Crap cars that are actually great

You know the type, ugly, slow, deeply unfashionable.

You’d definitely be embarrassed if you turned up at the golf club trail centre in one.

Ladies and Gentleman I give you the Ford Ka

I experienced one for a glorious week while my own car was being repaired

Lets get the bad out of the way.

The engine was a piece of pig iron first used in a Ford Anglia, it had the pulling power of Binners at a disco. The interior looked liked it was designed by a North Korean defector who’d be asked to give the car the feel of his homeland using cheap plastic. The brakes were woeful, you’d have been better opening the doors and letting the wind slow you down.

But by God it went round corners like it was glued to the road. With so little power you just caned it everywhere. Making “progress” – such as it was – involved just nailing the accelerator to the floor. You only lifted if you were stopping. No power steering so you felt everything going on under the car and the seats were really low so it felt like you bum was scraping along the road the whole time – although judging by how some of them rusted this was a genuine possibility.

I loved it it really did have a charm that a lot of much more powerful and expensive cars lack.

Anyway I got my own car back and waved goodbye to the Ka. Then I nearly ejected myself through the windscreen when I pressed the brake pedal forgetting for a moment that the brakes in my car actually worked.

Im putting forward the 2.2dti frontera.

I got it for free , I wanted to hate it , i beat the shit out of it , it needed a steering column uj for the mot and that was it at 15 years old. . Eventually the only thing that killed it was it being forced through the back of a bus.

Alfa Romeos

I don’t remember the Ka ever being a ‘crap’ car as such. When it came out it created quite a stir with the weird styling.

My Wife had one and I loved driving it – hers had power steering and air-con though (it was a Ka Collection). It handled superbly and the ride quality was excellent.

I still miss this:

Tough as old boots, got nicked and set on fire by some joy riders who couldn’t handle the powah, but not before they’d gone on a robbing spree in it. The flaw in their plan was stopping at the petrol station to buy booze and fags and paying by credit card.

Had a few good chats with pensioners about it. One old boy was really impressed as he’d been hankering after one but could only stretch to the base model (no alloys, roof rails and electric windows).

my first car was a 1982 Renault 5 – 10 years old at the time – with a 1250cc engine and 4 speed box. It cost me less than £500 and I managed to keep it going for 2 years before the front suspension broke – the lower wishbone simply snapped.

like this, only right-hand drive

when the time came, I traded it in for a Mk II Renault 5, like this one, but again, RH drive:

That one turned out to be a complete lemon 🙁

The hot Seat rip off Golf Gti ? oh, hang on a minute 🙂

I miss my old Peugeot 505 estate. Proper 7 seater party bus that could off road as well as any modern 4×4 wanabe.

These

I’m not sure it was referred to as a crap car, but it definitely had a “Hairdresser’s car” reputation.

When infact, it was pretty damn quick and handled very well and had hardly any problems apart from some rust on the rear arches. I run one as a track day car and its surprising what it keeps up with.

GET THAT PUMA OUT OF THIS TOPIC!

used to love driving the wifes micra, two bikes in the boot and kit for a weeks riding.

😀 @ iainc

Another one:

Citroen AX

When I was 17 this was my mates first car. Ugly didn’t do it justice it had the build quality of an Airfix model and would have probably been about as safe as one in a crash.

But the handling was amazing, it weighed about the sames as an empty crisp packet and had stupidly skinny tyres (165 I think) as a result you could just slide it around the place, turn in hard and it lifted a rear wheel, back off and the back end stepped out. We had great fun razzing it around safe in the knowledge that despite trying really hard a speeding ticket was only a distant possibility

Fiat 500L. OMG.

Had one delivered for a weeks training away in Devon. Attracted looks in all the wrong ways. Even Mini Countryman owners sniggered as they passed.

However it was ace.

Winter tyres (maybe a hire company choice?).
Swallowed all my bikes and gear for a week away.
Great driving position and very comfy down the 303.
More than quick enough, and stuck to the corners like poo to fur.
City mode steering – didn’t know this was a feature so spent all week hooning it round corners like a dodgem with one hand.
Good stereo with fuss free Bluetooth.

I can’t help thinking I might buy one if the looks kill the second hand value.

Another vote for the Micra, Mums Mk1 was awesome, when I was 17. The Mk2, bubble shape 2nd gear was 57mph. 😉

I learned to drive in a BMW Mini Cooper D. I wanted to hate it but it was blimmin good.

I miss the pathetic engine in my old Focus- the new car makes almost 3 times as much power and torque, which is great, but takes some of the fun out of it. Actually now I think of it, the new car is less fun now that it has working shocks in it.

This Micra:

Was actually a great little car.

