So I’m coming to the conclusion that I find full-time work really difficult.

I just don’t find work at all relaxing (this includes any full-time work for some reason, even if it isn’t particularly stressful).

The people I know who do well at work describe it as “relaxing”, the definition IMO of a workaholic.

I don’t want to give up on full-time work as yet, does anyone have any tips as to how to change my attitude and response to work? Like CBT? I am the “conscientious, introvert” type and find it hard to switch off.

Thanks all.

Change your attitude. Work to live not live to work. Work takes 37.5 hour of your week and then its over. Do the work, enjoy the rest of your life.

Anyone who finds work ” relaxing” either has a very soft job or is somewhat odd

Have kids? Then you’ll be glad of work for a bit of peace 😉

Once you reach the conclusion that work is only a way to earn money to support the times you are not working then you’re viewpoint will change. You will the be able to see work for what it is and probably begin to relax and see the benefits of why we work and how we work.

If you are worried about how “well” you do your job you’ll be less likely to enjoy it.

Trust yourself and let others do as they wish. Leave it at the door on your way out.

Work does not have to be relaxing – it is work after all. It does not have to be stressful either – (easier said than done I know)

You are worth more than your job.

Anyone who finds work ” relaxing” either has a very soft job or is somewhat odd

A good friend of mine can’t go on holiday as he finds holidays stressful (as opposed to work, which he likes). He can only do working holidays. He is odd.

Join the prison service for say, 6 months, then go back to your old job?
That should work. 😉

Quit and live on benefits then.

I’m lucky. After hating work for years I finally found a job that is actually interesting. I have work problems that I am interested in, and want to solve. So it’s not relaxing, as such, but it’s stimulating and satisfying.

This is not very helpful other than to point out that job happiness seems to be related to the having the right job.

Find a job that allows you to post on here all day. There should be plenty of recommendations.

Do something you enjoy ?

Stating the bleeding obvious, obviously.

Yer mates not stressing about holidays he’s stressing about fear of missing out on work or his workload piling up

I made it clear when i took my new job that don’t bother trying to contact me out of hours unless the buildings burning down and I’m the only one with a hose. – other than my job share back to back he can call any time

One of the project engineers who do full time text me on time off ” DiD you get my email” – “no sorry did you not get my out of office”

As per tj work to live not to work.

Don’t buy the big house the fancy car the big TV. Just work less and live life

Why do you expect work to be ‘relaxing’?

Do you mean that you find it stressful?

Perhaps silly questions, but I don’t really understand what it is about work that you are finding an issue?
Do you worry that your performance isn’t good enough? Worry that you aren’t doing the job right? Find it difficult to be around others? Aren’t finding it fulfilling?

I don’t find work relaxing. There are bits of it that are relaxing I suppose in the sense that I am doing a repetitive process that doesn’t require much thought and I can switch off; but that is the exception, rather than the rule. The rest of the time it can be many things; stressful, boring, annoying, nothing……

Some people really enjoy work – by bro-in-law for example just can’t switch off. Even when he isn’t ‘working’ you can tell that he’s thinking about a contract, or a deal or how to do something that he’s been struggling with. He loves talking about work. Me – once I’m out of work, I generally forget about it. Every now & again something that I’ve been struggling with will pop into my head & I’ll mull it over but generally once I’m in the car driving away from the building I don’t think about it until I’m back at work…..

Create a really shit homelife – then work will feel like a break! 😀

my job is pretty relaxing. 8 hours to waste talking bollox on here, or spend tinkering with bikes round the back.

a few off here have visited me at work and will testify to this.

😀

I doubt its the job you may be just feeling anxious in general which is a common human condition.
You can try to rationalise your own way through it or get some help.

The popularity of relaxing activities like cycling, running or hill walking (or booze) with middle age folk with responsibilities in not coincidental.

