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My daughter is a few months off 15 and she has started seeing a lad who is 16. My emidiate reaction is to beat him to oukp however I am reliably informed this sort of behaviour is illegal. I am uneasy with it but am I just being a typical did.? What age is acceptable and where is the line drawn.?
BTW anyone asks for pictures and I'll send "the boys" round.
A mate at work has the same problem except she's been seeing 20 odd yr olds.
The police & social services are heavily involved at the moment. 😥
How about trusting your daughter?
Me, in about 13 years time
Assuming the concern is about the age gap, at school whether an age gap is decided to be acceptable is based more on year group than age, and it's fairly standard for a girl to date a boy in the year above. At 16 he'll be in year 11 and I'm guessing she's year 10, so in their eyes there's nothing wrong.
*Well that's how it worked at my school, (I'm 20 so it's not a distant memory just yet!)
Invite him round. Ask him how tall he is. Measure the boot of your car. He'll get the message.
watch Kidulthood.....and think yourself lucky.... 😉
Pace out his height in the garden, asking what kind of slabs for the new patio
Put in your application now for the Jeremey Kyle showdown.
Soooo.
Yer Daughters akchewally 14.
Hmmm... There are a lot of Laws around this kinda behaviour.. 😐
However, to counter that... Ever had a word with him?
He might be a really nice Boy (but a Boy none the less)
I'd say, drag em both in, sit em' down on t'chaiselong and spell out the implications of "you touchy my daughter" etc. Then back right off denying all knowledge of said conversation.
She may forgive you when she's 28 and walking down the isle to wed the Son of the local Conservatives association.
And of course, she may not.
How big are your boots?
😕
They're both kids so it's all harmless fun. Just ward her off getting fingered behind the bike shed etc.
You do realise she's probably no longer a virgin anyway based on national statistics 😆
Having two daughters now in their mid 20s I've been through your initial predicament.........my daughters all had the birds and the bees talks befor they did it at school, and I made sure that they both knew their responsibilities when it came to birth control......and finally I announced to them and their respective boyfriends these passion killing words...Not in my house whilst I'm in my house and never in my bed or certain death would be imminent!
Think it worked 😆
I never thought I would have any issue with this but its feels like some sort of primaeval instinct has kicked in.
Don't worry about it. At that age they probably just watch Netflix and chill.
As I'm sharpening up the chainsaw, I just said "There's 30,000 acres of forest just beyond the garden, they'll never find the body..."
As long as you don't live in the Midlands she will be fine!!
How smart is she? How clued up and social-aware? Be nice, supportive etc but don't be overbearing or preach.
Saying that - look at jobs 250miles away and relocate your family next week 🙂
Depends whether "dating" is a euphemism. And very much depends on the common sense of the two kids involved.
My daughter is only 9, I have this to come.
Just ward her off getting fingered behind the bike shed etc
A friend of mine with a teenage daughter tells me that teenage girls these days consider it normal practice to be stimulated in this way by several different boys in one night. Indeed, they consider a night out to be wasted if this does not happen.
My mind boggled at this information and then I thanked my lucky stars that I am childless and was raised in gentler times.
As they say I'm glad I have two sons. That way I only have to worry about two prikks, not all of them.
32 years ago as a 16 yr old I dated a 14 year old. I didn't then and don't now think it is unusual.
Spin ^^ Sorry I grew up in a really rough area. The messed up girls were exactly like that. The rest weren't. The 90's were nowhere near gentler times. Where the 80's positively Victorian round your way?
As long as you don't live in the Midlands she will be fine!!
Not any more.
A friend of mine with a teenage daughter tells me that teenage girls these days consider it normal practice to be stimulated in this way by several different boys in one night. Indeed, they consider a night out to be wasted if this does not happen.
TBF I'm not that many years out of school (fourteen).
Looknig back, it was funny if nothing else...."go on, dare you to smell his hands; he's just fingered such and such behind the sportshall"
Come to think of it, when I was 16 (1972) I was snogging & fiddling around with a 15 yr old girl. We went our separate ways eventually only to meet up again 30 odd years later & get married!
All is not lost. 😆
We went our separate ways eventually only to meet up again 30 odd years later & get married!
🙂 awesome!
The messed up girls were exactly like that. The rest weren't.
What's changed I think is the openness about it.
I've got 2 daughters aged 5 and 8 - I have all this to come.
I'm quite looking forward to it in a perverse kind of way - I think I can pull off being a scary Dad pretty well... ;o)
OP,
Very simple you are the father so tell her to behave like a daughter. 🙄
No, no boyfriend until she is 18 or 21 ...
No, no makeup until she is 18 or 21 ...
If your daughter is like my younger cousin sister who is in late 40s now ... you are in deep shite.
Her parents could not control her,
She did what she like with no control,
Many boyfriends,
Many orgies later ...
One day she woke up(recently two years ago) only to realise that she was going to be alone in this world after her parents pass away ...
Because she is already in her late 40s ...
She is not married and with no partner due to many years of loose living ...
She is going to be a spinster ...
Too late ...
