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Your dating rules
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scratchFree Member
Came out of a pretty horrific relationship a couple of years ago and due to civid didnāt really start dating till summer last year, met someone really nice, but it fizzled out for me but after everything that happened previously Iām keen just to take things slow and meet people initially
Always the way though, dating apps show nothing for a month then all of a sudden your chatting to 4 interesting people at once and looking to grab a coffee
Whatās the etiquette to maintain rule 1 here? Just be open and honest and say your taking things slowly, not looking to rush things or annoy anyone and leave it to them if it feels right? That was going to be my approach anyway
andrewhFree MemberBeing honest is generally right in most situations. Applies here tooš¤·āāļø
scratchFree MemberYeah now Iāve tapped it out makes perfect sense, thereās occasion when Iām blind sided by something in this area so wanted to grab a few opinions
CougarFull MemberI met someone nice, one of the very first things I said to her was āthe last thing I want right now is a serious relationshipā for not dissimilar reasons to yourself. A couple of years later we were buying a house together.
Just be upfront, that way no-one gets hurt.
scratchFree MemberI remember you saying that on a previous thread Cougar, it had stuck in my head.
MoreCashThanDashFull MemberIāve checked with MrsMC, and my dating rule is āDonāt!ā. š¤·āāļø
RustySpannerFull MemberBe nice, be honest and be faithful.
No one from work.
Someone who likes cycling, but more importantly someone who cycles at the same pace as you!
Ignore age gaps. 10 years is nowt.
If you like your own space, make sure they know that from the off.
Avoid narcissists & emotional leeches.
No Tories.
mertFree MemberWork out what your boundaries are as well.
Iāve just split up with someone really nice because sheās decided she wants another kid.
Wouldnāt entertain it with her ex. Because heās a bit of a dick.
But she now wants another kid, with me, because (apparently) Iām not a dick. But one of my hard boundaries is no more kids, Iāve already got two, and Iām nearly 50.So Iāve done what would appear to be a dick move and split up with her as sheās really quite keen.
Canāt win either way.
scratchFree MemberSolid rules RB!
Yeah, luckily a kit if the apps now allow you to tag āhave kids dont want moreā which is useful to know from the off.
I totally missed the Louise thread at the time, is it still knocking about?
oldenoughFree MemberWhatās the etiquette to maintain rule 1 here? Just be open and honest and say your taking things slowly, not looking to rush things or annoy anyone and leave it to them if it feels right?Ā
Iāve just got back into dating this last year. Iād agree with most of that, especially rule 1 and being open and honest. Not quite about leaving it to them if it feels right. If things are feeling right for you communicate this. Holding back to long can end up with you missing the boat. Lifeās to short (at my age anyway š) to waste time being coy.
bfwFull MemberI quite like this as general rules, but there is a key relationship rule at the end
The six rules of life.
1. Donāt like something just because you think other people will like it, because they wonāt.
2. What you think is important isnt. What you think is unimportant is.
3. Lean into it.
4. Donāt shit where you eat.
5. Most doors are closed so if you want them to open you need a cool knock.
6. Donāt sleep with people who have more problems than you do.bfwFull MemberRustySpanner
Full MemberBe nice, be honest and be faithful.
No one from work.
Someone who likes cycling, but more importantly someone who cycles at the same pace as you!
Ignore age gaps. 10 years is nowt.
If you like your own space, make sure they know that from the off.
Avoid narcissists & emotional leeches.
No Tories.
100% I have this. Been together now for 24 years and married since 2006, kids (heavy going twin boys with neurodiverse needs). Still head over heels, as a family and separate we do lots of activities and fun stuff.
We are a real team with chores and kids. She has gone for bigger jobs and I have taken time out to look after my boys when needs be.
I am super tidy and organised, and she is happy to be organised by me.
I jokingly always say āalways knew she would outstrip my earningsā but it was and us true. I am not massively career motivated but with her support I have come good. I wouldnāt be as successful if it wasnāt for my wife.
I make us spend money, she hesitates. She would rather spend cash on bikes rather than new wardrobes ā true story
Not religious but think god likes me sometimes.
Oh she is faster than me on a bike. We met rowing, and she loves all things bikes.
twistedpencilFull MemberIāve been back dating for around 18months, clearly not been successful so far š
At first it was good for validation after being left after a long relationship, Iād juggle multiple dates to make sure I had something to do other than being at home alone.Ā But i found thats not sustainable, well for me at least.