Yes, I agree trying to find it “relaxing” is perhaps too ambitious, although I do know people in high pressured jobs who describe it as such.
I think the ideal has to be to find something I enjoy and find fulfilling, not a clock-watching exercise that happens to pay me whilst I watch my life disappear.
On the question of flexibility, I’ve deliberately chosen not to have a family as I saw this issue with my dad, tied to a job he hated just to keep everyone happy. I have no responsibilities by choice.
Hitting the job ads as we speak…

Try to think of work problems in terms of how they will make other people feel rather than how they will make you feel. Solving them makes you feel like a better person and you don’t end up spending time dwelling on what a rubbish day you are having.

listen to music. Whenever I have a task that doesn’t require any talking to or interacting with other people I slip on my headphones and put some mellow beats on. I enjoy mixes by british duo called technomatic. try this: https://soundcloud.com/technimatic/better-perspective-mix

Cycle in. Set off early and enjoy it. take the long route home.

Go for a walk at lunchtime. Any nearby fields with footpaths/canals/woods/old railway lines…. anywhere without any people. Or drive out somewhere even a little bit rural and have your lunch in the car with a bit of a view without any other people around.

Drac – Moderator
Find a job that allows you to post on here all day.

What’s the pay like for STW Moderator?

Does anyone find work relaxing? You’re basically paid in proportion to the stress / responsibility / danger / decision making aspects of your job, so if that bothers you I can’t see any alternative other than finding a different line of work even if it means a pay cut.

We live in a society where the media insists we should all have fulfilling jobs; and where people curate the good parts of their lives/jobs/careers and humble-brag on social media and thrive on the envy they can elicit from others.

Have you ever spoken to a lottery winner? Or someone who has sold their business for a huge sum of money that meant they never had to work again? What about someone who has inherited or married into huge wealth? Having a few friends who fall into the latter two categories, the one defining link between them is a feeling of complete and utter uselessness and dissatisfaction. All of them have returned to work within a couple of years, albeit that they’re in a position to pick and choose what they do…

I often see a similar mentality in 40-50-somethings who feel the same after 20 or 30 years in the same ‘career’.

Now, bear with me, I have a theory… We, as Homo Sapiens, are hunter-gathers. Our brains are hard-wired to feel satisfied after a hard day hunting or gathering. Ever had that wonderful feeling of dopamine and exhaustion after a hard day’s graft? It’s intoxicating, and it’s what we should feel at the end of a day hunting, gathering, building, preparing and making a safe environment.

The problem with creaming profits off your hedge-fund and spending it on castles in Scotland or Italian Exoticars is that there’s no tangible link between the hard graft, and the reward.

After years or decades in a job, people lose that tangible link between the hard graft and the few grand that appear in the bank account every month. The daily grind becomes routine; the salary is just a number that appears on the bank statement.

What’s the answer? I’m not sure, possibly CBT to try and relink what you do to the rewards you get…

Personally, after years decades of business-to-business work where projects drag on for months and payment can often be in a different calendar year to the ‘hard graft’, I set up another business that involves making something with my bare hands and handing it over to a customer in exchange for cash money… And the buzz I get from it is indescribable!

Almost overnight, my outlook and attitude to money changed, everything I spend is now measured against what I can produce…

Obviously, it’s not the answer for everyone to start a manufacturing business, but I would have thought a change in mindset might achieve similar results.

Sorry for the rambling post, hope it gives some food for thought – I wish I’d figured it out 10 years ago!

wee joint first thing in the morning helps. 😆

Now, bear with me, I have a theory… We, as Homo Sapiens, are hunter-gathers. Our brains are hard-wired to feel satisfied after a hard day hunting or gathering. Ever had that wonderful feeling of dopamine and exhaustion after a hard day’s graft? It’s intoxicating, and it’s what we should feel at the end of a day hunting, gathering, building, preparing and making a safe environment.

The problem with creaming profits off your hedge-fund and spending it on castles in Scotland or Italian Exoticars is that there’s no tangible link between the hard graft, and the reward.

