The bar has been raised in our house today. One of them likes to climb into the tumble drier despite our best efforts.

Only today it coincided with an episode of explosive shartmaggedon. Now have a shite filled tumble drier.

Luckily it’s a fairly good quality non-condensing one so there’s a chance I can dismantle and clean but fearing there will always be some stench there.

Now that’s impressive.

We have a lot of hammer marks in our windowsills…never worked out which did it.

There must be more…

Feel bad laughing but from this distance that is funny.

Hope you do manage to get it cleaned though.

Can’t blame this on my kids because it was me! Tried making wine when I was 14. Put grape juice yeast and sugar into some bottles and put them on top of the shelves in mums kitchen. Came home from school to an almighty bollocking some time later.- they’d exploded all over the ceiling spraying the kitchen in a sticky stinking syrup. I’d completely forgotten about my half arsed “science” experiment.

Someone carved pictures into wallpaper when they were about 4/6 – still never found out if one of them or a friend.
Playing darts without anything around the dartboard or on the (wooden) floor.

It doesn’t even get better in the teens. Just redecorated a bedroom. He wanted to practice his baseball pitching and, fair enough, he used my old bouldering mat to save damage to the walls. Only he’s not that accurate. This weekend I’ll be teaching about plastering.

Hope you do manage to get it cleaned though.

It’s looking promising – consistency seems to be korma rice pudding so don’t think it’s seeped to far

#TOTW contender right here

While ago now, bought some nice new speakers. Thought I’d see how they looked without the mesh covers on.Looked pretty cool, until the next day, when I saw that the child had pushed both cones in. I’m sure he didn’t mean to destroy Daddy’s nice things but why he did one, then thought hmmm the other needs to match… I’ll never know.

Can’t blame this on my kids because it was me! Tried making wine when I was 14. Put grape juice yeast and sugar into some bottles and put them on top of the shelves in mums kitchen. Came home from school to an almighty bollocking some time later.- they’d exploded all over the ceiling spraying the kitchen in a sticky stinking syrup. I’d completely forgotten about my half arsed “science” experiment.

I did similar once – had made sloe gin and then re-used the gin soaked sloes to make Slider (sloe cider) by mixing them with scrumpy. This was all done in a glass bottle with a plastic stopper in it which fit onto a kitchen cupboard shelf with only a few mm to spare. Just as I was leaving the house my other half slid the bottle out of the cupboard only for the stopper to pop out, resulting in an almighty eruption of manky scrumpy and by now very pulpy sloes to cover the kitchen ceiling and walls. I made my excuses and left her there swearing.

lol @ tomd! I still keep abreast of Mr Jamieson of GMBC’s exploits via Instagram, this is the kinda thing he posts under his beigelife hashtag, always makes me laugh!.

On my first trip out in our new (to us) T5 Caravelle my lovely son managed to stick a fork in the leather trim on the door and pull the in-built blind out as the electric door was closing completely destroying it. At the time I was furious, on reflection both weren’t really his fault I shouldn’t have had him in that position to do the damage. The interior is absolutely trashed now after 10 years of abuse if it happened now I wouldn’t even bat an eyelid

Reminds me of this great, now banned, advert

John Lewis

On one long journey, I realised my then toddler was being quiet in the back. At a suitable juncture, I turned round to see him carefully and methodically grinding fresh strawberry into the door cards and other fabric-covered areas around the rear seat (but not, of course, the actual child seat).

“Strawberry, daddy!”, he said, brandishing the worn-down nub of the latest artistic endeavour.

On my first trip out in our new (to us) T5 Caravelle

Yeah feel your pain – took my daughter to collect our new Caddy. She was 4 at the time and long since potty trained but she pished herself bigtime on the way back. Back 2 seats were soaked, smell has been downhill since then.

Only today it coincided with an episode of explosive shartmaggedon. Now have a shite filled tumble drier.

Spectacular! 😆

Different, by my son, now 16 has a history of major medical events just before big summer holidays. Broken arms x3 years in a row, legs, 27stiches in knee, this year was covid. Not the sam, but still destructive.

And another new STW threat has been born “shart in their tumble dryer”

“Strawberry, daddy!”, he said, brandishing the worn-down nub of the latest artistic endeavour

Reminds me of another. “Don’t let the kids eat or drink in the front seats” say I to my wife as I head for the supermarket leaving them in the car park. Return to find them in the front seats having poured orange juice into the ignition. Car won’t start. In rural France. That was a nice holiday.

When we moved house I thought I’d be helpful to the buyers and leave the paint tins for the wall paints in case they needed to touch up etc. I left them in the corner of the garage (on the perfectly painted garage floor)

The day before we left my 6 year old secretly piled the tins into a pyramid, and then left to ‘help’ with packing. At some point overnight the top tin fell off his pyramid, bounced on the floor and vomited Oxford Blue all over the garage.

