From the day of his birth, it was clear that my three year-old was a bit of a firecracker. Indeed, hardly a minute has passed that he hasn’t been howling about one thing or another.

He’s very nice; he just gives voice to every slight adversity at the highest possible volume… like Al Pacino in the role of, well, Al Pacino.

The thing is, adversity could be defined in his mind as:

a) one of his siblings hit him, or
b) he has just fallen and hurt himself, or
c) the air doesn’t feel quite right.

Are there any engineers on here who could design a ‘baby mute’? I am thinking of something along the lines of one of those dust masks from the hardware store.

EDIT: Context helps. I was inspired to write this by the fact that he is currently outside on the front street playing, and my windows are rattling.

Play the long game.

Once they’re teenagers *anything * you do that draws attention to you as their parent whilst they are with their friends will cause embarassment.

Dad dancing in the middle of HMV when out with my 15 year old son and he met some of his mates (with girls) was possibly the most satisfying reversal of previous situations to date.

Only slightly embarrassing? Better than the average 3yo then 😉

Tell him that there’s a Noise Goblin living under your stairs, if it hears any sound louder than a cat purring, it will pounce on whatever is making the noise and rip it to pieces, feasting on the flesh, drinking the blood and sucking the marrow from the bones.

Its hearing is so acute it can hear a gnat fart at 200 yards so, wherever the little mite is playing, the Goblin will hear him and eat him when he heads to bed up the dark and creaky stairs.

The only way to get rid of the Noise Goblin is to starve it out. So you have to be everso, everso, quiet for a few weeks and it will become so hungry it will go and live under someone else’s stairs. But, if it hears louder noises start to emanate from your house, it’ll be back.

Bwahahahahahah!

Should do the trick. 😀

My seven year old likes to loudly express her opinions on which products are best and should be purchased when we’re in Sainsburys. In the beer aisle.

http://www.dudeiwantthat.com/omg/fools/the-baby-muzzle.asp
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ps. it is an april fools.

Get him to dress as an astronaut. Helmet and everything. Problem solved

Noise Goblin

Made me chuckle….I remember giving my mates 3 year old boy a twig saying it was a ‘troll stick’ and that if he dropped it trolls would jump out to get him.

He told me in great detail what the trolls looked like when he dropped it 2 hours later!

I had the pleasure of watching my friend wriggle in wretched embarrassment when his littlun (who had grown up in a very white neighbourhood) pointed and asked very loudly why that lady had such a dirty face. I suddenly found some very interesting things to look at in the nearby shop window.

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Ta7rN5TeKzw#![/video]

I’ve got a sixteenth month old who is shaping up to be exactly as you describe..

Today has been another very long day of relentless full decibel whingeing, crying, heckling, moaning and badgering, but I just managed to get over 5 minutes of silence out of him while he sat perfectly still and watched this youtube vid..

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSZzQh2IxTs&feature=youtube_gdata_player[/video]

Our second was always whiney, still is to an extent. Her problem though was mostly lack of communication skill, assuming the worst of everything, and needing loads of love and attention, cos she’s a delicate little flower who’s very easily upset…

crankbrats highlights so far are “Daddy sit there ” at the dinner table, though he manages to insert an h into the middle word . And the highlight excitedly shouting at the sight of a ninky nonck (paradoxicaly sized train thing from in the night garden) a word that sonds less like the obgect and much like one only rappers are allowed to use. Not great in our very diverse neighbourhood.

Dad dancing in the middle of HMV when out with my 15 year old son and he met some of his mates (with girls)

Please tell me there is some video evidence of this!

convert – Member
I had the pleasure of watching my friend wriggle in wretched embarrassment when his littlun (who had grown up in a very white neighbourhood) pointed and asked very loudly why that lady had such a dirty face. I suddenly found some very interesting things to look at in the nearby shop window.

It wasn’t in Sainsbury’s about 8 years ago was it? Thats happened to me & my wife (she black) – the little girls parent when massively red!

My 4yo has started farting loudly in public. Thats not so bad, but whats worse is when he gets told off & states out loud with droopy lip / innocent face that he was only copying Daddy. 😳

Have you had his hearing checked? My bro in law was very loud – turns out he was hard of hearing