Stuff that makes you disproportionately cross

Son in year 11, we’ve got a thing at school starting 5:15 to do with 6th form stuff. He texts me to ask if I can pick him from school, 15:45 so he has time to get changed and stuff.

I come down stairs 5 mins ago and he’s sat there still in his **** school uniform eating Weetabix!!!!

These tiny white flies, like midges, that appeared last week, millions of them, you cant go outside for 5 minutes without itching

Online companies that send you a dispatch email with a tracking number when they have zero intention of actually getting the parcel to the post office for a week. Yes you’ve logged it on, well done you…now how about actually posting it?

Quiz shows where the host says “Good guess but it’s wrong” Well it’s a shit guess then as if it was a good guess it would have been right.

That Braverman says one particular flag may be illegal but many flags of purely terrorist organisations are not.

As a ‘creative’, people who expect you to work for nothing but exposure.
A bloke came to me recently, wanting an enormous vinyl record storage wall building.
Ceiling high vinyl storage, 2.5m wide with a huge pull out surface into which he wanted all his decks, amps and mixers etc sunk into.
Cool job, but a very big job, needing very strong materials and some over engineering considering he wants a 2.3m wide pull out section in one piece, housing lots of heavy audio equipment.
I build a quote up and the materials alone would be well over 2k. I estimate 4k upwards for me to build and install it, and that’s being fairly lean on the time it’ll realistically take me to build such a big piece.
He comes back saying, he only wants to go to 2.5k but that he would happily promote me to his 157000 followers on Instagram.
🙄

Suggest to him that he crowdfunds the rest of the cost of your work then gets back to you when he can afford it.

Or just point him in the direction of screwfix and the local timber merchant :-D

People that go on holiday in the UK but only ever seem to go to Cornwall.

The first post in my German cycle group evey **** time…. without fail.
Helmet?

And no, its not “Helmut” who is riding

websites that make it impossible to find out the real sub cost but have ‘free trial’ plastered everywhere.  Why should I have to look on reddit for something that should be on your site

Parking at Bike Park Wales. 

being awake, and people that expext you to act like youve slept in a week
Also doctors that wont give you sleeping pills, the non addictive ones, in case you get addicted, or because they make other people go sleep-driving/shopping

Also doctors that wont give you sleeping pills, the non addictive ones, in case you get addicted, or because they make other people go sleep-driving/shopping

Don’t wish to make light of your struggles with insomnia but Jesus half the country appears to be sleep shopping. Just walking around a shop at I would consider normal pace I’m very aware that I’m moving twice the speed of everyone else. And when I’m subsequently close to or moving around these other people I have to out of politeness slow down to their ambling pace which I maintain takes more effort than walking normally.

It never ceases to amaze me how slowly people amble through life.

When I was a teenager I figured the problem was mine, it was just my youthful vim and vigour. I’m in my 50s now and I still want to hoof people out of the way. For ****’s sake, how long does it take to buy a pint of milk? Walk to shelf in a straight line, pick up bottle, **** off. But no, they’re in a haze, waggledancing down the aisle at a pace of which any slower and they’d be going back in time. One person blocking off a corridor three metres wide is a special talent.

Just walking around a shop at I would consider normal pace I’m very aware that I’m moving twice the speed of everyone else

Yep, happened to me. Admittedly it was a Sunday morning, but It’s not like I’m moving like Flash ™ I pretty much had to come to an emergency  dead stop not to walk into the back of a bloke shuffling out of Tesco Express.

I like to imagine I’m in the ‘Dawn of the dead’ shopping mall when shopping and also do some zombie groaning noises in my head…. it helps me get through the ordeal without getting frustrated :-D

t never ceases to amaze me how slowly people amble through life.

If you ever get to chiang mai,thailand, the Sunday Market shopping street is one of those places where yo’ll lose all hope, as the shoppers move from stall to stall,at snail’s pace, in one impenetrable mass, like a packed concert where youll never get through to the front. A 2 minute walk takes at least an hour

Being an adult makes me disproportionally cross.

So much stuff I want to buy for my hobbies but I have just spaffed £650 replacing our tumble dryer. How can I possible get excited about a new tumble dryer?