That was a nice welcome for the new buyers 😀

Disclaimer – not my kids but when I was one.
When I was very small, and my big bro slightly less so, we were left in the Morris Marina outside my grandparents for a few minutes while my dad ran in.
“Don’t touch the radio or the horn!” were his parting instructions.
So we didn’t.
Bro however had a fascination with the cigarette lighter and was entranced by the way the tip glowed orange after he’d pushed it in (I assume it either worked without the keys, or they were left in the ignition – can’t remember)
Wondering if it was still hot after the glow had faded, but not wanting to touch it (just in case, y’know), he experimented.
He decided the best way was to ‘enhance’ the vinyl padded dashboard by branding little circles all over it, delighting at his artwork and the smell.
Memories are sketchy, but I seem to recall my dad being less than delighted!
Bro’s a graphic designer now…

When she was about three my daughter decided to make the tricky ascent up to the ‘out of reach’ snack cupboard to win a prize of a chocolate penguin.

Unfortunately, just as she got to the choclatey prize, she fell. She grabbed the cupboard door handle, pulling it off. The door hit the microwave underneath, smashing the glass door, the digital radio fell of the microwave, breaking on the floor, but not before leaving a big dent in the laminate.

So broken cupboard, microwave, digital radio and damaged floor. But no penguin.

My parents washing machine had a broken door release, so they used to use the emergency cable pull at the bottom of the machine. It worked and saved replacing the machine.

My brother was ~5 when he decided he would help Mummy empty the washing machine – only it was still mid cycle and full of water when he pulled the cable and the door popped open…flooding the entire kitchen!

Mine was I was so excited in a hot car on a French road that we were going to Disney World that I threw up – right into the fan unit on the car fridge plugged in on the floor next to me. I remember being sat by the side of the road feeling rough, watching my Dad trying to shake sick out through the vent!

OP – you have made me laugh a lot! Thanks. Good luck!

2 which spring to mind are both car related –

Youngest daughter eating a Cadburys cream egg in the back of my BMW – decided she didn’t like the goo inside so wiped the whole lot along the alcantara door trim.

Eldest daughter vomited chocolate milkshake over the seats in my 3 day old Passat back in 2014.
If you’ve ever tried to remove milk from car seats (especially in part-digested vomit form) its basically impossible…

I was all ready to list some of the unintentionally destructive stuff our kids have done, but I am sorry – there is no way the OP post will ever be beaten so I won’t try.

Good work OPs offspring.

Not quite on topic, but loosely related…

I was impressed with my daughters irony skills when she killed a spider with her RSPCA annual.

We have been quite lucky so far. Probably the worst was vomiting milk all over the back of the car. I took the back seat out and pressure washed it, once dry you would never have known.

The other was pouring a juice carton into the laptop keyboard.

Oldest was about 6 at the time, we were out for a walk and we found some natural chalk.
He decided to keep a chunk of chalk rock – fast forward a few days later and there was a nice chalk drawing on the bonnet of the car…
…let’s just say the chalk drawing didn’t just dust off. Oh how we all laughed!

My neighbour eventually bought the car from us, he questioned the go faster markings, we told him it must have been local youths ! * he still has the car and yes the drawings are still on the bonnet.

Oldest was advised never to chalk draw again…on paint work of cars.

My son moved in to his girlfriend’s house. It wasn’t well equipped and his Gran bought him a new cooker, so I wired it in for them, and left the instructions on top. Her 3 year old wandered into the kitchen, found this new thing with nice twiddly knobs on the front and set the instructions on fire. Fortunately the smoke warned them before it spread.

I don’t have kids but one of my friends daughters decided to clean the TV screen, only she used a piece of sandpaper instead of a duster….

This is a great thread.

Driving back from a wedding down the M6 in my van, the wife decided her hangover needed flat coke. I can see her shaking the bottle but wasn’t prepared for her then opening it in an explosion of fizz round the cabin whilst I’m swerving around trying to keep control. She is still embarassed 15 years on.

Mates boys decided it would be a great idea to spray massive cocks on the road of their cul-de-sac in wd40. 3 years on and every time it rains they reveal themselves.

Mates boys decided it would be a great idea to spray massive cocks on the road of their cul-de-sac in wd40. 3 years on and every time it rains they reveal themselves.

Oh that’s brilliant.

Driving back from a wedding down the M6 in my van, the wife decided her hangover needed flat coke. I can see her shaking the bottle but wasn’t prepared for her then opening it in an explosion of fizz round the cabin whilst I’m swerving around trying to keep control. She is still embarassed 15 years on

my wife did this too. although we were in france and she was driving. I still laugh at her every time we drive around paris.

she also tried to drink prosecco as it spouted vertically from the recently dropped, and even more recently opened, bottle sat on teh worktop with teh effect of spreading it further around the kitchen. I was quite impressed with her effort to minimise wastage though!

