1) don’t make eye contact (don’t even look at anyone on the tube)
2) trust no-one
3) negotiate cab price before you get in
4) forget everything you know about the rules of the road
5) every black cab is about 5m from a u-turn
6) every addison lee is 5 m from a severe swerve or emergency stop
7) you are not allowed to walk around London unless you are staring at a smart-phone
8) don’t trust anyone who smiles at you
9) don’t think about driving in Richmond Park unless you are in an X5 or a mini
10) don’t read the property adverts
11) yes the tube always smells like that (and yes everyone’s bogey’s go black)
12) never look at a map in public
13) enjoy the food, cocktails and roof top bars
14) and definitely, do not move to Croydon!