“we were surprised that your contribution didn’t seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received”
You could almost read that in totally the opposite way, almost sarcastic – ie “we were surprised that you gave us so much money considering you were a total misery and didn’t really congratulate us at all on our big day”
Couldn’t read all the replies on mumsnet but wonder if anyone suggested that way of looking at it?