On driving,

People who cut the corner onto the wrong side of the road when turning right. Particularly ubiquitous in my local Tesco car park. If you think I'm giving way to you you're sadly mistaken, you little bollocks.

That's the brainstorming for the next series of Grumpy Old Men boxed off.

Tips flat cap nicely done.

People who think "fat people" are fair game for a spot of piss-taking. Try it with brown people and see how far you get.

To be fair they're usually fitter and way better dressed.

People who think "fat people" are fair game for a spot of piss-taking. Try it with brown people and see how far you get.

Are these brown people also fat?

Please explain how you manage to get the shopping into the boot of your car when shopping at the supermarket, then; enquiring minds would like to know.

Who cares when you can reverse park like a god? ....but yeah, I always wonder about this. Almost to the point of starting a thread, but then I had a sandwich instead.

It was cheese and pickle.

The idiots who, when temporary lights change to green, immediately lurch to the opposite side of the road way before the roadworks, & sail through a red light convinced that they are ok because they are on the wrong side of the road. Selfish pricks.

Can I add another one?

British people calling me "buddy".

British people calling me "buddy".

Isn't that a Manc thing, i.e buddeh.

Isn't that a Northern thing, i.e buddeh.

We call each other "pal" round this bit of Greater Mcr, which probably grinds southerners' wee who think they're being patronised.

And it's not northerners I was thinking of, but a **** I used to work with in London.

And it's not northerners I was thinking of, but a **** I used to work with in London.

Ah, fair enough then, buddy.

Ah, fair enough then, buddy.

Reported, pal.

For what?

Fog lights when its not foggy.
They are not DRLs, rain lights or even headlights.
Some of them are dazzling in the rain.
Some of the dazzling ones may even have a main beam zapped back at them for a few seconds if I'm feeling particularly vexed by the brightness.

Please explain how you manage to get the shopping into the boot of your car when shopping at the supermarket, then; enquiring minds would like to know.
Who cares when you can reverse park like a god? ....but yeah, I always wonder about this. Almost to the point of starting a thread, but then I had a sandwich instead.

It was cheese and pickle.

Most of the parking spaces in my local supermarket are either side of a walkway / pavement thus adding even more to my annoyance. boot easily accessible from pavement.

Pretty much it's anyone who isn't as great as me.

For what?

Only joking.

older men and women, who are walkerists and cant afford a bike, who dress up like theyre scalling a mountain just to walk in the middle of a sustrans path.

Walkerists who scream wheres your bell, when you approach from in front or behind, and shout a cheery hello to them,

Taxi drivers who want there wing mirrors to stroke a lycra clad thigh of a cyclist,

walkerists who never acknowledge your presence, and never say hello in return (see above)

women who are so attached to their life support system secluded in their trolley, they just cant let it go.

annoying and petty neighbours,

[b]Do you have a reservation, sir?[/b]

For a pint?

Totally hacks me off. Don't bother going into the hospitality trade if you don't know what it is to be hospitable.

[b]@whytesky[/b]

Most of the parking spaces in my local supermarket are either side of a walkway / pavement

Luxury. Bloody luxury.

When I were lad we had t' lay our own pavement if we wanted t' tek shopping t' back o' car.

(Apologies to any actual Yorkshire folk in the house; truly it's God's own county.

Gimmick non-plates in gastro pubs and restaurants.

Shove your overpriced burger on a chopping board / slate, little basket of three chunky so called chips in a bit of fake newspaper, and a blob of ketchup sat on the board/slate/whatever. Give me a friggin plate and a decent portion of chips!

And don't get me started on deconstructed food. Do your bloody job and cook/prepare the bloody food for me!

http://wewantplates.com/

Intolerant people.

And me when I'm intolerant.

People who take more than 20 seconds making a transaction at a till. You have been queuing for 5 minutes, why only look for your loyalty card, hessian bag and exact change in small denominations when you real the till?

you little bollocks

People who take more than 20 seconds making a transaction at a till. You have been queuing for 5 minutes, why only look for your loyalty card

This. And the new thing of people who say, "oh, my loyalty card is on my phone..."

