[Closed] When your mate's missus gets on your tits....

My best mate's missus is an arsehole. Luckily she hates me too so it kind of works

She really does sound like a serious bellend, moaning at you driving a diesel yet she drives every day in a town where she probably could bike...

Your mate needs to suggest to her that you both have your own friend groups and you meeting up is just a lad thing.... if she does turn up then just spend the night reminiscing your best fart stories....I’m sure there’s a few, she’s sure to not invite herself next time. Realistically that’s probably not what will happen but it’d be good if it did!!

You are moaning about the oldest human problem ever. Two buddies have fun together, one gets into a relationship and suddenly there are three. Every person who gets into a serious relationship faces the problem, you should have seen me when the future Mrs Gti took up residence in my house and I went out for my usual Thursday pint with my climbing buddy, it was a severe test of both relationships and my diplomatic skills.

Delete the whatsapp group.
I never ever agree to group chats, regardless of what platform, for exactly this reason.
If I get added to one, the first thing i do is leave it.
I reckon the rest of it won’t seem half as bad once you do that.
The less you know about her business, the less it will bother you.

Keys in a bowl??

Local supermarket have a frozen bratwurst section?.

Or shag her.

I think the woman is ruining Alpin's bromance.

He should elope with his mate to Garmisch-Partenkirchen and get a job building the ****tunnel

It'd be like the Bavarian Brokeback Mountain

She sounds absorbed in her own sense of self importance. Anything she does is great, anything anyone else does can be faulted. Politely point these things out too her (the 8km car commute - Germany has great cycle infrastructure no?).

Having said that, my sister's husband sounds similar and just won't be put right on anything - had to come out morally, intellectually, comically on top. I've given up trying and just ignore his existence as much as possible.

I think she’s a dick.

I think you've been in Lockdown too long.

Louise?

"Might not like your lady, you might not like mine, whoa
But that's alright
You're still a friend of mine"

Not my words OP but the words of Bill Withers  (magazine)

I once shared a house with a mate. His girlfriend was vertically challenged. I came home one day and he'd lowered the kitchen units on the wall. They were so low I couldn't get the kettle under. I'm 6ft3!

I moved out a few weeks later.

Each to their own, if we all liked the same things the world would be a dull place.

Accept he's found someone, leave him to it. Gradually move away and just try and see him on his own. When you do meet up do something she can't/doesn't like to do like cycling etc. (hopefully she doesn't ride a bike!)

I’ve not got a problem with someone buying a house. I support the anti-capitalist ideals. I just fail to see how those two things gel together.

Hang on a minute...

Asked my mate if he fancied a beer after work. I turn up and the pair of them are sitting there. WTF.

That's not unusual though, right?

I've found there's always 3 sides to every story, your truth, their truth and the real truth.

So, just for arguments sake, On the other hand, maybe we've got this the wrong way round.

We could read this as

1) after you meet up you spend hours bitching about them behind their backs

2) your jealous shes buying a house

3) you don't like the fact she doesn't like it when you smoke weed

4) they are happy together and you want to split them up

5) no matter what they do, you always judge them and nothing they can do is good enough. They've grown up and are ready to move on but you are still acting like a 14yr old and they've out grown you and you can't accept it.

So, which one from men behaving badly are you?

A good few years ago a friends new gf tried similar. She was all sweetness and light when he was there but as soon as he left the room she made her feelings known, she didn't like any of his friends and would prefer it if we didn't visit any more. I never said anything and was never unpleasant to her but I did make a point of regularly turning up out of the blue, quite often with a bottle of something (he's always enjoyed a ripple) and making a very messy night of it 😀

After a chance conversation with a few mutual friends turns out I wasn't the only one, thankfully she's now long gone, my friend is none the wiser and he's now married to a lovely girl who gets on with everyone.

So, she's a hypocrtical trustafarian who put out once or twice in an 'exotic' way to hook your mate and now, probably, has withdrawn most priveleges now he is on the end of the line?

I would call him and say just that. And hope she is secretly on the line too.

You can thank me later....

you should have seen me when the future Mrs Gti took up residence in my house and I went out for my usual Thursday pint with my climbing buddy, it was a severe test of both relationships and my diplomatic skills

Seriously? I feel sorry for anyone in a relationship where going for a beer with a mate would be a test of said relationship.

