in fact it’s the biggest mistake of my life.

To give a bit of background I’m a 21 year old apprentice bus mechanic. I went through college and qualified as an IT technician, but I didn’t enjoy it and thought I’d prefer something more hands on so eventually became a bus mechanic, I chose the job because it appealed to my interests, not because of the money (well £12 – 14 an hour isn’t a lot when fully qualified.)

I work any overtime required, I’m never late and I hold the attitude that every job must be done well and right and I will do everything I can to ensure that is the case. Sure I’m not perfect, I just wanted to get my attitude across there without wanting to be a cock. I personally enjoy my work and find a good amount of satisfaction in it.

On another note, I’ve never had a relationship, a few one night stands but I’d like a relationship.

In short I want to do a good honest job because I enjoy it and want a genuine relationship too.

But I feel that I am a just a div, I work my arse of when other people stand about and scrape through the day, in fact why am I even fixing buses it’s hard manual labour, I should have bullshitted and got my self a nice desk job, looked busy and done the bare minimum.

With women they just want to be entertained, told pretty stories about travelling and have a guy with a cool job in graphic design (better still a personal trainer) and a beard. Not someone who doesn’t have a car and a job which has no “status” in society.

I thought I’d follow my heart in things and now I think I should have followed my brain, got a nice job, a nice flat and car, impressed some dopey fit girl with that shit and used her until I got bored and moved onto somebody else… ad infinitum

This is roughly how I’m thinking at the moment, I’m struggling to put it into words so I know it sounds a bit silly but…

With your outstanding attitude to women I’m surprised they’re not falling at your feet.

You are only 21, bloody hell mate. A baby 🙂

Saying this in the nicest possible way, but perhaps your problems with the fairer sex are down to your attitudes to them…

Can you hold your head high and say you’ve done a good days work? Can you say you had a good night last night with your fling and you both knew what it was? Are happy with your lifestyle?

That’s all that really matters. You’re 21 so very young still and have enough years ahead if you wish to change things. Enjoy life.

Desk jobs aren’t all their cracked up to be! Currently stuck in the office on ‘other duties’ for the last 12 weeks, all I want to do is get back out in the rain and the sun, working in dirty holes in the street. And you will always get lazy colleagues…they are usually the ones with no job satisfaction. Even when you spend two hours sorting out someone else’s mess, there is satisfaction from a job well done.

Job enjoyment is the no.1 priority in my eyes…job status means f-all!

What this sounds like is you listening to what everyone else is telling you should be doing. Screw them! Do what you want, do what makes you happy, be the person you want to be; don’t be a ****. Once you feel confident in that, everything else will fall into place.

My attitude to women? I’d like a genuinie relationship, the one night stands I’ve had weren’t really what I wanted but it was there, so I wasn’t going to say no. None of them could have been relationships.

I am starting to feel that my honesty and want to be genuine is wasted and that I need work in self interest more, I don’t like thinking like that.

I am essentially saying is; what is the point in being genuine when I should be learing to lie as it will get me further in life.

Forget the women, men will be more your thing. HTH

Theres only one path for you young man, stop feeling sorry for yourself !

Joining the French Foreign Legion

Your opinions of Women is way off, but you’re young and down in the dumps so we can forgive it, lots of people (men and women) are superficial though, it declines with age in my experience.

These women who only like Graphic Designers and PTs? Where are you meeting them – nightclubs? IME the most short-sighted, materialistic superficial people I’ve ever met were ‘clubbers’ they all seem to move to the Middle East in thier 30s and buy lots of white consumer goods ha ha.

Anyway, don’t worry about Personal Trainers, like night club DJs and Lettings Agents, they seem cool when you’re 21, by the time they’re 30 people will realise there’s 10 times as many of them as there are people who’ll pay them and they’re usually broke and devoid of personality.

I’ve been drinking

Bus mechanic? That’s where your’e going wrong! You need to tell the girls your’e a truck mechanic or even better, a heavy plant fitter/technician. (‘yeah love, I fix big ***K off diggers’)
They’ll be falling at your feet!

You need to tell the girls your’e a truck mechanic

Not sure why you think lying will get you further. Go with your heart and do what you think is best.

Bus mechanics can be sexy.

I’ve worked on trucks, sadly Guy Martin is a lost reference on girls my age.

