[Closed] Online dating ( should I ?)

Apparently it can be a bit of shagfest - does that help?

Have you 'exhausted' more traditional methods of meeting people ?

If her picture has her pet in it, leave well alone.

If her picture has her collection of cuddly toys in it, leave well alone.

If her picture has her pet and her cuddly toys in it, leave well alone.

If her picture has her head leaning over, she has a weak neck or a feeble mind; leave well alone.

If she 'likes nothing more than curling up on the sofa with a good DVD and a bottle of wine, she is a sloth; leave well alone unless you are a sloth.

If she is 'bubbly', that is code for 'chubby but makes up for it by laughing'. You may like this.

I stuck to these rules when I was a singly and internet dating. I had less mentalness than a few of my mates who had less rules.

I met my wife through online dating. Felt weird at first but since I'd "worked my way around" ladies in my social circle and work, and my work meant i rarely went out anymore it made sense.

the worst case scenario is you go for a meal with a mentalist and get a funny story to tell!

I used Guardian soul mates as I'm a guardian reader and wanted to attract similar flakey, middle class hippy types.

Good luck (meant in a nice way). I don't see what you have to lose TBH.

There's nothing wrong with mentalist shagging, just hold on for the ride!

I did the whole match dot com thing a few years ago to see what it was like. Quite easy to spot the genuine people usually, had a load of really nice, fun dates, ending up in meeting one lass for a first date biking at Cannock - we've been together ever since!

You meet headcases in all forms of dating, not just online. Just give it ago, it's another way of meeting people. Don't put all hope on it, still go out and enjoy yourself and make sure you meet and talk to people in other ways as well.
I think it's becoming the way of meeting a partner and is socially acceptable where as perhaps it used to be seen as a bit of a joke.

So far, I've dated a narcoleptic, a militant diabetic that insisted on injecting herself in a busy restaurant, several bunny boilers, a girl that asked if I'd like to father her children on the first date, an RSPCA inspector that had a dead dog on the back seat of her car for the first date... I should probably write a book.

You'll find a disproportionate number of sky-divers, bungee jumpers and people who list "banter" as a hobby, and there are a weird number of teachers. And if you're less than 6' tall, no chance. They're all tall and luuuurve to wear heals.

So if you're a cross between Peter Kay, Brad Pitt and Christian Grey, you might get lucky... It seems to work for me. 😉

3 dates this week with lovely women that I would never have met otherwise.

Have you 'exhausted' more traditional methods of meeting people ?

Hiding in the bushes outside a ladies home with a pair of binoculars and stealing her underwear off the washing line doesn't work for everyone.

Shibboleth - sounds better than going home, making tea and watching crap tv until 10pm.

I've learned

Try to stay awake when they're very dull, and let them down gently after
Don't go to girls houses, they may not be able to come out because they've got a tag!!
If theres two of them!! Just don't stop, walk past and go straight home!!

Not funny!!

I think I posted a guide to dating profiles on B3ta many years ago:

Likes fine wine = Will drink Lambrini by the bucketload
Career minded = Will bore you to tears by recounting office stories at every opportunity
Loves literature = Thinks Fifty Shades counts as a classic work
Works in the medical profession = Frequently indulges in frightening levels of debauchery
Australian = All of the above
Has a photo of a Peugeot or Mini convertible as their profile = Avoid at all costs, their choice of transport is the best thing they've got going for them
A bit mad = Desperately boring, avoid at all costs
Likes going to the gym = has used their gym membership once in the last four years
Their profile pic is a closeup of a tattoo on a indeterminate body part = Really, would you?
Lives in Canvey Island = Smells

@MSP - That's because you're hiding, how do you ever expect her to notice you?

hora - Member

Shibboleth - sounds better than going home, making tea and watching crap tv until 10pm.

That's the way I look at it, found myself single after 15 years with someone and it's true, there aren't half as many opportunities to meet people when all your friends are married with kids.

It's only the first contact that is slightly different from any other way of meeting, after that I don't see it as being any different.