But Nissan did stuff like this to it

So it probably deserves a bit of stick

1985 Peugeot 104.

Bought used 1988. Never needed a spanner near it in the 25000 miles I had it.
Looked appalling ( no one would recreate that like the new Beetle or 500 or Mini) .
Just closing the boot had folk looking to see who had dropped the biscuit tin.
Went to Pluto and back on a thimble full. ( ok that’s a lie ).
Cloth seats , like an itchy jumper.
Only three bolts per wheel, which made changing punctured wheels easier.
Windscreen wipers that sounded like Windy Millers gaff in Camberwick Green.
Hateful yet reliable, in a ‘ hey, that thing got me here !’ sort of way.

As per the OP, exactly the reasons I loved my old ’98 1.1 106 which also had no power steering. Handled quite well on such little skinny tyres. Was great fun to drive. Only got rid as I needed to do regular long motorway journeys and it killed by back and ears doing them in the 106. Made a profit on it too 😀

that AX reminded me, the first ‘brand new’ car I bought was an H Reg AX GT – I loved it, great fun and felt like a rocket. Unfortunately the starter motor came on one day while driving and burnt out the wiring loom – it was out of warranty and was quickly traded in….

my 1st car, it was faultless unlike my newer cars

Honda HRV – Not a 4×4 or an estate, awful to look at, 1.6 engine that should be too small, revolting interior basically a civic on stilts and in drag.
Was my wife’s wagon for a few years, brilliant car! Cost peanuts, never went wrong, decent on fuel, held a surprising amount of stuff when required and took her tens thousands of miles, also did excellent doughnuts in the snow or muddy car park at Westward Ho! I quite miss it really..

Toyota Yaris 1.1

Bought from the auctions for my Mrs for £2k when we were skint 4 years ago. She hated it as first.

You can chuck it all over the place and can get surprising large stuff in the back with the seats down.

Apart from MOT’s, basic servicing and some brake pads. It has had nothing go wrong 40,000 miles later. (That’s just cursed it!)

Fiat uno
Fiat 500 (new shape)
Renault Clio (04 shape)

All utterly crap, all made me smile when driving.

suzuki x90 most fun you can have in a car.. 4wd or 2wd. 2 seater t bar amazeballs..and only 650 quid..

Another Suzuki…

Not fast, few creature comforts, but its owners love them, me included…

One of these, in this colour

I’d forgotten just how ugly it was, but it was a great car. Paid £2000, got £1800 from the insurance 18 months later when sadly it was written off by some idiot who ran into the back of the car behind me!

Boring. Boring boring. Utterly brilliant.

I’m with Stumpy – the original Ka was never a crap car. Yes it ran an old engine but it was a lovely little thing. The latest Ka doesn’t have the same beautiful styling as the original but apparently they drive very, very well.

L reg ford fiesta 1.1 with carb no EFI. Was a great car to learn how to handle a car in. The 1.3 EFI version I remember having at a courtesy car when ours was in a for a service felt like a rocket ship in comparison.

This……

I firmly believe this is the ultimate car. People take the piss out of them but mine is just fantastic.
I can fit virtually anything in it, it’s taken me and two mates around Europe twice without so much as a puncture, you can sleep in it, change in it, shove several muddy bikes and people in it, and it cruises nonchalantly at 80mph 70mph all day on the motorway.

Utterly awesome car. Couldn’t ever go back to ‘normal’ cars now.

Y Reg Saxo 1.1i Forte

Bought it as I needed a cheap car to run at the time. When they say “no frills” Citroen used to actually mean it! This was a special edition model, the special bit being that it actually had a CD player! No power steering, no ABS, no nothing.

It was bloody fantastic! Did 48mpg everywhere, no matter whether foot flat to the floor or not.

Steering feedback was superb from the skinny 165 tyres with no assistance, the brakes were just about enough, and with the torsion beam back end you could make it slide nicely if you wanted…

My first car was a Fiat Uno. 998 cc engine and zero creature comforts but it was a great little car and never let me down.

It had a manual choke too, which was a bit like having a nitro boost 🙂

Another vote for the Micra, Mums Mk1 was awesome, when I was 17. The Mk2, bubble shape 2nd gear was 57mph.

I can confirm that the 57mph in 2nd figure is true. I ran one that shape for a couple of years. Even when it was constantly being revved so much that the valves jumped out the engine and danced about on the bonnet it still managed a minimum of 40mpg. Great fun in the snow as well as there was so little weight and it was so slow that a small application of the handbrake allowed stupidly big slides around roundabouts. My dad still has it, might take it out for a razz next time I see him.

I had a crash in ’99 and the courtesy car was a Suzuki Alto
It was a right laugh, felt like it was on 3 wheels every time you went round a corner above 5mph. I loved it even more when I got my Mitsubishi Misnomer (Carisma) back. Yawn

Borrowed a mates 2CV once. It was a glorious hot summer day. 5 seconds to roll the roof back, clip the window up and went for a spin around down town Stuttgart. Fantastic fun. You knew you were never going to get flashed for speeding and it was a really relaxing and comfortable drive. Open road, winter… hmmm, maybe not. But in that environment in that weather….

Rover 200’s were awful, but my Coupe was awsum!