I am applying for a job at a company called gems, I worked for them for 3 months in my second (of 5) years at uni. they are office based but ocasionally your required to go on site to do some testing and bore hole drilling and I am just wondering what you put in a cover letter.

here is what i have so far

My name is Ian Pinder; I am a final year student at the University of Bath, and I am interested in applying for the graduate geotechnical engineer position.
My work experience within G.E.M.S. has given me a valuable insight into what the job involves; I enjoyed the office working environment, and having had the opportunity to work onsite with Costain, I believe that having the opportunity to work onsite for G.E.M.S. only increases the appeal.

My time at Costain, and the management training I am receiving at Pizza Hut has helped build on what I learnt at G.E.M.S. and now I can effectively work in a team, manage my time, my own responsibilities, and other people. It has helped me mature as a person and now I feel I can bring something to your company in this tough economic climate.

what are your thoughts on this, and what else can i add?

Get rid of the “my name is…” bit, they know that from your CV.
Repetition of “opportunity to work onsite”, that needs changing.

Mention where you saw the vacancy. Possibly a bit more about the work experience you did for them, perhaps drop in the name of your Team Leader/Tech Manager (whatever these people are called), it’ll stand out a bit more.

Its a small company, my team leader is the person i am applying to he will remember me, just i have not seen him since i left so i want to make it formal. thanks for the constructive comments on the rest will give it a quick re write

ditch Pizza Hut for a well known global restaurant chain, it’ll say pizza hut on your CV anyway.

i’m assuming you’re half way through your geotechnical engineering MSc? if so….talk about what skills you have learnt, and if that particular experience in the field of geotechnical stuff is lacking, explain what you’ve done to make up for any lack in experience i.e. reading of publications, awareness of what GEMS are doing at the moment, how you can add to that…give them impression you want it…very badly. and also. given them a phonecall, have a friendly chat about a week after you’ve sent in the application, probably worth sticking a passport photo in with the app so they remember your face…

🙂

as above – get shot of Pizza Hut. Are they still owned by PRI? if so – say that.

I am doing civil engineering, they know what the course entails as they employed 2 people from my course when i left. thanks for all the other details, i’ll outline what geotechnics i have done on my course. and i will change the pizza hut bit

Don’t use odd punctuation like semicolons unless absolutely necessary.

If they know you acknowledge it, they’re real people.

Try to avoid waffle like “valuable insight” if you can – try to say something a bit more specific.

Also, either ditch the Pizza Hut reference completely or keep it and explain it. I hate oblique references to “well known” anythings. It sounds like you are just doing this part time/temporary whilst looking for a proper job? If it is more than that then say so.

The “tough economic climate” bit seems superfluous.

Don’t worry about adding stuff in just to make it longer. They may have a lot of applications to get through! Everything relevant should be in the CV.

Here’s my version of your letter:

Dear XXXXX

I am a final year student at the University of Bath, and I am interested in applying for the position of graduate geotechnical engineer.

As you know I did a short work placement with G.E.M.S. three years ago and I really enjoyed the office working environment there. Now that I also have onsite experience with Costain, as well as my academic qualifications, I am sure I would have a lot to offer the company in a permanent position.

Currently I am working at Pizza Hut and although I consider it a temporary position whilst I look for a job in engineering I like to think that I have made the most of my time there, including taking part in management training. I know that this has helped me to develop my teamworking and time management skills, but it has also made me much more focussed on following my real vocation of a career in geotechnic engineering.

I look forward to your reply and of course would welcome the chance to come to interview.

Yours sincerely,

Ian Pinder.

If it’s a covering letter applying for the job……………

Change “I am interested in applying for the position of”, to something more direct…..

Perhaps, “I want to be considered for the position of”

+1 to what strato says.

I have always used ‘I would like to be considered for xxx’

(that’s not XXX btw 😀 )

Yes, I missed that.

Ok, after several modifications think it is getting close, pizza hut is staying as there is no point confusing the issue, it says pizza hut in my ref and on my cv so whats the point of trying to kid them.

