A homeless person called out to me "Oi mate, any change?"

I said "No, still got the big house and the nice car thanks"

uh-oh

homelessist

What about the cow one then?

A farmer came out one morning and was devastated to see that his cows were all dead – frozen solid. He prays to God for help.

A woman appears and puts her arms around the frozen cows, who all immediately defrost.

The grateful farmer is amazed: "Are you an angel descended from heaven?" he asks.

"No" says the woman "I'm, Thora Herd"

Terrible, but it got a laugh.

I met this girl today who has eczema…. she had cracking t!ts

"Hoooooow ya diddlin?

Sleeping in the Jag, tablets for me nerves etc etc……….."

D'you hear about the magic tractor?
Went down the road and turned in to a field.

my grandad said to me the other day 'you selfish boy' – so today i became a fishmonger!

Ms Spanner went to the quack because she was having trouble pronouncing her a's, t's and h's.

He just looked at her and said, "Well, you can't say fairer than that then."