So Iām trying to not match with multiple people, two at most, and once it gets to a successful second date then I need to make a decision.
To be honest, Iāve had lots a good first dates, but not had the energy to take it further, which suggests the spark isnāt thereā¦
Main thing is being honest with people even if it is hard to let someone down, itās better than ghosting them.
Iām having a break from dating, 1month date free so far š, suspect Iāll weaken at some point this week when the kids go to their mum.Ā But have a new bike so may be able to resist swiping right.
I guess it is fairly simple, stick to rule 1, be open and donāt sweat it!
And definitely agree with No Tories, careful, some folk change their political leanings from tory to moderate, I presume when the realise they are not getting many matches!
lesgrandepotatoFull MemberDonāt put your fingers any where you wouldnāt put the old man.
Apologies thatās power tools. Iām still married by some fluke.MrOvershootFull MemberAs someone who decide to pull my finger out after being a widowed over 3 years ago, I have been thrust into the new to me world of internet dating.
I made sure my profile was honest, the pictures were bang up to date and any chats in the dating site system were honest and open. It was a really life affirming thing that I was almost overwhelmed with offers!
Went on 10 initial dates (neutral place at my age for me was garden centre cafeās or slightly posh cafeā) and then if either felt a further date was on then perhaps a pub meal or a not to flash restaurant.
I made sure all those I was seeing knew I wasĀ talking/meeting up with others just to understand how I felt about how the whole situation.
Very quickly I had 2 that really were keen on me and I on one of them. So now myself and the lady in question are very much an item and planning lots of fun stuff for next year. We both know its early days but have connected in so many ways itās like we have known each other or should have known each other for decades.
As for rules:
- Honesty
- No dick/fanny pictures
- Honesty
- Be open
- Honesty
- Listen
- Honesty
- Donāt bring sex up too early (Tinder excepted Iām led to believe)
- Honesty
- Make each other laugh
- Honesty
- Take it steady
- Honesty
- Have fun
- Honesty
I could type more but Iāve got a wonderful woman on WhatsApp who deserves more attention than you lot ;)
desperatebicycleFull MemberāNo-one from workā is a strangely modern thing isnāt it? Back before apps, nights out or flirting at work were the best ways to meet the opposite sex! Canāt imagine how youād chat someone up at work now, without being dragged to HR.
Online and apps are bloody horrible in comparison.
Guess my main rule is, if they are rubbish at chatting online (ie, short answers, no questions in reply) ditch em.
Also, in late 50s, physical attraction isnāt everythingā¦ you usually have to work at getting to know someone.
I do have one more ā advice from other people is pointless. When it comes todatingrelationships everyone is different! štjagainFull MemberTa Mr Overshoot.Ā gives me hope!
Iām terrified by the whole concept being newly single at 61
rOcKeTdOgFull Memberdepends on how old you are, I got back into dating when i was 39, found most of the dates had no time for pussy footing around and, well ahem, at the time I was quite into that myself after being with the same person before for 20 years. if youāre younger iād say your dates will be much more receptive to taking things slower
rOcKeTdOgFull MemberAnd 39 is VERY different from 59!
Well, 55 now and itās not that different, but then Iām now in a great relationship which is usually when you get the most attention weirdly.
I got quite addicted to adrenalin rush of first dates, I had the chat down so well I came across as very confident so got lots of offers for 2nd dates but Iād already moved on!
I can see now that was Not pleasant for the dates but I wasnāt in a good place myself at the time. Took me 2 years to get that ākid in a sweet shopā mentality out of my system.
So Iād say donāt do what I did and taking it slow is the best policy for everyone. You will find some if your dates will also have that sweet shop mentality too though.
oldenoughFree MemberIām terrified by the whole concept being newly single at 61
No rush, I was widowed at 60, took me 2 years to even think about it. Youāll know when your ready.
MrOvershootFull Membertjagain
Ta Mr Overshoot. gives me hope!
Iām terrified by the whole concept being newly single at 61
Just send us a PM and I can give you a bit more advice that Iām not posting up on here! But donāt rush anything.
desperatebicycleFull MemberWell, 55 now and itās not that different
Ok, for me itās VERY different. As I said earlier, no 2 people are the same when it comes to relationships, so no point arguing, or even discussing it tbh.
