[Closed] Todays 'Buzz' management phrase...

I have just got off a call on which I said with a straight face that; 'we need a common taxonomy to articulate the informational and process aspects of the delivery....' I may also have mentioned that we were on a 'journey'

I fear brooess is correct and I am part of the problem.

you could take it all a step further peterfile - grancon1, 2 etc for different requirements. All the way up to full blinded tastings in the company canteen

What's a company canteen?

probably a bit like our 'social heartspace'

'we need a common taxonomy to articulate the informational and process aspects of the delivery....'

I work in marketing so I'm not immune to this kind of guff myself.... but what did you mean exactly?

I suspect it's something to do with needing a dictionary. Ironically 🙂

What's a company canteen?

It's the hoi polloi equivalent of the Chardon d'Or

😀

I suspect it's something to do with needing a dictionary. Ironically

Pretty much, I mean the alternative is to justify the rate by delivering actual value 😉

Agile = making it up as we go along.

It's all about Passion here this week. Not as dirty as I'd hoped.

It's the hoi polloi equivalent of the Chardon d'Or

Boots meal deal for me today, scaredy 🙂

You tend not to hear any sort of buzz words around here, there aren't many opportunities to squeeze them in, although I'm currently working within someone from a japanese bank who says "let's just kick the can down the road" on absolutely everything he doesn't want to answer. English isn't his first language and he has obviously picked this up from somewhere, but he loves it!

Stick it on the laterbase. Going forward obviously, there's no going back.

the hoi polloi

Grrrrrr.

dictionary

Grrrrrr.

How are you on PIN number?

Back on topic....

My inner schoolboy does chuckle every time we talk about how we make our customers "sticky". Would make sense in several lines of work, but feels rather incongruous in a telco.

If you want to be really annoying start pronouncing words from any "TLA Acronyms" you use.
Has this car got an ESP program and ABS system?

I can confirm that TLA tautology is mildly irritating.

I get 'FEA Analysis' on a daily basis. What do they they think the 'A' is for?

Grrrrrr.

It's the (hoi polloi) equivalent of the Chardon d'Or

Customer: please provide pricing for (products), deal registration approval is in flight.

Me: please find attached pricing, let me know when the approval lands and I'll requote accordingly.

I hate myself.

I'm seeing a lot of "contextual..." in my daily corporate marketing [s]BS[/s] update today. I makes sense in the... context... they used it in, but I think they are getting a little too attached to it.

I've also been given credit for something that may go in front of customers. That scares me slightly, because I only had the idea, someone else wrote it. Still, as long as I don't go posting about it on the Internet, I'll be fine.

Agile = making it up as we go along

I'm a qualified scrummaster and I'll have you know I've never made it up as I go along*.

* not strictly true.

I'm quite pleased to say being agile involves throwing out microsoft project and replacing it with post-it notes.

Aaah Mr Scrummaster, a question if I may. I usually find when delivering via [s]making it up as we go along[/s] AGILE, our highers and betters still want fixed delivery milestones and key dates. How's that work then?

I'm quite pleased to say being agile involves throwing out microsoft project and replacing it with post-it notes.

[img] [/img]

😀 flash

I work for social services. During a reorganisation a couple of years ago, our director talked about "creating a single point of entry so that customers can be better signposted to alternative support agencies".
Roughly translated, "we're going to shut down all but one office and sack off a load of social workers, meaning less people can access support".

6 months later we made national news after ofsted found out 291 children who should have been seen by a social worker went unallocated.
People who use this language are arselings.

our highers and betters still want fixed delivery milestones and key dates. How's that work then?

Same way it did before, no?

our highers and betters still want fixed delivery milestones and key dates. How's that work then?

I refer you to Ron Swanson at this point:

"People are idiots"

George Orwell wrote an essay called 'Politics and the English Language'. Well worth a read, if only to realise lousy use of language is nothing new

From Wikipedia

The essay focuses on political language, which, according to Orwell, "is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind."
Orwell believed that the language used was necessarily vague or meaningless because it was intended to hide the truth rather than express it. This unclear prose was a "contagion" which had spread to those who did not intend to hide the truth, and it concealed a writer's thoughts from himself and others.[3] Orwell encourages concreteness and clarity instead of vagueness, and individuality over political conformity.

no one 'running it up the flag pole' these days tch 🙂

As well as GIRFEC there is HGIOS

At the moment we have "we'll see what were about"

About to what? There's not even a "we'll do this then......."

There were weekly briefing sessions first thing on a Monday morning with all staff at the plant.

One week, my boss, sanctimonious ****, gave a briefing full of acronyms and management bingo speak.

About three minutes into the brief, one of the shop floor employees put her hand up and asked to speak.

She said that she didn't understand what she was talking about, everyone laughed and clapped.

Needless to say the brief ended there, the look on my boss face was "priceless".

It's a wonder how the MBA curriculum manages to keep up with all the latest jargon. Except of course it doesn't because it creates it instead.

Ahead of the curve, they used to call it...

One buzz phrase that always amused me, and there were plenty in a USA company wth emphasis on Lean.

The water spider.

Someone who takes ownership of multi tasks within a process, God I sound pretentious even repeating the jargon.

So glad I'm out of it now.

Must get around to ending my LinkedIn profile. Loads of people liking articles with plenty of today's jargon, and writing more prentious articles.

My old boss had signed up to about 40 "professional" interest groups and she didn't have a clue.

Hey ho ( that's an old fashioned management speak......)

I would put 'digitalisation' top of the buzz word list. Want your project / budget / conference paid for. Say it's 'digital' or 'digitisation of the enterprise' related and it gets paid.

* I used to be an IT consultant, now I am a digital consultant 🙂

Oi naff off! I 'work' in the digital space <sigh>

Can I digitise GIRFEC?

"Multi initialize and take a 360 degree view of the issue." I am happy to be shot for that one.

We also have a lot of "well, we are where we are" going on at the moment to account for a project being farked. Well, thank you, I understand we are here, because I can see you and unfortunately here the torrent of meanigless drivel falling out of your mouth. I think, to continue the analogy, we need to be somewhere else as whilst being here we appear to be buggered "here" and simply highlighting that we are standing in a corporate sink hole isn't helping

And as far as I'm aware, the world of corporate business development has very little to do with tending orchards so I may have to have stern words with the next person who talks about "low hanging fruit"