Cue fumbling for phone, unlocking, searching through sixteen pages worth of apps because they've never figured out how to put frequently used ones on the first page, launching it, finding the correct card and then discovering that the till has an allergy to scanning phone screens.

"Don't worry, sir/madam, I can type it on by hand."

At this point the till assistant types in a 20 character code at a rate slower than single digit carrier pigeon transmission, usually getting it wrong and having to try twice.

And then, THEN, they decide to pay using contactless and the whole get the phone out and unlock it business goes again...

Gimmick non-plates in gastro pubs and restaurants.

Shove your overpriced burger on a chopping board / slate, little basket of three chunky so called chips in a bit of fake newspaper, and a blob of ketchup sat on the board/slate/whatever. Give me a friggin plate and a decent portion of chips!

Amen, brother.

Right Len.

I do so appreciate a pop culture reference not going to waste, thank you.

People who start a new business with the word 'Artisan'
Artisan Furniture...Artisan Salad Bowls...Artisan sausage rolls....Artisan bloody hedgehog moisturiser!
Cockwombles the lot of them!

Similar to Cougar's

Gig ticket vendors that charge you P&P for the privilege of having you print out your own bloody e-tickets.

Ticket agents that refuse to give a full refund on a cancelled concert because they feel they earned their booking fee.

Sniffers folk that keep hoovering something back up their nose constantly, usually snotty nose kids but many adults who should know better

I am going to change my vote and go with the serving dinner on something that is not a plate - some of those pics on the link are simply fabulously stupid

+1 for the food on slates thing. 'Craft' Beer.. 'Artisan' Bread, Pop-Up-Poached-Egg-stall ****ery. Why does everything have to be 'a thing' with associated social-media page... Why does everything have to be so [i]nice[/i]?

Talking food.
"I'm low in fat!"
"Enjoy me with yoghurt!"
Even estate agent signs have started doing this.
"I'm sold!"

+1 for the food serving thing. That link leads to some mental serving ideas.

can i add 'authentic' to the list?
Because I think Tesco Authentic Italian Pasta has probably been made in a factory in Grimsby.
Also Tesco 'Delicious' filled pasta shapes. Well, I think its up to me to decide if something is delicious or not ,it is not the job of the packaging.

Does this include trainers even thoiugh I'm not currently training

Yep, although I understand the lines may get blurred at 'fashion' trainers for some. Whilst I clearly appreciate I may be in the minority and wrong, but trainers for me are for a specific sporting purpose.

and a sweat hoody in spite of not being a boxer?

No it's more people having to dress in a manner that they feel makes their main hobby, interest or passion obvious at all times. Clearly I do irritate myself as my obsession for dressing to the occasion identifies me as a fashion nazi.

Ah estate agents; why do they describe so many properties as 'stunning' when they are clearly nothing more than bog standard?

How few have any proper understanding of construction, property maintenance, local building materials, building regs?

If they want to change the general image that most of the house owning population have of them then understand what it means to be professional and offer a professional service - only suitably trained and qualified employees.

Also....

People casually tossing the words racist, fascist and nazi around. If any of them knew the horrors that lie beneath the real use of those words, they'd stop. Using them to describe someone you don't agree with blunts the reality. A dreadful reality.

People who have lived near airports for 20 years and complain about the sound or airplanes.

Why the **** did you move there is the first place your ****ing ****s. Obviously there will be places, what the **** do you think happens at an airport.

@flashy - how true.
It doesn't fall into the 'petty' category but it needs to be said.

Flashy - sometimes its merited tho. But I agree - often overused like comparing the SNP to Nazis during the independence referendum

People in supermarkets who when shopping lean on the trolley, as if it was a life support system.

recieving work emails from other companies or professionals who don't bother with the signature and contact details at the bottom.

