The word fine is a trap. See also “whatever you think is best”. The correct answer is always the opposite of whatever you think is best.
Back to my MIL. She has Parkinsons. That is shitty. But she still insists on wearing jingly bracelets. They jingle. A lot.
Been here 6 days now, she still hasn’t left the house once.
We’re doing LFT’s before we come to see you, will let you know if any problems.
Oh, I wouldn’t bother.
Well, I wouldn’t want to give Covid to you.
We’re not bothering. If they’re positive we can’t see anyone so we’d rather not know.
Never had to think about argument avoidance at Christmas, but this year, making peace with leaving people to do their own thing about covid precautions was one of them.
I must admit i am continually surprised by the number of racist relatives on this thread.
Thankfully this year my wife took one for the team and got covid so we couldnt go to my parents. Made the obligatory phone call to my mother who proceeded to tell me "they" shouldn't be allowed in and get given too much free stuff while "we" get nothing... My grandad was a displaced person after ww2 and my mother is half polish - if anyone can work out why she can't make the link between my grandad and whats going on now I would love to hear it.
I must admit i am continually surprised by the number of racist relatives on this thread.
I used to think this was just a generation thing (people like 70+ aka my parents) unaware of what was and wasn't acceptable to say these days and a general lack of understanding. Now I just think a large part of the UK is pretty racist.
I must admit i am continually surprised by the number of racist relatives on this thread.
The problem is that they don't see themselves as racist, its just a normal backdrop to their lives from the right wing press and their own echo chambers.
BiL wasn't too bad yesterday, to be fair. Or just learnt to keep his thoughts to himself
I used to think this was just a generation thing (people like 70+ aka my parents) unaware of what was and wasn’t acceptable to say these days and a general lack of understanding. Now I just think a large part of the UK is pretty racist
Bit of both I think. My grandparents weren't overtly racist but neither of them had ever travelled outside the UK, they refused to eat "that funny forrin food" (this was back in the 80's / early 90's, they're both long dead now) so things like pasta, curry, pizza were regarded with suspicion if not outright horror!
And they were both very white middle class who did white middle class things like going to National Trust and going caravanning, neither of which really saw any involvement from people outside that demographic.
Although their attitude wasn't rude, if they ever encountered a person of colour, I still remember my grandmother would often have a surprised and bemused expression maybe saying something like "oh I wonder where they've come from?" as though they might have popped over from Ghana to do their shopping in Widnes town centre... 🙄
The word fine is a trap. See also “whatever you think is best”. The correct answer is always the opposite of whatever you think is best.
Or, more accurately, 'please do what I want you do or there will be grumpiness'
See, I’ve no patience for this sort of passive-aggressive asshattery. It took me years (because ASD) to work out that “fine” meant the opposite, and years more to come to the realisation that I shouldn’t have to put up with people who claim to love me and yet lay traps to intentionally trick me.
Absolutely this. My ex used to do this to me and also threw in stuff like "I'm not telling you what I want for my birthday, if you really love me, you'll know what I want". Eventually I gave her a divorce. Apparently that wasn't what she wanted. 😂
The word fine is a trap.
Only if one permits it. Part of being an adult is saying what you want clearly not coding things up to trap your partner.
My contribution to the topic. After the visit to the vet while the hound was coming out of sedation we dropped into visit the local family. We arrived just as my cousin was at the alcohol tipping point. The language in front of her mother was somewhat 'fruity' and shortly after the last glass she fell asleep on a large footstool. When we left she was falling down drunk (she's also a mean drunk) and we were glad to have an excuse.
EDIT Interesting that the last three posts commenting on fine are from people who are on or maybe on the spectrum (I'm not diagnosed but exhibit some of the traits).
Now I just think a large part of the
UKworld is pretty racist.
FTFY
Anyway, there should’ve been a fallout in the wife’s family but wasn’t.
