it’s hard sometimes, isn’t it.

i met up with an old colleague last night. we’ve always got on well and are on the same wavelength when it comes to our outlook on life.

she went on to say that she isn’t 100% certain about her current relationship and how she was “bored” by him.

one thing led to another and could have gone much further, but being responsible people it didn’t.

but it did make me realise how hard monogamy is.

and it’s not the first time it has happened to me. maybe i’m unlucky that i come into contact with girls that i get along with really well…

i’m really happy with my girl; we are best friends and i can see us growing old together. i’d hate to lose her.

we spent a great day together today. guilt, no, i don’t think so. maybe it made me appreciate even more so that we’ve got a good thing going.

but are we really cut out for the “life-partner” thing? our closet relative are apes and they sahg each other all the time.

or is it a case of if you can live with it (guilt, bad conscience, etc) and no-one finds out, i.e. not hurt by it, then it’s ok?

is it true that a little bit on the side can help a relationship?

i don’t think there isn’t anyone who can honestly say that they haven’t been at least tempted at some point during a relationship. i mean, we’re all apes humans afterall….

have you talked to your gf about these thoughts..?
I think that’s the key to good monogamy

I thought it was a type of hard wood?

I’m sure the STW self-righteous brigade will be along shortly to tell you that by merely having these thoughts you’ve been unfaithful already.

Who asked who to meet up?

I don’t believe that there is only one person in the whole world for each of us. Chances are that you’ll meet several potential partners, before, during and after any ongoing relationship.

Different people have different standards. The biggest issues are caused when the 2 people involved have differing opinions on what is acceptable and what is not…

Me, I’ve never been unfaithful and don’t think I could be even if it was offered on a plate, I’d have a guilty conscience overload! But that’s not to say I’m any more right than the next person, it’s just me personally. But being as I am, I do expect total faithfulness from anyone I enter into a relationship with too…

Never stops me looking mind! 😉

Look but don’t touch was a phrase my wife told me years ago.

I could of on more than one occasion, but never did. Wasn’t worth losing what I have for an unknown

Mahogany is a construction. Same with marriage. Not a bad thing bit not natural either.

I take it you find it hard to say no. Or simply find someone you care about.

Swans stay together for life, and they are nicer than humans, so monogamy must be right. I swear I could see tears in the eyes of one when I shot it’s partner and dumped the body in a lake.

Swans? Oh no…..here we go again!

Druidh makes a good point.

I thought it was a type of hard wood?

There could indeed be hard wood involved here Tazzy 🙂

but it did make me realise how hard monogamy is.

you might be doing it wrong.
Plus… your life isn’t just about you or meant to be easy all the time. There are other people involved.

Interesting that everyone just takes monogomy as a given and therefore considers anything else to be ‘cheating’ or an affair.

I think monogomy is a social norm, and probably one of the strongest ones in our society. However, that doesn’t mean it is the only option. I have had two very long term relationships over my life – one was monogomous and one was non-monogomous. Both required discussion, honesty and sometimes compromise. Neither were ‘right’ and neither were ‘wrong’.

Maybe it would be better if as a society we at least were more accepting of ways of life that step outside our standard concepts of what is acceptable? From what I can gather, it is the ‘lying’ that can cause the greatest sense of betrayal if someone has a fling with another person outside of their main relationship. Would that be alleviated if we were prepared to question and discuss whether monogomy is always the right type of relationship for everyone?

why has no one asked for pictures of the two ladies involved so we can make a proper decision?

My lady killing skills are so poor anyway I’ve got to hang onto the one i’ve got, wouldn’t be able to find another 😀

Interesting that everyone just takes monogomy as a given and therefore considers anything else to be ‘cheating’ or an affair.

I think monogomy is a social norm, and probably one of the strongest ones in our society. However, that doesn’t mean it is the only option. I have had two very long term relationships over my life – one was monogomous and one was non-monogomous. Both required discussion, honesty and sometimes compromise. Neither were ‘right’ and neither were ‘wrong’.

Maybe it would be better if as a society we at least were more accepting of ways of life that step outside our standard concepts of what is acceptable? From what I can gather, it is the ‘lying’ that can cause the greatest sense of betrayal if someone has a fling with another person outside of their main relationship. Would that be alleviated if we were prepared to question and discuss whether monogomy is always the right type of relationship for everyone?

Quite possibly the most sensible and balanced post i’ve ever seen on here Sue (i’m being serious) – on STW for goodness sake, and before 8.30 am!

balanced post, Sue….

i’ve often thought that if mt GF did have a kiss with someone then i’d rather not know. i’d rather i wasn’t told or we’d end up risking losing what we’ve got.

is it worth throwing it all away (nine years!) for the sake of some lustful action?

our closet relative are apes and they sahg each other all the time.

they also defecate in their hands and throw feaces at one another.

they also defecate in their hands and throw feaces at one another.

