Subscribe now and choose from over 30 free gifts worth up to £49 - Plus get £25 to spend in our shop
Unfortunately, where I work, there are no shower / change facilities so it has to be done in the gents.I was part way through my post commute ablutions this morning when a chap from upstairs came in. It was all very pleasant - "good morning", "did you have a good ride in?" etc. "I must dig" *trap door closes* "my old bike out" *sound of belt buckle and pants dropping "It's quite old but I think it'll be" *strain, plop* "okay after a bit of a service and maybe some new brake pads" *succession of wet trumps* "how far do you commute?" " *balloooosh - sumbarine launched* I'm uncomfortable at this point. *two octaves higher than normal* "it's just over six miles." I reply. I gathered my shid and left.
Now I'm a broad minded chap. I like a laugh and a bit of lewd banter like the rest but conversing with a guy who I barely know whilst he's [i]dans le trap[/i] is beyond it for me. How can I chat normally when just a few feet away, seperated by just 20mm of MDF is a guy with his undercarriage over the water, thrutching and gasping to purge his bowels?
Am I being too sensitive here?
Your thoughts, as always, a delight.
Conversation should stop when cubicle door closes. One of those unwritten rules,
Silence nothing but silence.
That is it. We are not women.
Did you expect him to develop some Jezzers just appease you...?
At least he engaged you in conversation - a distraction technique.
You must shower in the toilet and he must dump in there. And yes your too sensitive 😉
Silence is a must. The only time, as men, we get complete silence
Basically you lost, and he's now king of the toilets.
If you're both in the process, silence. If only one of you is, then it's fine.
bloke i worked with used to take his snap into the loo with him, and fish n chips now and again.
I wouldn't be thrilled about it, but I'd secretly envy his [i]sang-froid[/i].
bloke i word with
That's a form of rapping, right...? 8)
Many many years ago I worked in a factory where some lads used to do that, except they took a paper and a brew and a bacon butty, and smoked a fag at the same time,
[rustle, parrrrppp, phzzzzzzz,, rustle, chompchompchomp..slurrrrppp, parrrrrrpppphzzzzzzz] 😥
It scarred me for life..
Maybe should've taken the opportunity...
thrutching
New word of the day!
What gets me is those who take.. and possibly even make phone calls in the bog.. Whist I'll admit to the odd game of angry birds whilst enthroned, but my phone is always on silent..
Our students (I work at a Uni) however seem to think nothing of taking a waz one handed whilst gassing away with phone in other hand..
Jeff
Same at my one. I also wish they'd make a phone with a camera in the top of it, so when they're shuffling along staring at their phones, they'd get advanced warning that they are about to walk into someone.
If I've done a particularly loud or aromatically offensive number I personally can't leave the cubicle until the bathroom is empty. If someone is waiting outside it creates a real Mexican standoff situation.
It would appear that toilet etiquette is literally going down the pan 🙁
what IanMunro said.
The talking on the phone I find very odd, walked into the staff toilets the other day and our key accounts manager was having a chat with one of his customers at full volume on the phone!
TBH its pretty obvious to the poor sod on the other end as the acoustics in the traps is like an echo chamber at best, not only that the bloke makes some pretty vile noises while in there 😮
The gent with the anus horribilous must have spent time in either old style public school or in army training camps, where ones ablutions are far from intimate. The relaxed attitude to sharing such moments worries me. What colour is his olld bike? nnnNNnnavy bbBlue!
Talking through any door = bad.
Through a toilet door = dreadful.
you guys are all so repressed..
Don't see a problem
Posted from my iThrone
^^ iThrone ^^
"giggles"
Derek Starship/t I salute you!
Ive just tried to cut a slice of Christmas cake and I cannot hold the knife for laughing. Brilliant description! 😀
That's a form of rapping, right...?
Here's your missing 'C'
Basically you lost, and he's now king of the toilets.
This 🙂
You didn't even know the rules of the game you were playing by the sound of it.
Try again tomorrow !
(My tip, get talking again, and then offer to show him a Photo of a bike you are thinking of buying. If he refuses to open the door to let you show him, you are back in the Game !!)
🙂
you guys are all so repressed..
You didn't work at Walls meat co, 30 years ago did you?
[remembers..shudders]
it feels like a week ago.. 😥 you weren't there maaaan....
IanMunro - Member
Basically you lost, and he's now king of the toilets.
POSTED 1 HOUR AGO # REPORT-POST
Lol!
Fair play to the bloke - personally I'm not that comfortable plopping when anyone is in earshot.
Having young children has helped somewhat at home - they're constantly opening the door and barging in, looking down the pan (between my legs) to see whats going on. Perhaps you should try this at work? That would definitely get you back in the game!
It's a societal thing - imagine using the communal Roman style bogs!
I'd rather not hear straining though 🙁
[i]Fair play to the bloke - personally I'm not that comfortable plopping when anyone is in earshot.[/i]
This! I only ever go at home!
Wasn't the bloke on the left here was it?
[IMG] 
[/IMG]
cut a slice of Christmas cake
*s****s*
Whist I'll admit to the odd game of angry turds whilst enthroned
ffej - I can recommend a super proctologist 😀
When I was only months into the job, straight out of uni, I was working with a very scary and imposing partner who was about 60.
