It's 23.50 on a Tuesday night and I'm sitting down watching the most depressing film ever (Million Dollar Baby) while knitting a scarf. Please tell me there is hope for me.

whose the scarf for?

Are you wearing slippers and/or a 'comfy' top? Have you recently frowned at a youth (or somebody you thought looked like a youth)?

Have you not got a beer in the fridge to at least mitigate against these somewhat dire set of circumstances you find yourself in?

The scarf is for a girl I can't sleep with, my fridge is full of beer however I do not drink. No sleepers or comfy top, a little early in my lifetime as I am 26.

Shoot yourself. It's the only respectable thing to do really.

Although, Will you get some because of the scarf? if so, then why are you watching a film? knit faster, man…

Well at least you have a beer in the fridge, even though you aren't planning on drinking it. There's a glimmer of hope for you.

a girl I can't sleep with

No such thing. Unless it's a female relative. Or maybe a mate's wife.

why when you could have been watching UFC wired.

you should be necking loads of boo2e, getting on facebook, finding some seriously hot bootknitter accomplice. then wakinup in the morning with a massive boner and hangover and shagging her stupid with a cocksock knitted.. Then running away.

In relity, you've gone to bed, and will wake up to another boring day.

The youth of today eh? 🙄 What ever will be next? Port and lemon? huddled round a single bar on the fire
? half a pint in the local sitting in the corner?

Back to finish the scarf. I don't actually know how to cast off though. What!?

now it really has all turned to shit

Because I want to see the finished scarf

tbh Im not much better. Every night for the last 9 months or so I have sat in my room fidding with RC cars (and browsing internet dating sites but shhhh don't tell anyone..oops) and no beer..and Im only 27

You are a hero.

I'm sure there'll be plenty of knitting vids on youtube to show you how to cast off. Or register on Ravelry.
Can you knit me a blanket for the baby please? 😉

I don't actually know how to cast off though. What!?
If you can wait till tomorrow my missus is an expert, she casted me off last night!

for the last 9 months or so I have sat in my room fidding with RC cars

… so why on earth have you had to resort to internet dating? 😆

Because ladies that are worth fiddling with are a little thin on the ground around here and I dont fancy the sex offenders register just yet 😛

Woo woo. I done did it. Scarf done, my first finished knitting project. Picture will be up tomorrow.

Jebus, get out folks, at 26 I wasn't (and have never been) a womanising drunk but I'd have ended my time on this mortal coil if I'd been reduced to knitting*. What about night riding, join a bike club, start one. Do some work so you're ahead of your 50 year old co-workers who are doing exactly the same as you (maybe with a pint of stout handy).
Imagine in ten years time, when you're my age and you look back and all you did was knit a frikin scarf.

Sorry, amazed at the yoof of today.

*Now I'm certainly past my prime, knitting is something I do actually want to do, but I'll do it on the train…

Learn a musical instrument & join/form a band.

Sex & drugs & rock'n'roll

But how is joining a band ultimately any different to knitting? Both are creative activities. Knitting just doesn't have quite as good PR.

maybe if you didn't knit scarves she might be more inclined to sleep with you?

burn the scarf, stop being dead

Now to defend myself, a few things
I run a choir [1 to 4], sing in another [1 to 3]
swing dance [1 to 1]
play alto saxophone [just me at the minute]
a stitch and bitch group called Purl Jam (those that know are impressed)[1 to 9]
life model [1 to 14]*

*the ratio of males to females 😀 .
There is a method to the apparent madness, however I knit because I genuinely enjoy it.

Do you get groupies in your knitting circle then, Elfin? 😉

*edit: been a long time since I saw any either 😮

the ratio of males to females

I have a slight suspicion that the women involved in these activities are comfortable with your presence because they do not perceive you in any sexualised way. 🙂

I run a choir [1 to 4], sing in another [1 to 3]
swing dance [1 to 1]
play alto saxophone [just me at the minute]
a stitch and bitch group called Purl Jam (those that know are impressed)[1 to 9]
life model [1 to 14]*

Maybe if she didn't think you were gay she might be more inclined to sleep with you?

[edit] damn you Big Dummy, Damn You! [edit]

Well if there is a new nuclear war, atr least you will be able top make clothes if any sheep survive while the rest of us wear bear skin.