Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 139 total)
  • Your dating rules
  • scratch
    Free Member

    Came out of a pretty horrific relationship a couple of years ago and due to civid didn’t really start dating till summer last year, met someone really nice, but it fizzled out for me but after everything that happened previously I’m keen just to take things slow and meet people initially

    Always the way though, dating apps show nothing for a month then all of a sudden your chatting to 4 interesting people at once and looking to grab a coffee

    What’s the etiquette to maintain rule 1 here? Just be open and honest and say your taking things slowly, not looking to rush things or annoy anyone and leave it to them if it feels right? That was going to be my approach anyway

    andrewh
    Free Member

    Being honest is generally right in most situations. Applies here too🤷‍♂️

    scratch
    Free Member

    Yeah now I’ve tapped it out makes perfect sense, there’s occasion when I’m blind sided by something in this area so wanted to grab a few opinions

    Cougar
    Full Member

    I met someone nice, one of the very first things I said to her was “the last thing I want right now is a serious relationship” for not dissimilar reasons to yourself. A couple of years later we were buying a house together.

    Just be upfront, that way no-one gets hurt.

    scratch
    Free Member

    I remember you saying that on a previous thread Cougar, it had stuck in my head.

    MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    I’ve checked with MrsMC, and my dating rule is “Don’t!”. 🤷‍♂️

    RustySpanner
    Full Member

    Be nice, be honest and be faithful.

    No one from work.

    Someone who likes cycling, but more importantly someone who cycles at the same pace as you!

    Ignore age gaps. 10 years is nowt.

    If you like your own space, make sure they know that from the off.

    Avoid narcissists & emotional leeches.

    No Tories.

    mert
    Free Member

    Work out what your boundaries are as well.
    I’ve just split up with someone really nice because she’s decided she wants another kid.
    Wouldn’t entertain it with her ex. Because he’s a bit of a dick.
    But she now wants another kid, with me, because (apparently) I’m not a dick. But one of my hard boundaries is no more kids, I’ve already got two, and I’m nearly 50.

    So I’ve done what would appear to be a dick move and split up with her as she’s really quite keen.

    Can’t win either way.

    blackhat
    Free Member

    No Louise

    scratch
    Free Member

    Solid rules RB!

    Yeah, luckily a kit if the apps now allow you to tag ‘have kids dont want more’ which is useful to know from the off.

    I totally missed the Louise thread at the time, is it still knocking about?

    oldenough
    Free Member

    What’s the etiquette to maintain rule 1 here? Just be open and honest and say your taking things slowly, not looking to rush things or annoy anyone and leave it to them if it feels right? 

    I’ve just got back into dating this last year. I’d agree with most of that, especially rule 1 and being open and honest. Not quite about leaving it to them if it feels right. If things are feeling right for you communicate this. Holding back to long can end up with you missing the boat. Life’s to short (at my age anyway 😂) to waste time being coy.

    bfw
    Full Member

    I quite like this as general rules, but there is a key relationship rule at the end

    The six rules of life.
    1. Don’t like something just because you think other people will like it, because they won’t.
    2. What you think is important isnt. What you think is unimportant is.
    3. Lean into it.
    4. Don’t shit where you eat.
    5. Most doors are closed so if you want them to open you need a cool knock.
    6. Don’t sleep with people who have more problems than you do.

    bfw
    Full Member

    RustySpanner
    Full Member

    Be nice, be honest and be faithful.

    No one from work.

    Someone who likes cycling, but more importantly someone who cycles at the same pace as you!

    Ignore age gaps. 10 years is nowt.

    If you like your own space, make sure they know that from the off.

    Avoid narcissists & emotional leeches.

    No Tories.

    100% I have this. Been together now for 24 years and married since 2006, kids (heavy going twin boys with neurodiverse needs). Still head over heels, as a family and separate we do lots of activities and fun stuff.

    We are a real team with chores and kids. She has gone for bigger jobs and I have taken time out to look after my boys when needs be.

    I am super tidy and organised, and she is happy to be organised by me.

    I jokingly always say ‘always knew she would outstrip my earnings’ but it was and us true. I am not massively career motivated but with her support I have come good. I wouldn’t be as successful if it wasn’t for my wife.

    I make us spend money, she hesitates. She would rather spend cash on bikes rather than new wardrobes – true story

    Not religious but think god likes me sometimes.

    Oh she is faster than me on a bike. We met rowing, and she loves all things bikes.

    twistedpencil
    Full Member

    I’ve been back dating for around 18months, clearly not been successful so far 😀

    At first it was good for validation after being left after a long relationship, I’d juggle multiple dates to make sure I had something to do other than being at home alone.  But i found thats not sustainable, well for me at least.

