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Sorry to hear that. Keep talking. And I've got fingers crossed for you all.
Aphex, I went through the same situation (minus the son) a few years ago. If there's anything I can do then either ask on the thread or my email is in my profile.
The next few weeks are going to be quite the ordeal, there's too much to cope with for any one person but as a unit you'll get through. It's probably impossible for you not to speculate but I'm not going to fuel that by offering any advice at present, unless you ask for it which you can anytime.
I wish the both of you good luck and strength.
Stay strong.
I know what youre going through. My mrs has a scan tomorrow. We should be in Fort William & now were'e not cos we had to cancel. (1st time wev'e missed the Scottish Six Days Trial in 10 years)
Hope all goes ok & fingers crossed for you.
Like muppetWrangler I went through a similar thing (also without the children) a good number of years ago. The NHS move impressively quickly when they need to. My husband had brain surgery - I remember I had to keep saying that quietly to myself to try to make it compute. It didn't seem to make much sense that he could be having brain surgery.
Anyway, I don't have many words of wisdom but a couple of things which may help. When he was coming round from surgery I was understandably anxious about what was going to happen, whether he'd be the same person whether anything would be changed, personality wise. He was the same guy, same quirky sense of humour (I don't believe it's recommended when the Docs give you the test questions such as What year is it, What is your wife's name etc. to answer the Who is the Prime Minister question with an idiot). The thing which startled me was that Dave was also worried about whether he'd be the same person, and was reliant on me to tell him that he was. Bear in mind it may be a fear of your wife's as well. May not be, we're all different.
The second thing is to remember to laugh. Like a steam valve, but laugh together, because sometimes the entire thing is too bizarre not to.
They let him out quite soon after surgery, less than a week later, and still with the staples in his head. That was pretty cool. They left us with multiple warnings about epilepsy which, for quite some time, made me worry about leaving him alone but needlessly as it turned out.
You'll be in my thoughts. Don't forget to laugh.
Best wishes to you all, OP
Remember, when you do get to talk to a neurosurgeon, tell them you expect it'll be straightforward since it's not exactly rocket science - I imagine they bloody love that
From a family who's had to deal with the non-benign, I do hope all goes well for you. I am happy to say that in spite of terrible tragedy, kids are 1) literal 2) selfish (it's all about them) 3) resilient. Remember they only interpret information within their own context, so can appear very matter of fact and straightforward in their conversations.
Scary times, but hang onto the optimism. Hope the surgery goes well, all the best.
Wife of a friend is going through something similar. 17 tumours in her head. Not malignant but some fast growing. They have taken some out and more soon. Seems to be going ok, and amazing how quickly and well she recovered from the first op.
Everything crossed here for you mate.
I hope all goes well for you and your family.
Speaking as a teacher, maybe tell the school?
I don't normally read these posts, however you, your wifes and your boys outlook seem so absolutely positive. I can only wish you the best that the world can give.
Hope all goes well, wish you the best.
Shitty news, all my best and hope it turns out well. My only advice would be to tell your son the truth, don't try and dress it up as something else - you would be betraying his trust in you, and that won't help either of you.
All the best to you, and to essel as well. Fingers crossed .
Don't think I'd have the minerals to have that talk OP. Top dadding.
My former boss had a golf ball sized benign in the ventricle. He had successful surgery and radiotherapy. Don't think it was an easy process, took about a year to get right but he did it.
The kids conversation will probably be harder for you than them. As others have said, they'll soak up the brutal truth surprisingly easily and come back with something like "what does this mean for XBox time"?
I witnessed my Mum have a stroke when I was 14 and helped nurse her through a long convalescence. Also saw my Dad collapse and die when I was 25. Both situations changed me for the better in the long term.
Be positive, fella.
Best of luck to you and yours.
Wishing your wife all the best and you all the strength.
Wow. 630am here in Oz.