I cant recally anything massively expensive the kids have done. 1 drew on the walls a bit but nothing a coat of white paint wouldnt cure and certainly not OP standard.

Bosses kids decided to clean his new car with snow, picked up from the gravel drive, suffice to say it didn’t buff out.

When I was little I loved throwing stones into water, my grandparents still had a downstairs loo by the backdoor and a big pebble to hold the back door open. Dropped it in the toilet, big splash, and then it went through the side of the bowel. I was not popular.

related to the OP’s story but without the poop, my kids love to collect rocks, our old washing machine had died so we popped out to argos picked up a new one lugged it up to our third floor flat plumbed in, set off the first load and popped out to the park. upon our return the block of flats sounded like someone was doing some wall demolition……. it was the new washing machine trying to escape the kitchen as a giant peeble was wedged between the glass door and the drum! the machine only did one more wash before the bearing broke on the drum. moral of the story check ALL pockets and pay for the insurance!

I once drove home in my brand new VW Passat co car. It was a 5 mile journey. I remember this as that is how long it lasted before it got its first mark. Well a complete respray of the front wing & door.

I had pulled up at home to show the car to my wife and my excited son rode up to me on his little bike, accidentally running his brake lever down the side of my car.

Oh how we laughed about that one.

I won’t grass kids up so here are some of mine

Show off Uncle drove over 100 miles to ‘just pop in’ in his shiney new Jaguar or Rover and take us out for a drive. I was allowed to sit in the front so I could see all the switches and he could make Mum and Dad squeeze in the back. The new car smell over came my delicate stomach and I threw up into the air vents and central console which shorted out the window switches so we had to drive home with just the smell being blown around the car.

The day my parents sold their car the new one wasn’t available for collection but they did the paperwork and sold it with the proviso that they could still use it until the new car was ready at the weekend. I borrowed it to drive to a mates house and at the single width hump[ back bridge on the way there a car coming towards me thought he could get over the bridge. He did but unfortunately I drove over his bonnet and right down the side of his car while he did it. Both write-offs.

Pouring petrol from the lawn mower tank over a tennis ball, lighting it and kicking it around the closed garage is great fun until Dad walks in, knocks the can all over the floor and suddenly you are engulfed in a flame inferno.

There are more…

When our girls were just over one year old, my wife was taking them out in the car so she got one and took her out to put her in her car seat, leaving the other in the house. When she was walking back to the front door she saw her flicking the latch on the mortice deadbolt on our very recently installed high security solid oak front doors.

She was in a panic and called me home from work to help and after about thirty minutes of trying to encourage her to throw the latch open again (without success). At this point our daughter found a plastic bag and started playing with it so I had no choice but to shoulder charge the back door down (which was easier to break down than the front doors). It still made a hell of a mess of the frame though.

There are more…

As it is you that is sharing these stories I can believe them.

My sister did a good one too. She drove Dad’s Ford Cortina into the garage with a bike firmly attached to the roof rack.

The bike was smashed.
The up and over double garage door was dented beyond repair.
The mounting points for the garage door were partially ripped from the wall and ceiling so the garage needed a new ceiling.
The roof rack was clamped to the rain gutters of the car roof which it neatly removed while still bending to be useable.
The car, without the rain gutters, had nothing to hold the roof panel on properly so was written off.

Apparently she was very upset and we weren’t allowed to mention it ever again and certainly not post it on the internet.

Just thinking back, my Dad’s last three Fords were all written off in accidents involving my sister or me.

The red one died during a driving lesson with Mum she shouted stop as I approached a round about. she should have said slow but I did what she said and slammed on the brakes, locking the wheels and getting hit up the chuff by a Transit carrying scaffolding.

That was replaced by the blue one my sister wrote off a few months later and then the bridge was a burgundy Sierra. After that my parents switched to Toyotas and have only wrote two of those off in the following 20 years.

Eldest at age 2 and a bit decided to draw a nice picture.

On the neighbours new Jaguar driver and passenger door with a pebble.

😲

If we are getting on to our mishaps I have one…

When we were kids (I was about nine, middle of three boys), my younger brother had a paddy, smashed a toy up and threw it around the room so I walked out and left him to it. When I went back in I sat down on the sofa and spectacularly cut my hand open on the ripped apart remnants of his tin toy, leading to copious amounts of blood everywhere. I went to see my mum who was trying to sort me out when my older brother saw the bloodbath and promptly fainted, hitting his head and cutting that open, leading to more blood everywhere.

Still – mine was the most impressive – I had to go to A&E for stitches and I still have the scar some 45 years later.

As WCA – I have more too…