemen of a certain era will chuckle at Dialled Bikes' titanium offering the Kobe Ti. When Mike-at-dialledbikes (used to be on here up to 6 years ago) asked what he should name the steel equivalent a very cheeky Scruff suggested "Lexington".
I always thought 'Hello Dave' was pretty good given the origin of the frames.
No Kaffenback?
I thought that was well clever, me.....
No idea @finbar, only remember the Roberts one. Oh, and the CODA one, Computer Orientated Design Application. I'd be fun at parties if I ever got invited.
I think On One do a pretty good job at naming bikes. Hello Dave as mentioned, but also Scandal, Vandal, Whippet and others.
There was a bike by Ghost (I think) called 'Violent Roadrage', which I thought was great, though I seem to remember others here thought it was needlessly provocative.
Kona Dawg, I kinda miss my scandium one, they should do an anniversary edition.
Ibis Tranny
always enjoyed swinging a leg over mine
The story behind the Uncle John is pretty funny.
Cotic BFe always brings a wry, geeky grin to my face.
Orange were good value for names before they went all po-faced about it. Patriot, Ms Isle, Clockwork, etc.
Kona Sutra
I thought Planet X's "Compo" was spot on -
"Why is it called Compo?"
"As a tribute to Last of The Summer Wine actor, Bill Owen. His character, Compo, rode around the moors of Yorkshire on a bike. That's what this bike does too."
https://www.planet-x-bikes.co.uk/old/news/compo.shtml
Forbidden Dreadnought is only £1300 direct from Forbidden in Canada...that's a heck of a price!