I can guess the weight of a banana to within 10% just by looking at it.

I can completely forget anyone’s name within microseconds of being told it.

I can get a superking-sized duvet into its cover in a move that only takes a second or two and ends with the bed perfectly made and me already tucked up in it.

I can sniff a condom through my nose, the back of my throat and then pull it out of my mouth.

I can also heal the sick, but the condom trick is more useful.

I can also heal the sick

Yeah – but you’re a bit too choosey

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFSxnXsOeyA[/video]

I can sniff a condom through my nose, the back of my throat and then pull it out of my mouth

That must be quite a treat for whoever’s wearing it

I can put used condoms back on the shelf so they appear unused.

I can remove any jar lid with my bare hands. As demonstrated this morning with a half used jar of Marmite which hasn’t been opened for months.

I can eat any spicey food of any heat however ferocious and not suffer from ring sting.

I can also drive drawing pins into any wall with just my thumb.

I have the ability to wake up, needeing a pee precisely an hour before my alarm goes off. Not so useful when its set for 0445!!!

Impeccably bad timing….

No matter what I do its the wrong thing. Kinda of an anti-power really…

Sleep at will…..

Procrastination

I cabb ttoe wjregdn ,kkking at trhe keyboart

I seem to have lost my super power of typing without looking at the keyboard… just as well i cans still make babies cry

I know pi to 65 decimal places, and can name every element on the periodic table. #GeekBoy.

Delusional exactitude

@ Euro, Phew, thought your power was some for of self titillation while typing for a sec, glad you clarified.

I can eat my own weight in pistachios I reckon. Should the need arise for good that is, not for evil.

I can get muddy anywhere.

Short walk round Roughlee yesterday?
To the knees.

It’s probably Freudian.

I seem to be uncannily accurate at guessing my speed on a road bike (when riding without a computer but with people that have them). Commuted with a mate drafting and he shouts something to the effect of “we’re cracking along!”, I reply “yeah I reckon we’re doing X” (redacted so as not to derail into a what’s-you-average-road-speed epic) and I was bang on. Which obviously meant I started guessing at various points during our next few rides and I was always seemed to be within +/- 0.2mph.

That, and always waking up before my alarm clock. Me n inverjoe are orphans from the same planet.

I used to be able to guess bike weights to within half a pound, with a quick heft.

Everyone I know seems to have stopped weighing their bikes now though, so I dunno if I still possess this freakish power.

To always be in the way. Where ever I stand in a pub or public place, you can gaurentee within 5 minutes theres a line of people pushing past me even if it’s not particularly busy. I’m yet to find a pratical application for this talent

I can resist eating cake and other non food items.
I can melt belly fat by staring at it.

I’m 13th bullet bulletproof.

What powers you ask? I dunno how ’bout the power of flight?
That do anything for ya? That’s levitation, holmes.

How ’bout the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away…
with mind bullets! That’s telekinesis, Kyle.

How ’bout the power to move you?

I’m yet to find a pratical application for this talent

rent yourself out to struggling venues? Nightclub losing custom to the more hip competition? Stick Sofaboy outside and boom, queue of people jostling to get past.

Restaurants, cafes, theatres, even amusement parks would sign up for that.

Do they have to shine a big “DFS” logo into the sky or would you have an email address?

Do I get 10%?

Sleeping.

I have a strange ability to find stuff that’s been lost / misplaced.

I can slow time down when falling off a bike.

I can slow time down when falling off a bike.

I can hit the ground already in the recovery position

Ah well if it’s falling off bikes, I have he uncanny ability, rather like a cat landing on its paws, to always land on my head.

I can get comfy on any type of sofa, particularly if there is a telly in front of it. What i’m really good at is emptying bottles of beer whilst on said sofa’s.

Supernatural brake squeal.

Ability to lose the thing I just had in my hand without actually having moved- half a bike build time is spent looking for the tool I just had in my hand.

The power of supreme mediocrity

I Was thinking about saying procrastination….

but was beaten to it.

I know where everything is.

I have the uncanny ability to make children desperately need the toilet. All i have to do is drop my breeks and settle myself on the pan like a goose on a nest. Within seconds a child will begin furiously hammering on the door demanding entry.
It’s a gift and a curse in equal measure. I’m like the Pied Shiter of Hamelin.

Tangling any electrical flex I touch into an impossible to undo mess of knots. Even when I take time to carefully store them or wrap them around a spindle they end up the same. I could could win medals if it was a sport in the Olympics.