Is it not just normal for couples in a relationship to allow the other one to do things they enjoy without having to enter diplomatic negotiations?

(he’s always enjoyed a ripple)

I glad you feel my pain....

Funnily enough, she is short. Like 1,50m short.... 😁

Yes she rides, but it ruins the flow of a ride when she's with us as she's constantly getting off to walk every obstacle.

We had a holiday in Finale with them both and it was a nightmare. GF and I ended up doing our thing most of the time. One day I guided a tour (helping out a friend) and my GF ended "guiding" the group whilst I took her down the trails cause I felt sorry for my mate who never gets to just ride. I think we took an hour and a half to ride half of Rollercoaster.

And they told us the other week that they're having a baby..... She's already given me plans to build a baby changing table, but it mustn't have any poisonous chemicals despite the fact all the new furniture in the baby room is from IKEA and stinks of cheap laminated chipboard.... 😕

Not got a problem with buying a house. An looking myself to buy, but not in München... I need somewhere I can relax in the sun. Just don't complain about the capitalist system and the crazy house prices when you yourself are part of the problem...! 😁

I couldn't give a hoot if you don't like me smoking weed, but don't think it's cool to hang around with a load of alternatives who are living on the edge of society. Heuchlerisch..... Hypocritical.

Oh, and recently she got all upset about the number of people out and about along the river enjoying the sun. Too many people, she said. So she took off and visited friends living down south for a week.... Something which, at the time was very much verboten.
@weeksy.... I ain't in lockdown. In working!

Alpin - I know just the type, lives in massive house with swimming pool & hot tub, drives everywhere but has to inspect any chocolate you offer her incase it has palm oil in it 🤔 caused me to give up on a 20yr old friendship as my mate just pandered to her every whim.

That’s not unusual though, right?

Perhaps when she sees him hanging about with anyone, it's not unusual to see her cry?

She's a narcissist.

Everything has to be about her. She thinks that anything that isn't "us" is a personal slight / the harbinger of the collapse of the relationship. She'll have a monk on if he wants to keep his and hers CD collections rather than merging them together.

Sadly there's not much you can do about it. If he's sufficiently blind / loved up / under the thumb to either not notice or not care then anything you say to him he's going to take her side, and anything you say to her will just make her more determined to keep the two of you apart.

Lads' night out is a good idea. As for worrying about her for days, jeez man, life's too short. Accept that she's a nob and get over it. Don't engage her in WhatsApp, just ignore anything she writes. If you can't manage that, ditch the group. Is it making your lives better or worse?

Seriously? I feel sorry for anyone in a relationship where going for a beer with a mate would be a test of said relationship.

Is it not just normal for couples in a relationship to allow the other one to do things they enjoy without having to enter diplomatic negotiations?

"Going out with your mates is more important than spending time with me, is it?"

It took me a long time to realise that it doesn't have to be that way, and this sort of bullshit would have me running for the hills very quickly these days. Emotional blackmail is abuse. A relationship is supposed to enhance your life, not replace it.

I think most of my friends prefer my Mrs to me - but I'm a bit of an arse, so that's understandable.

To the OP, she sounds like a right bellend. Not sure what the answer is though

Alpin, do you take her on when she spouts shit? Or do you just let her get on with it and then fume about it afterwards?

If its getting in the way of your relationship with your mate and you are thinking of seeing less of him you might as well go in to battle properly. People who get all moral about what others do are very easy to take the piss out of so suggest you start there. You'll feel better and it wont do your head in for days afterwards.

Oh god she sounds a right PITA - you're going to have to stop seeing them as couple friends and just see him 1-on-1.

Emotional blackmail is abuse. A relationship is supposed to enhance your life, not replace it.

Where were you when I needed to be told?

“Going out with your mates is more important than spending time with me, is it?”

It took me a long time to realise that it doesn’t have to be that way, and this sort of bullshit would have me running for the hills very quickly these days. Emotional blackmail is abuse. A relationship is supposed to enhance your life, not replace it.

