STW hive required to solve critical Camo vs Mrs 16 debate:

Last night, Mrs 16 and I discussed the thorny subject of ‘men’s attachment to physical things’. Apparently, says Mrs 16, men can’t help forming attachments to objects – bikes, guitars, cars, dinosaurs etc.

Women, on the other hand, usually only form attachments to people, animals – basically anything pulse-dependent.

Background: somehow I seem to have ended up with three bikes: a roadie for badass commuting, a MTB for badass trailing and Susan the Commencal, who’s currently out of action, bless her, but impossible to sell. We’ve covered some miles together, Susan and I…

So, is this really true?

If you’re a woman, do you really only care about loved ones and puppies?

If you’re a fella, do you care about ‘stuff’ more, probably, than you should?

Tell her you’ve pawned her wedding ring.

Note response.

Report back with your findings.

Throw out all her shoes and handbags, then revisit the subject.

I love my bikes. 8)

They don’t argue with me, can’t answer back, don’t disappoint me. Unconditional love really.

Make of that what you will!

I think your wife should get her science facts from a source that isn’t daytime TV.

I also think that men pretend to care about stuff, they are transferring their real feelings for people as they don’t have the means to express them. Seeming to care about bikes is more macho.

If your house was burning down, and your wife is inside, next to your favorite bike. You have time to make one trip before it all collapses. Which do you rescue ??

They don’t argue with me, can’t answer back, don’t disappoint me. Unconditional love really.

riding a bike has put me in hospital, riding a woman never has. make of that what you will

On fire you say… you can always pick up another wife

men can’t help forming attachments to objects – bikes, guitars, cars, dinosaurs etc.

Women, on the other hand, usually only form attachments to people, animals – basically anything pulse-dependent.

Doesn’t explain why my house is full of shed loads of crap that the mrs won’t get rid off, and I’d happily burn.

+1 to what cougar said

Agreed, but surely if someone’s relentlessly polishing/tinkering with/stroking their car/bike/guitar, it’s most likely going to be a guy?

Because, so the argument goes, the car/bike/guitar isn’t just a car/bike/guitar, it’s a special, almost living car/bike/guitar that repays the polishing, tinkering, stoking with extra performance. A relationship evolves between man and object. Shoes and handbags, on the other hand, could be replaced like-for-like without the same degree of gut-wrenching.

Is there really no truth to this?

If your house was burning down, and your wife is inside, next to your favorite bike. You have time to make one trip before it all collapses. Which do you rescue ??

I’d expect Mrs 16 to ride the bike out while I went in for our boy. 😀

Whatever you do , do not
Throw out all her shoes and handbags

Those three cupboards full of them are there to tempt you.
Its true that blokes can generally become attached to stuff.
And the attachment to living things – kids, pets, partners, is usually shared by both sexes.
But, women, on the other hand, usually form strong attachments to people, animals – basically anything pulse-dependent. stuff they haven’t bought yet.
Its not about the owning of stuff that needs maintaining, its all about the shopping for new stuff to replace it.

i dont really care about things, i care about people. mrsconsequence cares a lot about her ‘stuff’ and is pretty possessive and has the mentality that she earned the money and bought it so its important and very valuable to her.

riding a bike has put me in hospital, riding a woman never has. make of that what you will

You’re doing it wrong. Put some effort into it, man.

if someone’s relentlessly polishing/tinkering with/stroking their car/bike/guitar, it’s most likely going to be a guy?

That’s not an attachment to $stuff, it’s just an excuse to get away from the rest of the family for a bit of peace.

Increasingly I care about things, but only to the extent that if I look after them, then I won’t have to spend more money replacing them.

Mrs North also likes things, but less for their existence and more for the possibilities of what one might do with them. For example, she’s a big fan of Global chefs’ knives.

Make of that what you will (which is what you should do – this is the internet – and STW at that – after all)

Call me a Freudian (go on) but I still think it is what the object represents. Bikes = memories of good times, friends, places etc. Especially an older bike that doesn’t function as well as the newer models lets face it…

Although I guess the same could be said about spouses of either gender !

I worry more that I care too much about my Cat.