Dear Mr R, Metters

I am writing to apply for the position of graduate geotechnical engineer, as advertised on your website and have enclosed my curriculum vitae (CV) for your information. I have a range of experience which I feel makes me suitable for this position and have highlighted a few points from my CV that I feel are relevant to the position.

As you know I did a short work placement with G.E.M.S. three years ago, helping to input data and compile geotechnical reports. I am familiar with office procedures and enjoyed the positive working atmosphere. Having gained onsite experience with Costain, organising matters of health and safety, carrying out quality control checks, and managing resources, including onsite labour, as well as my academic qualifications, I am sure I have a lot to offer the company in a permanent position.

Although not a direct geotechnical engineering course I feel that certain units in my civil engineering course are relevant, including geology, soil mechanics, and geotechnical engineering which have given me experience in soil sampling, cone penetration testing and laboratory testing as well as foundation design and soil strength calculations. I believe these units make a good foundation for the work required by your company.

Currently I am working at Pizza Hut and although I consider it a temporary position whilst at university, I like to think that I have made the most of my time there taking on extra responsibilities including training new team members and undergoing management training. This, along with my part time security work running numerous taxi ranks, and street marshalling pilot schemes in and around the Bath and Bristol area, has helped me to develop my team working and time management skills. With these added responsibilities I feel that I have matured as a person and (I’m) I am much more focussed to follow my real vocation of a career in engineering once I graduate in June this year.

I look forward to your reply and of course would welcome the chance to come to interview.

Yours sincerely,
Ian Pinder.

Ian,
That looks pretty good to me. Very close, if not there.

If it was me there’s a few places where I’d make it stronger, more direct. To make it sound like you’re really sure, and really want the job.

Examples…
I like to think = I believe, or I am confident
which I feel = which I’m sure

But that’s probably just me.
Good luck
SB 🙂

EDIT – Just remembered. If you put Dear xxx you should end Your Faithfully. Yours Sincerely is when you use Dear Sir.

What rightplacerighttime and stratobiker said +1.

A technique I used to use was to look at the job advertisement, look for the key qualities and skills they mention and match yourself to these in the letter, not word for word but they’ll be looking for that. I had quite a good ratio of interviews from letters sent. Brevity is the most important thing though, you don’t want them yawning as they get halfway down.

Don’t be afraid to be direct and positive so using phrases like “I feel…”, “I believe…” and “I consider…” should be avoided e.g. in paragraph number three, by starting with “Although not…….I feel that…”, while being honest about the fact that your course wasn’t an exact match for their requirements, might come across as negative and is sowing the seeds of doubt in the reader’s head before you get the chance to convince them you’re the future of G.E.M.S. Again in paragraph four, you use “I feel…” and “I consider…”. Just tell them what you want them to think. ****, just realised that’s what stratobiker was saying…instead of replacing them though, just take them out. I assume you have to write reports in this job, so they’ll be looking for someone who can be concise and not too wooly.

Taking these phrases out and re-wording will (or at least, should) shorten the paragraphs a bit and you’ll come across as more positive with a bit of self belief. Avoid overuse of “I” and best of luck with it.

I qualify all of the above by saying I have been self-employed for eight years so have not written covering letters for around ten years. Things may have changed since then.

[EDIT]“I had quite a good ratio of interviews from letters sent.”…sorry that sounds a bit cockish doesn’t it…I didn’t develop those techniques myself, it was a day spent with an “outsourcing consultant” from when I’d been made redundant ages ago; paid for by the company that was sacking me. She pulled my CV and covering letters apart and showed me how they should be written. It was after that day with her that my success rate in gaining interviews from letters sent improved.[EDIT]

Less is more.

Go Lean and Mean.

Take out all the “I feel”, “I consider” be sure of yourself and use active constructions. Remove “I helped” you did the job or you didn’t.

Lets face it, the guy is going to read your name and the first paragraph and thats it so save both of you some time and put all the rest in your CV.

Just a quick point, Strato biker has it back to front, “Yours faithfully” is when you don’t know the name of the person and are putting “Dear Sir/Madam”. “Yours sincerely” is when you have the name of the person or know them already.

Dear jojoA1,
Doh. Thanks. Yes, arse about face sorry.

Yours sincerely,
SB