Drivers who fail to stop before the solid white line at traffic lights but drive a metre over it before stopping.

Cyclists that cycle across the ASL box and then stop in the pedestrian crossing, too far forward to see the lights change. Either jump the fing light or don’t!

Food recipes that say thinks like:

1 medium potato

That’s really no help what so ever.

Food recipes that say thinks like

Add chilli/seasoning/garlic etc to taste.

I don’t know, thats why I have attempted to use a recipe to tell me how much to use.

waggledancing down the aisle

I aspire to be this person…

Come on try harder!

Food recipes that say thinks like:

1 medium potato

That’s really no help what so ever.

You’ve seen a small potato.
You’ve seen a really big potato- one that’s made you say “wow, that’s a BIG potato”

You are fully equipped to judge ‘medium’. It’s not that crucial: if it was they would not have been vague!

This week I’m annoyed at the parking around Jr’s school. I mostly try to ignore it – it’s woeful but I can’t change the behaviour of fifty other parents.

But now people have started parking on the double yellows *even when there’s spaces free*

So they can park in ‘their’ regular space

🤯

Saffron, in recipes.

It’s ridiculously expensive and does/adds just nothing. I never bother with it in anything that’s asked for it and it can do one quite frankly.

Screw you saffron!

Come on try harder!
You’ve seen a small potato.
You’ve seen a really big potato- one that’s made you say “wow, that’s a BIG potato”

I’m not letting this go…

In the context of making say a spanish omelette for 1 serving…

Smol potat

Chonky powtayto

2 examples of a ‘medium ‘ potato…but one could easily be twice the weight of the other, or is one of these classed as small and the other classed as large?

You’ve seen a small potato.
You’ve seen a really big potato- one that’s made you say “wow, that’s a BIG potato”

You are fully equipped to judge ‘medium’.

Pizza shop down the road does pizzas in small / medium / large.

What’s a “medium” pizza here? 9″? 10″? 12″? I’ve seen small pizzas the size of the plates you’d get a bread roll on, and large pizzas that have to be tilted at an angle to get through the front door. Throw me a bone here.

Throw me a bone here.

What size?

Peter Bone ?

Movies, specifically having to sit through 5 minutes worth of numerous production companies logos/adverts before the film starts. JUST GET ON WITH IT AND START THE EFFIN MOVIE!

I wonder what film has the most?

It never ceases to amaze me how slowly people amble through life.

This is the main reason I shop online. Supermarkets cause me to meltdown with pure rage. Full to the brim with gormless bastards shuffling around and smelling funny.

People who make a third lane on wide single carriageways i.e. overtake towards oncoming traffic. Especially in the rain and dark first thing in the morning. You might be happy to accept the risk of a head on collision at 60mph to save 5 minutes but the rest of us aren’t and don’t get the choice.

This week I’m annoyed at the parking around Jr’s school…But now people have started parking on the double yellows *even when there’s spaces free*

Speak to your council, councillors and/or community policing team. Around our way they have been very good at sending cops/civil enforcement officers around to pickup and dropoff to ticket people.

Senior people at work expecting you to work on work related thing when not at work. Or come in early/finish late for the same. Mention the fact that there are a finite number of hours in the working day and you get looked at like you have three heads! Seriously, when did this become a thing and why should anyone put up with it?

Senior people at work expecting you to work on work related thing when not at work. Or come in early/finish late for the same. Mention the fact that there are a finite number of hours in the working day and you get looked at like you have three heads! Seriously, when did this become a thing and why should anyone put up with it?

I’ve had this before…  apparently saying  ‘if you pay me the same wage you are on, you can call me out of hours to sort things out’ is  unprofessional and ‘not being a team player’.

unprofessional and ‘not being a team player’.

There’s no £ in TEAM, Matty.

Coupe SUVs

Just being near one in traffic elicits an episode of swearing and spitting at the inside of my windscreen that is wholly disproportionate. I saw a Merc today that made the transit connect in front of it look like my son’s baby walker! And the **** prat driving it had the driver/passenger windows limo tinted. **** me. And breathe..

I wonder what film has the most?

Logos, the story of Aristotle.

There’s no £ in TEAM, Matty.

There is no ‘I’ in team.

But there is a ‘U’ in *u**.