MrsBouy cares about stuff, less about stuff with a pulse (family and Moi excepted mind) has an attachment to her “things”, is not bothered (much) by my “things”.

Women, on the other hand, usually only form attachments to people, animals – basically anything pulse-dependent

Erm no mrs rocket loves her car, her cameras, her bike, her clothes, her shoes, bags, coats, books, sunglasses…

Not forgetting MONEY – she loves counting it

I treat my bikes the same as I treat my women.

When I’m not riding them I keep them chained up in the cellar, then every now and then I take them out, lube them up and fiddle around with my little tool.

Hels, you’re a Freudian.

There you go. 🙂

Thanks camo16, that was great.

Glad to help. 😀

One word, shoes.

One word, shoes.

Also cushions.

The shoes/handbags/cushions/candles arguement is a red herring.

If women really cared about ‘stuff’, they’d have just two or three of said items that they looked after, valued, etc etc.

The fact that they seem to have far too many of said items shows they don’t care about them at all, they’re just expendable items that they discard on a whim.

Do not confuse ‘having lots of stuff’ with ‘caring about stuff’.

My gf is attached to new stuff – she loves getting a new phone, new haircut, new clothes, whatever. Not bothered about keeping old stuff. Whereas I definitely form emotional attachments to stuff depending on what it is – find it very hard to part with books, for instance.

riding a bike has put me in hospital, riding a woman never has. make of that what you will

Beaten to it, seriously, get a grip! LOL.

I like the stuff that’s mine, my guitar, my gf (joke!!). but the important things in life tend not to be things.

Women are far worse IMO, They Hoard massive collections of costume jewlery, shoes, handbags and makeup most of which gets used once or twice then shoved in a cupboard… And then to top it all off they bloody whinge about a lack of storage space and relegate all cycling and/or sporting related clothing and equipment to the Garage!!!

Women Love Stuff its just different stuff My Missus is currently attempting to spend all of our money on various forms of tat from Cath Kidson…

I even bought her a set of posh tea cups and saucers and have actually been banned from using them in case I break one, in fact nobody has yet been allowed to use them since their purchase over a month ago, That has to be the very definition of useless Stuff!

I spend money and time on my bikes but at least they do get used and I’m not too precious about them getting damaged/broken…

It’s not the stuff we love, it’s what the stuff lets us do.
It’s not the guitar, it’s the playing.
It’s not the bike, it’s the riding.

(No such mitigation can be applied to a glitzy handbag, or strappy shoes. We win. On no account should you point out that we win.)

women don’t care about stuff but about what other people think of their stuff.
men care about the stuff itself and what it enables them to do.

Cookeaa I think you need serious words! What’s the point in having something if you don’t use it?

Mr MC loves tinkering, polishing and licking the bike clean but that’s because he appreciates good quality and nice looking stuff and he works hard to pay for it and doesn’t want to have to waste money by not looking after it and it needs replacing. I think the tinkering aspect is in men’s genes to do with “I am man I can fix stuff” type attitudes and it’s fed down from generation to generation.

I don’t have any attachment to shoes, handbags as that’s just “stuff” but I do have enourmous attachements to my 1994 Kona Fire Mountain .. first bike I ever saved and bought, hasn’t been ridden in about 2 years but hangs in garage with many memories, same for the other bikes that I own. Shoes and handbags don’t give me good memories.

I don’t think you’ll get the answer here as the majortiy of women who post on STW are “typical girls” … (not meant to offend anyone).

If your house was burning down, and your wife is inside, next to your favorite bike. You have time to make one trip before it all collapses. Which do you rescue ??

Hmmm, my favourite bike you say…. 😉

Overall and across the piece, most generalisations are wrong.

I like stuff. I love my wife and family. There’s a difference.

Said as an Orange and iPhone owner.

Hmmff….cookeaa my boyfriend tells me I have too much bike/sport stuff!