Having a moment of clarity right now, in amongst the Lockdown induced pshycosis! Must admit my GF is winner in this respect... She'll quickly recognise if I've had a bad week, and on a Friday night she's only too happy to drop me off at the pub with my mate and pick me up later, she'll even instigate it! I'm only too happy to have her along a lot of the time, but she also recognises that me and my mate need time together just the two of us too (we've been best mates for 27 years so thick as thieves!), and especially as his wife is incredibly socially awkward and has some very strange values, my GF recognises how important it is for my mate to get his time alone with no women around too... I'm a lucky guy!

I think she’s a dick.

Sadly, her behaviour is all too normal. That doesn't excuse it, but I see these kind of controlling relationships happen all the time... They never last in the end! Sadly, for your mate, he's got her pregnant already, so he's tied in financially for the next 18yrs at least... I'd give it 3-5yrs and you'll be seeing a whole lot more of him, sadly not for the right reasons, and expect to have to listen to a lot of stories about "that bitch" and his money woes whilst she's using their kids as leverage against him I'm afraid!

“Going out with your mates is more important than spending time with me, is it?”

It took me a long time to realise that it doesn’t have to be that way, and this sort of bullshit would have me running for the hills very quickly these days. Emotional blackmail is abuse. A relationship is supposed to enhance your life, not replace it.

Very much this, it's a partnership not a dictatorship.

However for the kids it's a dictatorship, now clean up your Lego and go set the table, now, not in 10 minutes time 😀

She’ll have a monk on

Crikey I thought "having the monk on" had died out years ago.

Sadly, for your mate, he’s got her pregnant already, so he’s tied in financially for the next 18yrs at least… I’d give it 3-5yrs and you’ll be seeing a whole lot more of him, sadly not for the right reasons, and expect to have to listen to a lot of stories about “that bitch” and his money woes whilst she’s using their kids as leverage against him I’m afraid!

Too late, she's done him!

Just be there for him.

I wouldn't for a minute say that my mate is being controlled. More that he's got shit taste.

He very much does his own thing, but is quite adept at either blocking it out or rolling his eyes.

He's been with her for as long as I've known him (nigh on ten years), but it's come to my and the GF's realisation that she's just ****ing annoying and the fact we've not seen her recently had made it all the more obvious.

I wouldn’t for a minute say that my mate is being controlled. More that he’s got shit taste.

The one thing, though, that makes a clean break nigh on impossible is a child.

Pretty much anything else can be sorted one way or another.

When you do meet up do something she can’t/doesn’t like to do like cycling etc. Traveling about in a diesel camper smoking jazz woodbines

Where were you when I needed to be told?

Irrelevant, you wouldn't have listened. These types are very good at making you think you're the bad guy.

Crikey I thought “having the monk on” had died out years ago.

I think it's important to acknowledge the classics occasionally.

(I don't know where that came from, I've not said it in years but it just popped into my head.)

Known one of my mates since we were going to pubs at 18. His missus he married in his 30's was/is a nightmare. Me and my wife did get on OK with her, allowing for her being 'my way or no way'. She started a 'carers' type business - or more I'll take your elderly relatives out shopping. We said, Oh you can help with MIL if you want a client. Worked quite well, but she started taking over, and then slagging the family off on 'nanny cam' - the cam was there to watch for falls. Anyway, went sour and we told her to fark off. SIL's weren't happy but they didn't know how hard work this woman was. I don't see my mate, other than say hello to him.

He knows his wife is a nightmare, as she wasn't even invited to his own 'twin' brother's wedding last year.

You can't beat a narcassist. Drop them from your life.

I’d give it 3-5yrs and you’ll be seeing a whole lot more of him, sadly not for the right reasons, and expect to have to listen to a lot of stories about “that bitch” and his money woes whilst she’s using their kids as leverage against him I’m afraid!

By which time she's spent a decade making sure that their affairs are so hopelessly intertwined from bookshelves to joint accounts - and telling him it's a lack of commitment every time he objects - that it'll take an army of solicitors and a supercomputing cluster to unpick it all. If it does all go sideways in your 3-5 years they'll be reduced to arguing over who owns the oregano.

No, I'm totally not bitter at all.

Or add in when you get on really well with a couple, and one of them does the 'dirty' with a younger model. That's been hard to manage as we like both partners, but have let my 'mate' drift as he was the idiot. I still talk to him when I see him, but she's a really good friend of my wife and didn't deserve the trouble.

It's called 'life'.