MIL passed away 2 weeks ago, wife & 2 of her brothers went to the funeral place to sort out the funeral (3rd brother lives in Essex so was down there) 2 dates were available, 23rd or 29th. Seeing as my wife’s birthday is the 29th & all 3 wanted to get things done before Xmas they obviously agreed on the 23rd. Told bro number 3 who says, ‘oh, that’s a bit awkward’, my missus asks how it can be awkward & he says, ‘we’re hosting Xmas for Lynns family & I’ll be doing the prep’. Cue gobsmacked faces all round, but all 3 silly sods just said ok, but by that time the 29th was now unavailable & the funeral is now on the 30th.
Happy new year & birthday to Mrs Efg.
I'm at my sister's today, couple hundred miles from where I'm currently living. She doesn't drive, and uses a £2500(ish) ebike as most people would use a car. I'd asked her before coming up how the bike was running and did I need to bring up tools. No, it's fine. Just been out to the garage: the front brake lever is pulling back to the bars, fluid bubbling out of one of the pistons, and the rear cassette lockring had come loose such that the cassette cogs were rattling round on the freehub.
We've just had a few words.
Well second Chrissy in Spain 🙂
Last years was grim,pretty much eating Chrissy dinner and checking that MIL was still breathing, she did hang in till news years eve and cashed out in the afternoon.
(Ironically if you’re getting shot you can have a last cigarette but if your a lifelong smoker apparently not.)
This years more upbeat crackers and pressies, I do miss my m8s though as we always did Christmas together as their mum died over a Christmas(also a smoker).
Don’t really get drawn into political convos with the FIL as he’s a all for Boris and Brexit,although it’s stopped his children and grand children from having the benefits of being able to retire to Spain as easily as he did.
I must admit i am continually surprised by the number of racist relatives on this thread.
Marcus Rashford was on the tele the other day. My MiL asked me where he was from. I said I think South London, she asked again "but where is he REALLY from". South London I reply, and repeat, and repeat.
Have finally negotiated her leaving the house for fresh air (she hasn't been outside for 7 days now). Agreed at about 9.30am that we would take a walk to get a coffee. She still isn't ready now (10.55am)
I must admit i am continually surprised by the number of racist relatives on this thread.
TBH I’m more surprised that they usually bang on about it so much.
I don’t like chicken but I don’t tend to go on rants about it.
10.15. Still haven’t left.
The boss us driving me a bit mental with the whinging, nobody extra came round because of the Covids, MIL (vulnerable) already lives with us though (and hence did all the cooking for some reason)...
My lot have just gathered ad-hoc at my parents house 100 miles away which is fine, having agreed to an outdoor meet up. I was debating traveling down to them but she's been watching the (bad)news and mentally contact tracing everyone to their inevitable Omicron contact point. So we're apparently still doing a meetup in a carpark that nobody really seems to want to go to. And she keeps having a go at me for it all, even though it was her idea...
At least this year she seemed satisfied with her presents from me, which is rare TBH.
My MiL asked me where he was from. I said I think South London, she asked again “but where is he REALLY from.
Manchester.
We’ve just had a few words.
Gently going over a few things to look out for in future, I trust?
My MiL asked me where he was from. I said I think South London, she asked again “but where is he REALLY from.
Manchester.
Maybe she wanted the co-ordinates of his mum’s uterus? 😂
I tend to usually ask what they’re intending to do with the information. It’s a question people ask out of idle curiosity without really considering how it makes the person on the other end of it feel.
“they” shouldn’t be allowed in and get given too much free stuff
She should look into what "free stuff" they actually get. Off the top of my head so I might be out: asylum seekers get nothing and have to apply for (and be granted) refugee status before they're allowed to work. If they're properly destitute and homeless then they get something like £8.40/week but again they have to apply and it's only awarded in exceptional circumstances.
if anyone can work out why she can’t make the link between my grandad and whats going on now I would love to hear it.
