[Closed] Things that your gran used to say

Don't nip your sister, it causes cancer.

Do you have any Brandy?

"Tak twa"

When round visiting as kids we were given a glass of lemonade and a chocolate biscuit. Only when you reached a certain age were you told those words that allowed you an extra biscuit. I was sooo jealous of my older cousins.

I'll take my hand off your face 🙁

Far too racist for here. She was deaf & used to shout comments on a bus...in the 70's on it's route through sparkbrook & small heath in Brum with me a near 8 years old trying shush her whilst being glowered at by most of the other passengers

Evertime I saw her "That's nice jumper!", followed by "Have a banana" every tiem I saw her.

"Try to keep the plate upright" when others were arguing.

Turn the light on so I can see to tell a lie.

I hope all your chickens die

"Y' know what thought did. Followed a dust cart, thought it were a wedding"

Enjoy yerself when yer young coz ye'll no when yer old.

Cigarettes are the only pleasure left me.

Only boil what ye need.

An never thought and lose ma chest tae old age.

If that's the way the world's headed I'm glad ahm headed oot it.

Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves.

Chemi-Khazi

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Wogos. She lived in Hounslow.

Far too racist for here

your nana wasn't the only one rocketdog, that her daughter-in-law's mum was anglo Indian seemed not to make any different at all to the rude old soak.

"It's the way you hold your mouth"

"You'll be smiling out of the other side of your face in a minute"

rOcKeTdOg - Member

Far too racist for here. She was deaf & used to shout comments on a bus...in the 70's on it's route through sparkbrook & small heath in Brum with me a near 8 years old trying shush her whilst being glowered at by most of the other passengers

Sounds familiar. Mainly references to "the darkies" whilst completely oblivious to the black and Asian nurses in the hospital 3m from her bedside...

A particular favourite was "when I'm dead I'll come back and haunt you. I'll blow cold air on your toes so you'll know it's me." This to a small child...

When we came in from playing outside with a dirty face

"You look like you've been sucking a sows behind!"

and

"make sure you always have a condom with you" when I realised that my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary was only 5 months before my dads' 50th

If the wind changes your face'll stay like that

My nan couldn't understand a word Moira Stewart or Trevor McDonald said when they read the news. Nothing to do with their colour, so she claimed.....

Don't throw that tea bag out I'll use it again....

If you fall off that wall and break both your legs - don't come running to me!

Usually something to do with not wearing a coat and catching a cold

eeeeeh pet

and put in a VD and lets watch a film

"Eh? What? Speak up!!"

Far too racist for here.

My grandad once opined that the reason for the US losing the Vietnam War was that their troops were "a lot of yellow n*****s".

Which is hard to combine with the fact that he was a lovely kind old man, and I miss him!

Gran:

"Good garden stuff" (to avoid blaspheming)
"You want for nothing you've got" (when shown new possession)
"You've got some good understanding" (when shown new shoes)
"You want to think on" (at random times)
"Don't walk behind me, you're not a ****stani" (not really sure what that meant)

I'll tan your hide 'til it bleeds buttermilk if you don't stop that.

"Why can't you dress more like Rick Astley..?"

I would visit my Gran on my motorbike.

She'd give me a Mars Bar and a small can of Special Brew 'for the journey home'.

"Run all day, them lads" etc

"Yer grandads cremating it" sunday dinner, that is

"My God your fat, look at him, thick right through".

I loved my Nan.

I think Mrs Binners gran was a true sage.

Eeeeeeee.... the things you see when you've not got your gun.

and

Go on.... cry. You'll piss less.

And my grans favourite bit of nonsense...

I'm not as green as I'm cabbage looking

It's all good fun til someone loses an eye !

I'm not as green as I'm cabbage looking

This.

and

"Yer arse in parsley" No. I don't know what it means either.

something like:

"Fair chance of taking time out from equestrian competitions? (23 down)"

she bloody loved the cryptic crosswords...

(practically blind too, so she 'filled them in' in her head 😯

My Nasty Gran used to say "your Father worked hard for all you've got, show him some respect" pretty much all the time until he Died.. then we lost touch which thinking back on it was a good thing we did, nasty beastly Woman.

My Nice Gran used to say "where am I? who are you? where are we going? oooooh I don't know what I'm doing, where's Dick? (My Grandad) why are we all floating?" etc. Dementia or Alzheimers, one of them.. not always in suffer mode though, when she wasn't she was the nicest, kindest Gran you could ever meet. Outlasted my Grandad by 2 years, died of a broken heart my Mom reckons.

Thanks OP for bringing those memories back.. 😕

"Fair chance of taking time out from equestrian competitions? (23 down)"

Gymkhanaholiday?

"If you want help from someone, don't go to the church, go down the working mens social club".

"Impotent" instead of impudent.

If you put fizzy drinks in the fridge they will explode.

Electrical appliances, if not turned off at the wall when not in use will explode.

She was strangely obsessed with things exploding. Also stubborn as old boots. I never managed to change her mind on the fizzy drinks thing. I had to drink warm lemonade for my whole childhood.

On running your own business and the decision of whether to expand (she ran a local estate agent business her whole life):

"A small fire will keep you warm, a large fire will burn you".

That one has always stuck with me when considering work / life balance, whether to change jobs etc...

"Wa-rsh behind your ears, and keep your pecker in your pants.' Then she would laugh.

She was always being inadvertently funny, and almost had a sixth sense for what was going on among her children and grandchildren.

She was the best... and incredible woman.

It's not something she says, but my Gran does leave the milk out (next to the kettle) while the bottle of squash is kept in the fridge 🙄

"Cough it up lad, it might be a lump o' coil"

'The day I've had, I want to be put in me box and shot and burnt'
'you ought to give up they fags'
And of course, the timeless 'look at you, you're skin and bone, surely you can manage one more chop with your breakfast'

Although I don't know if sausage, egg, chips, beans, tomatoes, mushrooms, bacon and three lamb chops was the healthiest of breakfasts for a 13 year old..