After years or decades in a job, people lose that tangible link between the hard graft and the few grand that appear in the bank account every month. The daily grind becomes routine; the salary is just a number that appears on the bank statement.

If I may attempt to paraphrase, you are saying that work is necessary for self-actualisation – the top part of Maslov’s hierarchy of needs.

I’m sure this is true for many people, but as someone with a decent range of hobbies and interests and a healthy dislike of office life, I’m quite sure I could happily find long-term fulfilment from cycling, running, gardening and the like.

Does anyone find work relaxing? You’re basically paid in proportion to the stress / responsibility / danger / decision making aspects of your job

I’ve never particularly thought about it before, but I would say I find work fairly relaxing (on a good day) and on a bad day the worst it gets is “neutral”

I drive well over 1000 miles a week, and find driving relaxing, and meet a lot of clients, some regulars, some new. Which is all very amenable and social, cups of coffee and a chat etc, bit of business and I’m on the road again.

A get a decent salary, and sales bonuses, but I’ve never had anyone chewing my ear about targets etc. I’m just left to get on with things and manage my own time. Only in the office for half an hour each morning, home by 5pm every day.
Never need to work weekends as none of my customers do.

(Currently sat in Starbucks filling out my expenses)

Really interesting post @councilof10.
I do miss the buzz I used to get when I was self-employed and finished a piece of work, but then again it was a trade off for security and reliable income by going full-time.
Then again, most jobs now aren’t secure anyhow.
It’s similar with mountain biking, the highs of completing a descent which had me shaking at the top is pretty indescribable, but then the normal desire for comfort zone kicks in and all that.

I’m quite sure I could happily find long-term fulfilment from cycling, running, gardening and the like.

I’m sure most people *think* they could… We’re told from every direction that we should have jobs we love to do, but the overwhelming majority of us don’t. Sports’ popularity are due largely to the dopamine rush they give us – something that we don’t all get from our work.

I know one guy in particular who sold his business in his early 30s and now dedicates his life to racing his bike and time trialing. He treats it like a job, and to be honest, I pity him.

I treat it like a hobby, and it’s fun.

I drive well over 1000 miles a week, and find driving relaxing, and meet a lot of clients, some regulars, some new.

See, that’s something I can never understand, how people find driving relaxing either! I think I would have a breakdown having to drive all those miles for work, but apples and oranges etc.

I’m sure most people *think* they could… We’re told from every direction that we should have jobs we love to do, but the overwhelming majority of us don’t. Sports’ popularity are due largely to the dopamine rush they give us – something that we don’t all get from our work.

I know one guy in particular who sold his business in his early 30s and now dedicates his life to racing his bike and time trialing. He treats it like a job, and to be honest, I pity him.

I treat it like a hobby, and it’s fun.

You’re right. I hope to retire relatively early (within a little more than a decade or so, mid 40s) – not by earning tremendous amounts, but by living well within my means – and then supplement my income with a nano-business or two and resuming my role in the army reserves. That’s where I’d derive my challenge and satisfaction. As you and others have alluded to above, I think the key to enjoying work (if not actually finding it relaxing) is getting yourself into a position where you don’t actually *have* to do it.

councilof10 nailed it. You don’t need to even ‘make’ something

I was inestimably happier cleaning the road gullies than I ever was sitting in front of a PC. Teaching outdoors also.

You need to be thinking how truly relaxed you feel *after* work, not during. I find that in an intense business/tech environment I never relax, either before during or after. You can’t beat the feeling of feeling physically tired and no backlog. Most computer/desk jobs are endless backlogs. Sh*t or get off the pot. If you’re constipated then change your diet?

*Edit, when you say ‘any work’ would that in include menial labour? Long-distance lorry driving? Joinery? Conversely, if you truly have an unshakeable negative response to literally any ‘full-time’ work then maybe two concurrent part-time jobs?