When i was about 19 good mate of mine we used to go cycling together,and worked at same place,turned up at his house one day for a sunday ride,this girl opened the door to his mums house, i said hi, is Dave around, she said who are you, i said his mate and cycling mate,and we are going out for a ride, without me saying another word she just said, hes not going out and hes sold the bike, cycling is for children, and she slammed the door.
Saw him a week later in work, he said she was his g/f and they where getting engaged, and shed sold his bike to buy an engagement ring, he also packed his job in the following week, never to be seen by me again.

Wind on few later,me and a new mate,his g/f hated me and turned him against me for no reason stopped all his contact with me.

Final one, another mate,helped him and her out a lot, they moved to a new rented flat, helped them do stuff there, and bought them a small gift, went round a few weeks later and found my gift in the bin, never heard anything from him since, no words spoken.

Also strange if a bloke feels as if he has made a mistake with a woman, theres a huge row, him or her go back to parents, then they get back together, and all of a sudden there is a baby on the way and hes trapped for 18 years.Seen iut so many times.

Having worked in an all male working class environment until the age of 43 - it was a bit of an eye opener then to work in an almost all female working environment and to realise that some women can be as big a d1ckhead as the biggest male d1ckheads I have ever met.

By which time she’s spent a decade making sure that their affairs are so hopelessly intertwined from bookshelves to joint accounts – and telling him it’s a lack of commitment every time he objects – that it’ll take an army of solicitors and a supercomputing cluster to unpick it all. If it does all go sideways in your 3-5 years they’ll be reduced to arguing over who owns the oregano.

No, I’m totally not bitter at all.

Sorry I had to have a little chuckle @ this... 😂

Arguing over who owns the oregano... Class!

I've lost touch with a number of mates in the past cos of their chosen GF's... Nothing I've knowingly said or done, just that they've been given (I assume) an ultimatum on the side, and then cut all ties with me.

It happens!

What pisses me off most is that my mates know I'm the most consistent person in the world (consistently an arsehole no less, but consistent!) to them, and they can say anything to my face (even that their missus really hates me!) and I won't take offence... I'm quite a practical guy too, and if I know their missus hates me, I will keep a wide berth wherever possible, and plan to only see said friend in a situation that she will never occur. Anyway...

He’s been with her for as long as I’ve known him (nigh on ten years), but it’s come to my and the GF’s realisation that she’s just **** annoying and the fact we’ve not seen her recently had made it all the more obvious.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if she's known him as long as, or longer than you, and you are only recently realising you don't like her... You're the one who's changed, you're gonna have to learn to deal with it, or move on! One of my best friends from uni recently shared a phrase with me that rang true...

Some people are friends for a reason
Some people are friends for a season
Very few people are friends for a lifetime!

Well against the tide I will say give her a break. She's pregnant with your mates baby so you're going to have to lump it.

Don't talk about her behind her back because that makes you the dick. Take her on when you disagree with her & then forget about it.

martinhutch

That’s not unusual though, right?

Perhaps when she sees him hanging about with anyone, it’s not unusual to see her cry?

😂

She’s pregnant with your mates baby so you’re going to have to lump it.

It's not like anything I've mentioned has happened in the last month since she's been up the duff.

She moved to town/in with matey around five years ago. Up until then matey was, for all intents and purposes, living a bachelors lifestyle.
At first she was fun, probably because she was a new face. Now she's just a pain,a social yoke.

With hindsight I can now see what should have been warning signs.

When bbq-ing at the river we used to sit on the large, shaded gravel bank on the left bank of the river as the police never patrolled there meaning we could have a smoke and a fire in peace. The right bank was where all the hipsters (Munich hipsters are straight laced types living the Boho lifestyle once they come home from their well paid jobs at BMW, Siemens, Allianz, etc) would congregate catching the last rays of sun.
She wanted to sit on the right bank because of the sun, which is bollocks because by the sun sets around 8 in summer anyways generally giving you about 30 mins of vitamin D. Somehow this became the norm despite it being busier, having to cross the river and there being shitload of police patrols.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if she’s known him as long as, or longer than you, and you are only recently realising you don’t like her… You’re the one who’s changed

I don't change.
Talk to anyone that knows me and they'll tell you that I don't change. I'm the most consistently obnoxious, opinionated and easy going person they know.... 😁