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i've just checked my bank balance and it appears you're payment for all this life coaching i've been providing hasn't come through yet, please disregard everything in this thread until i can confirm receipt of the payment.
promt payment will result in 50% off your next aura wash and 30% off every time i have to type 'just do it' for the next 10 working days.
I sing my own music in my head all the time. Lyrics, musicianship and self criticism are the problem! I play, but not well enough to get what's in my head out.
That's what Reason is for 🙂
My take? Not that I've cracked it by any means.
Get something creative into your spare time, and make time to do it. Don't have to be good at it and it doesn't have to be arty, just something where you can forget about stuff and lose yourself in it.
I've played guitar and sang for around 25 years.. I'm OK at it, been paid to play and toured in the past but it never looked likely to become a career. But I've noticed my mood is better when I'm putting a few minutes a day into playing, learning a new style or new songs, writing my own whatever.
I'm now making an effort to get surfing on a semi regular basis, a daft hobby for someone an hour from the nearest (flat) sea with 0 talent but hey ho... it's for the experience, and I'll only get the bare minimum of stuff I need to do it (tank of petrol and some hire money for the first few sessions at least). Been around 20 years since I last stood on one, so I'm suspecting this is my mid life crisis. Could be worse.
Pick one - do it. Good luck!
PS - if you decide you're looking for a change of work & location and fancy the look of the Beautiful South I'll keep an eye out for developer jobs in my new home.
Well, I've been told to a) give up on what I want b) stfu and stop whingeing and c) spend less and pay off your mortgage. Which either miss the point, are so bleedin obvious they don't need pointing out or aren't areas in which I want or need advice.
I'd say that anyone answering a) can be ignored as dicks, anyone answering b) can close the thread and read a different one themselves, but those answering c) are probably honestly trying to help you.
Would it be better if you clarified what advice you do want or need rather than what you don't?
IMHO, If you continually include finance as a reason to avoid following your dreams, then it is no surprise that people may see that as part of the problem where you could benefit from advice.
You're obviously quite thoughtful and philosophical about how you want to live your life. I'd say don't worry so much about getting things wrong, pick something and take a chance [cheese]it's the journey not the destination.[/cheese]
I am not in employment at the mo, so exist on benefits,but i'm not stressing, i've got plenty of time to do things i like, catch up with people, cook nice food, wind the bin lids up, stay out late if i want, ride my bike, climb a mountain, go to the beach, read a book, chat on the net,set up a sound system and entertain people, i know how lucky i am, i've got no money saved, but i seem to get by..........
1. Close your account here
2. Use the time recovered to write that book
3. Profit
So move from a three bedroomed semi to where? With what money shall we move?
You can absorb the costs into your next mortgage. Your one massive advantage is not being tied to a single location for work, I reckon you need to start using the positives to their best advantage. It might also inspire you to write that song, book or whatever else.
Seriously I'd start with moving somewhere that you would like to be, a village by the sea, a town near some hills, whatever. It will make a huge difference to being a bit hard up. And it will make coming home that much more pleasurable. I live 3 minutes from the beach, every weekend is like being on holiday in the summer and your kids won't care whether they are paddling in Bermuda or Bognor Regis.
It's easy for people to give you the MTFU line, if you are honest there's maybe an element of truth to it but anyone who's had two young kids and one wage knows how you feel and how trapped it can seem. As I said earlier it will ease but if you want to make things better now change where you live.
One of my mates shared this on FB yesterday:
[img] 
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Something a lot of us are guilty of ...
It's almost painful reading this. All these people are suggesting things to you and you just ignore them and want to fantasize about living like a hippy.
You have kids - thats limiting some of your options. You have a mortgage, thats limiting some more. I suggest rather than arguing about how great you are, you re-read this thread and either take note of what people have said and ask further questions or stop your whinging and man up.
The awful truth is that you have a mortgage, a wife and kids and responsibilities to them. You want a secure job (salary) to support them. You don't want or are unwilling to work for yourself.
You have a choice. Either change your secure job (salary) for something less secure but more free or or change how you spend your spare time.
The "alternative" lifestyle you claim to seek is for people who are not cautious or have retired, (they were cautious and saved hard) or those few people who are incredibly wealthy. These people either don't worry where the next meal is coming from or don't need to. You can go and live in a cabin in the woods, but at some point your children will be required to be educated. In this country it's a lawfull obligation. You could home school but that's a full time job.
To be good at something takes time and effort. To be good at 2 or 3 things takes a lot of dedication. If you want to do these other things only you can make it happen. But you will have to make sacrifices to achieve them. What you give up will be up to you. To think you can have it all is IMO, unattainable. Time to make some difficult choices only you can make.
I can empathise with much of what Molgrips says. 21st century Middle-England angst.
Similar age, position, feelings of frustration, under-achieving (or at least not getting much out of work/career), not a lot of spare time for DIY, household tasks, hobbies etc., wanting to do something more satisfying with life than 40-odd hours/week for somebody else at jobs that are all hassle and virtually no interest or satisfaction. I'd prefer to have the option to spend more time with my family and friends -and to be able to help people who are in need, rather than wealthy shareholders.