I think we are all quite attached to Stuff in our own ways. My boyfriend was raised by Quaker parents who were very strict/frugal about buying new stuff, consequently he’s a bit of a hoarder and hardly throws anything out unless its falling off him. Has caused problems with him wearing worn out hiking boots for example on long hikes and then getting really badly blistered, wet feet, after insisting he didn’t need new ones. The good side of it is that he isn’t bothered about brands, appearance, having the latest things, but the bad side of it is that he will often do things ill-equipped and risk his health/safety because he won’t spend the money to kit himself out properly. We’ve gone hiking with my boyfriend’s dad a few times and he ridiculed us for having decent day packs and bringing sun cream and “all this stuff you don’t need” (like food) because he can survive hiking all day carrying his dad’s old army pack in blazing heat on just roll-ups and a few sips of water apparently!

So, being militantly non-materialistic can have its downsides too. It’s funny because I’m a Quaker too and I try not to accumulate too much stuff or have stuff just for the hell of it that doesn’t serve a purpose, but I refuse to cross the frugality line into meanness.

riding a bike has put me in hospital, riding a woman never has. make of that what you will

What I; sir make of that is that is that you are doing both wrong.

cookeaa – Parallel lives!!

I’m the wine drinker, but I’m not allowed to use the nice wine glasses!

Cath Kidston wipe-clean bags are the current obsession, when she’s got the entire set she’ll fill a wardrobe with them and move onto something else.

She can’t get any more Fly boots cos she’s got them in EVERY colour – and can’t fit any more in the (large) cupboard.

Her money though 🙂

n+1 isn’t just for bikes it seems…

If your house was burning down, and your wife is inside, next to your favorite bike. You have time to make one trip before it all collapses. Which do you rescue ??

Psh. The whole lot would be razed to the ground before we’d worked out which bike.

men’s genes to do with “I am man I can fix stuff” type attitudes and it’s fed down from generation to generation.

maybe there’s a predisposition because of culture, but biologically I don’t think it’s anything to do with gender or genetics. it’s just “I like to fix stuff”.

Respect for the Quakers, you don’t hear much about them these days.

As for being attached to stuff – only if I have formed an emotional attachment to it because of something it’s done for me or we’ve done together.

The bikes for instance have facilitated some profoundly meaningful and important times for me; tents have kept me warm and safe against raging elements; certain items of clothing have kept me cosy and warm when I needed it.

My camera allows me to express artistic creativity that I am otherwise incapable of, due to being really bad at painting/drawing/sculpting etc. And even my laptop – spent a lot of time away from home being lonely, it was my only link to my friends and family; it entertained me and distracted me, and didn’t break down.

Anthropomorphism is a big part of it I think.

The fixing stuff – for me, that comes from a desire for things to be working properly and smoothly. That’s why I feel the need to fix, maintain or improve things even if it’s not economical.

men’s genes to do with “I am man I can fix stuff” type attitudes and it’s fed down from generation to generation.

True enough.

I resorted to the caveman analogy last night and pointed out that the attachment to specific bikes is the modern equivalent of a caveman’s club attachment. Mr. Caveman liked specific clubs. He trusted them, polished them and guarded them with his life.

A typical caveman/cavewoman domestic:

Cavewoman: Why d’you need all those clubs, Zog?

Caveman: Honey, let me explain… Small Club tonks small beasties. Medium Club is for ptonking pterodactyls. Big Club is for tonking badass dinosaurs. I just gotta have em all.

Cavewoman: Can’t you get rid of a couple at least, to make room?

Caveman: And put the family in danger. Are you nuts?

Cavewoman: Whatever. I’m off to make some shoes. D’you have some spare pterodactyl skin hanging around?

Caveman: What, you mean the beast I dispatched with Medium Club?

Cavewoman: Grow up, Zog.

Exits.

So, I can’t fight the bike gathering, polishing, tinkering. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 🙂

I’m attached to loads of things. My generation one Applejack I was given for my 4th birthday. My Popple that my nan got me for Christmas in 1987. My copy of Lord of the Rings that my dad gave me on my 11th birthday. My bass guitar, despite the fact I haven’t played it in over five years. My Stumpjumper, aka The Professor. The table plan from our wedding. My comic book collection. My fifteen years’ worth of tour t-shirts from various metal bands.

That’s all fine, but it’s still completely abnormal to hoard tyres that are worn down and perished! Abnormal, I tell thee!