Her parents (my uncle & aunt) now regret the way they brought her up and due to their softly softly approach (my precioussss) my cousin sister will one day die alone perhaps in a squalid condition who knows ...
In your case you can be tough but you should provide reasons to back up your explanation ... unless you think the state can look after her.
Hope it is not to late for you ... 🙂
edit: two 12 year girls and two 10 year old boys were completely drunk outside my flat last week smashing glass bottles just beside my cars ... when I looked out they threw the bottle at my flat but missed because they were too drunk ... feral is an understatement ... I could do nothing but observed ...
Quietly explain to him that you should be serving life in prison for murder, but luckily the conviction was overturned on a technicality! 🙂
[quote=bikebouy ]Soooo.
Yer Daughters akchewally 14.
Hmmm... There are a lot of Laws around this kinda behaviour.. What kinda behaviour?
OP - as a father of a 19-year old, I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept it and hope that your morals and guidance have paid off.
My Daughters both know what their "Uncles" do for a living and so do many of the boys they grew up with.
Strangely enough they all are very polite and there's not been any hint of them asking them out 😀
You should know your daughter better than anyone else here.
My daughters are now 25 & 27 we always made a point of welcoming boyfriends, rather than driving them away to get up to worse mischief in the back of a car/behind the bikeshed.
I think they've turned out OK (ones a nurse, the others a teacher).
I opened this thinking it would be funny but am now sharpening my big knife and planning to apply for a gun liscenc in the morning. My girls are 8 & 6, the 8yo isnt at all interested in boys, the 6yo is constantly being warned off her tennis instructor. I feel I have some hard years in front of me.
Putting the emphasis entirely on the boy that's dating her is ignoring half the story. She's getting to the age where she's going to want to explore her sexuality, and she will. She's either prepared for this or she isn't so if you've not had "the chat" then maybe now would be a good time.
You can't stop her unless you follow chewkw's advice and that would be insane under any circumstance.
rather than driving them away to get up to worse mischief in the back of a car/behind the bikeshed.
Some of my best mischief was in the back and front of a car (occasionally whilst driving) and round the back of some beach huts. I seem to have missed out on bike sheds, which is a pity, life is full of dissapointments.
Apparently 1/2 your age plus 7 is a socially acceptable minimum age to be dating.
So 16 and 15 is ok.
16 and 14 however, makes him a nonce!
There was a repeat of an old live at the show with Phil jupitus that you should almost certainly watch, if for no other reason than to get someone else's point of view- [url=
BBC.CO.UK you go[/url]
You're kidding yourself if you think "having a word in his ear" is going to have any affect on what the two of them get up to. I'd focus on being open and approachable and give your daughter the support she needs to make smart choices.
Have 'THAT' sex talk. honestly.
Talk to her about being presuserd into doing something to make other people happy. Tell her that chaps will say anything to get any type of sexual gratification (good god the storys they spout).
You really don't want her getting knocked up when she hasn't started her life and you really don't want her getting any STDs or getting bullied into doing anything.
Boys are ruled by there hormones and whatever friends they listean to (who are also ruled by hormones).
PS
Self defence classes are a blooming good idea.
My daughter has just turned 15, and she has been going out with a lad in the year above for six months now, so he's 12-18 months older. It's difficult, but she's a switched on kid and we've gone down the line of making him welcome at our house, making sure she knows the implications if they do anything while she's under 16, and making sure we have an environment where she can come and talk to us about anything, which she does. What's the alternative? Tell her she can't go out with him and then try and stop her seeing him at school every day? It helps that he's a thoroughly decent lad, well into his cycling so not into booze, fags and weed like some of her peers are starting to get in to. He's just signed up for some cycling team too so there might be a free bike in it one day. He's a roadie though 🙁
Crikey - If you are in a relationship that needs self defence classes you are doing it wrong. Male or Female. and Judging by STW experience we are all still getting it wrong.
Plenty of young people have more mature relationships than "adults". Arm them with education, commons sense and support them totally and all will be well. They might have sex. They might wait. They might not. How do you know what is right for them? I reckon you set your own hang ups aside or risk derailing their future attitude to relationships and sex.
I have 2 girls aged 6 and 10. I can only hope they'll grow up to be smart well adjusted people. We'll try and do our part, the rest is up to them. I'm a pretty relaxed dad, the way my mum was with me, they'll make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. I had a girlfriend at 15. I wasn't a ****. There are many lads out there like I was. It doesn't seem that long ago now (42 now).
When they are 15 if they have boyfriends that's up to them, no problems with them being a year or two older as it's the way of the world. If they do make a mistake I want them to be able to come to us and not feel we are going to scream and shout. Kids have sex, no amount of input from the parents is going to change that if they want to do it, again, hopefully they'll be smart enough to do it sensibly. Admittedly I'm a bit more of a relaxed parent than my wife but as long as we present a united front then that's most important.
Everyone has their own way of parenting I guess. One isn't necessarily better than another just a response to their situation.
Yer Daughters akchewally 14.
Ironically, even 14yr old girls don't type like this.