Anxiety and stress.
It looks like a clear case of self obsession !
I bet if I pointed out the fact that you are going to die, rather than you thinking, good point life is just futile existentialism you' d think "****! I'd better get my shit together quick and start enjoying myself asap"
We've evolved over hundreds of thousands of years to be anxious about surviving the next day or week and its only in the past hundred or so years this has changed.
Stop thinking of yourself as a person and realise you are just a lump of meat and your emotions are only there to keep you alive in our some what unnatural modern way of life.
Seeing the big picture doesn't help much when surrounded by kuntz at work and stressed out of your fookin mind though. But remember you are just getting too caught up in the experience of being a human. Its only a effing game.
I used to have 100mph head - managed to get control over the speed it runs at so I can slow it down considerably when I need to. Amazing the difference it makes especially to sleeping - I used to be jealous of my kids sleeping like babies but now I sleep better than they do.
On the subject of feeling you aren't training hard enough - you may need to step away (as hard as it seems) until you calm your system down otherwise it won't get better soon. Pushing yourself too hard will only result in something giving - my experience was like a fuse blowing suddenly one day after about 12 months of things gradually get worse but me not wanting to accept I couldn't do it all. I used to have the belief that at 38 I should have been able to push myself harder than I was (2 kids, a tough job, busy social life and trying to ride 6-7 days a week along with 1-2 trail building sessions a week) and if I didn't do it all I felt guilty and would worry something was wrong - it was, I was just ignoring the warning signs. My body just said "stop" and it did.
I'm now content just getting out on the bike for 30mins, but if I get more I enjoy it too - 5 hours at Bikeparkwales 2 days ago was awesome. I no longer have to ruin myself after every ride which I felt driven to achieve so I could say I'd pushed myself that little extra.
The good news is you can change and improve - A mate of mine had CFS for about 4 years and is now doing Ironman Tri's and is super fit but he has rebuilt his foundation and is stronger from it.
Have you thought of yoga? A good class though with an instructor from the british wheel of yoga that do 15mins of relaxsation at the end.
These classes sorted my headaches out, you did an hour of focused exercises with controlled breathing followed by relaxsation. By about 20mins in your focusing on the class and nothing else.
Doing, being[u], becoming, belonging.
Sounds like you are focussing on the "doing" and not enough on "being".
As per some of the good advice above (Mindfulness is a great place to start.
Try and focus on one thing. Imagine that you are removed from the situation; whilst watching yourself in that situation.
There is no magic answer, but changing how you think will help.
I understand the OP situation - I stress to the extent that I am so used to it that (as I realise now) I subconsciously look for things to stress about when there is nothing obvious. I hadn't used to be like this, I have a feeling it is a product of (a) getting older (b) having more stuff going on generally (c) years of really stressful, exposed and deadline driven work (d) a really strong sense of personal responsibility, but to the degree where I blame myself for stuff that is totally not a consequence of my actions
The upside is that I am very good under stress, I can cope under ridiculous demands when others would walk away and that has been lucrative. The downside is I can be a wreck when I'm not nailing the pedal to the floor - I can massively lack confidence, deeply anxious, moody, self-doubting/loathing, inward looking.
One of the problems I find is that people don't understand my self negativity - I'm male, outgoing, gregarious, big, strong etc - so I present differently to what is going in my head. But I don't think I'm alone in this. If you can actually get people to open up, everyone seems - even the most apparently confident and successful - to be a sea of insecurities and fears.
I have helped myself a lot by getting out of the hellish job to something less challenging, by understanding that most people feel similar. Talking to trusted friends helped me or even listening to what they are saying between the words when they are talking about their lives/jobs/relationships. I also talk myself rationally through worries if I can - and yoga really helps in clearing the mind. And exercise as well.
I think, basically, I'm saying - you are not alone.
The point being there often isn't any "problem" to solve.
If there is a concrete problem then obviously it needs resolving. I'm not sure the OP mentioned anything concrete?
The problem is lack of rest both mentally and physically from what i can see from the OP post
Kryton - The most important thing you need to do right now is to address your lack of sleep. Truly. There is some good advice here, but you will burn out if you dont address the rest factor
A tutor at the college I was attending once gave me a cranial osteopathy treatment.
100mph to a quiet head in minutes.
It took a few treatments to make it 'stick' and doesn't solve the lifestyle issues, but has been a useful component.
If you are still working in Nottingham I recommend Nick Woodhead.
olddog - Member
The upside is that I am very good under stress, I can cope under ridiculous demands when others would walk away and that has been lucrative.
This is me at work to a T. I have bee highlighted as one of the major factors in our newly formed team being 160% successful in 2013, and as a result have earned a bigger role. I performed three roles to achieve it.
The downside is I can be a wreck when I'm not nailing the pedal to the floor - I can massively lack confidence, deeply anxious, moody, self-doubting/loathing, inward looking.
This is me in situations I'm not comfortable with or can't communicate to others. OldNick there has witness this at a wet SITS one year.
Thanks for that summation oldog, it's remarkably accurate.
Overnight I read and stopped at the mindfulness/tuning out bit of The Power of Now. I think I achieved a few seconds of quiet and although I went to bed at 12 - I did wake at 2 but actually dropped off again immediately. Could be coincidence of course. But also, I went out for a blustery road ride today and my head was telling me all he way through "don't forget this", "this has to be done at work tomorrow" I did try yo quieter it on the bike. In the few seconds I did, it did appear that the road in front of me just became more 3D, and my ability to turn my (sore) legs in cadence rose. What can I say.
OldNick - thanks for that I may give it a go.
I'm very similar, though appear to be getting better at sleeping now. I found lists are key to quieting my mind. Once it's on the white board (yes I have a big one) I can stop thinking about it.
Sleeping wise I find concentrating on trying to decried the colour White seems to work for me, often my mind will shoot off in another direction, just spot it, give it a friendly telling off and back to thinking about the colour white.... Counting sheep does not work, by 100 they are riding bikes, by about 250 they are doing tail whips and backflips....
Other thing. Book a holiday. Start setting things in the diary you look forward to rather than it being an endless treadmill of work, training and chores.
Kryton, you are me, and I claim my £5.00!
'The point being there often isn't any "problem" to solve.
If there is a concrete problem then obviously it needs resolving.'
This made me think of the questions I asked myself last week. I asked why I get anxious,questioned if it was my doing, why it happened etc and I'm not sure if,like some folk have said,if it's not nailing the problem it's not really solving the problem that lies beneath, but I seem to have convinced myself that in a 24 hour day it's other peoples actions that cause it all.
From first thing in the morning (maybe driving to work), through the day, driving home, and once I'm at home.. It seems to be other people that cause the problems. There are days where I can avoid all my so called problems and I'm completely chilled out. Like I felt I used to be. Nowadays it really does feel like others are causing the problems.
Someone tell me it's me being an ass, or are others feeling the same way?
Martinxyz - I'd say it is a problem if you can't take action to resolve it - if you can't resolve it then let it flow on by like water off a ducks back.
I like to think that in life there are only good experiences and learning experiences (bad experiences are only bad if you let them be). No point getting anxious as it doesn't help with those problems you can't take action on and if you can take action then deciding on the type of action shouldn't involve anxiety anyway.
I have to say I used to be really anxious about similar things but now I'm less anxious from taking this approach - I do find I occasionally get anxious (like last night before coming back to work) but I stop myself and move on to thinking about something more positive - it has taken a long time to change but the change is massive to my whole approach on life.
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