I’ve never been entirely trusting of weekends, you know. They lure you with their siren song of weekends past, of joy, happiness and the promise of a cracking headache on Saturday morning followed by a day of inactivity, soluble aspirin and video games, and perhaps a cheeky little bike ride. And then they crack you about the head with the cold reality of insomnia, hungry children at 6:30am, of visits to the inlaws and B&Q, and the cheeky little bike ride becomes a gaping, salivating need for escape – a ritual without which you might LITERALLY EXPLODE.
Or is that just me?
Anyway, in the paraphrased words of the late great Humph – as the capricious comb of fate smartens up the moustache of destiny, let’s see what golden nuggets of cycling dandruff are left in the tines… it’s Fresh Goods Friday!
Here’s the crankset. Dare I say it looks prettier than the latest XTR? Apparently I do, It’s a 1x drivetrain, this one – instead of using the typical thickthin teeth (which can have wear issues, they bulge out a bit. Does this system work a treat? We’ll let you know.
Crankset without ring: £99.99
XT Rear Mech
I’ll mention the chain here too, just because I like you.
All this gear is available from Madison.
X-Fusion Trace RC HLR Fork – a.k.a RoughCut
29er fork with up to 140mm travel (this one’s been tweaked for 120mm). It’s called RoughCut apparently because when they were fiddling with the damper cartridge, the rough cut first assembly was the one that worked the best -so now you know.
Sounds like some sort of Eighties action hero to me. [Adopts Gravelly Voiceover Persona]: “There’s only one man who can help. One man with the skills; the attitude, and…. *explosions* the need. ROUGHCUT. Coming to a bikeshop near you. Rated R”.
I’d watch that.
Park Tools stuff
Deluxe Shop Apron
Bearing Cup Press
Internal Cable Routing Kit
Wire and magnets in a cunning melange of ..er.. cunning and clever. And blue. Stick your cable in one end, feed the other in to your frame and use the guiding magnets thing to lure the whole shebang out the other end. No, it doesn’t work in steel frames.
Snap Ring Pliers, set of 4
Um. Snap ring pliers. There are 4 of them. I’m kind of running out of things to say. Oooh, look! The GoodYear Blimp!
Adjustable Torque Driver and Threadless Saw Guide
Carbon saws don’t fit in regular guides as the blades are too fat, apparently. So this guide is a bit like those massive loos you can get in America. Only, y’know, for saws. Not the best analogy, I’ll grant you – but hey, gimme a break. There’s a (NEW NEW NEW) torque driver too, you can stick different bits in for a variety of needs. Arranged with the guide for ‘comedy purposes’, nothing more. Lockring tools, model’s own.
Torque Driver: TBC
Carbon Guide: £39.99
“…a composite covered, steel core tyre lever set” Apparently it’s stiff and strong, yet gentle on your
hands rims. Mmmmmmm.
BB tools, model’s own
Tabletop Digital Scales
Bottle opener, Chainring Nut Wrench and Professional Hex Wrench set.
The most important tool in the arsenal – the humble bottle opener. And one of those handyanddidn’tknowyouneeded ones, the chainring nut tool. And some hex wrenches. Can you even *get* unprofessional Hex Wrenches? Anyhow, these ones are dedicated, and often stay late to finish the job.
Bottle opener: TBC
Chainring Nut Tool: £4.99
Hex Wrenches (Professional): £24.99
Press Fit BB Bearing Tool Set
A drifty thing for getting press-fit BB bearings out. It also comes with a handy pair of installation cups for pressing them in in the first place, with the help of a headset press. Also handy for looking a bit like eyes.
All from Madison
Answer Stein 143mm Grip
Inspired apparently by German beer glasses. Which is always a good thing in my opinion. Beer, that is. Glasses can be a pain, especially if the prescription’s off.
Why don’t they make beer-flavoured toothpaste?
Here’s the front of it, with Shimano’s crossover thingy. I didn’t know volcanoes came in ranges. Do they have different spec. levels at different pricepoints? Top spec volcano is yer average climate changer, whereas the bottom spec one toots out a smoke ring every half an hour and smells slightly unhygienic.
Fabric Cageless Waterbottle
Fabric Line and Cell Saddles
A couple of nifty-looking arse perches. The line is split down the middle to relieve pressure on those all-important species-perpetuation arteries, and the Cell is air sprung for even weight distribution
Line: From £60
Cell: From £50
WAHOO fitness thingys
A total Big Brother monitoring package to help you wring every ounce of mph out of your tortured, sweating and shaking body after yet another rep, or yet another doughnut. There’s a general speed thingy, a cadence thingy and a heartrate thingy. They are compatible with Strava and a whole host of other apps to let other people know precisely how awesome you are, too. The heartrate thing can cleverly store stuff remotely to be downloaded later, so if you forget it’s on, and find yourself in a compromising situation, it’ll KNOW…
Heartrate tracker: £79.99
Speed and Cadence Sensor: £48.99
RPM and Cadence Sensor: £39.99
And that’s it from us! We’re running swiftly for the door in an attempt to ride before the rain inevitably sets in again, which it will. Here’s Barney’s failed attempt to create a list of Park tools inside 15 seconds for Instagram. We thought he’d managed it, but he snatched failure from the jaws of triumph at the last moment, as he is wont to do. Here it is anyway – outtakes to follow – if you can bear to wait.