Your grandad likely wasn't brown.
Interesting that the last three posts commenting on fine are from people who are on or maybe on the spectrum
I don't doubt that it was a contributing factor in my misunderstandings. I remember years ago my dad asking me "you won't want any chips, will you?" and I replied "no," then was confused and disappointed when I didn't get any chips after I thought I'd told him that I didn't not want chips, I wanted some chips.
You only need a couple of narcissists and it starts to feel like controlling behaviour and emotional blackmail is just the way relationships are. What caused my epiphany was nothing to do with any NT traits, it was escaping from what I subsequently realised months later was an abusive relationship and I vowed it'd never happen to me again.
It vexes me when I ask someone for a pint or something and they'll respond with "I'll have to ask permission and get back to you." This could be a joke and what they mean is that it's just courtesy to let their partner know or to check whether there's already plans they don't know about, but it perpetuates the idea that a grown adult needs permission from someone else to go out for an hour. Does it work the other way when someone at her work proposes a gin night? How would a reply of "I'll have to ask permission first" be received there, I wonder.
Just about to head to my parents for our delayed Christmas. Normally split it all into two, mun and dad with my uncle one day, mum and dad with my sister's family another but it's all in together this time. Two hyperactive (but decent) kids, my gammon-racist uncle who won't shut up and a headache with a few aches and pains for good measure is not a great mix.
Might end up hiding in the garage with the dog and have a snooze in the Mini, no-one would find me in there with the cover pulled over. I may have used this tactic previously this year!
Joy 1530 on 27th December and we've finally tracked the smell to SiL vomiting on the carpet, dealing with the solids then saying nothing.
Wouldn't recommend it but Covid means we're locked up till the middle of the week. No sniping questions from either SiL about how many pupils are in each of our kids state school classes. No having to be polite when one drops in the fact that their latest kitchen cost more than half the value of our house (they were robbed & it looks just the same as the last one just in this year's colours), no having to be so careful around the antivaxer.
Despite feeling like ____, We've had a far more pleasant Christmas than normal
Mrs weeksy sent me a WhatsApp last night after I'd been in the garage for 90 mins.
"You can come back in now"
I was wondering what she was on about so went in to ask.
"Well you got angry earlier and stormed out"
Errrrm, I've been singing to the radio and having a beer while fitting a dropper post, couldn't have been less angry. I honestly had no idea what she was on about
BinL has skirted round his doubts on further restrictions, and then started mocking his neice for being very good at maths and science.
Given that her brother aced 3*s at A level and is now at Cambridge, I'm fairly sure she's got enough nous to choose her role models wisely, but I could happily kick his arse from here back to Sussex
“Well you got angry earlier and stormed out”
I had that once. I went to mow her front lawn* as a surprise and misjudged her front door** so accidentally slammed it a bit too hard.***
(* - not a euphemism)
(** - still not a euphemism)
(*** - oh I give up)
... she didn't speak to me for two days after that. Every cloud, I suppose.
a headache with a few aches and pains for good measure
Sounds like omicron to me unless the headache is xmas-permapissed.
I had that once. I went to mow her front lawn* as a surprise and misjudged her front door** so accidentally slammed it a bit too hard.***
(* – not a euphemism)
(** – still not a euphemism)
(*** – oh I give up)
😀
Well I scored a result! The gammony-racist uncle wasn't there (not invited or told we were meeting up) and the niece and nephew were on top form. Both lively but not hyperactive and perfectly happy to just play with their toys and be little angels. No need to hide in the garage and mum even surprised me with a bottle of Radox Muscle Relax and told me to go have a soak in the bath, a rare treat as I only have a shower in my flat. Left there tired and still sore but much more relaxed and with everyone happy.
Sounds like omicron to me unless the headache is xmas-permapissed.
Tested negative (hence why it was delayed while waiting for the result) and don't drink, most likely just a reaction to the booster jab I had on the 24th.
