[Closed] monogamy.....

so you can make jokes, but cant take them, calm down on your ride xxx

Someone pointed out to me there's no harm in keeping all your eggs in two baskets. I jest. The point is the truth will out, always. Nothing's the same again. The thought could be better than the reality. You might have jumped for the wrong ship.
Weigh it all up, go ahead and do it, then find all this out for yourself.

one thing led to another and could have gone much further, but being responsible people it didn't.

If i was your GF id be out of the picture at this,even if you told me or worse i found out later, regardless of it not going further, this time.

why hang around to be second best to whatever might just happen along, you might not be feeling so responsible the next time.

trust is a hard thing to give to someone, it would be quite hard for me to give it back to someone who betrayed it.

Marsdenman:

Quite possibly the most sensible and balanced post i've ever seen on here Sue (i'm being serious) - on STW for goodness sake, and before 8.30 am!

Thanks 🙂 I was just trying to say that not being monogomous is not necessarily synonymous with lying to your partner, and that, like many social norms, it is always interesting to question and debate what are supposedly 'accepted' ways of behaving.

TimC - I think these topics are always worthy of debate, but some of your comments to Karinofnine are rather unnecessarily personal and critical.

I didnt think they were that bad, just ironically Presumptuous?

its a chemical trick, your instinct is to mate with as many partners as possible, no wonder it makes you horny. I say a real man can withstand the urges and stick with his bird. Once you've shagged the other bird and effed up your current life (which might be a good thing to do I'm not judging) you will realise that a hole is a hole and all sex is just a very posh ham shandy, designed to get you in as much trouble as possible.

Try thrapping one off next time you think about calling her, then have a think obout how your life might change for the best or worse. and then see if your fingers do the dialling..

I think [b]SWANS[/b] are [b]EVIL[/b].

Not as evil as geese. They always hiss at me when I ride past on my bike. Always.

alpin - tell your girlfriend about it and how you feel and see how she reacts?

No idea discuss with your partner how you feel without naming names saying how hard you find being monogamous.

Are gay swans monogamous too?

sorry to say binners... but they've got a horrible reputation for being complete slags.

gay swans... not gays in general.

I suspected as much. The feathery depraved bastards!

i hope you're still talking about swans...

thinks better of hugely inappropriate joke

What about ducks ? I like ducks, but they do gang rapes until the lady duck is dead and then they carry on a bit more. Cluster-necro-[b]d[/b]uck.

I don't mind ducks.

They've got their priorities right.

Swans aren't whiter than white either.

Are you being racialstic at ethinic swans ?

So you went out with a nice girl you like, stayed out till 6am and didn't do the dirty?

If I had a monacle I'd stare pointedly at you through it.

[img] [/img]

I'm not an expert by any means, but I don't think those two are swans.

Oh, and I am not racialistic at all, I treat trumpeters, mutes and blacks all the same.

alpin, you've posted stuff like this before haven't you?
You sure this isn't some sort of social experiment to try and find out what makes us tick, a'la the allotment annexing thread from last year?

Personally for me Binners is sound until Brad leaves Angelina then he's toast BUT we have had a frank and open conversation about it and he knows how the land lies.... its all about being honest you see....

He has posted stuff like this before.. makes you wonder...

I think STW is clearly his dear Deardrie, absolve me of my sins....

OP - I have viewed, contributed to, and even started, topics on relationship stuff on STW and this one is particularly interesting.

I have learnt, through my long and varied life, that people are strange creatures and have various interpretations of honesty and truth. Perhaps admitting you have feelings for this 'other' woman, even to yourself, is the most honest of all. Would feeling this and stifling it be any more honest or just more devious as you are hiding it even deeper?

Morals are also something that seems to mean different things to different people, and I'm not talking about this in a multi-cultural way, but right here in contemporary Britain. Interesting examples I have come across are a woman who has three children by different fathers and has had two abortions, but she finds the though of her boyfriend in a close relationship (even non physical) highly immoral! Now I'm not judging her life here, just finding her 'moral' standards a little confusing!

Another is is a woman I know who has set up home with a man who walked out on his 5 children to be with her (her own child was put into permanent care years ago) and has not seen them for several years, but who thinks 'cheating' is a terrible 'sin'. I think you will agree it's confusing.