    So I’m trying to not match with multiple people, two at most, and once it gets to a successful second date then I need to make a decision.

    To be honest, I’ve had lots a good first dates, but not had the energy to take it further, which suggests the spark isn’t there…

    Main thing is being honest with people even if it is hard to let someone down, it’s better than ghosting them.

    I’m having a break from dating, 1month date free so far 😀, suspect I’ll weaken at some point this week when the kids go to their mum.  But have a new bike so may be able to resist swiping right.

    I guess it is fairly simple, stick to rule 1, be open and don’t sweat it!

    And definitely agree with No Tories, careful, some folk change their political leanings from tory to moderate, I presume when the realise they are not getting many matches!

    lesgrandepotato
    Full Member

    Don’t put your fingers any where you wouldn’t put the old man.
    Apologies that’s power tools. I’m still married by some fluke.

    MrOvershoot
    Full Member

    As someone who decide to pull my finger out after being a widowed over 3 years ago, I have been thrust into the new to me world of internet dating.

    I made sure my profile was honest, the pictures were bang up to date and any chats in the dating site system were honest and open. It was a really life affirming thing that I was almost overwhelmed with offers!

    Went on 10 initial dates (neutral place at my age for me was garden centre cafe’s or slightly posh cafe’) and then if either felt a further date was on then perhaps a pub meal or a not to flash restaurant.

    I made sure all those I was seeing knew I was  talking/meeting up with others just to understand how I felt about how the whole situation.

    Very quickly I had 2 that really were keen on me and I on one of them. So now myself and the lady in question are very much an item and planning lots of fun stuff for next year. We both know its early days but have connected in so many ways it’s like we have known each other or should have known each other for decades.

    As for rules:

    1. Honesty
    2. No dick/fanny pictures
    3. Honesty
    4. Be open
    5. Honesty
    6. Listen
    7. Honesty
    8. Don’t bring sex up too early (Tinder excepted I’m led to believe)
    9. Honesty
    10. Make each other laugh
    11. Honesty
    12. Take it steady
    13. Honesty
    14. Have fun
    15. Honesty

    I could type more but I’ve got a wonderful woman on WhatsApp who deserves more attention than you lot 😉

    desperatebicycle
    Full Member

    “No-one from work” is a strangely modern thing isn’t it? Back before apps, nights out or flirting at work were the best ways to meet the opposite sex! Can’t imagine how you’d chat someone up at work now, without being dragged to HR.

    Online and apps are bloody horrible in comparison.
    Guess my main rule is, if they are rubbish at chatting online (ie, short answers, no questions in reply) ditch em.
    Also, in late 50s, physical attraction isn’t everything… you usually have to work at getting to know someone.
    I do have one more – advice from other people is pointless. When it comes to dating relationships everyone is different! 😂

    tjagain
    Full Member

    Ta Mr Overshoot.  gives me hope!

    I’m terrified by the whole concept being newly single at 61

    rOcKeTdOg
    Full Member

    depends on how old you are, I got back into dating when i was 39, found most of the dates had no time for pussy footing around and, well ahem, at the time I was quite into that myself after being with the same person before for 20 years. if you’re younger i’d say your dates will be much more receptive to taking things slower

    desperatebicycle
    Full Member

    And 39 is VERY different from 59!

    rOcKeTdOg
    Full Member

    And 39 is VERY different from 59!

    Well, 55 now and it’s not that different, but then I’m now in a great relationship which is usually when you get the most attention weirdly.

    I got quite addicted to adrenalin rush of first dates, I had the chat down so well I came across as very confident so got lots of offers for 2nd dates but I’d already moved on!

    I can see now that was Not pleasant for the dates but I wasn’t in a good place myself at the time. Took me 2 years to get that “kid in a sweet shop” mentality out of my system.

    So I’d say don’t do what I did and taking it slow is the best policy for everyone. You will find some if your dates will also have that sweet shop mentality too though.

    oldenough
    Free Member

    I’m terrified by the whole concept being newly single at 61

    No rush, I was widowed at 60, took me 2 years to even think about it. You’ll know when your ready.

    MrOvershoot
    Full Member

    tjagain

    Ta Mr Overshoot. gives me hope!

    I’m terrified by the whole concept being newly single at 61

    Just send us a PM and I can give you a bit more advice that I’m not posting up on here! But don’t rush anything.

    desperatebicycle
    Full Member

    Well, 55 now and it’s not that different

    Ok, for me it’s VERY different. As I said earlier, no 2 people are the same when it comes to relationships, so no point arguing, or even discussing it tbh.