Son just got in to bed with me cos he had a nightmare at 530. Shortly followed by "can I go on the ipad" lol
The school know. One of my wife's friends told them which annoyed me as I'd not spoken to my son and didn't want a teacher asking him if he was OK, hence the chat last night.
Thanks to those who offered a beer. I'm trying not to drink, dreading some kind of call where I'm needed somewhere (school / daycare / hospital). Will see what today brings.
Thanks again.
Got a 3 year old daughter too but she doesn't know what day it is let alone explanations of what's happening!
Don't post on here much but I really wanted to wish you & (more your partner) all the very best with the situation. I really do hope it turns out to be the better of the possibilities you have been given.
Thanks again. Just called her. She's knackered. Puking yesterday which is probably more stress than anything. She's on 2 hour neuro obs which means they have to wake her up every 2 hours, do obs and ask her who the prime minister is.
They are keeping her in and doing the op on Monday.
I'm taking the kids this evening to see her.
Will be spending the day doing some housework and "keeping busy".
Best wishes to you & your family from the USA.
I'm staying off work and planning on going back on shift next Weds. I'm trying not to think about my clients and case load (acute community psych) but I know that my priorities have drastically changed over the last week.
Just spoke to the ward. She's continued to vomit, due to where the tumour is. Consequently, her food and fluid intake is down, and her BP is too. She's on IV fluids right now, reluctantly accepting pain meds, and they are trying to find an anti sickness tablet that suits her.
good luck and keep strong.
Not easy explaining this to adults, let alone kids, but they are resilient. My wife had a very slow growing malignant tumor removed 4 years ago in an emergency op (collapsed one day, knew nothing about it). The surgeon and whole hospital team were amazing. She has recently had gamma knife at Sheffield which hopefully has finally sorted it. It all sounds horrendous but its amazing what doctors can do, and also what the human body can deal with. The kids barely remember it (eldest was 5 at time of op)but had a lot of questions at the time
Thinking of you all. Stay strong for her and the kids mate. Vent here anytime you need to.
Sending manhug.
Not sure words can really portray that i feel a bit sick inside after your plight... i REALLY hope things all go well for you buddy.
Good luck !
Spirits are good. Little things make me chuckle.
The hospital she went to on Friday night with the URGENT referral for MRI sent us a letter today, with an appointment for the MRI on the 26th of July. (She's already had 2 MRI's since Friday - I think we chose the better hospital!)
26th of July for an urgent MRI. Thanks. All being well, she'll be 8 weeks or so post-op by then. I did politely call them and advise she probably won't require.
Gotta laugh ain't ya?
Apart from us who have you in real life to look after you? Best get this in place before all the cutting and pasting starts. As a psych based person you'll know this but as a stressed human being dealing with young children and a very unwell partner it may have slipped you by.
All the best to you and your family. Kick it's backside Mrs Aphex_2K.
Although parents are back in the UK we have a good support network. Local CWA are bringing meals round and popping them in the freezer. Work is fine with me having time off. Our family daycare lady is bending over backwards and advising us of where and how to get financial support. Possibility of carers allowances. I'm genuinely blown away by how everyone has just gone "fark this is bad, we can do xyz"
It's the stupid things like calling the bank and the superannuation people to discuss income protection then realising I'm not "named" on the policy so can't divulge. Despite being told what's happening "oh, if she can pop into the office and sign this and speak to so-and-so".
For me, I'm forgetting to eat. I know this and just had some lunch... Keeps slipping my mind though with everything else I'm sorting.
The phone's going mental, just got the call to our parents tonight - time zone differences. Meh.
Despite being told what's happening "oh, if she can pop into the office and sign this and speak to so-and-so".
Yeah, you realise how poorly thought through these systems are, just when you're stressed you need to present as a calm rational person to get things in order. Thoughts are with you and the family. Look after yourself so you can look after the kids.
We had a similar story partner, had similar, experiencing lots of different symptoms, vomiting, headache, dizziness etc After a year and an MRI was, diagnosed with a 5cm brain tumour.