Some people still see it as a bit "sad", but I have no problem meeting people in social situations - it's just that the social situations are fewer and further between!

If theres two of them!! Just don't stop, walk past and go straight home!!

Happened to me once too, was pretty scary. I barely escaped alive.

a militant diabetic that insisted on injecting herself in a busy restaurant

Diabetics kind of have to do this to stay alive and shizzle.

a girl that asked if I'd like to father her children on the first date

Yep. Same here. I've never ran so fast in my life.

[i]If theres two of them!! Just don't stop, walk past and go straight home!![/i]

Not sure if that rule would apply to any of us fellas 😉

I found it to be a dreadful experience. Granted I don't have any of the comedy stories that others do but after nine months and never having anything go beyond a first "date" I gave it up as a bad lot.

Hiding in the bushes outside a ladies home with a pair of binoculars and stealing her underwear off the washing line doesn't work for everyone.

worked for me

Diabetics kind of have to do this to stay alive and shizzle.

There were plenty of quiet corners she could have gone rather than making a big song and dance about it and putting other diners off their food... Including me. She never shut up about it either, diabetes this, insulin that... It was more of a hobby than an illness for her. Dull.

Yep. Same here. I've never ran so fast in my life.

I just double-bagged and then never answered any of her calls.

Protocol question:

I assume you can first-date as many different people in parallel as you like. But can you do follow-up dates in parallel?

For example: if after first date I kinda liked Molly, Kelly and Scarlett, could I second date all three and whittle-down from there?

If yes, after how many parallel dates would you be considered a disreputable philanderer?

Buzz, I just tend to keep going as long as is practical. Tend not to make a judgement after a first date (unless they're utterly inappropriate) so usually have 2 or 3 simmering at any one time. They do seem to expect total monogamy from the messaging stage though, most seem to make a big thing of deleting their profile, I presume expecting me to do the same...

I gave online dating a go after much deliberating and hearing all sorts of horror stories as described in this thread. Anyway, first girl I went on a date with I am now engaged to. So it worked for me 😀

OK.

so usually have 2 or 3 simmering at any one time.

Double-bagging seems a good idea!

They do seem to expect total monogamy from the messaging stage though

There are stages? How would you characterise the stages?

why not go to Lisdoonvarra - in Ireland, they ave a big single girl/woman shindig every year, good bike riding country as well, the competition is mainly old farmers, so you might get lucky 😉

There are stages? How would you characterise the stages?

It's a bit like chess, a lot view your profile knowing that you can see they've viewed and hope you'll message them. If you don't, they might add you as a favourite. This is the virtual equivalent of smiling at you across a crowded bar. If you don't rise to that, they might send a "flirt" or just come straight out with an opener.

Then you can wow her with your acerbic witt - conversations ALWAYS follow pretty much the same format, so my patter has become rather refined - although I resist the temptation to copy/paste and always include plenty of specific references.

Then there will be the number swap - usually initiated by the lady as a ploy to get you away from that bloody website. Possibly a request to view your facebook "to see if you're genuine"... Code for not married, a nutter, player etc.

I tend to find that once they have my mobile number, they'll text constantly to build rapport before the first date... You have to bear in mind, whilst it's not a big issue for a bloke to go into a bar alone and wait for a complete stranger, women have other concerns.

After that, you're on your own! The usual rules/confusion about follow-up calls etc apply... Tis a minefield.

@Shibboleth Totally hit the nail on the head with it all!

Excellent thread!

I've tried a few sites and a few thoughts:

1) Some sites allow women on there free, to encourage more blokes to sign up.
2) Some sites will allow you to browse a little before paying.
3) Some sites are totally free.
4) Unless that person meets someone and makes the big deal about deleting a profile, they might keep their profile active and forget about the site. I've spotted friends on there who haven't used it for years. But it's still people to appear in searches, and who are you to know whether they are ignoring you, or haven't been online in 10 years?

You're going to get a higher quantity of folks on the free ones.

