Don't get a tattoo.
I heeded that, thanks dad.
Don’t hire fat people, if they can’t look after themselves...
Blimey. The place I work in would be empty. (it's not Greggs)
"One: Everything's idiot-proof until they give you a better idiot.
Two: Don't be the better idiot"
An old boss, about 15 years ago. I still spend every day trying not to be the better idiot.
Weighing up a decision of whether to use leave to do some adventure training or go home to visit my parents, my sergeant said,
" when you're old and sat in your retirement home, what are you going to remember, teaching lads how to to ski in the alps for a week, or dicking about with your mates at home like you've always done?"
Toga skiing was something I'll never forget!
Basically, do what your future self will thank you for. It's my first thought when stuck with a hard call.
I made a safety poster for work with the never put your fingers where you wouldn't put your cock quote. As yet, no one has had the balls to put it up anywhere.
"you've only got to know enough to know that you know **** all"
An old process operator in my first week of university sandwich year placement at a chemical works. Great advice about working above your capacity in a potentially dangerous environment.
My biology teacher quoting the CIA when I was about to be interrogated by the Vice-Principal - "Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter accusations". Great advice, they had nothing on me.
If you are letting someone choose the race line,make sure they are better than you.
and
Don't follow the numpties into the bumpties.
From my mate Doug during our MX days.
Too many good memorable ones but I often hear this from my parents ...
"don't jump before you can walk"
😀
My biology teacher quoting the CIA when I was about to be interrogated by the Vice-Principal – “Admit nothing. Deny everything and make counter accusations”. Great advice, they had nothing on me.
That is brilliant!
I like! 😀
"When it takes 2 people to hold & hit something, be the hitter - not the holder" - My old man, when I was about 6 playing with some nails and a hammer..
My first manager:
"80% of being a good engineer is being a tedious b*stard"
I try to bear it in mind, and I think it has served.
Arthur-"You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.
Ford-"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen."
Parting advice from my brilliant counsellor at my final session:
”My advice to you is to never listen to f**g advice because it’s s!”
The best advice i ever got was from the back of a packet of matches. It simply stated 'keep dry and away from children'!
As an apprentice I was told: “Never take a shite in yer own time”
Never fart in an empty lift.
'Keep your head up'
Relevant to almost everything both physically and metaphorically. Can't remember who gave it to me though 🙁
From a police officer on the A69 about 10pm at night after I followed the other car for a bit nearly in 3 figures - he didn't have enough footage or time for the paperwork.
"You will never see the police when you need them"
Very wise advice.
Plenty of never put your finger where you wouldn't put your cock
You can't change the world, you can only change yourself.
Never pee on the windward side.
Don't get into something you can't get out of.
Stopped me dead in my tracks, thankfully.
Let the wookie win.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
From my dad 'You can't un* a *' using the nasty c word.
Great advice which has saved me a huge amount of time and stress in life. Ta dad.
Never go to the dentist stoned.
From my dad ‘You can’t un* a *’ using the nasty c word.
Could have done with hearing that this morning before arriving at work.
“Worrying is a lot like a rocking chair, it’ll give you something to do but it won’t get you anywhere”
Van Wilder (perhaps not originally..)
"Eat and sleep when you can"
From my grandfather from his army training.
Served me and him well.
"The things you own, end up owning you" :- fight club quote. Very true.
There's no such thing as a minor chainsaw accident.
- someone on STW once. Always runs through my mind when I'm using a chainsaw.
"you can always chop another bit off, but you can't add a bit back on"
From a friend many years ago about a choice of girlfriend: "There's some porridge you just don't stir..." Has been good advice in many situations!
Dad: if she's not rich make sure she can cook.
Brother: don't buy French or Fiat.
Brother: there's no such thing as dirty fighting. He's trying to hurt you so aim for the soft bits.
Mata Amritanandamayi: happiness is a choice.
Not technically advice I’ve had but something Bruce Lee said that I think is great.
Don’t fear failure. Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.
One is none.
Two is one.
There are two rules for success.
Rule 1: Never reveal everything that you know.
Control the controllables.
It'll happen if you worry, it'll happen if you don't - Grandfather
THe Devil looks after His own, would like like a rich tea?
courtesy of my great grandmother who made it to 101 (not room, ripe old age)
Dad or driving instructor, can't remember. Waiting to go onto a roundabout, car with priority is indicating to come off it.
"That driver's indicating - what does that mean?"
"Erm, he's going to turn off?" says I
"It means the bulb works"
Sure enough, the car didn't turn off the roundabout and I would have pulled out in front of it.
Can't believe it's not been said yet, but
"Don't be a dick"
I may even have read in on here somewhere first. It's advice I take in to most situations in life.
"If you can't be good, be careful".
That was basically the entire 'chat' I had with my mother about the brds and bees. Still, it was sensible advice.
Dad: if she’s not rich make sure she can cook.
Ah, I got "Learn to cook properly: kissing doesn't last, cooking does" from an old friend of the family once.
As I was attempting for the third time to manouever a screwdriver into a stubbornly tight gap I heard "Try imagining that it's got some hair around it" from an ex-g/f.
2 bits of advice, both almost polar opposite -
Make sure you do the jobs no-one wants, that way you'll always have a job.
Object is to get the job automated so much that you make yourself redundant.
Never managed 2, not through lack of trying and it has then made 1 a permanent basis!
Issue with 1 is you'll never get promoted!
“If you can’t be good, be careful”.
Good? I'll be ****ing BRILLIANT.
