[Closed] Today I'm going to write my Dad a letter......

Same boat here, although I stopped caring years ago.

Some people are tossers, and I haven't got room in my life for them.

You dont like his partner ?

Not quite as bad, but I hear every 6 months or so, usually when he wants something

No idea why

I'm not even sure he'll get to see my letter if it's intercepted by his wife first

Methinks you've answered your own questions.

Why write? Why not do it face to face and give him a chance to answer if you think he's not doing it off his own back?

never knew my father, never want to either.

Don't know your age,but...I have/had a stepson who had never met his Father,despite being his Dad for 9 years my ex wife ensures I never see him. As time passes ( he is 13) you stop planning for both kids.

I hope you find your answers and some peace with it.

I'm waiting for my 2 kids to get off their phones and remember it's Father's Day.....

You can choose your friends, you can't choose your family. You can however, choose how much you're willing to let family bother you. Life is much simpler once you get your head around that.

My father died when I was 2. I have no memories of him. I think you are doing the right thing in trying. My step dad died a week or 2 ago. Todays an odd day. Good luck.

Go see him. Some women are evil bitches. He may need rescuing from her and not even know it.
Do it now.

Its a two way thing, have you rang him, visited him? Go and talk to him not by letter, visit and chat over coffee or whatever

Its a two way thing, have you rang him, visited him?

Face to face is the way me thinks. Good luck.

364 other days of the year to pick why pick this one to grumble about it ?

Same boat here, although I stopped caring years ago.

Some people are tossers, and I haven't got room in my life for them.

's about the size of it really.

His crime was broadly disinterest. Took me years to come to terms with the fact that I guess fundamentally he just didn't want to be a father, but it broke my heart when I was little. Gives me some focus on the "go on, have kids, you'll like it really" threads that pop up on here.

Case in point. He had a couple of kids from a previous marriage, both emigrated. The lad was back over for a few days for the first time in years, rang my - gosh, [i]our[/i] - dad to see if he fancied meeting up for an hour. My dad told him he couldn't because he'd arranged to go to the pub to play pool with his mates that night (like he did every night). Which pretty much summed up my relationship with him too.

I agonised about it for decades before coming to the realisation that, it's not me, it's him. That's just the way he was. OP, I'd suspect / hope that your case is perhaps similar; I doubt you've done anything wrong. In any case, I hope you get the resolution you seek.

I dont get this from the current 'got kids ' thread.
new best mate
great fun
make your life whole
love beyond measure etc

mine was a misery who thought everyone else should be as miserable as him.
I think he was mentally unstable , had a nasty upbringing and for some reason thought we should also have one. never wanted to be 'mates' with him , did all i could to not see him
Hes dead now and I dont ever think , 'oh I wish Dad was here to talk to that about'

The constant put downs, mood swings linked to alcoholism and hangovers, rages and things all not normal.

Never felt loved or wanted , we (3 ) kids all seemed to be an expensive inconveince to him.

The old man blames his mum and dad for every single failure and discrepancy in
his life, it's been an emotional parasite his whole life.

I refuse to become him in that respect. I also refuse to judge him as a father until I have kids.

Drive round, mate. Knock on the door. If he tells you to **** off, there you go.

only met the man who i thought was my dad once, he left us when i was 6 week old. me my mum and 2 sisters. never wanted to meet or see him.
my mum got married again when i was 10 to a bloke who turned out to be a lying, cheating, theiving scumbag. they are divorced now.
about 3 month ago, i got a facebook message, from a 30yr old lad, telling me that i was his dad. i had gone out with his mum when i was 16. pretty sure i was not his dad, because you remember your 1st time, and it was not with the lads mother.
anyway, i told my mother about the facebook message, asking her advice on what to do.
what she told me next knocked me for 6. she told me that the bloke i had always thought was my dad, wasn't. and the bloke who was my real dad was a bloke she had a affair with, prior to me being born.
she told me his name, and that i looked like him, but i have never met him, and i dont want to really.

life is a very odd thing.

Was out of touch with mine for 25 years, aged 25-50, a petty argument, then moving away, then neither of us really trying.

Back in touch now. I can see the connection, and there is some of him in my behaviour. I'm trying to be a better dad, but since I no longer live with my kids full time, that isn't that easy. I know that whatever happens it is always on me to break the silence and be the bigger man.

My father really just isn't important to me, interesting but not important. He wasn't the person I needed as a child,but he wasn't terrible. But some fathers are terrible. And those with happy families often just don't get it, in the same way as those who are still with their first spouse have a real difficulty empathising with people who have taken the decision not to be.

It's a cliche, but sometimes you have a biological family and a logical family, and they ain't the same. 🙁

🙂