KitFree MemberIāve had about 4 dates in 12 years (give or take) so my dating rules are:
Donāt use your real name
Pay in cash;)
MrOvershootFull MemberI agree with Rocketdog. At 57 I donāt think my basic wantās for life have changed since I was 37?
Also, in late 50s, physical attraction isnāt everythingā¦ you usually have to work at getting to know someone.
To a degree I would say yes but it still counts for something even this Big Bear
RustySpannerFull MemberHearty congrats Mr O. š
I assume youāre going to be busy this year, but please let us know if you fancy meeting up with Sue and I this year (nothing dodgy, weāll be in the Burnley Chateu, no pressure).
scratchFree MemberOn the apps you see a lot of āI want a guy who knows what they wantā and thinking about it I get this, I think for a large number of fellers itās almost hardwired in to sleep with as many people as possible (due to any number of reasons at any given time in their life) and continuing with massive generalisations a small percentage of women are looking for some short term fun, but the numbers are maybe 60% on one side compared to 5-10% on the other?? Making the whole experience a right muddle as even if youāre getting on great on those first dates it takes a huge amount of confidence to set your stall out from the get go.
Thereās a couple of people Iāve met lately and internally your thinking this could be fun to see where it goes, but on the other side you know full well deep down that itās definitely not long term, so I think the safest bet is again abide by rule 1 and either have that convo and be completely open from the start, or leave it at date 1/2 and move on, anything in between is being a dick.
It is really tricky though as that thing about not dating people at work* goes, those feelings can take months to fully develop and show which fits work to a tee, do that in a none work/scenario and itās back to endless will they/wont they effort.
*Other less troublesome long-term social groups may be available.
But thanks for the advice, I think Iām on the right track.
If anyone is looking to use apps in the new year, make sure you take decent good quality pics of yourself, I spent years matching with a handful of people, new pics uploaded this year have really shown what works and what does not, just a crisp image in nice scenary aināt a bad start.
MrOvershootFull MemberRustySpanner
Hearty congrats Mr O. š
I assume youāre going to be busy this year, but please let us know if you fancy meeting up with Sue and I this year (nothing dodgy, weāll be in the Burnley Chateu, no pressure).
Anytime Pete as at the moment until Mr Taxman takes a break Iām a man of no real plans, well apart from the lovely Debbie that is :)
MrOvershootFull Memberjekkyl
Donāt date anyone more than an hours drive away.
Possibly or less than 10 minutes away?
Not rules but mine is 50 lives 20 works. this is the same person BTW :)
jkomoFull Member1st question:
So did you see Mrs Browns Boys last weekā¦
Also useful in job interviews, by either side.emszFree MemberI love it when STW goes dating. My rules
1. donāt date people who make lists.
2. donāt date people who have v specific requirements, must be male, must be over 180cm, must be single, that sort of stuff. ergh, total turn off
3. Go on dates, say yes to everything
4. If your not shagging by date 3, what are doing? dump them, immediately
5. donāt accept puppies/kittens etc as gifts
6. DO NOT be honest. EVER. No one needs that shit in their lives
7. If itās not happening after date 1. Ghost them
8. Do not take dating advice from people in long term relationships, they suck.MoreCashThanDashFull MemberWhat is rule 1?
We donāt talk about the first ruleā¦.
singletrackmindFull MemberNot been on a date for 20years. So very possibly not the person to ask. But I would avoid anyone whose spelling is atrocious. Fries my brain when people either donāt know or care about writing something down thatās chock full of spelling and grammar errors.
MrOvershootFull Memberemsz
love it when STW goes dating. My rules
1. donāt date people who make lists.
2. donāt date people who have v specific requirements, must be male, must be over 180cm, must be single, that sort of stuff. ergh, total turn off
3. Go on dates, say yes to everything
4. If your not shagging by date 3, what are doing? dump them, immediately
5. donāt accept puppies/kittens etc as gifts
6. DO NOT be honest. EVER. No one needs that shit in their lives
7. If itās not happening after date 1. Ghost them
8. Do not take dating advice from people in long term relationships, they suck.So how long have you been in your relationship Emsz ;)
mboyFree MemberThe six rules of life.
