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A ford Focus. Not that unusual but this was pre launch. I was cycling down a country lane with a mate when an all black car came past, it was going pretty quick for the roads. A couple of bends later it was in a bush, the body panels were mostly covered in black tape. We offered a hand to push it out but a stern looking hulk of a man asked us to be on our way, we watched from a nearby bridge and a following car (think it was a mondeo) turned up to pull them out.
Looking up from the trail and staring straight down the barrel of a gun is pretty freaky for a second, til you correlate it with the fact you're riding on army training land with a no live fire rule 🙂
any more of these? quite a funny read this one.
Mid morning man on man fellatio, wasn't even a discreet trail being about twenty metres from the road. One did the 'jump up pretending he wasn't doing what he quite obviously was doing' while the other just seemed to accept he'd been caught and gave a sort of gallic shrug*
* I have no reason to suspect he was actually French though.
Late October on the Meanwood trail, north Leeds. Converted van, crusty style parked up, campfire going, no one in sight. Hundred yards along, in a dip, big pentangle marked up and three scantily clad Wicca girls dancing around.
I'd rather yours than mine to be honest.
I found a man choking* in the middle of the woods one day
* I think he was choking. His friend was standing behind him doing what I assume to be the Heimlich manoeuvre, and the recipient of the service seemed to be grunting quite loudly at every thrust. It all seemed in control so i took another path and carried on.
Still not sure why both their trousers had fallen down though. Does that often happen during vigorous first aid?
When someone is choking I think you should reach into their mouth to clear any obstruction, maybe it was too far down and he had to try to push it out from the other side. Was he poking him from behind with a stick or rod of some sort?
Met a guy out with his girlfriend cycling and he asked if I had multitool with a knife on it. I said I did, I was apprehensive to give him it until he told me it was to cut off his girlfriends knickers that she was wearing under her cycling shorts (I presumed they were cutting in a bit)? To my surprise he just pulled her thong up above her cycling shorts and proceeded to cut away while chatting to me in a "matter of fact" type manner. The poor girl at this point was hiding her face in embarrassed going to her happy place I think. A few awkward moments later and I was on my way very bemused by the whole thing.
sherry - awesome !
Cos she fully couldn't stop and quickly take the ofending knickers off, I presume, Sherry? WTF??!!
Kangaroo hopping alongside trail, across trail, not spotting the barb-wire fence and "clothes lining" itself on it. Then again. Then working it out and hopping over and away...
Being warily eyed off by some emus as I go past. Then hearing some yells as they chased the folks behind - was quite amusing to watch, but not much fun for those chased, given emus can be vicious.
Coming down the trail after a trail build day, go over a little blind rollover to find a big Roo having a snooze in the run out! Not sure which one of us jumped up quicker or higher!
(I'm in Aus for anyone pondering emus or roos BTW...)
whilst on a moorland path with my son with sheep either side of us, all of a sudden the sheep ran towards us and created a circle around our bikes ! we were trapped ! well funny i thort they were going to eat us for thier lunch. hahhahaah
REALY! I thought Dartmoor had alsorts of wild animals roaming.
Many years ago in a farm near the kruger park, lifted the bike over a fence into what looked like an empty field and happily started peddaling across, the grass was above knee height, shortly after heard rumbling which grew louder and louder, I kept looking back over my shoulder but couldn't understand the noise, then suddenly I seen a head pop up out of the grass, then another and another, they had horns, turned out to be a hundred or so warthoggs penned in the field for hunting, turned out to be the fastest sprint of my life, thing is I had to go into another field to get away, but I never did find out what was in it 😛
Two large naked men in a Fiat Panda by the mast in Wentwood 😯
Rolling round a corner to see a field of kangeroos in the half-light of dusk (it was by Whipsnade Wildlife Park)
Riding with a badger running parallel at the edge of my light beam on a solo night ride - very strange hearing this thundering animal a few metres from you, but only catching occasional shadowy glimpses of it.
Whilst guiding in Spain, leading a nice middle-aged lady by a Seat parked off a track in a field - two heads popped up as we passed by.
Also while in Spain, frequently seeing the Spanish Red Arrows performing manouvres - they were based a few miles down the road.
While guiding in Grenada, riding past a drunken knife fight (it should be pointed out that a knife fight in Grenada involves machetes, not flick knives)
While guiding in Austria, leading a group of 14-18 yr old lads to a watering trough, only to find a gorgeous red-head sunbathing topless next to it. After greeting her with a cheerful 'guten tag!' she wished me the same, smiled and continued sunning herself belly-up while I tried to herd the group a few meters back, so that while their eyes were hanging out in stalks at least they couldn't at least touch.
There's more, but I really should do some work.
Oi Pimp! You can't say that without providing your mates with photos!
