I was at a large outdoor gathering with a former boss, who had brought his dog, Fido (a young vizsla), with him.

We were standing beside each other having a friendly chat, when his dog went tearing past and straight toward the BBQ area where the cooks were flipping burgers.

My boss yelled ‘Fido, come!’ And I, with absolute conviction, and in precisely the same tone and volume, just a millisecond after him yelled, ‘Fido, come!’

To this day, I have no idea why I did that. He just looked at me without saying anything, and found someone else to talk to. 😳

Pooped myself on the first day of school.

Teacher said I couldn’t go to the toilet and to hold it in.

5 minutes later it was too late and the classroom stunk.

I was 5 😳

My Mum told off the teacher.

I also sneezed on the dissertation examiner, covered her lenses with water droplets. She yelped and later passed me…

There are more than I care to share.

I was hit with the unlucky stick.

Signed up in here.

Too embarrass to describe as the event happened at a night club many years ago. I was supposed to look cool but ended up doing something embarrassing.

However, this is funny …

At school (early teen) I was trying to force fart on a friend and in the process of forcing air out of my backside I ended up forcing something solid … I shat myself.

Caused a pile up consisting of every single rider coming off the uplift at Cwmcarn by getting or jittery at a drop, 15 riders all sliding into each other wondering why the super keen guy to started first wimped out on a 2ft drop.
fionn griffiths was on the bus that day.

I’ve done loads,

Broken my nose whilst removing a steering wheel on a car in front of a load of friends, always leave the nut on a couple of turns!

Broke my ankle and wrist in a nightclub while chatting up a couple of girls and didn’t notice a 4″ step!

I’ve got loads more. 🙂

Testing firing a bear spray canister in an underground carpark is one of the daftest things I’ve done.

I hate myself for this!
Trip to Wales with college, 2 minibuses took us all on an outing. Thinking this lad was in the other bus, I went off on a rant, slagging him off massively. “Er, he’s sat behind you.”
17 year olds can be horrible bastards. 🙁 (God, 35 years ago and remember it like it was yesterday!)

Probably when i was gliding through a car park of a major supermarket with all of my weight on the bars. MrsW was in the car a little distance away whilst I put the trolley back.
The trolley flipped (surprise!) and I fell to my knees with the trolley inverted on top of me. There was people everywhere. You know when people go red in the face and avoid eye contact because they are doing their level best not to piss themselves laughing? Every single person was doing this. My knees hurt and I was the most embarrassed I have ever been. The woman in the car next to mrsW exclaimed “OH MY GOD” really loudly so she looked and saw it too.
I got back to the car and sat in silence whilst wifey wept with laughter. She couldn’t speak to me for 10 mins or so. The shame.

I loudly shat myself on a busy tram. I was 22.

I once smashed a shot glass on my own head – my mate The Second Biggest Man In Redditch came charging into the loos where I was mopping up followed by a clutch of bouncers to ask who glassed me, , t’was a singularly painful moment to have to say “me”. 🙁

And I pooed myself on a bus (as a young boy), spending the remainder of the journey distancing myself from questions about who’d farted.

Picture this: I am in an office that is open plan and about a hundred people are tapping away doing their thang.

A long-term colleague whose name is Pete is short and wizened and is almost nicotine colour due to the mahoosive quantity of cigarettes he consumes.

“I’m thinking of giving up smoking” he says, possibly since he has had another bout of smoking-related illness.

“Yeah, right. The day you give up smoking cigarettes is the day I stop sucking c*ck.” I reply. At the exact moment the entire office goes quiet. All eyes turn to me.

Then I realise that I’d actually said it instead of thought it.

Needless to say it is mentioned almost every time I see said colleague (who did give up for a short while then went back to it). Incredibly embarrassing but even I laugh about it.

My sister was getting married and as the chief bridesmaid didn’t have my wife’s email address she used mine when inviting all my sister’s friends to the hen do. I forwarded it on to my wife, saying that as all my sister’s friends were a bunch of sad wierdos (they are) she’d have a horrible time if she went and I could invent a good reason for her not to go if she wanted me to. Only I didn’t forward it did I…half a second too late I realised I’d pressed reply to all.

Made the wedding a bit interesting. I got monumentally drunk to compensate.