I’d be more than happy to date older women but they aren’t interested in me because I’m younger.

Go ride your bike.

Im a mechanic its manual its dirty but i love the satisfaction of diagnosing a fault and repairing it. Ive done sales and management work it bored me to tears. Once qualified and with a few years experience the money can be very good if your willing to travel or work the hours in places no one else wants to go. Busses aren’t the best paid workshops.
As far as women go they just kind of happen when your not even looking.

Drac got it spot on. I was in a similar position at your age, but without the one night stands.

Wait till you are 46, and doing a horrendous desk job for the same pay rate, supporting a wife and two kids. 😥

Tell the truth, can’t find a woman, whinge on here about it
Tell porkies, find the woman of your dreams, she finds out about the pokies, you get dumped and whinge on here about it.
guess we’ll be seeing more of you then? At least on line you can pretend you work in IT and drive an Audi

The age thing can prove a bit of an issue sometimes but if you are mature then you will be OK. In the last few years I’ve only dated one younger lady the rest have been 2-8 years older I’m 24 now.

You shouldn’t think that most women are superficial, though I have happened to notice that power and status often attracts beauty.

OP I’m probably closer in age to you than most on here (24). I can’t help at all on the women front- I met my wife completely by chance (good old random allocation of accomodation) and it’s stuck for the last 5 years or so (only been married a few months though).

The being honest thing interests me though. I’ve always tried to do what I think is right, pick up other peoples mess at work without complaining, and generally get on by simply working hard and being the best I can be at what I do. The last few weeks I’ve got pretty tired of it though, and I often wonder if I could talk my way into an office to shuffle paper and surf STW, then go home at 5:15 and ride my bike. As it is I’m stuck in a shop till gone 6pm with a pig of a commute, because I decided I would try and do something I was passionate about.

In summary you will never know what the right thing to do is, but it’s easy to look back years later and think you should have gone a different way! Make the most of where you are, and I guess I hope one day someone will reward me for thinking and acting the way I do- might not get rich though!

Bus companies are quite meritocratic

I know a few who started out as mechanics and are now board members

If you want to work your way up it’s still possible in the bus industry

muckytee – Member
This is roughly how I’m thinking at the moment, I’m struggling to put it into words so I know it sounds a bit silly but…

Sonny, (as in the elder Geordie addresses the young as in the local norm)

You have one night stand before/at 21! You have done far better than me. 😯

At 21 I was still a virgin. At that age I never saw a real nakid female body! Fact! (I think I had some boom boom near 22 … ya! I scored!)

Ok let’s get this right … you love doing what you do and you are honest about your work. That is a VERY big plus in life. You reap what you sow later on so keep doing the good work.

You are 21 and at this age you are still learning life. Forward it few years down the road and if you can become very good at your work you will be high in demand, as good honest people are not easy to come by these days. Just look at the people around you … do you want to be like them with short term fix? Keep learning your trade and keep bettering yourself.

Few years down the road, who knows you might become the top in your field in fixing big vehicles and guess what, you might even be able to establish or set yourself up a business becoming your own boss. That’s where you start to reap the seed that you sow i.e. learning experience. You will then see your income increasing to the point of having more than enough for you. Once you got that things will change.

Have you see those ugly rich people on news etc? Have you wondered why they are so ugly yet they got a nice looking wife/gf/female companion(s)? Ya, money might help a bit but it is their success that is the attraction. They then got the opportunity to pick and choose as they wish. Some choose well, some don’t.

If you can manage to continue your good work without feeling envious of others when the time comes you will be the happiest person on earth. That’s what you are aiming for … not something of a short term fix as the journey is still a long long way ahead.

Don’t let envy consume you … you like to be successful? You need to put in the hard HONEST work and when the time comes you will be so happy no words can describe you.

When you reach the age of 50 and with a happy family try to recall the above to see if it makes sense.

Remember a good honest person who have not let envy or jealous consume them will live a happy life.

There is no short cut in life … 😛

Oh ya … shagging is shagging and once you experience it the rest will be the same. Just friction on your manly tool.

you do an honest days work for an honest days pay, i salute you sir.

you’re only 21, like the cliche says, you’re looking at the wrong women if all they want is beards and travel stories.

