I hope she doesn't breast feed the dog.

My little brother did this when he was a baby, I'm waiting until he has a girlfriend so I can bring it up in front of her.

The cistern wasn't filling up, said to the missus, you will have to use a bucket
She says I'm not going in a bucket, doh

[i]The cistern wasn't filling up, said to the missus, you will have to use a bucket
She says I'm not going in a bucket, doh [/i]

is the wife northern by any chance?

is the wife northern by any chance?

She says I'm not going in a bucket, doh

Mrs vaders best one of late.... "I know what the spotted woodpeckers are called.... But what are the green ones called?"

Mine came out with this while eating dinner -

"I like it with the nuts in"

...She was eating pork satay.

Whilst searching the net for jobs she comes out with 'i never knew Warwickshire was in Staffordsire'?

Well neither did i.

My wife likes nothing better than a Terence Quintentino movie !

My wife likes nothing better than a Terence Quintentino movie !

Or Tintin Quarentino

We were out at weekend and had a few too many drinks, my wife couldn't remember how many days in a year
It ranged from 340 to 386, 🙂

highclimber - Member
Mine came out with this while eating dinner -

"I like it with the nuts in"

Deep.

IGMC.

Mine came out with a classic last night while watching Breaking bad....

As Walter and Walter junior (Flynn) are getting into the car...

"Why does he have a disabled badge on his car, he only had Chemo?"

🙂

(obviously have to watch the show to see why funny)

EDIT: She is 37 weeks pregnant, so I let her off.

"That Bruce Willis film, you know, The Fifth Elephant."

Some years ago whilst driving past the (now long gone) Pirelli Submarine Cables factory in Southampton.
"I didn't think there were enough submarines being made in the world to justify a factory that big".

Obviously not, the factory was pulled down to make way for a shopping centre.

Me n t'wife were discussing our next car for which she would predominantly drive when a Mazda 6 estate rolled passed us. I said "how's about one of those?". To which she replied "Yeah, it's OK but I prefer my cars to be Japanese........"

Mine was listening to 'Desert Island Discs', featuring a composer whose name escapes me. She'd left the room for a minute and asked what she'd missed:

Me: "He was just saying that Hitler visited his town when he was a kid, living in Austria in the 30s"

Wife: "Was he still Hitler then?"

Me: "..."

On a Hitler theme
Girl at work "was Hitler a Jew?"

my wife honestly thought mobile cement trucks contained milk.

At a party once and my wife asked my cousins best friend how far gone she was. She replied "am not pregnant just fat"and left the the party. In defence of my wife she was pissed

She also thought Berlin was a country

I feel that this hilarious video is relevant 😀

Cheers, Rich

These threads always end up feeling a bit;

[img] [/img]

In an underpowered canal boat, making slow progress against a strong headwind
"Is it because we're going uphill?"

"what are you doing? Don't put towels on there!"

there = brand new heated towel rail i'd just fitted, at herself's bidding.

"That Bruce Willis film, you know, The Fifth Elephant."

He was in 12 Monkeys though..

Other half is a new convert to BBC 6music - "oh I do like Giles Ravencroft's show"

CaptainFlashheart - Member
Deep.
IGMC

On looking out of the window of a plane, on a flight back to Blighty, after hearing of heavy snow at home whilst we'd been away

"Blimey, it has snowed lots, everything's white"

"We're still above the cloud dear"

I'm waiting until he has a girlfriend so I can bring it up in front of her

You ate it as well?!

Whilst driving past Eastnor Castle last weekend my wife asked me if that the king and queen of Ledbury used to live there in the olden days?

This evening, my wife phoned up to say she was walking home from work and would I mind putting some dinner on for her.

She drove to work this morning. So had to turn round half way home and retrieve the car she'd forgotten about.

Staying at a caravan park a few years back, my missus points at one of the big sited vans and asks," how much do you think one of those stagnant caravans would cost"

Not the first time I've posted this, but I was once asked by Mrs TGA why this

[img] [/img]

has got a clock on the end of it.

How much are the above comments related to intelligence? I can't imagine all of your wives/girlfriends are stupid, so is it more of a common sense/general knowledge issue?

Sitting watching a documentary about the Falklands War, Mrs M walked into the room and said "I don't know why your bothering to watch that, WE LOST!"

Though the best has to be whilst walking over the 7 Sisters Mrs M asked why all the big container ships were sailing the wrong way, flummoxed by this I asked what she meant. Well France is over there (pointing vaguely in the right direction) she replied and the ships are sailing through the channel, not across it to France.........

Driving past a pub that had some large caged extractor fans or something sticking out of the wall,

"Ooh, look that's a good idea"

"What is?" Says I

"That they've sunk the tv's into the wall so they look like flat screens from inside"

"What!!??" Lol, "what do you think would happen when it rains if they really were the backs of tv's sticking outside!?"

"Oh yeah"

One of many. She can be quite intelligent when she thinks about it, Honest!

[i]These threads always end up feeling a bit;[/i]

We just relay the material we're provided with.

[i]How much are the above comments related to intelligence? I can't imagine all of your wives/girlfriends are stupid, so is it more of a common sense/general knowledge issue? [/i]

None I'd say. It's more of an engaging mouth before brain issue. I'm prone to it as well and I'm a bloke. Mine are way more embarrassing than any of those above.

My wife gave me this one the other day.

"Elvis really fancied himself as a singer didn't he?"

When watching Bill Bailey do a sketch about Belgian jazz

"Why is he singing in french?"

My wife is much brighter than me but she definitely has some weird issues with logical thought sometimes. Watching Paranormal Activity at the cinema, she became genuinely distressed. I reassured her, "It's just a film, you're OK!".

"No, no it's real - it's a documentry!" Came the weeping reply.

Mine apologised and said "sorry" 😯

I will pay for this in another way I'm sure.

Mine woke us both up last Saturday morning at 5.30 by shouting "Hedge!" in her sleep.

Sadly she couldn't remember the dream that presumably led to the horticultural outburst.

[i]Mine apologised and said "sorry" [/i]

JESUS H CHRIST!!!

Look, we have a spare room. Pack your things and get yourself over here now. This is a serious business.

Walking from the car park to our local restaurant, Mrs. S came out with "table, chair, window" having released mouth without engaging brain. I translated it to "a table by the window, please" to the maître d'.

Mine woke us both up last Saturday morning at 5.30 by shouting "Hedge!" in her sleep

Driving on the A303 last Sat as we passed Stonehenge:

GF, pointing out the window: "Is that Stonehenge?"

I did laugh*.

(* inwardly).

Mine woke us both up last Saturday morning at 5.30 by shouting "Hedge!" in her sleep.

Mine can have entire conversations in her sleep - including me saying things like "You're asleep - you won't remember this conversation in the morning", "Oh yes I will!"

She never does.

the whole intelegence to common sense ratio goes out the window, my wife has a phd in computational physics/applied maths/quantum mechanics type malarky but.........

do cocktail sausages come from piglets?
cant work out VAT
struggles with how to apply the foot brake at the Mot centre
couldn't remember which way the tide was when it was in or out

Mine woke us both up last Saturday morning at 5.30 by shouting "Hedge!" in her sleep

She knows about your hedge porn collection! 😆