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How does this ninja editing work?
Last nights diet has worked for me - totally rancid this morning. Even the kids in my classes have noticed something isn't quite as it should be!!
Guinness, haggis tatties and beans btw.
btt
For me I like the predictability of dried apricots or dried apples (cheapies, with sulphide preservatives)
With them i can usually time the emissions to 3-4 hours after, and the sulphur content adds to the egginess.
I think a trip to Holland and Barratt at lunchtime.......
I'm with you all the way on dried apricots. My wife banned me from eating them in any food.
Just back from a three week trip to Cuba and most places we stayed in had a big bowl of them with the breakfast spread.
Every now and again in slyly eat a few and guff away while sunbathing.
A few times she thought the tide had gone out because of the stench 🙂
There are occasions when it's not acceptable for policemen to drink alcohol at work. Even in Scotland
I was sure this thread was genuine, that thegreatape was to be lodged in an epic battle of thunderbums with his boss.
After that statement I'm not so sure what to believe any more. 😥
How does this ninja editing work?
Only within 15 minutes. 🙂
This one could run and run ... in all sorts of ways !
A combination of baked beans and sweet corn is guaranteed to get you pootin and trumpin.
May I suggest, rather than all this effort into making your farts stink, wear an adult nappy and shit yourself in the car.
The game will be over, and you will be victorious. Your boss will be amazed at how dedicated you are the cause and probably promote you.
You get the satisfaction of crapping your self in the name of a competition.
so anyway,
any reports?
They're both probably stood next to the remains of a burnt-out police car.
A combination of baked beans and sweet corn is guaranteed to get you pootin and trumpin.
The only problem with sweetcorn is it turns you into a malevolent chain gun on the way out. I'm convinced that its only nutritional value is as an excuse to eat butter.
any reports?
[i]reports[/i] as in sounds of something exploding. That's sophisticated humour right there as nicked from Les Dawson no less. This is a 'joke' I wheel out every year or so in somewhat ceremonial fashion, and so far to zero mirth whatsoever.
Total failure so far. He's done three on the journey, one smelt of hula hoops, one a bit drainy, one of nothing. I've done one which didn't smell.
Hopefully just the calm before the storm.
May I suggest, rather than all this effort into making your farts stink, wear an adult nappy and shit yourself in the car.
I believe our local MP pays good money for that sort of service* (apparently he's the only person in the county with a coffee table in his car*). The DI should consider himself lucky**.
*This may, possibly, be a complete fabrication. Possibly. Maybe.
**Or not.
Any updates from the dynamic duo on their:
Air biscuits
Back-end blowouts
Cheek flappers
Duck calls
Eggies
Faecal fumes
Gas attacks
Human hydrogen bombs
Inverted burps
Jet propulsion
Killing the canary
Lean mean bean machines
Methane bombs
Nose death
One gun salutes
Paint peelers
Quackers
Ripping the cheese
Sphincter siren
Turd Tremors
Under Thunder
Venting One
Whoopees
Y front fillers
Zingers
Who knew the English language was versatile enough to complete an A to Z of f@rt euphemisms?
Still. Not. One. Single. Peep. From. My. Hoop.
I do not understand what is going on. I can only apologise to you all for this failure. I considered fabricating something but I'm so disheartened that I don't have the energy to do that.
I feel deflated 🙂
I do not understand what is going on.
I [i]guess[/i] I may not be alone in thinking this, but my instinct was that you were over-loading; not enough planning involved.
The very worst farts (to the point I disgust myself) are actually when I haven't eaten much at all; an empty stomach produces the worst outputs by far.
However, you [u]are[/u] going to shit yourself in your sleep tomorrow.
I'm sure the gut gremlins are festering nicely. Just need to reach guff mark 7 before erupting.
Still. Not. One. Single. Peep. From. My. Hoop.
Why does that bring this to mind? 😀
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Still 45 minutes left in the car, but I don't know, just hasn't happened today. Maybe as you say it's a timing issue and the wife will suffer later on (the doctrine of transferred malice for those that are interested).
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🙂
Maybe tomorrow!
Stage Fright ?
Pththththtupppppp...parp.pththththththup!
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Talk about targeted adverts.
Either Kleenex are worried about the OP or can see my browser history, either way we'd need more than just one
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Sorry to remind you of abject failure, but did [i]anything[/i] happen in the following days?
If my sister in law is anything to go by I can recommend a boob job and codiene..
If my sister in law is anything to go by I can recommend a boob job and codiene..
Pics.
Sorry to remind you of abject failure, but did anything happen in the following days?
I did one absolute rotter on Friday that made the little one cry and go and tell on me to his mum. But that was never the plan so I still consider the whole thing to be a failure.
Curry