See, that’s something I can never understand, how people find driving relaxing either! I think I would have a breakdown having to drive all those miles for work, but apples and oranges etc.

I listen to audio books. I get through 3 books a week sometimes. Makes me look forward to getting back on the road.
I don’t speed, and I’m never in a rush. So no lane weaving and battling to get in front.
I just sit back and relax.

I’ve always enjoyed driving though.

Cruise control for driving. Revolutionised my hatred for driving…..I used to actively avoid driving.

Won’t buy a car without it now.

Malvern/councilor have nailed i think
I sacked off my office job(technical engineering dealing with problem jobs so always firefighting usually once it had gone beyond the point of no return) and went back on the tools delivering tangibles.

Feel so much better at the end of a shift now.

I also got rid of my works iPhone and hence my emails. Which is the biggest thing as your forced to turn off and I’m also no longer on 24hr call…

You’re right. I hope to retire relatively early (within a little more than a decade or so, mid 40s) – not by earning tremendous amounts, but by living well within my means – and then supplement my income with a nano-business or two and resuming my role in the army reserves.

Personally, I’m not planning to “retire”, I’m mid-forties now and I still feel like I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! 😀

Most of us are going to live to be 90 or 100 years old and the biggest problem we’ll face is funding a “retirement” that could last several decades. To expect to be able to work for 20-odd years and then enjoy a comfortable existence for half a century is, IMHO unrealistic, and probably not very mental-healthy! So you’re right to adopt a “scale-back” approach rather than out-and-out retirement.

My recent new business is something that I can move over to fully when I’ve had enough of the cut-and-thrust of corporate work, and it’s one of those businesses that would work perfectly well 2 or 3 days a week.

so always firefighting

Now there’s an idea…

Edit, when you say ‘any work’ would that in include menial labour? Long-distance lorry driving? Joinery? Conversely, if you truly have an unshakeable negative response to .iyerally any ‘full-time’ work then maybe two concurrent part-time jobs?

I’m not cut out for working with my hands, I’m useless at it, so there is the option of just going back to part-time freelance work.

I’d also like to build a business on the side (I work in a growing and very lucrative industry), I just haven’t had any good ideas until recently.

People have been fleeing my current organisation and that is always a sign that it isn’t just how I feel about it.

Then again, most jobs now aren’t secure anyhow.

Exactly. I got fed up of redundancies and politics so went freelance. The security is no different in my line of work (software), but I’m way more relaxed and definitely work to live, and don’t get involved in the politics. The money has also allowed me to build a buffer up keeping me with income even between jobs and that reduces stress also.

I treat the work as just work, even with permanent jobs. Get the work done, go home, switch off and enjoy life.

Flexible conditions also help. Work from home options even more so. If the type of job allows it, there’s no reason for modern businesses to be set to 9 to 5 (and expect people to work much later), tied to an office desk in one location. Sadly a lot still do and a lot don’t trust flexible working. I find the smaller and younger businesses are the most flexible though.

I recommend masturbating on your break. Seriously.

If you’re in an open-plan office then put in some iem headphones and listen to your favourite music all day 🙂

Im a coach driver, I don’t get stressed out by driving either, like nealglover above, i don’t lane swap or battle to get in front.
Entirely coincidentally, im rarely more than a minute or two behind the guys who do all the lane jumping etc.

On the original post, i think any job is what you make it, some people naturally get more stressed out than others.
I never think about my job unless im actually there, its the best advice my dad ever gave me (apart from ‘put a rubber on it’)

What’s the pay like for STW Moderator?

You’d struggle to get by day to day.

Don’t be careless, but care less.

Don’t rush …. there’ll only be another job waiting.

I learnt the first one years back and its served me well.

And the second one I have also know for a good while but haven’t, until recently, been able to slow down … Its made a difference though taking my foot off full throttle…. ( a bit like those chaps up there cruising along in their cars)

Good luck