Relax, bike a bit and it will all come to you

Ive got a decent job and I’ve had plenty of fancy cars, I assure you no woman pay me any attention, my mate who’s a gardener and spends his life in old shorts and stained t shirts can’t carry enough sticks to beat them off with.

I assume it’s because he’s fantastically good looking, and I’m, how can I say, not?

I’d be more than happy to date older women but they aren’t interested in me because I’m younger.

you need to start visiting some different bars 😈

ninfan – Member

I’d be more than happy to date older women but they aren’t interested in me because I’m younger.

you need to start visiting some different bars [/quote]

Watch out for bingo wings they will ride you senseless like no tomorrow. Yeehhhaaa! Cowboy! 😆

You’ll be pleased to know that I work in media, earn loads of money, have a beard, tell loads of travel stories on dates and shag loads of women.

Sometimes life is hard. 😉

..and I thought JHJ’s detrailed thread was bizarre.

Young person in “all my woes are caused by other people” shocker.

Stick at it and the self awareness will come.

Right then Sonny Jim, some free advice. 😉

Job.

Do whatever it is that pleases you. Forget about the money, that will come when you’re good at your job. Learn everything you can about it, knowledge is king. Be the best you can be. An office sometimes looks cushy, smart suit, etc. But don’t do something you hate because it looks good. You have a long time working, so make sure it’s something you like doing.

Women.

Not all of the fairer sex are air heads. The type of women in nightclubs are mostly looking for the same thing as most of the blokes. If you want to find an interesting woman then you have to go and do interesting things where interesting people do them. .

You.

Be yourself, not the **** you are portraying in your OP. You need to like yourself before you can expect someone else too. Now go ride your bike, go and do interesting things and start to like yourself.

Serious question… Do you look 21?

I’m 35 and I see 21yo’s that look older than me. When I was 21, girls my own age thought I was a kid! The shallow ones that is…

Which is my point… Sounds like you’re spending your time chasing after shallow women (in nightclubs per chance?) when there’s scores of decent women out there that just want a nice honest guy that treats them well, and puts a smile on their face.

It took me til I was in my 30’s to realise this (herein giving you a 10 year head start and the benefit of my experience).

In the meantime though, you’re still a kid, have fun, sew your seed, ride bikes and don’t wish your life away. Better to do it now than end up in too serious a relationship too soon, possibly with kids and a mortgage, and get to 40 and resent them and go off the rails then!

I look younger by a few years,

Do something interesting? Work and mountain biking are all full of men, as is the gym. I have no time for anything else 🙁

I have a full time job, a demanding family, bikes. I still manage to go out with my wife, teach lifesaving, and spend too much time on here.

You need to set your priorities. How many hours do you work? 40? 50? You still have 100+ hours a week to sort yourself out. Take off the sleeping and you have around 60 hours. No excuses. Get yourself sorted.

I look younger by a few years,

Turn your weaknesses into strengths. Play the “cheeky young chappie” card…

Do something interesting? Work and mountain biking are all full of men, as is the gym.

I’ve met many single ladies into mountain biking over the years, and as for gyms… I don’t go to one these days, but join a few classes and you will definitely meet plenty of young women! Unless you’re just going to meathead gyms to pump iron that is…

I have no time for anything else

I can tell you this til I’m blue in the face, but this really is something that comes to you with age and you need to find out for yourself, so here it is, just the once…

You will make time for anything that’s important enough to you.

Work out what’s really important to yiu and go and get it. Stop blaming everyone else for your shortcomings.

Oh, and as far as women are concerned, there’s nothing sexier than a man who’s confident in himself and happy with where he’s going in life, and there’s no bigger turn off than a man who’s always got a downer on himself and blames everyone else for him getting a raw deal! I learnt the hard way, you don’t have to!

Like Mboy says you will make time for anything that’s important to you. No woman will want to be in a relationship with someone who “doesn’t have time for them “So continue being honest to everyone but particularly to and about yourself and whenever you think maybe the right one has come along you’ll have to make time for them. It may not work out but that’s the chance you have to take.

Patience, patience!

Dude, seriously, you’re 21.

You’ve got a job that pays tolerably well and which “appealed to your interests”. That is awesome. There are plenty of middle-aged desk-jockeys who are fantasizing about being a bus mechanic, right this instant.

Women periodically want to sleep with you. That’s alright. Again, plenty of people in relationships would appreciate the odd one-night thing.

