We’re moving house soon (hopefully). The Estate Agent is coming round next week to take the photos, so I want to tidy the place up.
My stuff, of which there isnt a great deal, is in either the garage or shed, with a few bags in various cupboards full of cameras etc.
Her stuff is literally everywhere. I emptied the cupboard in the bedroom today, and it is absolutely full of packing materials, not new stuff, presents she has received, shes kept the packaging, just in case.
Under the sink this afternoon to change a pipe. There must be 30 different bottles of oil in there. it’s ridiculous. Same with the next cupboard, with cups/mugs in it. I have 2, she’s got 10.
And it goes on through the house, dont start on the clothes and shoes, most of which she will never wear again.
Calmly talking about it has got nowhere, going mad at her has got nowhere.
This isnt a normal amount of stuff, I’ve been in Hoarders houses before, it is one step below that, but getting to be a real problem.
I'm think the next step is to just take it to the tip when she isnt here.
Too extreme?
Any other options?
What to do with a hoarder?
Keep them around, never know when they might prove to be useful....
Only 12 mugs in total!?
Poor effort. 🙂
Only 12 mugs in total!?
Poor effort. 🙂
That's not hoarding, we must have 40+ between two of us.
Some colleagues filmed one of the hoarders series for TV. It's not the piles of grumble or collectibles, or 1/4 full tins of paint, biscuit tins of screws nuts and washers. It's the never throwing ANYTHING away. Piles of (full) dog poo bags, the kitchen bin bags, rotting food EVERYWHERE.
At best what you describe is a clash between a minimalist and someone who keeps stuff that 'might' be useful in the space they have available. I've got a loft full of boxes and packaging, if we move house I'll bin anything that's no longer in warranty (and take some piles of crap that's not been used in years to the charity shop) until then it's just sat there out the way.
My OH hates the fact I don't throw things away, often even after I've replaced it because it's tatty or 90% worn out (e.g. shoes). I think it's just because I grew up in a less affluent house so developed a very high value of everything I own (conversely I tend to not buy much either). Whereas she's far more likely to throw stuff out and buy new again if it's ever needed.
That's not hoarding.
TBH I'd say it's you that has the problem here, not your OH.
cups/mugs in it. I have 2, she’s got 10
Reeeeally? You subdivide mugs into yours and hers?
I’m think the next step is to just take it to the tip when she isnt here.
Too extreme?
Any other options?
Counselling. For you before you need a relationship councillor. Because tbh that doesn't sound like reasonable behaviour.
That's coming from the Jekyll/Hyde tidy in sight hoarder out of sight that I am. My wife annoys me but I'd never contemplate throwing her stuff out.
You have a few bags full of cameras?
Like more than 10?
Sounds like a trainee/amateur hoarder you have there sir,step this way if you want to see the work of a true professional .
On a side note ..any time I see a 'hoarder thread on STW ,I am reminded of someone who posted about clearing out a relatives shed.There was a box with --Almost useful lengths of string-- written on it,that still makes me smile 😃 😆
Yep sounds like my wife. Knick-knacks and stuff everywhere. Cupboards full of other stuff. Unfinished knitting projects, gifts for potential future wedding invites, university paperwork*, books we’ll never read again etc. Nothing completely ridiculous but overall a huge amount of stuff we don’t need filling our (already quite cramped) house up.
I think in our case it’s just differing personalities and best not let something relatively minor upset the applecart. But I do quietly siphon off some of the worst junk when she’s not looking.
*We graduated 15 years ago…
That's me. About to move house so clearing three big attics and container in the field, all full of 22yrs of absolute shite from both of us plus two lads and 3 grandkids. I had a really strong word with myself and booked an eleven yard skip. The garage is the holding bay; 3 day's grace then it's in the skip. All items moved off site NOW by all/any interested parties. Or it's oot.
Nor my stuff tho, no siree. 11 sea rods, 6 fly rods, 8 coarse rods and reels from an ABU CS Rocket through to a Sage ClickIV. Waders, tackle boxes rig wallets, day shelter, tents, flotation suit, smocks. Might start using them again you see?
I have occasionally pondered the aftermath of a house fire...
I've been clearing 35 years of crap out of my flat. Takes a long time and I estimate around 30 bin bags have gone along with 4 chairs 8 sleeping bags 2 tents and loads of other stuff. I do have a bit of an excuse to get shot of stuff tho
However my bike room really does still look like a hoarders den. Believe it or not 6 bin bags of crap and two bikes have gone from it
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From what you say its your issue not hers. She really does no sound that bad at all. Its all in cupboards and so on and IMO unless you have a room that looks like this she has a long way to go
Edit - do not chuck it out. Relationship ending stuff that is.
Rent some storage put it all in boxes take it down there and give her the keys and tell her after 6 months you're cancelling the rental.
If you find the answer, please send the solution round to my garage & loft. Thanks in advance.
I’m think the next step is to just take it to the tip when she isnt here.