Yes, I can afford to eat and have more than enough to live on, but supporting a family, mortgage etc. mean that trying to [i]'change direction'[/i] feels impossible -If only I knew what direction to change to....
Like Molgrips, I'm inquisitive, but admit to being easily distracted. I have no head for business and finance bores me. Not really the ideal starting point for self-employment.... So I haven't even looked into it.
Fear and a lack of risk-taking? Probably.
I've a feeling that I should have done something about it years ago, I didn't make the most of my time with fewer responsibilities and have now left it too late.
Ho-hum.
[s]Buy one of these in Wales near Snowdonia
[url= http://www.logcabinswales.co.uk/home.php?/Home ]Log Cabin[/url]
Granted you can only stay for 11 months but you could always hire a cheap
place for a month surely
Well, I've been told to a) give up on what I want b) stfu and stop whingeing and c) spend less and pay off your mortgage. Which either miss the point, are so bleedin obvious they don't need pointing out or aren't areas in which I want or need advice.
Whereas what you want is for people to give you some magical solution that allows you to live out all of your wildest dreams without actually putting any effort in to anything or making any sacrifices at all? Sorry to be harsh but that's the way it comes across.
I dont know Grum I think his laid all his cards on the table including his home life and family.
To be honest I think this must include many younger families of today where your
working more than living and virtually struggling to survive week to week.
Great thread OP. Not feeling too much inspiration from the STW massive :0(
Firstly your kids are the best thing that will ever happen to you and all the mistakes (financial or otherwise) from the past are the lessons that have allowed you to think more freely.. This is the best time in your life no matter what.
Lot's of ways round planning rules and regs..
Building land is pretty pricey (if you want to live in a mudhut/cabin legally without being harassed by the local council) but small inexpensive plots do pop up from time to time close to mountains/forests if you want to live a semi 'normal' life (you will need to dig very deep and see potential where others can't.. needle in a haystack but they are still out there)
Small woodlands are available all the time but permanent living is a no-no unless you are happy to battle for your human rights for the rest of your life (possible to buy one as a Yurt/camping escape for a month or 2 every year either on your own or as part of a group?)
Is moving abroad an option? (sorry if I missed it) French/Italian mountains?? Still loads of cheap property off the beaten track maybe set up riding/walking/photography holidays (big commitment for the whole fam but achievable due to the lower prices of property in some areas and again might be something you could do with others to ease the risk)
Would your current job allow you to step back in after a 2 or 3 year break if the shit hits the fan??
Would you and your fam be able to cope with starting from scratch if you lost everything (whatever everything means these days?)
Hippy/Camper van stuff is short term.. would be good fun and a great adventure for the fam though :0)
(and you could be renting your property while you do it to get a taste for something different)
Short term culture travel is possible, taking the family for new experiences for a month (can be as cheap and easy as living in Scotland or as hard as going to NZ)
Loads of alternatives out there but battling against the 'must have' culture is very tough. (You and your missus with your ambitious nature can make it work)
Keep day dreaming and don't give up!! The answers will come and they will be the right ones.. When feeling down and fed up just remember 'you can do it'
start small. I go to a 4 day week from next week to look after my 10 month old one day a week.
20% paycut (more like 15% after you take into account taxes etc) in exchange for 40-50 extra days a year. Not a bad deal I'd say.
Budget gets a bit tighter but in reality means less shiny bike bits and foreign holidays will have to wait.
I had a similar mindset to you, and without wanting to sound critical, if you yourself read back your own posts in this thread you do sound very much like you are waiting for someone to say 'this is the solution, this is how you do it and it will work immediately'.
There is no magic solution, you get out what you put in at the end of the day. But I, like you, wallowed for ages and hated the notion I was living to work for little reward. I'd got myself in a position whereby my outgoings were crippling and any money I had left over I just spent on stuff with some vague notion that it would make me happy. It was my reward for having what seemed like a miserable life.
I ended up with more tat that need financing to maintain and even less money. It took a few years before I decided that in order to change things and have what I believed could be a better life. I sold all the crap I'd accumulated, cancelled things I didn't need and stopped buying stuff for the sake of it. Within a few months of not spending I'd put away a decent amount of cash and so looked at what I wanted to do that would mean less time sitting in an office, more time at home an more time doing what I wanted to do.
I'd managed to bring down my outgoings drastically to a point where I didn't need the sort of income I was generating so was safe in the knowledge that I could quit my job and do something part time or something with a lower income but more enjoyable.
So, I used some of the money I saved up to buy some bikes/kit/training and started an after school bike skills class for kids. It was a long process to get all the qualifications and training so I was in a position to train and provide a safe teaching environment etc but after a year at it it's starting to do quite well. I have a hardcore of schools who invite me weekly to offer fun cycling activities for their kids and I love what I do. I don't make a fortune and have to to do 3 days a week working in a Library (which I also enjoy).
Ultimately now I have an easy life. Very low stress, lots of time at home/out with wife/doing what I want to do. All very simple things. We don't have costly holidays/cars/toys/gadgets and gizmos but we have never been happier.
I enjoy the very simple things in life, don't need to spend a fortune on crap. I have a modest home with modest possessions but both I and my wife are happy because we both have time which we have realised is the most precious thing you really have.
In fact we now plan to downsize our home for something a little more quant, reducing our mortgage further.