1. Donāt like something just because you think other people will like it, because they wonāt.
2. What you think is important isnt. What you think is unimportant is.
3. Lean into it.
4. Donāt shit where you eat.
5. Most doors are closed so if you want them to open you need a cool knock.
6. Donāt sleep with people who have more problems than you do.Canāt disagree with points 1-5, but by the very nature of the problem and it taking 2 to tango, one party is by very definition going to have more problems than the otherā¦ š¤·š»āāļø
That saidā¦ Always try to make sure itās you that has the most problems, and if itās them, donāt not sleep with them (sex with mentally unstable people is usually incredible in my experience!), just remove any emotion from it so you donāt get drawn in for a repeat performance or expect too muchā¦ This is where I went wrong for a decade or moreā¦
@emszā¦ š Class! šš»1st question:
So did you see Mrs Browns Boys last weekā¦You want to have worked that shit out before you turn up for a 1st date, messages or whatsappā¦ Donāt disagree with the sentiment though, but Iād be furious with myself for not doing the prep that allowed me to turn up to a date with someone with such a fundamental flaw in their character in the first place!
I met someone nice, one of the very first things I said to her was āthe last thing I want right now is a serious relationshipā for not dissimilar reasons to yourself. A couple of years later we were buying a house together.
11 months mateā¦ I know this isnāt a game of Top Trumps, but beat that! š Seriously thoughā¦ We were both in a situation where we needed more stable accommodation, we both knew what we wanted, we had fallen head over heels in love for each other and we were ready for the next stepā¦ The pisser was that 2 weeks after putting the offer in on the house, she got diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer and would need a hysterectomy prontoā¦ So spent the next few months nursing her back to health (blessing in disguise that it took 3 1/2 months to complete on the house to be honest, she was on her feet and helping out again by that time) and generally just being there for her. 4 years later, sheās returned the favour nursing me through Bowel Cancer, so we have quite a bond now!
I would avoid anyone whose spelling is atrocious. Fries my brain when people either donāt know or care about writing something down thatās chock full of spelling and grammar errors.
Your opinion on this will change for the right personā¦ Mine has! My first serious GF was an Oxford English Literature graduate, Iām not ashamed to say her grasp of the English language was a massive turn on. Subsequent GFās were all very smart, English graduates for the mostpart again, other languages thrown in too. My current GF should have been picked up as dyslexic at school, but never was. Her spelling is patchy, her grammar often pretty atrocious! You know what thoughā¦ Sheās the nicest, most lovely person I have ever met, and I wouldnāt be without her. Sheās not thick, not by a long stretch, just struggles with English language a bit, and though she frustrates me at times I know she is trying and I understand that her redeeming qualities far outweigh my my prior prejudices to people that can speak the Queenās (Kingās?!?!) English perfectlyā¦
Iāve had about 4 dates in 12 years (give or take) so my dating rules are:
Donāt use your real name
Pay in cashAnd pretend you donāt speak English when her pimp turns up yeahā¦? š¤š
Whatās the etiquette to maintain rule 1 here? Just be open and honest and say your taking things slowly, not looking to rush things or annoy anyone and leave it to them if it feels right? That was going to be my approach anyway
I donāt think thatās a bad approachā¦ Being up front and honest about your intentions will serve you well in the longer run. No point saying youāre looking for something serious when youāre not, youāll get found out in no time. Also you would attract the wrong types!
Iāll be honest here, I have had some dating disasters in the past and Iāve also met some amazing women in my time too. Some of those relationships have worked out, some havenāt. But they have helped shape me into the person I am today tooā¦ But if there had to be one rule I could apply it would be thusā¦
-No living under the same roof as their ex.
Honestly, youād be surprised how often this is still the case. Sometimes because of an honest breakup and they havenāt had the chance to sell the house yet, but often far more involved. I was seeing this one girl for a while many years ago, she still lived with her ex, fobbed me off that it was over and she was moving on etcā¦ Turned out she was just a bit of a player, and in my experience, women tend to be more proactively promiscuous in relationships than men are (men are often more honest when they are doing it)ā¦ My current relationship? Well, after 3 dates and it being clear I really liked her, I found out something horrendousā¦ Her (soon to be) ex-husband was pleading poverty and dossing at her house having followed her half way across the country, pulling at her kidsā heart strings not to kick him out. Turns out he was crashing there for months!
I had to give her an ultimatum to state where I stood for my own sanityā¦ Fortunately I am glad to say, she kicked him out for good within the week, and 5 and a bit years later I am sat next to her on the sofa typing this right nowā¦ But had I not made that ultimatum for my own sanity (and about the only time I would ever do so), I worry that things might have been quite different!
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