Chasing kangaroos down the singletrack in the woods near Castlemaine, Victoria with LondonScot (formally of this forum)
Joining the Blazin' Saddles shop ride one week a few years ago when I was working in the area and watching as a group of 20 or so lit-up mtbs descended on a car-park containing a single small car with steamed up wiindows and a young lady walking back to the car whilst pulling up her jeans. The occupant of the car was a grinning young man 🙂
this:
[url= http://farm1.static.flickr.com/214/455293898_d7df8209c6.jp g" target="_blank">
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/pimpmasterjazz/455293898/ ]Mike follows James' 'Buttocks or Bust' lead[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/pimpmasterjazz/ ]Pimpmaster Jazz[/url], on Flickr
If only I'd remembered this one yesterday...a Harrier jump jet, a few bowser/engineer type vehicles and some suprised looking RAF lads in a firebreak between two woods on Stanford Common. Apparently it wasn't that uncommon in the early 90s!
This was quite amusing:
[img] 
[/img]
Above La Manga Club in Spain.
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/pimpmasterjazz/2451033387/in/photostream/ ]We believe he was German.[/url]
whilst guiding over summer int he alps i can around the corner of a barn to see a woman preparing to take a load in her face. was funnier when the rest of the group came hurtling down behind me.
plenty of steamed up cars on night rides.
a group of cottaging men in the woods local to where i was living. i rode quite quickly that evening.
lots of encounters with ladies having a wee.
never anything x-files strange.
Lots of snakes too - warming up on tracks and roads in Greece and Croatia during Spring, and this lil' beaut of an adder in the North Downs:
[img] 
[/img]
[url= http://dairyofanineptmountainbiker.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-eyes-my-eyes-rinse-them-in-bleach.html ]5th Paragraph from the end.[/url]
If only I'd remembered this one yesterday...a Harrier jump jet, a few bowser/engineer type vehicles and some suprised looking RAF lads in a firebreak between two woods on Stanford Common. Apparently it wasn't that uncommon in the early 90s!
That won't be happening anymore... 🙁
Riding the Hampshire coast path near Barton on Sea on a sunny evening in the mid 90s. I came over a rise and saw a man in T shirt and shorts striding purposefully along the cliff tops playing a set of bagpipes.
A few months ago in some local woodland at night I disturbed a badger which ran off over a little ridge and then turned and popped it's head back up over the ridge to see what I was all about.
Following an owl through overgrown singletrack last summer.
Cycling along Skyline trail in Afan over the summer, with my mate a few meteres behind. To the left of me I noticed a guy squatting in a field. 2nd glance, I saw his trousers down (must be have got caught short on a walk I thought), 3rd glance and I a number of sheep dispersing from his vicinity!! It dawned on me, after the 3 glances that this must have been one of the infamous welsh sheep sh*ggers 😆 My mate caught up and we both were in hysterics!
Someone mentioned badgers earlier, not too long ago, ona local night ride, I chased for quite a few meters a badger. I'd never seen one so close before. I slowed down to give him some chance to escape 😉 I've also been almost touching distance to a number of deer.
one of the infamous welsh sheep sh*ggers
I've also been almost touching distance to a number of deer
I wouldn't take the moral highground if i were you!!
I managed to refrain from touching the deer, it was near the end of the ride and I'd have been a disappointment 🙂
Is it just me that has never seen a person in a compromised position in my years on night riding?
I raced a hare along the edge of a field downhill on the SDW once. That was pretty quick too.
I've never seen anyone in a compromising situation either...although I've seen a few couples with camera looking sheepish when I went past. But that might have been my active imagination.
Is it just me that has never seen a person in a compromised position in my years on night riding?
I never have, although I know the spots to avoid at my local woods for that. They keep themselves to a certain area between the road and carpark - it does have some trails but it's not worth the risk.
I once did have to squeeze by a small car that had drive up a trail containing two young folk at it, although I did not see the specifics, just a couple of embarassed faces 🙂
Langy, your guess is as good as mine! We were on a sustrans cycle path on a Sunday afternoon, so I think he/she thought it was the best option, who knows?
An old lady approx 80 squatting down for a pee on a bridle way just where it joins a road. And her man stood next to her on watch, not very well.
I've seen some strange things whilst riding my bike around Bolton.
One time I was explaining to an out of town friend that there a common trail side occurrence of condoms in certain 'scenic locations'. Just so he was aware... little did I know we were to see what we saw that day.
At the summit of winter hill there was a parked car, some lad in a ford fiesta had a blond in his lap - enough said there.... he gave us a massive smile and a thumbs up (the lass never came up for air).
Same ride, bit later on, we rode through a car park in Rivington (yes [i]that[/i] car park)... my out of town friend enjoyed the extra entertainment and now knew about dogging!
I have also seen a pimp and some of his clients 'working' in parked up cars on the road out of Belmont up past the blue lagoon. The pimp was not happy at us larking around the cars checking out the girls (generally of foreign origin)...
never been night riding up there, darnt! lol
I once saw a guy wearing a night robe, chasing a pet chicken 😯
calling it by it's name 😆
[url= http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2556/3723602087_32bca379ce.jp g" target="_blank">
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/25655510@N02/3723602087/ ]090714 The Funniest Thing On A Ride[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/25655510@N02/ ]Johnclimber[/url], on Flickr