I think the thing is our modern lack of moral direction, in the past we relied on the church to tell us what was right and wrong, now we have odd snippets of that 'thou shall not' past mixed in with teenage playground understandings and none of it makes any real sense. I think most people get their relationship education from their peers in school where it's 'fill your boots' for the boys and 'don't let him unless he really loves you' for the girls. This is then continued through adulthood by girly chats and womens magazines, and for the men locker room banter and men's magazines

What we need, as a nation, is a new moral code - a handbook if you like - that is issued to everyone, it would avoid all this confusion, and I'm sure STW members could help write it.

While we are waiting for this new handbook all you can do OP is follow your heart! You can never know the outcome of your choices before hand no matter how hard you try so, think it trough and trust your own judgment as you are the one who has to live with it.

Where's Hora when you need him? There are some obvious flash grenade opportunities on this thread. He's losing his touch.

Oh... and I'm voting TJ writes the handbook 😀

Blimey it all sounds confusing and Mrs Hillsplease is a bit old testament on such matters and I understood this afore we got hitched.

On the more pressing matter of aquatic waterfowl I prefer moorhens.

I dunno, your missus didn't seem bothered when you were out the other night..

Right hand (or left if you fancy a change) big box of tissues. Job done.

If you are not happy with your current partner get rid, life's too short!

nibby - Member

If you are not happy with your current partner get rid, life's too short!

druidh is right. You may always meet better potential matches than your current one. If the attraction is mutual, the feelings are very compelling and resisting the urge is taxing. But deciding how too behave for the best outcome (for everyone) is key.

The lowest-energy long-term approach is often to pick a partner wisely*, and if they turn out alright, stick with them: Manogamy

*a total minefield in itself

Just lay off ducks 'kay?

A bit like bikes then. Perfectly happy with your current ride until the latest model comes out and you are tempted by that. The only problem is that it will usually cost you a lot more than a new bike 😀

temptation can you resist 😈

i heard dolphins are just gay sharks

Nibby - are you calling alpin's partner a bike? thin ice! 😆

Ducks are uncomfortable to lay on. Too much wriggling and quacking.

😯 😮 😕

OFF TOPIC, SORRY - but why are some users names in black, and others in blue?

If the attraction is mutual, the feelings are very compelling and resisting the urge is taxing.

^^ this. i know how i'm going to act.

this evening i rode with the GF to her work and then rode 20km up the river to get some miles in before i go away next week. on the return leg i see a small white dog running around. "i recognise that dog" i think to myself. and who is walking behind the dog? yeah! fricking lady friend and her fella. cue head down "oh something in my eye" eye rubbing. i must admit i LOL'd afterwards. then she has sends me a text along the lines of "well done, genius! smart move." funny though.

i feel i need to clarify here....

nothing physically happened the other night that i would have been upset doing had the GF been there. it was more verbal, chemical clicking that was going on. sure it was, to use a cheesy phrase, "charged", but we each have long-term partners that neither of us want to lose. she is going through a period where she is doubting her relationship and then up came the topic of blah blah blah and us two and how compatible we are/might be.

and yes, i do remember posting something vaguely similar in the past.... but different girl, different situation.

but, i really really like my GF, no, love is a better word. as said before she is my best friend, too. she makes me laugh and we're happy together. she has her pitfalls,but mine are more numerous and worse. she puts up with a lot more shit than i have to.

but all of that is irrelevant.

my main point in posting this was with reference to the idea that we should remain faithful to one person, monogamy. only a few posters responded to this point, whereas many others didn't; thinking perhaps that my moral compass needed aligning. (it might do, but that's not the point).

i really really like my GF, no, love is a better word.

Why did you write 'like' first?

WRT the original idea then.. whichever -gamy you choose, it's a decision arrived at by all parties concerned. You should never do anything because you think 'they' think you should - relationships or not 🙂

you've got watch the little feathery ****ers, they'll read porn and sleep with your missus 😯

i like her and love her.

i like her family, but i don't love them.
i love my family, but don't always like them.
i like curries, i don't love them.

but as i said, she's my best mate first and foremost. my soulmate, if you will.

anyway.... enough of this fruedian shit.

with regards to monogamy it's just a social construct, but you can't just decide to opt out for a bit because you fancy a shag. It needs to be discussed in an open and honest way between both parties and decide what works best for you.

Just show your partner this thread, and see what she says. Then make a grown up choice based on her response. If you think "hmmm best not" then you've probably already stayed as near to the shagin another person category as you are going to get and may as well just follow your little alpin or heart and minimise the hurt to someone you love.

oh and why the heck would you post it up here rather than have this discussion with your partner in detail, it shows a massive lack of respect.

I don't think so tazzy. We don't always know what to do with respect to our partners...

We don't always know what to do with respect to our partners...

then you don't talk enough