He was washing is hands in the loo one day when I came in for a wee. As I stood at the urinal, he finished washing his hands and came over and demanded to know what had happened on an earlier telephone call I was on.
I was immediately struck with stage fright and just stood there with member in hand, completely unable to pee.
After about a minute he just blurted out, genuinely confused, "what are you doing???"
"I'm trying to go to the toilet"
"You're not trying very hard"
then he just turned on his heels and left 🙂
I'm firmly one of the repressed non-speakers in the toilets. Just feels completely weird to me.
Our office shower & changing room also has a couple of traps.
On many occasions people will come in to use one whilst there are one or two getting changed - you can see the look of panic in their eyes whilst they hurriedly decide whether to proceed with their bowel movements in full ear-shot of people they will sit with in meetings, or do something like grab a tissue and leave to 'go' elsewhere.
Most seem to proceed into the trap and then sit in absolute silence, presumably until they think the room is empty.
If somebody comes into the gents while I am already ensconsed on the porcelain, I have no qualms about giving my full yield.
But I won't leave until the movement sensor lights go out. I know one day somebody will be there, stock still with a gotcha rictus!
He was just letting you know what he thinks of you.
Imagine of a silverback gorilla (fig 1.) baring his teeth whilst crapping off the top of the climbing frame in front of a couple of hundred gawping zoo visitors, or Ann Widdecombe (fig 2.) delivering a dressing down to a junior minister whilst perched on the khazi with the trap door open.
You’ve just been owned. With poo.
fig 1.
[img] 
[/img]
fig 2.
[img] 
[/img]
OP Made me laugh anyway. I'd feel pretty uncomfortable if a discourse is being held 'beyond the pale' as it were. Reminded me of this [url= http://pickled-hedgehog.com/?p=250 ]please make it stop[/url] from a few years ago. I remember as if it were yesterday. Which means more therapy 😉
What grinds my gears is when someone decides to loudly evacuate their innards in the cubicle next to you. I know, they're perfectly entitled to, but it just makes me a bit icky.
You can also end up in some weird game of judging what stage of the subsequent clean-up operation they're at, so as to avoid the dreaded "out and wash hands together" scenario.
I lived in a shared house years ago where the bathroom had no lock. One time I was in there in the process of squeezing out a chocolate treat when in comes on of the others who proceeds to brush his teeth. I felt violated and had to stay seated until he left again before splash down could be completed.
Genuine lolz @ this thread!
Harry, you've got the photos back-to-front.
Our traps at work are proper "room within a room" jobbies - full height walls and tiled, so once your in and settled all is good, bar the rather bright acoustic.
Answering phonecalls whilst in there is usually quite funny.
"Hi this is Jon"
"Oh, hello. <<pause>> Where are you? You sound a bit strange"
"On the bog"
"......Oh. Ummm. Ahem. <<deep embarassment>> Do you want me to call you back....?"
"Nah, Carry GNNNNNNNN *Splosh* on. Whats *PARP* up."
Amazing how the caller can get straight to the point after that...
Number 1 = ok to talk.
Number 2 = Not ok. Silence.
These are the rules.
How are you gonna cope if this guy REALLY needs the toilet next time?
* begins at 0:40 *
Number 1 = ok to talk.Number 2 = Not ok. Silence.
These are the rules.
[facepalm]
no wonder this country is on it's knees
number 1 = whatever
number 2 = whatever
jodrell bank = where appropriate, exercise caution to ensure that person on the other end of the phone doesn't knowingly make a cameo appearance in your fantasy
duntmatter - Membercut a slice of Christmas cake
*s****s*
Just sprayed tea everywhere. 😆
how do we feel about this contraption then..?
Anyone brave enough..?
[img] 
[/img]
I went to a bar in cairns where the urinal was a one way mirror with people sat the other side. Was odd peeing against glass with a girl applying makeup on the other side!
after spending an extended period of time in the remotest corners of the atlas mountain i have learned to crap absolutely anywhere.
once you have decided that the goat herding kids are just going to follow you around until you soil yourself you just have to get on with it and squat down while they watch and discuss, while trying to engage you in conversation even though they know you dont have a common language.
this is what happens if kids dont get to watch tv was my conclusion
Was odd peeing against glass with a girl applying makeup on the other side
Priceless.
He was washing is hands in the loo one day when I came in for a wee.
That is totally bad etiquette, he should use the sink.
Is this the same fella?
😆
Only in an exceptional and / or emergency situation will I poo anywhere but my my own house (in the toilet, obviously - just for clarification).
fantastic thread but this had snot coming out my nose
IanMunro - Member
Basically you lost, and he's now king of the toilets.
classic!! 😆
Quality first post Mr Starship, had me in tears laughing.
IanMunro - Member
Same at my one. I also wish they'd make a phone with a camera in the top of it, so when they're shuffling along staring at their phones, they'd get advanced warning that they are about to walk into someone.
As one might expect, there's an app for that! 😆
Oh, great thread, BTW!
Whats the etiquette on contributing to this thread whilst on the pan?