    Kit
    Free Member

    I’ve had about 4 dates in 12 years (give or take) so my dating rules are:

    Don’t use your real name
    Pay in cash

    😉

    MrOvershoot
    Full Member

    I agree with Rocketdog. At 57 I don’t think my basic want’s for life have changed since I was 37?

    Also, in late 50s, physical attraction isn’t everything… you usually have to work at getting to know someone.

    To a degree I would say yes but it still counts for something even this Big Bear

    RustySpanner
    Full Member

    Hearty congrats Mr O. 🙂

    I assume you’re going to be busy this year, but please let us know if you fancy meeting up with Sue and I this year (nothing dodgy, we’ll be in the Burnley Chateu, no pressure).

    scratch
    Free Member

    On the apps you see a lot of ‘I want a guy who knows what they want’ and thinking about it I get this, I think for a large number of fellers it’s almost hardwired in to sleep with as many people as possible (due to any number of reasons at any given time in their life) and continuing with massive generalisations a small percentage of women are looking for some short term fun, but the numbers are maybe 60% on one side compared to 5-10% on the other?? Making the whole experience a right muddle as even if you’re getting on great on those first dates it takes a huge amount of confidence to set your stall out from the get go.

    There’s a couple of people I’ve met lately and internally your thinking this could be fun to see where it goes, but on the other side you know full well deep down that it’s definitely not long term, so I think the safest bet is again abide by rule 1 and either have that convo and be completely open from the start, or leave it at date 1/2 and move on, anything in between is being a dick.

    It is really tricky though as that thing about not dating people at work* goes, those feelings can take months to fully develop and show which fits work to a tee, do that in a none work/scenario and it’s back to endless will they/wont they effort.

    *Other less troublesome long-term social groups may be available.

    But thanks for the advice, I think I’m on the right track.

    If anyone is looking to use apps in the new year, make sure you take decent good quality pics of yourself, I spent years matching with a handful of people, new pics uploaded this year have really shown what works and what does not, just a crisp image in nice scenary ain’t a bad start.

    jekkyl
    Full Member

    Don’t date anyone more than an hours drive away.

    MrOvershoot
    Full Member

    RustySpanner

    Hearty congrats Mr O. 🙂

    I assume you’re going to be busy this year, but please let us know if you fancy meeting up with Sue and I this year (nothing dodgy, we’ll be in the Burnley Chateu, no pressure).

    Anytime Pete as at the moment until Mr Taxman takes a break I’m a man of no real plans, well apart from the lovely Debbie that is 🙂

    MrOvershoot
    Full Member

    jekkyl

    Don’t date anyone more than an hours drive away.

    Possibly or less than 10 minutes away?

    Not rules but mine is 50 lives 20 works. this is the same person BTW 🙂

    jkomo
    Full Member

    1st question:
    So did you see Mrs Browns Boys last week…
    Also useful in job interviews, by either side.

    emsz
    Free Member

    I love it when STW goes dating. My rules

    1. don’t date people who make lists.
    2. don’t date people who have v specific requirements, must be male, must be over 180cm, must be single, that sort of stuff. ergh, total turn off
    3. Go on dates, say yes to everything
    4. If your not shagging by date 3, what are doing? dump them, immediately
    5. don’t accept puppies/kittens etc as gifts
    6. DO NOT be honest. EVER. No one needs that shit in their lives
    7. If it’s not happening after date 1. Ghost them
    8. Do not take dating advice from people in long term relationships, they suck.

    twistedpencil
    Full Member

    Noted Emsz, that’s the kick up the arse I needed 😀

    shermer75
    Free Member

    What is rule 1?

    MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    What is rule 1?

    We don’t talk about the first rule….

    twistedpencil
    Full Member

    But if this is your first night, you must, date…

    singletrackmind
    Full Member

    Not been on a date for 20years. So very possibly not the person to ask. But I would avoid anyone whose spelling is atrocious. Fries my brain when people either don’t know or care about writing something down that’s chock full of spelling and grammar errors.

    MrOvershoot
    Full Member

    emsz

    love it when STW goes dating. My rules

    1. don’t date people who make lists.
    2. don’t date people who have v specific requirements, must be male, must be over 180cm, must be single, that sort of stuff. ergh, total turn off
    3. Go on dates, say yes to everything
    4. If your not shagging by date 3, what are doing? dump them, immediately
    5. don’t accept puppies/kittens etc as gifts
    6. DO NOT be honest. EVER. No one needs that shit in their lives
    7. If it’s not happening after date 1. Ghost them
    8. Do not take dating advice from people in long term relationships, they suck.