That's what Mrs_H does to me😂
My only safe hoarding zone is the shed.
Sometimes I wish we’d get burgled. It’s the only way most of the crap in this house will ever leave. None of it is mine. I’m a huge believer in if you’ve not used it in the last year you’re not going to. Owning stuff just seems to breed stress.
I have occasionally pondered the aftermath of a house fire…
Same here,it gives me 'The Fear' 😆 🙃 .
I live on my own, I've got 9 mugs..
4 nice ones for guests that I don't use as they are too small.
2 glass/steel 'cafe' ones that i'll probably never use.
3 'daily drivers' that are bigger to hold a reasonable amount of coffee but more like novelty mugs.
But seriously, sometimes you have to be brutal... I agreee with the 3 year plan (a term I just coined myself)... if you've not used it for 3 years it gets chucked out/goes to charity.
Obvioulsly that doesn't apply to wood, tools or bags of random screws and fixings.
I've just counted. Currently* 36 mugs. There are two of us, I alternate between 2 of them. Most were bought because 'they look nice' and are never used - even for guests. We've got 11 teapots FFS!! Every drawer in the house is stuffed so full of tat and nic naks we'll never use, that you can barely open them. Every flat surface is covered in 'stuff'. Cushions? We have enough to kit out the Taj Mahal three times over and if you ever want to sit down or get into bed - you need to allow 5 minutes to move all the bleeding cushions first. I could go on, for quite a while.....
We've been married 37 years, she's not going to change now. It's irritating, but not worth a major falling out over. 'If you want me love, I'll be in the garage'.
*I am 'clumsy'. A lot seem to get smashed 'accidentally', so this number fluctuates between 35-40.
Sometimes I wish we’d get burgled. It’s the only way most of the crap in this house will ever leave. None of it is mine. I’m a huge believer in if you’ve not used it in the last year you’re not going to. Owning stuff just seems to breed stress.
Yup, I'm currently at the stage of gazing at the loft like a deer caught in headlights. Don't know where to start but start I shall.
Currently wrestling with a mac mini trying to get authorisations removed, would be too easy to just bloody wipe it wouldn't it? (Catalina so manual intervention for everything)
The thing about burglary is that you'd expect only the good stuff to be taken. A house fire would do a better job.
A house fire would do a better job.
The mugs though. They could feasibly survive. Rising from the ashes to taunt you, like ceramic versions of post apocalypse cockroaches.
Moving house (especially internationally) helps. We only took about half our stuff with us each time. However have now inherited/accumulated a lot more, not helped by having a large house. But it's mostly ephemeral and I won't mind getting rid of it when the time comes.
But 10 mugs...how do you cope? I can see 15 clean ones from where I'm sitting, the dishwasher is full, there's an overflow cupboard of spares downstairs.
I split up with my partner, not entirely due to the hoarding but it was a factor.
My partner is wonderful in many, many ways, but she is a serial hider-of-things-in-cupboards and it drives me ****ing insane. As a random example, the other day she asked me to pick her up some deodorant whilst I was out shopping. I said "but you've got four cans at least in the cupboard, haven't you?" "Yeah," she replies, "but they're all empty." WELL WHY THE ABSOLUTE **** DID YOU PUT THEM BACK IN THE CUPBOARD THEN?!
Reeeeally? You subdivide mugs into yours and hers?
I have a mug. It is mine. I like it, it is good. If I have a brew, it is in my mug. This instils in me a degree of self-discipline, if I want a brew and my mug is dirty then I'll wash it out rather than lazily reach for a clean one.
My teenage daughter has just discovered Vinted. She’s selling off loads of clothes and a couple of quid each. Total result on the clearout front! Might be worth a look for some of you - seems to be easier than eBay for dealing with postage and stuff.
I second Vinted a good place to sell unwanted clothes, list the price you want and the buyer pays postage on top
(or a great place to buy even more stuff) 😅
The Girl is using Vinted. I know because I get daily messages, "can you print out an address label for me?"
I have several shelves of mugs.
If they were chucked, the OH would be next and we get on great!
I love a good mug. Mrs pk has just got the James and the giant peach set that stack on top of each over she has banned us from using them
I’m a huge believer in if you’ve not used it in the last year you’re not going to.
No No No! You WILL need it approx 3 days after throwing it away!
Since I was able to use a grumbling bathroom fan (that I had replaced in the actual bathroom, but didn't throw away) to fix the egg incubator my wife randomly brought home when she decided she fancied trying to hatch more chickens, even she doesn't really mind any more. So long as it stays down the garage/shed, she's perfectly happy for me to disappear for an hour or so with something broken (or needing making/inventing, like her recent request for "a hooky thing so I can open and close the window over the kitchen sink") and to come back with a fixed/made thing that works.
You've got to have piles of random stuff to hope to achieve this (or a full machine shop to hand!).
a grumbling bathroom fan
For a split second there I genuinely thought "Who the hell is a fan of grumbling bathrooms? Is that even a thing?"
