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I can brew a foul stench with the best of them, but it's pretty random and I don't pay much attention to what I ate the day before.
On Thursday my boss and I have a long drive and he has stupidly told me he is going to have chicken broth for tea the next two nights so his guts are hoaching on Thursday.
What should I eat between now and then to compete if not vanquish him?
Real ale.. Lots of it.
Batchelors Beanfeast works for me. 😈
Sheep poo works for the dog
Jerusalem Artichokes are banned by the UN WMD convention.
Real Ale + quorn + cheese beans. (your welcome)
As above, beans, something with lots of chillis, ale, cheese and artichokes.
You might just shart yourself to death though.
Dried apricots. Not organic as you need the preservative sulphur for full pungency. Also, plenty of protein for strength and depth.
Lentils, beans have their place but lentils lead me to produce smells even I struggle with
Chicken tikka dhal
I should add that protein in the form of billtong or beef jerky is particularly effective and easily portable so you can reload on the way.
All the above, but in a massive omelette
Sprouts.
Crikey, this is quite a shopping list. I would prefer not to soil myself but it's an acceptable risk.
What you need to do is keep the badness in.
Cut down on the roughage increase the fats and protein and get the body slowing down.
THEN
Loosen it off with some pulses and ale.
Lentil and cauliflower curry, just be warned the increase in volume and toxicity comes with additional hazards
Pot noodle, guiness and pickled naga chillies
Do you wanna just borrow my dog? He's absolutely rank today.
Go to your nearest Chinese/Asian whatever supermarket get a bottle of this beans (usually in a bottle already peeled with just the beans) ... can be eaten raw btw.
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I love them very much when they are cooked in spicy sauce and your stink bomb cannot even compare to the smell this can produce.
😛
But timing is important too. I don't want to be having a big clear out on Wednesday morning and waste it all.
Chakaping - is he small enough to hide in my trousers without arousing suspicion?
Kim chi and real ale works for me
I would prefer not to soil myself but it's an acceptable risk.
😆 properly laughing at that!
'He who dares, Rodders. He. Who. Dares.'
Pate or anything with liver
Get some loperamide, just in case
Add some durian. Burp/fart dual pronged attack.
properly laughing at that!
+1 😆
OP, take some spare underpants and wet wipes just in case!
[img]Chakaping - is he small enough to hide in my trousers without arousing suspicion?
?oh=c8417b248b0f27cdd7ca59abda49b516&oe=578A3366[/img]He looks like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, I know.
Add some pickled onions, eggs and red cabbage to your shopping list, you can take the pickled stuff with you in the car if you can't face eating it.
And some adult nappies maybe?
Onion Bhajis and alot of real ale.
I find stuffing works!
No-one's suggested Picolax yet? Disappoint.
Several bottles of Theakston's would be my suggestion. Known in these parts as "Finest Eggy."
Wash the above down with Perry (not pear cider)
Go vegan. Works for me 😳
Sprouts (I'm banned from eating them), Marstons Oyster Stout (banned from drinking it). Curry, something like tahka dahl should do nicely.
Anecdotally,
A work colleague once came to mine for food and beer. I made fajitas.
The next day we spent the morning deflating and generally turning the air brown. Work called out Dynarod to fix the toilet drains.
Second the dried apricots
Energy gels the missus hates me when I've had few
Fried onions always works for me.
Newcastle brown ale
Thank you for these wonderful suggestions. So far I am thinking ale (or perhaps Guinness), cheese, pate, onions (raw and fried), curry, eggs and biltong. Not a fan of beans sadly, but there are plenty of alternatives evidently.
Protein shake , chorizo and cabbage . They go beyond enjoying your own farts to being shocked at yourself that you can produce such a death stench
Eat a whole packet of sage and onion paxo to yourself at least 6 hours before take off. You can do balls or one big tray, it doesn't matter.
Wash it all down with a pint of strong IPA and a chunk of Stilton.
Your farts will smell exactly like sage and onion stuffing, but farts, so disgusting.
Also, Sainsbury's microwave jalfrezi is particularly good fuel the night before.
Follow this advice and your air biscuits will send your enemies green with envy, also sickness.
All the above in a wrap with loads of onions and peppers and chili beef, plus black beans as they work a bit better than kidney beans. Plus Ale.
Yes, onions are smelly as well as couscous, falafel and homous. Wash them all down with a couple of pints of Old Peculier.
All the above, plus a [b]really long[/b] bike ride should do the trick.