There are two things in your post that sound “off”, if you don’t mind my saying so.

1. Complaining about your lack of social status when you decided to be a bus mechanic because it interested you. Sure, bus mechanics are never going to be high status. You really, really do need to work out whether the “high status” thing is going to bother you. And if it is, you need to change it. And ideally, you need to do your thinking about that without considering the second thing, because if you change careers so you can attract a woman you preemptively despise, you’re a moron.

2. Generalising wildly about women, on the basis that you haven’t met anyone who you think is relationship material yet. Sure, there are no doubt young women who want relationships with people who have cars, flats and other good things. You don’t much like those women, so why worry that they aren’t going to go out with you?

To be frank, you sound ever-so-slightly like one of those fedora-wearing “nice guys” bitching on the internet about how all the “sluts” only hook up with “Chad”. You probably aren’t one of those idiots, don’t be them.

There are plenty of women alive. A significant number of them are probably perfectly charmed by the idea of meeting a nice, genuine, honest, young-looking but hardworking bus mechanic who rides bikes. Absolutely none of them are remotely charmed by the idea of meeting a bitter and resentful bus mechanic who believes that women are shallow creatures, interested only in beards, sports cars and graphic design. Absolute lady-boner-killer, that sort of chat.

It may just take a while to find someone. And at a young-looking 21, you’ve got a decade to run, easily.

So, in the meantime, remember this: any relationship is a “success” – even if it just consists of some shagging, followed by breakfast – if everyone involved is nice to one another, and everyone has some fun.

🙂

When I worked in an office I was perpetually single and miserable. Now I run a bike shop, am married and am marginally less miserable 😀

Become a mechanic for the RAF or Royal Navy? Surely that would be a more positive workplace, not typified by shirkers? Surely there are many workshops with a better attitude. You can find one. You might build your own one day.

And stop whining about your stereotype people, instead consider complaining to yourself about your negative, generalising outlook. Knock that negative sh*t on the head before you cast it in stone and wind up living a life blaming others for the charmless/sour grapes loop you got stuck in.

When I was 21 I did too have a ‘touch of the Adrian Moles’, took me until my late twenties to begin growing up some and accepting that you get out of life what you put into it. Same with people/relationships. Yes there are shallow people, up to you to find the not-so-shallow ones – but even they will get switched off by negativity.

All of us have a natural magnetism that can attract a range of people and situations to us. It’s not so simple as the American High School Summer Comedy model – ie geeks like geeks, jocks are all shits amd successful etc. So forget that for a start. And forget yr negativity otherwise you will reverse the polarity or worse still turn off yr magnet altogether.

So say you find a girl, but sometimes relationships go wrong, you might throw yourself at the feet of a shallow horror of a woman, and then get dumped, amd then you go and blame ALL women, like you are the psychopath starring in a low budget horror film. Or you might find a girl who appeared smart and wise and funny and genuine, and she is, but you are both growing in life and this makes the relationship difficult, and you argue, and she leaves, yet you decide to blame only her, because she’s ‘a woman’ and you are so insecure that you already silently decided that you want a girl forever, even before you even get to know each other. But that insecurity of yours is in itself a repellant anti-mate spray, yet you can’t smell yourself. So you become a woman-hater rather than face up to yourself..

And then you turn to comfort – ie feeling justified in being a negative, blaming whiner, being a social kill-switch.

It doesn’t end there, your social kill-switch will make you lonely and sore as you see people shy away from you. This will hurt, and your attitude will feed its own negativity. You might then seek the company of other miserable misogynists. A bond that will outlive any other type of relationship excepting the one between your wallet and the bar. But wait; you still won’t identify the true source (ie your own poor attitude) so it then risks running in a loop of blaming others. Ad infinitum. The resultant isolation will then make you weak, resentful, even creepy and sociopathic.

But you don’t want that, and neither do your future friends, lovers, family etc. You want to be a hard-working yet fun individual who is wise, caring, compassionate and strong. Of all the jobs you can do in your life – do that one well. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

And read. Read books by both male and female authors. Men often forget to do this, neglect to read beyond school and then lose out on a whole World of insight and experience.

And doing a good job doesn’t mean staying in the same place forever – it means doing a good job whatever the job, building a name for yourself. This is true for life as it is in work.

And +1 what Big Dummy said. Nailed it.