Thats a regular thread on here for some then?

That is not really much of a species differentiator. I know students that do that…

Monogamy is hard, but if you want a relationship to last, you have to work at it sometimes. By the way, even though there may be nothing deeper in just meeting up, your other half may not understand. Mine still refuses to believe that I did no have a relationship of some sort with a lass at work, despite me repeatedly saying otherwise and this being backed up by a lot of other people. It’s always a good way for her to start an argument and has lost me a good friend.

OP. Isn’t it just a little grass-is-greener blip? I think it’s only human now and again to wonder what if. . . And then you think about what you’ve got and decide that it’s pretty good really and worth hanging onto.
To Sue. My ex cheated on me and I know I cannot cope with being systematically lied to. I wouldn’t have liked it if he had been honest either – it’s monogamy for me – but each to their own and I agree it is the lying that is the worst part.

our closet relative are apes and they sahg each other all the time.

they also defecate in their hands and throw feaces at one another.

no wonder their mrs’s go off with other apes then

@ karin…

the green is very green where i am right now. the grass on the other side is also green. it wasn’t some green lust. i like my friend very much and care for her too. i think she feels the same. if we acted upon our feelings then something would – with 100% garuntee – happen.

my GF knew where i was and who i was with. i phoned up late in the evening to let her know i’d be back late. i rolled in at 6 a.m.

yesterday was a great day.

bit confused.

I found that thoughts of other women became insignificant once I was lucky enough to find Mrs Grips. Sure there are many amazing people out there, but Mrs Grips is so awesomely right for me that I realise nothing else could ever work out as well.

Makes it all very easy.

I think there is a trade-off between the search for the ideal partner and the security of a good one. People are quite right to consider that too.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Beware the non consummated affair or the platonic affair.

Women and men tend to think differently on this. to men its what you do that counts, to women its what you feel. So even an affair where you hardly touch may be seen as a betrayal if you invest so much emotion in the other woman. returning at 6 am?

I see what you describe as stepping over a line or certainly coming close to it.

In general monogamy appears to be what works beat for people

There’s no green grass on the other side, only a patio.

With a swan’s body buried under it.

Swans don’t wander because they’d break your arm if you looked at another swan!

I’ve heard that “cycling” can come in handy…

alpin – Member

@ karin…

the green is very green where i am right now. the grass on the other side is also green. it wasn’t some green lust. i like my friend very much and care for her too. i think she feels the same. if we acted upon our feelings then something would – with 100% garuntee – happen.

my GF knew where i was and who i was with. i phoned up late in the evening to let her know i’d be back late. i rolled in at 6 a.m.

yesterday was a great day.

bit confused.

To be frank you sound a bit like a self centred, egotistical, bellend who just wants to tell us lot that at leats 2 women fancy you and find you attarctive!!

You got home at 6am? Having spent the night with another woman? I would not be happy if I were your GF, I know it’s 2011 and men and women can be just friends, but no, not out all night, sorry, you would be packing your stuff up now (from off the front lawn and while dodging various missiles). Of course I accept I don’t have all the facts but so what Lol
Confused? Concussed more like! 🙂

I wouldn’t mind having a bit on the side, but frankly it is just too much trouble.

I guess that just makes me lazy

you would be packing your stuff up now (from off the front lawn and while dodging various missiles)

Lol!

Alpin if you need a place to stay let me know 😉

oddjob, I like your style. 😆

Karinofnine – Member
You got home at 6am? Having spent the night with another woman? I would not be happy if I were your GF, I know it’s 2011 and men and women can be just friends, but no, not out all night, sorry, you would be packing your stuff up now (from off the front lawn and while dodging various missiles). Of course I accept I don’t have all the facts but so what Lol
Confused? Concussed more like!

Are you joking?

nah, life’s good, thanks molgrips…..

just got me thinking about the whole one-on-one forever and ever idea.

it’s not the first time i got home late.

willard – Member
….
Monogamy being in a relationship is hard
….

Fixed that for you.

Being in any relationship is hard work, whether it’s with one person, or multiple. You have to find someone you trust, and who trusts you to be honest with them. It’s all about communication, finding compromise and being totally honest about how you feel.

People often say that they are monogamous because they can only truly love one person. If you have multiple children/pets/bikes, are you only capable of loving one of them?

timc – part tongue in cheek, part not – why? What would you do? You wouldn’t mind your partner being out all day and all night with a friend of the opposite sex? What would you say on their return? Hi honey, have a good time? Anyway, the OP has stated he has more than ‘just friends’ feelings for the other woman, so there IS something going on. ,