    So how long have you been in your relationship Emsz 😉

    mboy
    Free Member

    The six rules of life.
    1. Don’t like something just because you think other people will like it, because they won’t.
    2. What you think is important isnt. What you think is unimportant is.
    3. Lean into it.
    4. Don’t shit where you eat.
    5. Most doors are closed so if you want them to open you need a cool knock.
    6. Don’t sleep with people who have more problems than you do.

    Can’t disagree with points 1-5, but by the very nature of the problem and it taking 2 to tango, one party is by very definition going to have more problems than the other… 🤷🏻‍♂️

    That said… Always try to make sure it’s you that has the most problems, and if it’s them, don’t not sleep with them (sex with mentally unstable people is usually incredible in my experience!), just remove any emotion from it so you don’t get drawn in for a repeat performance or expect too much… This is where I went wrong for a decade or more…


    @emsz
    … 😂 Class! 👍🏻

    1st question:
    So did you see Mrs Browns Boys last week…

    You want to have worked that shit out before you turn up for a 1st date, messages or whatsapp… Don’t disagree with the sentiment though, but I’d be furious with myself for not doing the prep that allowed me to turn up to a date with someone with such a fundamental flaw in their character in the first place!

    I met someone nice, one of the very first things I said to her was “the last thing I want right now is a serious relationship” for not dissimilar reasons to yourself. A couple of years later we were buying a house together.

    11 months mate… I know this isn’t a game of Top Trumps, but beat that! 😂 Seriously though… We were both in a situation where we needed more stable accommodation, we both knew what we wanted, we had fallen head over heels in love for each other and we were ready for the next step… The pisser was that 2 weeks after putting the offer in on the house, she got diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer and would need a hysterectomy pronto… So spent the next few months nursing her back to health (blessing in disguise that it took 3 1/2 months to complete on the house to be honest, she was on her feet and helping out again by that time) and generally just being there for her. 4 years later, she’s returned the favour nursing me through Bowel Cancer, so we have quite a bond now!

    I would avoid anyone whose spelling is atrocious. Fries my brain when people either don’t know or care about writing something down that’s chock full of spelling and grammar errors.

    Your opinion on this will change for the right person… Mine has! My first serious GF was an Oxford English Literature graduate, I’m not ashamed to say her grasp of the English language was a massive turn on. Subsequent GF’s were all very smart, English graduates for the mostpart again, other languages thrown in too. My current GF should have been picked up as dyslexic at school, but never was. Her spelling is patchy, her grammar often pretty atrocious! You know what though… She’s the nicest, most lovely person I have ever met, and I wouldn’t be without her. She’s not thick, not by a long stretch, just struggles with English language a bit, and though she frustrates me at times I know she is trying and I understand that her redeeming qualities far outweigh my my prior prejudices to people that can speak the Queen’s (King’s?!?!) English perfectly…

    I’ve had about 4 dates in 12 years (give or take) so my dating rules are:

    Don’t use your real name
    Pay in cash

    And pretend you don’t speak English when her pimp turns up yeah…? 🤔😉

    What’s the etiquette to maintain rule 1 here? Just be open and honest and say your taking things slowly, not looking to rush things or annoy anyone and leave it to them if it feels right? That was going to be my approach anyway

    I don’t think that’s a bad approach… Being up front and honest about your intentions will serve you well in the longer run. No point saying you’re looking for something serious when you’re not, you’ll get found out in no time. Also you would attract the wrong types!

    I’ll be honest here, I have had some dating disasters in the past and I’ve also met some amazing women in my time too. Some of those relationships have worked out, some haven’t. But they have helped shape me into the person I am today too… But if there had to be one rule I could apply it would be thus…

    -No living under the same roof as their ex.

    Honestly, you’d be surprised how often this is still the case. Sometimes because of an honest breakup and they haven’t had the chance to sell the house yet, but often far more involved. I was seeing this one girl for a while many years ago, she still lived with her ex, fobbed me off that it was over and she was moving on etc… Turned out she was just a bit of a player, and in my experience, women tend to be more proactively promiscuous in relationships than men are (men are often more honest when they are doing it)… My current relationship? Well, after 3 dates and it being clear I really liked her, I found out something horrendous… Her (soon to be) ex-husband was pleading poverty and dossing at her house having followed her half way across the country, pulling at her kids’ heart strings not to kick him out. Turns out he was crashing there for months!

    I had to give her an ultimatum to state where I stood for my own sanity… Fortunately I am glad to say, she kicked him out for good within the week, and 5 and a bit years later I am sat next to her on the sofa typing this right now… But had I not made that ultimatum for my own sanity (and about the only time I would ever do so), I worry that things might have been quite different!

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