At the last count, Mrs sandboy has 123 pairs of shoes. I gave up many years ago, a battle I definitely couldn’t win.
Just book one for tomorrow…
My mother-in-law is a hoarder, and I'm beginning to see the warning signs in my wife.
The MiL is (what I have categorized as) a "collector": she will pick-up any leaflet/sample that enters her orbit (think free newspapers, plastic cutlery, hotel toiletries etc). She then can't bear to throw them away. This seems pretty clearly a generational issue, and something to do with growing-up without much - she's collecting these "free" things because she perceives them to have value, and then is refusing to throw them away because she can't tolerate waste, particularly something that she perceives to have value.
Whereas my wife seems to be a "keeper" - she's quite good at not collecting things in the first place, but she has a real issue with getting rid of stuff - old clothes/shoes etc. but also (wierdly) she seems to avoid using the last of food/condiments, so she doesn't have to put the empty packet etc in the bin. At first I thought this was laziness, but now I've noticed it, it's very obvious what she's doing. She'll leave a literal thimble full of tonic/jam/milk at the bottom of the bottle/jar and put it back in the cupboard, then next time she goes, open a new bottle/jar. The bathroom is full of bottles with a tiny amount of shampoo/moisturizer - too little to get used, too much to throw away. Packaging tends to get put in a bag and then left in a corner - eventually making it's way into a cupboard.
Stuff clearly "expands to fill the available space" - but we have a different idea of what "available space" is. My wife will happily have food and stuff left out on the sides in the kitchen - because the cupboard is full of 12 different boxes of tea bags, each with 1 or 2 bags left in them.
At first I was reluctant to deal with any of this - I didn't want to throw "her" things in the bin - but now I have periodic rage-tidying sessions, where I just go through an fill a bin-liner with everything that she just wasn't able to throw away.
"rage-tidying" seems like a healthy way to deal with this..... right?
Whereas my wife seems to be a “keeper”
Is this one of those weird sit-coms, where we both have the same partner and neither of us realise?
Six shampoo bottles with content levels best described as "slightly damp". Several multipack boxes of snack bars with one bar left in the box. All the packaging from a six-pack of yogurts and one actual yogurt; or, just the wrapper but no yogurts at all.
In her case I don't think it's hoarding, it's just a chronic lack of organisation. She'll get a letter, think "I'll deal with that later" and stuff it into a random drawer along with the now-empty envelope. I'm far from the neatest person myself but, why?!
Is this one of those weird sit-coms, where we both have the same partner and neither of us realise?
I believe we've bonded over hoarding previously. From memory it was my wife's compunction to put the recycling on the worktop next to the recycling bin..... rather than in it. I believe yours favors the lid of the bin.
@binners, I sorted the problem by converting our loft space and built floor to roof shelving so she has a room to keep them all. On a good day, I could probably find about 20 pairs around the house!!😀
The thing is,I love my hoard/clutter, it's like a big comfort blanket.
I can't do minimalist. 😀
My wife and I are definitely not hoarders, and we have at least 13 mugs, which doesn't include the coffee cans, or the "proper" tea set; teapot, matching cups saucers, sugar bowl and so on that's only for best (when the Mayor/King ever drops by, sort of gig)
11 mugs is amateur hour, not hoarding.
I'm glad my mate was a bit of a hoarder, by being able to match all the packaging he kept with the goods in the house I've been able to work out what everything is and sell most of it. Sad to find unopened Christmas and birthday cards from family & friends going back years, postcards from holidays that I don't remember sending him ☹️
11 mugs is amateur hour, not hoarding.
Exactly, and also exactly half the number of mugs we've got. Although I'm pretty sure there are some more hiding in other cupboards, those are just the ones we use regularly.
But 10 mugs…how do you cope? I can see 15 clean ones from where I’m sitting
These are our ‘personal’ mugs, that we have a tea/coffee in when we’re alone. The good sets (yes, more than one) have been packed away already. Like I said, the amount of stuff is beyond normal, I threw a motorbike jacket away over 2 years ago. I found it yesterday, she had been in the bin to ‘save’ it.
she will pick-up any leaflet/sample that enters her orbit (think free newspapers, plastic cutlery, hotel toiletries etc). She then can’t bear to throw them away.
Oh yes, I cleared the car last week. 8 plastic/wooden forks. I can see the need to keep 2, but 8?
but now I have periodic rage-tidying sessions, where I just go through an fill a bin-liner with everything that she just wasn’t able to throw away.
That has worked, slightly, before, but now we really do need to clear the shite, get some good pics of the house, and pack up ready to leave. Taking 6 large boxes of used packaging materials is not my idea of a good use of resources when paying someone else to move your stuff.Along with 20+ part used bottles of olive oil, 15+ different types of sauces, and I found 7 different types of pepper pot yesterday. Apparently, they are all required as they all taste differently.