It's very shallow, women want you to write a unique personalised message to them. But when they receive it, they look at your photo and decide if they want to bother reading it or not.

There's a lot of people on there who are just after an ego boost. Likewise there's lots of people out there just to get some action. If you're genuine and trying to attract the right person, then you have to think how to avoid this.

By paying to join a site you'd be classed as someone who is more serious, than a bunch of teenagers trying to sh*g around. You might also get a more serious level of person whom you are trying to date. That said, you might end up with the totally desperate who are at their last resort.

Watch out for strange posed photos, they are usually to hide triple chins etc. Or are 20 years old.

A lot of the dating sites are all affiliated from one major site. For instance, I could join a certain website, and pay them for their users and create my own dating website using their users. Look at the bottom of the page, and in the about us to make sure you're not joining lots of sites all using the same data.

One's I'd recommend trying:
Free: POF
Paid: Match
More Paid : eharmony

Good luck!

One tip - if they have any profile photos of them holding a drink/glass. Delete.

Also ... most women get inundated with messages, so tend to resort to looking at photos as a quick way to whittle down who they want to talk to.

I did a test a while back on POF, I created a profile ... added a photo ... and sent messages to women with personalised messages. The stats were something like:
50 Sent
42 Read
1 Deleted without being read
12 Deleted after being read
5 Replied
2 "Thanks but no thanks type"

So really a 10% response rate ... which upon reflection is better than cold calling, which is supposedly 2-5% return.

I eHarmonised it....

4 years on - bloody married...

bugger.

And if they have photos taken at a make-over, delete. That's the best they're ever gonna look.

A sensible tip: Never fall into the trap of searching for new users. A 6/10 told me that she got about 600 messages when she first joined POF so she deleted most of them. Imagine what a 9 or 10 would get! Give it 3 or 4 weeks for the feeding frenzy to subside before sending a message - otherwise it'll not get noticed. After a few weeks, she's probably starting to feel a bit jaded with the process, so if you hit her with a seemingly genuine message, it's going to stand a better chance.

If yes, after how many parallel dates would you be considered a disreputable philanderer?

n-1

n = the number you get caught at.

Go for it.

I found a lovely lady that loves sailing, with a penchant for travel.

It's quite easy to find the genuine ones. Your Pictures are important. I went for me and what I like doing/seeing rather than night out pictures.

I concur with the advice that if a pet/alchohol/pouting features highly proceed with caution. You are not dating the pet. They also get 100's of messages whereas you will get one or two.

"Lives in Canvey Island = Smells "

Oi.... I grew up there

and

That'll be the least of her problems

Thanks guys for the info so far, 🙂
Seems like a bit of a minefield so will tread carefully
Most of my friends are married and not really into drinking every weekend in clubs & bars etc, so it can be difficult meeting women & the gym tends to be full of either posey type girls who do no exercise attention seeking types or the larger grazing type, if u catch my drift

I had a great time on http://www.fitness-singles.com/, met loads of very nice, fit, successful women and eventually met Mrs Right and have been together nearly 4 years now....

Not a single bunny was boiled and no dead dogs were involved at any point...

I always used to introduce myself to the fat girls at the gym - they were always keen to make friends, and within 12 months, some were quite slim!

Get stuck in!!!

lovetoride - Member
Get stuck in!!!

bet you get some hooks with that 'handle' 😉

have you tried the CTC lonely hearts section, apparently its got a lot of members !

have you tried the CTC lonely hearts section, apparently its got a lot of members

I’m not sure if that’s inadvertent or genius.

both

My sister met her husband of about 10 years on a dating site. Lovely bloke and they're still madly in love.

Every other person I know who uses dating sites seem to use it purely for casual sex (and they get a LOT of it).

I am loving the adverts that this thread results in. Not sure Planet Sappho is really the right one for me and I am a bit scared by Mature Dating UK. I might bump into some of my mum's friends on there. oh and the picture is of a woman with a tattoo on her breast. No ta.