'The Goat Story' from Simon Mayo's Radio 1 show, confessions I think it was
Back in the eighties, I was having a drink with a workmate in a London pub. Id bought some peanuts and idly threw one in the air and caught it in my mouth.
"That's nothing" jeered my colleague, "watch this".
He took a peanut and squeezed it between his thumb and forefinger and while the power of the shot was good, the aim, not so much. The peanut overshot his open mouth and disappeared up his right nostril without even touching the sides. The look on his face made me nearly wet myself there and then, however more was to follow. He snorted out the misplaced nut, which hit a freshly cleaned glass ashtray on the bar and ricocheted into the room at the other side of the bar, the barman and I watching it's trajectory in disbelief. The barman and I were the only witnesses but we brought the place to a standstill as we howled with laughter.
I will remember this incident with my usual chuckling (I've been giggling non stop just writing it down), until the day I die.
'The Goat Story' from Simon Mayo's Radio 1 show, confessions I think it was
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/shows/simon-mayo/confessions/classic-confessions-goat/
ooops
My story about a quadriplegic girl in a nightclub, my inserting a cigarette into her mouth, chatting to someone else and forgetting about her then turning around to see her trying to blow out the smouldering cigarette that had fallen onto her puffa jacket and starting to burn still gets rolled out now and again and has us all in stitches.
😳
Ned Boulting tells a story in his book How I Won the Yellow Jumper, about Chris Boardman. The ITV crew are enjoying a bit of banter and Boardman is working on his laptop. Somebody asks him: "Anyway Chris, how many kids have you got?" Boardman looks up and replies, deadpan: "I've got six. But I've only had sex six times in my life; I'm just very efficient!"
Had me giggling for 15 minutes in my hotel room, that one.
Shatners bassoon
Cougar - when I saw your comment but before the YouTube image loaded, I fully expected to see that scene. You have not disappointed.
First time I saw it, we missed the next five minutes and had to rewind it, literally crying laughing.
He took a peanut and squeezed it between his thumb and forefinger
That reminds me of a tale, probably "you had to be there" but still. Went out for dinner one night with work, well-to-do Thai place. Service was slow and my boss, animal that he was, started impatiently thumping the table. One thud clipped the bowl end of a porcelain spoon on the table. The spoon cantilevered up at speed and shot the full width of the restaurant spinning like a Catherine wheel, arced behind a radiator on the wall making a noise like dropping a bag of marbles into a tin bath, then fell onto the tiled floor where it exploded into a hundred pieces.
The restaurant stopped dead, like when the two lads walk into the pub in American Werewolf in London. A pause hung in the air for a good five seconds before someone at the other end of the room started giggling. Pretty soon the entire room was in bits with everyone killing themselves laughing, the restaurant staff were not best impressed though.
Oh, and,
Took my mum to hospital a couple of years back for some blood test or other. Woman on reception asks her, "have you come about your eyes?" I spun around in mock surprise and went "who said that?!" The receptionist dissolved to such an extent that someone else had to deal with us. She was still giggling when we left.
I think we'll all be chortling to Father Ted for years to come.. A particular favourite
Yeah, any episode of Father Ted.
Took my mum to hospital a couple of years back for some blood test or other. Woman on reception asks her, "have you come about your eyes?" I spun around in mock surprise and went "who said that?!" The receptionist dissolved to such an extent that someone else had to deal with us. She was still giggling when we left.
If we're doing stories about our own comic prowess, I was making a work phone call the other day when a young-ish lad answered for the woman PR officer I wanted.
He said she was on holiday and gave me her email address, which I checked part of, asking: "That's with a double D, yeah?"
As he confirmed it was, I added: "Don't laugh."
He tried his best but couldn't stifle his giggling - as I remained straight-faced and told him I didn't think he was being very professional.
She never did get back to me though, so maybe he grassed me up.
Cougar, that reminds me of my Dad when I took him for a hearing test.
Technician "Hello Mr P. Come through".
Dad "Pardon".
The Natalie Wood joke
Cougar, that reminds me of my Dad when I took him for a hearing test.
Technician "Hello Mr P. Come through".
Dad "Pardon".
My boss spent many years having to wear a tiny earpiece for hours on end (national crime squad dedicated surveillance unit) and has long term hearing issues as a result. Every year he goes for a medical and he comes back with a huge grin on his face while he tells us how he has sat in the waiting room staring into space while the receptionist calls out his name 😆
Everything Rik Mayall ever said or did.
Funniest human being who ever lived.
you ****ing jerrybag.
I'd love to see Mathews and Linehan write another sketch show
According to this article, the Dexys incident wasn't a mistake.
https://www.theguardian.com/music/2002/sep/09/artsfeatures.bbc
According to this article, the Dexys incident wasn't a mistake.
That makes it funnier for me.
Spinal Tap is great, but this always cracks me up (alongside the Stone Henge scene):
Tango
Father Ted. I just love watching them.
Gary, Tank Commander 😆 having a chuckle already .
And for the Scots amongst us from Chewin' The Fat, Taysiders in space.
Gary, Tank Commander
Oh God, Big Train was wonderful.
The show jumpers were brilliant, as indeed were the jockeys.
Both more than forty years old now, but they still make me laugh.
<cough>Arsenal.
I'm playing all the right notes......but not necessarily in the right order.
Wat no Limmy.
grey - MemberGary, Tank Commander
WE went to a charity show in the Fringe, last year. One of the acts pulled out at the last minute so Greg McHigh, with about 4 hours notice, pitched up and did a Gary Tank Commander bit for us. His entire preparation was buying a green tshirt 😆 And it was perfect. Just nonstop, half-nonsense, half-logic, and after about 2 minutes you had no idea which was which. Then as soon as he ran out of steam- 5 minutes over-run- he just goes "Aright, well, that's it then, see ya" and walks off. I spent the entire set basically dying. Man is a genius.
Also, "Kill Jester" I once told a joke on facebook that got a Like from Limmy, I was like, mission accomplished. I will never tell another joke.
Everything Rik Mayall ever said or did.
Funniest human being who ever lived.
I used to love him in interviews on chat shows. It was like someone had brought in Rodd Hull's Emu, you always knew it was going to go sideways and he'd just sit there all sweet an innocent with a slightly deranged grin. Very funny, very intelligent and so very, very fast.