Having to take out and manually scan in my tesco club card when I can pay by just touching my wallet on the scanner.

I find the american date format (MM, DD, YY) disproportionately annoying..... but not as annoying as British people (usually on commercial radio or TV adverts) saying "January thirty" or "February one" instead of "the thirtieth of January" or "the first of February".

Hanging's to good for em

Having to take out and manually scan in my tesco club card

The idea of earning points for things

Tesco 'Delicious' filled pasta shapes.

teamhurtmore - Member

Do you have a reservation, sir?

You'd be surprised how frequently customers who do have a booking fail to mention it, resulting in a lost table.

No, given that 80% of your tables are empty I assume that this would not be necessary

Maybe they're empty because they're reserved! 💡

Let me check

Don't bother, I will go somewhere more welcoming

Yay! 😛

Folk that jump out of their seat, grab their suitcase and charge down the aisle of the plane as soon as the seat belt sign goes off. Then they get stuck a few rows down and no one can move. Nice one. Especially the fat nobber with 2 large bags the other day.

Following on from that, people who do the same in trains, block the isle so no one can stand, as the train approaches the platform. Fair enough they might have a connection to catch so they want to be off quickly...

...only to then stand still and straddle the escalator, blocking the way for every one else for a second time. They then look at you in disgust when you politely but firmly ask them to move, because you do actually have a connection to catch.

Old blokes who whistle in public.

Stranger's that tell you why they have ordered food the way they have....'I can't stand soggy bacon', 'I'm vegan', 'I only like fresh tomatoes' etc just because you are stood next to them, and people that put fruit on their cereal.

People who don't know how to use apostrophe's. (Sic)

Also on the flying front...

Wheeled/massive carry on for long haul on a proper airline. Check it in.
People flying long haul in a suit. Why? Uncomfortable, and ruins your suit.
Bare feet.

Homemade signs featuring comic-sans.
RM.

Ageist gits who can't whistle a decent tune.

rogermoore - Member

Homemade signs featuring comic-sans.
RM.

😉

CaptainFlashheart - Member 
Wheeled/massive carry on for long haul on a proper airline. Check it in.

Because of rip off baggage fees and weight limits. Carry on, so long as it can just about fit in the overhead, no fee. Same weight on the plane.

Though many are taking the piss with the size of the stuff.

Was annoyed in a coffee shop recently, went in with the kids, they weren't running around but full of enthusiasm. Evil looks from big group sitting at a table all with laptops out not talking to each other. May have riled the kids up a bit after that......

People casually tossing the words racist, fascist and nazi around. If any of them knew the horrors that lie beneath the real use of those words, they'd stop.

The people who these words are being tossed at are the same people who actively dislike having other people of different colours / races / religions in the same place as them. I have no qualms about referring to them as racists, and any of them who fantasise about Nigel Farage leading the country go automatically into the Fascist camp.

I don't think it dilutes the past; you aren't a "little bit racist", it's a binary state.

"me and John" instead of "John and I"

People who think "person x and I" is correct, and demonstrates their superior grasp of English grammar.

People doing things slowly. I care less if they're right or wrong but seeing someone doing something slower than I could...

Adults, I mean. Luckily, as I work in a Primary School!

People who harp on constantly about their 'facebook'.
People the use the phrase 'fit for purpose'.
People who use the phrase 'decimate' when they mean MORE than one in ten.
People.
'Trip hazard' signs.
Random use of there/their/they're.
Americanisms such as 'pissed' (as in pissed off) and 'math' (instead of 'maths') being used by non-Americans.
Americanisms such as 'like, like, like, like, like' before every ****ing word.
Corporate speak.
Selfish drivers.
Badly adjusted headlights.
One badly adjusted headlight and the other blown.
One badly adjusted headlight and the other blown and fog lights on to compensate.
Edit: Oh, and people who use the phrase 'great piece of kit'.