We have 4yo twins, to explain it we name the tumour Kylie, which made it easier to talk about it with the kids.
Although she was bumped a few times for the op managed to get seen in Sept 2016
The in laws from oz for a couple of months which helped enormously, especially for looking after the kids
The tumour was successfully removed and although the recovery took a few months she is back to full health and symptom free.
Wish you all the best, please feel free to contact by PM.
So sorry to hear this. I work for these guys, set up after my Sister went through similar. We may be able to help. Www.brainstrust.org.uk I hate the word 'benign', the impact is always so far from so.
Cheers people, some really encouraging comments and totally appreciated. I'm entirely optimistic of a positive outcome. Wife, not so, but hey.
I've got nothing useful to add I'm afraid but I'll be thinking of you all and would like you all to have my best wishes. Good luck and keep posting on here, I'm sure it helps.
Wishing you, your wife and your families strength and the best of luck. Look after yourself and your boy.
Its important that you talk to your son and its also equally important that you talk as well. It can be incredibly hard on you having to deal with everything.
It sounds like your family and friends are helping as best they can.
Good luck to you and your family and I hope that you all get a positive outcome.
Fingers and toes all crossed here!
Forgetting to eat is something I remember, one time I realised that all I'd had to eat for 4 days was toast and bananas and I only realised that because I'd run out of toast and bananas. Eating became a chore for quite while but you've got to keep on top of it in order to be able to do everything else you need to.
Dealing with official channels such as banks can be an almighty pain in the arse, I can't really offer any advice there beyond keep trying to speak to the most senior person you can and explain the situation early on, eventually you'll find the right person that can bend the rules enough to be practical.
When there's a proper crisis and this qualifies as that, lots of people will edge a little closer into your life, let them help, your main focus needs to be on your wife so if a neighbour or a friend offers to take the kid to school or do some shopping accept the offer. The other thing that could come as a surprise is that there might be one or two people that pull further away. Don't be too harsh in your thoughts towards them, they may feel that they would only be getting in the way and that you need space or it may be that they genuinely don't know how to approach the issue so choose not to engage.
Soooooo
Took the kids up to see her (hosp is an hour away, plus 5pm city traffic - doh). Daughter too young to get it. Son clearly upset, not helped by accidentally squirting alcohol gel in his eyes - poor student nurse panicked a little. Me, calm, cleaned eyes and settled him). Accident on the freeway on the way back so was chocca, ended up driving from perth to freo, then freo to rockingham.
Just got back and did the phone calls.... First my bro (thought I'd see how I went explaining) then my folks, went OK, then her mom. Those three calls took a lot. Gonna eat now. Had some scrambled eggs at midday and it's nearly 9pm now. Not hungry but need a feed and a cup of Yorkshire and a sit down.
Thanks for the link Will but I'm in Australia mate.
Blimey. Well done for keeping on keeping on, and remembering to eat.
I can't add much of use but wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you guys and wishing the best too. My dad had a probably-benign tumour almost completely removed from his brain (it was wrapped around a couple of big cranial nerves) nearly a decade ago, it was horrible at the time and recovery took a few months but, like others have said, finding ways to laugh together about it before and afterwards helped us all get through it.
Keep talking to mrs 2k, she's probably scared and confused too, and worried about you. Don't be afraid to let it out on here, there are a lot of people who want to listen and help, even if some of us can be irritating dicks on other people's threads.
All the best.
And just called her Dad to tell him as her Mum wasn't there so that was the hardest call. Naturally he wants to jump on a plane and fly out but I told him there's nothing he can do, but I can't stop him if that's what he wants to do.
Trust me, in my job I've given some shit news to people. A million x harder when you're giving it to your family.
Sod the tea, I need a stiff drink now.
Sod the tea, I need a stiff drink now.
You did well.
If he wants to get on a plane, let him. But tell him he needs to come armed ready to help (even if it's just childcare).
Hope they've found some useful anti-sickness meds for Mrs 2K and that she's more comfortable.
Good luck.