Had this massive crush on a girl at uni. I managed to get myself in a fight after stagediving and missing my mates and kicking some massive guy in the head. My mates legged it and I proceeded to get a good kicking whilst in the foetal position.
I received a hairline fracture on my shoulder which wasn’t too bad, just hurt when it was touched.
This girl I had the crush on found out about it and was really sympathetic, so much so that we ended up in bed together. Nothing happened (much) but a few days later (this was before mobile phones) sent me an email via the uni network and we were meant to meet up in another club.
For some reason I got really jealous over her chatting to her male friend (who I knew was JUST a friend) to the point where I stormed over and told him to “get lost”. She had a go at me for being jealous, esp as we wernt an item officially. So I left.
Unfortunately I didn’t leave it at that and went to the club next door and got hammered. Unfotunately I also left that club at the same time as she did with her male friend. I stormed past him, shoulder barging him as I did. Bugger, I forgot it hurt, and proceeded to collapse in pain in a drunken wimper. They both laughed.
I then went home, and wrote a drunken letter to her which I belive proclaimed my love for her and that I was sorry I was jealous, it was that I loved her so much that I couldn’t bear to see her with someone else. (Remember we had one evening, and one night together).
My housemate saw that I was writing the letter, (he was as hammered as I was) read it, and said you sould re-read it in the morning and then see how stupid I was.
Unfortunately, I didn’t. I got on my bike. It was an icy night in a Welsh Uni city. I crashed several times on the way including cutting my hands and head a few times (I had a lid on mind!) I recall finding her house and posting the letter covered in blood. Me and the letter.
On waking the following afternoon I remembered what I did.
I hastily rode back to her house and rang the bell. Her housemate answered, looked at me and just laughed. They obviously had read the letter.
I emailed her begging for forgiveness, no response.
I didn’t see her again until the last day of the year (3 months later) (she was obvioulsy avoiding me), on the platform at the railway station. I looked at her, she glared at me, I just walked away.
Wierdly, I still recall 95% of the events 21 years later, her email address (a really convoluted code email (none of this name type, more like LJF4356H@uni etc), her uni house address, and her full name including middle name.
I still to this day wish I’d spoken to her on the platform.
I’m happily married now with 2 kids, but its just really odd that I cant let this one go.

Ahhhh, you do stupid shit at uni – I had something a bit like that going on (although she really did play games) until a interestingly ugly (bless him) german mate of mine asked me what the hell I was on as he didn’t find her attractive at all. Between ecstasy, the way he said it, his idiotic face and his ridiculously thick German accent I burst out laughing.

That lifted my spirits for the rest of the term and I met my now wife – but for weeks, I was morose. Anyway, whilst both me and my German mate could both be considered “Jolie laide” at the best of times, his irreverence taught me that you cant take yourself too seriously.

Does anyone know the number of a good therapist?

Ah well it’s off our chests now! 🙂

Posted opinions on a STW thread about wood burning stoves.

Pffft. Fell asleep during a BJ from a girl more gorgeous than I had any business being with.

Went shopping in ASDA once, realised that the answer to their old slogan, “Why Pay More?”, is “So you don’t have to go into ASDA!” 🙁

I bought some ASDA glucose tablets on the way to a bike ride, rode the bike, stuffed down most of the glucose. Felt funny on the way home and before long had a this fart will be safe moment, it wasn’t, good job that liner pads are absorbant and I had seat covers for the mud.

Worked out that the Glucose tablets from ASDA contain large quantities of Sorbitol and had a tiny warning about laxative effect. Still makes me wonder why someone designing a small sugary sweet designed to deliver a sugary hit thinks it’s a good idea to add an artificial sweetner that it’s only use is to make you wee from the wrong side 🙁

used to get stupid drunk in my early 20’s. went out once, mustve lost or ran out money and paid a taxi driver with my shoes (i only found this out later when had same driver again) when i got home i had no key and nobody was in so i curled up in the porch under a few coats, spewed up and went to sleep.
woke up next day to some angry fella prodding me with a broom handle. wanst my house! wasnt even the right street!

I am Mr Magoo , so have too many to mention. Most involve alcohol and it’s ability to make me very stupid.
My brother loves to remind me ,that on a bouncing night out in London ,I was sashaying from the bar with a tray FULL of cocktails, He still laughs now ,just at the thought of the look on my face as they all went west. Bastid.