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Excellent
😆
Hhahahaha!
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LOL, kimbers is funnier!
can you get oinkment for swine flu?
I woke up this morning and thought I'd caught it, I woke up covered in rashers.
Just got another!
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Phoned the help line today, but all I got was crackling..
Apparently the symptoms of swine flu are; sweating, excessive body odour and laziness. No wonder it went unnoticed for so long in Mexico.
All these swine flu jokes are really starting to boar me
lmfao
A serious question now
watching the news at the moment and report sates
leading expert says its not that serious now!!!
now based on previous death threats from the WHO that Sars and Bird Flu were going to kill us all..and it didn't !!!
does this now mean that with it not being so serious ..we are all knackered
Feeling bored on the bus/train/underground?
Take out your mobile phone and pretend to have a conversation with an imaginary caller all about your recent holiday in Mexico.
Hang up.
Then sneeze...
😆 Love those first two pictures.
I won a holiday to Mexico, but I can't go and i'm pig sick about it.
Casual racism from Alwyn. Is that what we want here?
A
Casual racism from Alwyn. Is that what we want here?
it's OK, he's only about 12
News Flash
.... this just in. The world's religious leaders have issued a joint declaration that the swine flu pandemic is the start of the a-pork-alypse!
I want a snout-shaped mask!
Doctor doctor I've just eaten a bacon sandwich, am i going to die?
Depends if it was cured bacon or not.
🙄
*Taxi*
I'm not worried about swine flu.... My mighty pork sword will protect me. 😀
This little piggy went to market
This little piggy stayed at home
this little piggy had roast beef
This little piggy had none
and this little piggy went "cough, sneeze" and the whole world's media had a spunkfest over the imminent destruction of the human race, and every journalist found out that they didn't have to do too much work if they just did "Find 'bird', replace with 'swine'" on all their saved articles from a year ago, er, all the way home.
THE World Health Organisation has confirmed that a pork flu pandemic is now imminent, raising fears that millions of people obviously have no idea what a pandemic is.Image
The government was worried about ET flu
As confirmed cases in Europe leapt from probably 14 to possibly 19, officials said the very small number of people infected meant it was vital governments across the world were prepared to use the word 'pandemic' as often as possible.Martin Bishop, from Doncaster, said: "I thought it was when millions of people were infected, bodies were piled outside cemeteries and doors were daubed with a big, red 'X' to indicate a 'house of the unclean'.
"But then I looked it up and sure enough it said 'Pandemic, noun - 19 people in four different countries, each with a slight temperature and a bottle of Lucozade'. So there you go."
Margaret Gerving, from Peterborough, said: "I thought we'd at least see some tanks on the streets and lots of government agents walking around in those scary-looking biological suits they wore in E.T.
"You know, 'cause they thought E.T. was contaminated with space germs."
A WHO spokesman said: "Just so we're all on the same page, a pandemic actually means that about 100 people in at least three different counties are all suffering from the same condition.
"We use the word pandemic because it's a combination of the ancient Greek words 'pan' meaning 'everyone' and 'demic' meaning 'frighten the absolute living shit out of'."
Julian Cook, from Stevenage, added: "Right. A hundred people. Three countries. Same condition. So that does that mean there's a pandemic of having a small bust of Queen Victoria stuck up your bumhole?"
[i]Swine Flu is radioactive...
It gives off Gammon Rays.[/i]
I'll get my coat.
NEWSBISCUIT.COM How did the 2 timing mexican get into heaven?
The swine flew
alexpalacefan - Member
Casual racism from Alwyn. Is that what we want here?
A
get a life 🙄
Malaria kills 3,000 children a day and takes nearly 1 million lives every year in Africa, perspective and all that.
mate, i'm worried you might have caught swine flu. i know you haven't been to Mexico but you've been with some pigs in your time
it's no laughing matter, my brother works a P&G in newcastle and has caught it off that student........he's covered in rashers
Malaria kills 3,000 children a day and takes nearly 1 million lives every year in Africa, perspective and all that.
Well I think that's the perspective - malaria has been killing billions of humans since pre-history, this new strain of flu hasn't.
Or did you mean that you want to hear some jokes about malaria too ?
.
get a life
I agree ..... I thought the joke about the Mexicans not noticing people with symptoms which included "sweating, excessive body odour and laziness" because they are so used to Yanks visiting their country, was hilarious.
They say you can only get swine flu if you've been in contact with an infected pig recently... I'm fine but I heard Jack Tweed is shi**ing himself.
{I know I'm going to hell for this]
I have a related joke,
When bird flu came we killed loads of birds,
when swine flu hit we killed loads of pigs,
whats going to be the resolution to the asian flu?
And b4 the politically correct go off on one I am white british fat old bloke who can take a joke about his race shape colour so please dont take it personal
And b4 the politically correct go off on one I am white british fat old bloke who can take a joke about his race shape colour so please dont take it personal
Oh, that's ok. Had you been African, I'duv been really offended. Phew! Lucky, eh? 🙄
I am white british fat old bloke who can take a joke about his race
Well come on then ? ? ? .......... tell us some racist jokes about white British people so that we can all have a good laugh.
LOL @ this thread!!
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