Perversely, this is a good thread in many ways. I feel sad but also uplifted.

I would try and focus on seeing the children as two young and beautiful spirits who did not quite make it into the world this time around. I would be focussing on the beauty and innocence of young children, and try not to focus too much on the physical side of things. Maybe it was just not their time, and they will one day make it here.

This is one of the nicest things I’ve ever read on STW.

Wow, really overwhelmed by some of the responses. Thanks so much for all words of encouragement.

I guess I didn’t really understand how much this could help with my friends’ grieving process, but the experiences of Totalshell, Ourkidsam, Micarms, Dirtyrider and Derek and have been a huge help. Your stories are all just as heartbreaking but knowing that a photo can help makes what I’ve been asked to do a lot easier.

I spoke to a close friend last night who’s an undertaker. He simply told me that whilst it’s most difficult with little uns, they just weren’t meant for this world.

Cheers everyone, you’re not such a bad lot…

Best of luck mate. You’re doing a lovely thing for the parents remember that.

When my sister was born with anencephaly (without a skull), the nurses popped a little hat on her and my parents held her and had a polaroid taken (this was 1983). That must have been really hard for them.

My dad’s still got the photo in a drawer so I guess it was worth doing, and keeping, for them.

So sad. 🙁 I had an older brother who died at 14 days old – it had been a trouble-free pregnancy, but when he was born it was obvious that there was something wrong. It turned out his heart was back to front and had a hole in it, and sadly in 1978 they just couldn’t save him. It broke my parent’s hearts, and my mother never really recovered – rather than dealing with the grief, she bottled it up. I know my mom wishes she had photos of him (she actually said that the other day, coincidentally), so if you can help your friends Shibboleth, I’m sure you’d be helping them greatly.

It really affected my mum too, I’d say it changed her life. She wrote a book about the whole thing, and I think that helped massively. She had a lot to say about it I guess.