Fog lights on when it's not foggy.
Parking on pavements.
Parking on grass verges.

People going into parking spaces forwards, Why?

People who park in parking spaces backwards then attempt to bump and scrape their trolley between their car and yours to get to their boot with their shopping need stoning to death with their cans of cross and blackwell beans.

Whilst we're on flying, people who quite clearly take the piss with carry on luggage. You know what the size limits are so no, you can't squeeze that 65l rucksack into the overhead locker.

Oh and the idiots who stand in a queue for security for ten minutes and only decide it might be a good idea to start getting ready for it when they get to the belt. I mean these regulations have been in place for over ten years, surely everybody knows about them by now?!

A traffic jam when you're already late.

A no smoking sign on your cigarette break...

Something about spoons........

People casually tossing the words racist, fascist and nazi around.

People who are still in denial about who or what they have voted for, while clinging to an idealised version of their country's past.

My Mrs. hiding things, or as she calls it ' tidying up'. This week I have temporarily lost an orbital sander (she put it in the bottom of the airing cupboard), my much needed winter running top ( she put it in HER bottom drawer and it then fell out the back), my front bike light with battery pack and my going-out jacket which are all currently M.I.A.
I'm properly p*****d off !

Just found the going-out jacket on the coat rack 😳

Oh and the idiots who stand in a queue for security for ten minutes and only decide it might be a good idea to start getting ready for it when they get to the belt. I mean these regulations have been in place for over ten years, surely everybody knows about them by now?!

People complaining about traffic jams when they are already late because they didn't set off early enough.

People who talk over you before you’ve finished a sentence.

People who finish your sentence with something they have incorrectly assumed you were going to say.

However, for the real ‘gold star’ wee boiling – finish your sentence with something they have incorrectly assumed you were going to say – and then start an argument about it*.

*an ex gf

My Mrs finishing the butter then getting the new one out and using it out of the packet rather than putting it back in the now empty butter dish. This will go on indefinitely until I step in. There would be an empty butter dish sat there permanently taking up worktop space.

Also my Mrs filling dirty things with water and leaving them in the sink forever. Yes, *some* things need a soak before washing, but that's not the same as leaving it there festering and filling the sink so I can't use it.

Just found the going-out jacket on the coat rack

You have a staying-in jacket?

People who go into a cafe and order by saying e.g. "can I get a coffee?"

"Of course you can you prick, its a ****ing Starbucks you retard, but would you like one?"

If so, say

"Please can I have a coffee?" or "Id like a coffee please"

"Can I get a Mars bar?", "No, **** off!"

Please [b]may [/b]I have a coffee.

Honestly, the standard of pedants is dropping around here.

The milk not put back immediately into the fridge, room temp milk reminds me of that 1/3 of a pint that maggie thatch abolished, it was torture if it had sat in the morning sun until 11am

The milk not put back immediately into the fridge, room temp milk reminds me of that 1/3 of a pint that maggie thatch abolished, it was torture if it had sat in the morning sun until 11am

I got into work about 10am today (I'm usually last in and last out). Sitting in the porch was the day's milk delivery, which [i]the entire office[/i] has walked past going "hm, the milk's still there." Lazy barstewards.

People who think retard is an acceptable term.

Is feeling disgusted at people who don't shower before entering a public swimming pool petty?

Went to go for a swim on Saturday and when I got to the changing rooms there was a note stating that the showers were out of action. One or two a session is bad enough but everyone and then not being able to shower until I got home...yuck. I don't have a problem swimming in the sea and open water but in the limited volume of a swimming pool....

People who restart a thread after 11 months

Ignorant [I have a potty mouth] at the bar who can't wait there turn or recognise there are two people before him/her.

Crap bartenders/bar men who cannot note the arrival of three people at the bar and remember which order they arrived in.

Not having a contactless payment system - this is now a god given right so don't look at me in disgust cos I'm tapping my card on your ancient crappy pos system - it's your fault not mine!