Well I have very direct experience of this one. Broke my scaphoid when I was 18, and thought it must just be a strain as it didn’t hurt that badly, and I could just about still write with a bit of pain (though when I tried to go canoeing that evening it hurt a bit too much!) It also settled down fairly quickly to the point I could still do normal things with it, including canoeing. Roll on 18 months and I’d jolted it yet again, though worse than previously I decided to see the doctor. He said “I don’t think it’s broken, but go to A&E to check anyway”. The doctor in A&E said “I don’t think it’s broken, but have an x-ray to check anyway”. Cue much surprise that it was indeed broken (still) and 2 weeks in plaster which helped a lot to settle it down, but obviously didn’t fix the problem as the bone was dead.
Anyway, I got myself booked in to hospital to have an op, including the bone graft as you describe. Even spent the night in hospital and had my wrist shaved in preparation. When the surgeon came round in the morning though, he wasn’t very happy at the idea of the op (I’m guessing he’d only just seen the notes). It is apparently very tricky working on such a small bone and easy for it to go wrong, and he was concerned he could make it worse. Given I was managing OK, his advice was to leave it for now – apparently I’ve also got some cartilage grown around the bone which supports it.
Had lots of physio and also switched to doing lots of things left handed, including using left hand control for canoeing (I’d switched before I went into hospital on the theory my wrist was going to be immobilized for 3 months and the only way I would be able to paddle after that was left handed) – it helps that apart from very fine control I’m fairly ambidextrous. I did get told though that I’d likely get arthritis by the time I was 30.
I’m now 40, and I have so little problem with my wrist that it’s only things like this which make me think of it. Occasionally I jar it, but that tends not to be a big problem now, and something I get over in a week or two. Have less flexibility in my right wrist, but that’s not a big deal. Don’t have arthritis. I definitely made the right choice – obviously your situation may be different, so I can’t advise directly, but do get more advice and be aware that not having it done is a realistic option (until I saw the surgeon everybody was telling me I needed to have the surgery).
Edit: the sort of symptoms you describe sounds exactly like how I was finding it in the 18 months before I got diagnosed. It’s got a lot better since.